Not Like Her

by H K Christie

  6

  Blindfolded, Selena walked stiffly with her arms stretched out in front of her as Zeek led her by the hand to the center of his one-bedroom apartment. After dinner, when he’d first asked if she would wear a bandana over her eyes, because he had a surprise for her, she was apprehensive. She wasn’t sure where they were going, but she recognized the need to go up one flight of stairs and turn immediately to the right. They were going to his apartment.

  He took off her blindfold and her mouth dropped open. There had to be twenty glittering candles throughout the space. A bouquet of fragrant red roses sat on the coffee table next to a tiny box with a red bow on top. A jewelry box. For her? She beamed at him. “What is all this?”

  He grabbed her by the waist and said, “Happy one-month anniversary.”

  He remembered. “Happy one-month anniversary to you too.”

  He kissed her fiercely and her body temperature rose. They still hadn’t gone all the way. She wanted to wait, mostly because she was terrified of getting pregnant and turning into her mother. Debbie had been telling Selena since she could remember that if she hadn’t gotten pregnant with Selena at eighteen, she would’ve had a much better life. Noted. Thanks, Mom. Selena vowed to not turn out like her. Zeek had been so sweet and so understanding. He hadn’t pushed her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with.

  He stepped back and led her over to his navy blue futon. He sat her down and faced her. “There is something I’ve been wanting to tell you.” He seemed to stare into her soul. “Babe, I love you.”

  Selena grinned. “I love you too.”

  Zeek responded with glee in his eyes. They were like a blue sky full of shining stars. He said, “I have something for you.”

  He picked up the white ring-sized box with a little red metallic bow on top and handed it to her.

  She was shocked. And delighted. She’d never been given a piece of jewelry before. Not that she’d had any boyfriends, she’d tried to stay away from the opposite sex, fearful of making the mistakes of her mother. Selena assumed she paused too long when he said with excitement in his voice, “Come on, open it.”

  She took the top off and turned the box over. A gray velvet ring box sat in her hand. She popped it open and gasped. It was a gold ring with five little diamonds in the shape of a heart. She was so stunned she couldn’t even look at him. Her eyes fixated on the ring.

  “Well, do you like it?”

  “Yes, it’s beautiful. Thank you.” Was it a ring with meaning? She didn’t know. She didn’t think he was proposing to her. That would be insane, right?

  “It’s a promise ring. This may sound nuts, but I know in my heart that I will marry you one day. Obviously not right now, but one day after we’re both done with school. This ring is a promise that one day I will marry you. Will you accept this promise?”

  He wanted to marry her one day? Sure, she’d fantasized about herself in a white dress and him in a black suit someday far, far off into the future. She was head over heels in love with him. How could she not fantasize about the future? But here he was making a commitment now, years in advance of the actual event. It was charming and romantic and more than she could have ever hoped for. She was so grateful that he had walked into her life. She scrunched up into her shoulders and said, “Yes, I accept this promise.”

  Zeek grinned from ear to ear, before pulling her close. “Perfect. That makes me so happy. Plus, this way everyone will know you belong to me.”

  Belong to him? Was that sweet or controlling? She shook herself. Stop over-thinking it, Selena. He loves you. Enjoy it.

  He kissed her passionately, gently pushing her back down onto the futon. She didn’t stop him. Her body was on fire. She was ready. She was ready to give herself to him. How lucky was she to have her first time be with the love of her life, the man she would one day marry?

  Laying next to Zeek on the futon with her arm draped across his chest, Selena gazed up at him. “I love you so much, Zeek.”

  “I love you too, babe.” They shared a soft kiss and then he said, “Stay the night. Please. I can’t imagine anything better than waking up with you in my arms. It would be like a dream come true. I love you so much it hurts. I can’t believe I have been so lucky to find you. My soulmate. The woman I’ll spend the rest of my life with. It’s a great love, one for the ages. Don’t you agree?”

  “Yes, but I can’t, you know that.” She would love to sleep in his arms all night and wake up next to him. His face being the first thing she saw. But she had school the next day. As it was, she’d only finished her Cal State University applications. She still had the UC’s to fill out. The deadline was only two days away. She needed to put the finishing touches on her essays before hitting submit on the applications. She still hadn’t had a conversation with Zeek about maybe spending a little bit less time together so that she could study more for school. She didn’t have a parent who questioned why her grades were slipping, but she herself feared the repercussions. She knew she needed to focus more on school. It was important she get her grades back up, especially with finals coming up. She would have to have the conversation with Zeek pretty soon. But not tonight. The night was too magical to ruin with such practicalities.

  She pushed open the door to her apartment, trying to be as quiet as she could. It was nearly one in the morning. Mom was likely in bed, but Selena wasn’t positive that was the case. She eased in and was delighted to see that her mom wasn’t in the living room.

  A perfect ending to a perfect night. She was on cloud nine. She’d never been so happy in her whole life, and soon she’d be eighteen and off to college. She still couldn’t fathom that she’d landed the most wonderful, amazing, smart, and talented boyfriend who would one day be her husband. How did she get so lucky? She just had to endure six more months with Debbie and then she would be free.

  She tiptoed through the living room, careful not to wake her mother. Her face fell and then her body froze. A pair of men’s boots sat next to the sofa. Fox’s boots. He was in the apartment.

  Selena shook herself out her trance and hurried quietly to her room, trying to be as silent as she possibly could. Heart pounding, she made it her bedroom and closed the door softly behind her. How could her mom let that violent attempted-murderer back in their home? Did her mother want to die? Terror filled every cell in Selena’s body. What if he came after her too?

  7

  Selena was jolted from her thoughts by the creaking of her mother’s bed on the other side of their shared wall. Panic shot through her and she couldn’t think straight. She needed to get out of there, and fast. She grabbed her backpack and shoved in her books, notes, and some clothes that were strewn about on her bed.

  Footsteps in the hall.

  She darted over to the window. Noise be damned, she slid open the window.

  Her doorknob jangled.

  She turned to look and her eyes met Fox’s evil stare, narrowed on her. She hurled her backpack and herself over the windowsill and ran.

  Sweat dripped down her back as her heart practically jumped out of her chest. She didn’t stop until she reached the Starbucks. She scurried to hide behind the building and out of plain site. She didn’t think Fox was following her, but she wasn’t sure. Would he come looking for her? She didn’t know. She pulled her phone from her backpack and texted Zeek.

  Can you pick me up?

  She waited what seemed like an eternity, but in all likelihood it was only a few seconds.

  Why what’s wrong?

  Fox is back.

  Where are you?

  Behind Starbucks.

  I’m not far. Be there soon. XOXO

  She shivered, partially due to the cold and partially due to fear. Had Fox been waiting for her? What would’ve happened had she not been with Zeek that night?

  Every awful scenario flooded through her mind. Guys like Fox did all types of horrible things, she was sure of it. After what he’d done to her mom last time, she just couldn’t believe her mot
her would let him back in. Had her mother given up on her own life? Given up on Selena’s? Did she not see that not only was she endangering her life, but Selena’s too? Tears flowed freely down her face. She could taste the salty tears in her mouth. Gross. She wiped her cheeks and mouth with the sleeves of her sweatshirt.

  Headlights swung across the parking lot.

  She peeked around the wall. Relief washed over her. She sprinted over to Zeek’s car and opened the passenger side door and slid in, throwing her backpack on the floor. She flung her arms around Zeek and cried.

  Back at Zeek’s apartment, she told him everything that had happened, including the full details of her mother’s first attack by Fox. Her mom had almost died. Now Fox was back. Why? To finish the job?

  She had been too ashamed to tell Zeek before that she had a mother who would allow a man do that to her, let alone allow him back in their home. She despised her mother most of the time, but she did love her. This was her mom. Her only family. What would happen if … what if it already happened?

  With Zeek up to speed, she asked him, “Should I call the police? What if my mom is hurt?”

  “Did she tell the police it was Fox who attacked her the first time?”

  Selena shook her head. “No, but I know it was him.”

  “Why don’t we give it some time? Your mom is probably okay. Let’s get a good night’s sleep. I’ll take you back over there tomorrow to get some of your things. I don’t want you going over there alone. You can stay here as long as you like. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

  Selena hugged him. “Okay.” He really was her knight in shining armor. The hero in her fucked-up un-fairytale of a life.

  After dinner the next day, Zeek drove Selena over to her apartment. She’d skipped school that day and called in sick to work. She needed a day to collect herself and put together a plan. She’d always been a planner; now she needed a new plan. A plan to stay safe and alive.

  Thank God she had Zeek to help her. She put her key into her apartment’s lock and pushed the door open. Zeek put his arm across the door and said, “No, let me go in first. We don’t know if he’s still in there.”

  Selena nodded.

  Zeek pushed open the door and Selena followed behind. He continued to the living room. Selena didn’t see any sign of Fox’s boots. She followed Zeek but stopped at that unmistakable smell. No. Not again. Selena called out, “Mom?”

  No response.

  Zeek turned around and said, “What’s that smell?”

  Selena felt the blood rush out of her body. “We … We should check my mom’s bedroom.”

  Zeek grabbed her hand and continued down the hallway. The smell got stronger. Selena covered her mouth to block the scent of urine and feces. And something else. A vile new scent added to the mix.

  Her mother’s bedroom door was ajar. Zeek continued slowly and stopped before Selena could enter. He mumbled, “Oh my God.”

  “What is it, how is she?”

  Deep down, Selena knew exactly how her mother was. But she didn’t know know. She needed to know. She continued in and stopped in the middle of her mother’s bedroom. Selena stared down at the bed. The contents of her stomach were approaching fast. She rushed to the hallway bathroom and vomited in the toilet. Holding the rim, she shook her head.

  He’d done it. He’d killed her.

  8

  Selena stared blankly out the kitchen window. Zeek had his arm around her shoulders in what she assumed was an attempt to comfort her. It wasn’t working. How could it? She was sitting across the table from a homicide detective who was asking her about what had happened to her mother. She explained she had just stopped by to pick up a few things and they found her like that.

  “Ms. Bailey?”

  “What?” She refocused on the police officer. He was old, with gray hair and vacant eyes, like a disinterested grandpa. No doubt he’d seen this sort of thing before.

  “When was the last time you were here?”

  She fixed her gaze on the window that overlooked their small patio. It was mostly filled with junk and dead plants from that time her mother tried to get sober. That had lasted less than a week. “Last night, I guess it was this morning, around one o’clock in the morning. I came in through the front door …” Should she tell him about Fox? He knew she’d seen him here. What if Fox came after her in retaliation?

  Was this her fault? Should she have forced her mom to tell the police it had been Fox who had almost killed her a month ago? Why hadn’t Selena told the police? Would it have stopped him from killing her mom? Why hadn’t she done more? She had been so focused on getting the hell out of the place that she didn’t think about what it would really be like if she lost her mom.

  “What did you notice, Ms. Bailey?”

  It was time to be brave. “I saw a pair of men’s boots in our living room. They were Fox’s boots.”

  “Who’s Fox? Do you know his last name?”

  She didn’t look at the officer. “He’s my mom’s, was my mom’s boyfriend. They’d been dating for the last few months. I’m pretty sure he’s the one who attacked her last time. They’d always fight. Always get drunk. I don’t know his last name or if Fox is his real name.”

  “Did you ever see him hit your mom before?”

  Selena had always sequestered herself in her bedroom when he was around. She hadn’t liked him from day one. “No, but I heard him. We share a bedroom wall and sometimes I heard what sounded like he was pushing her against the wall or slapping her.”

  “You never called the police?”

  Was it her fault? What if she had called the police? Her mother had always begged her not to. Fox wasn’t the first boyfriend to take his aggression out on Debbie. “No. Mom always told me not to call the police. She said it just made them mad, more mad. Fox wasn’t the first to hit her. I kept mostly to myself and tried to avoid her scumbag boyfriends.”

  “What did you do after you saw his boots?”

  She turned to look at the detective. “I hurried to my room and tried not to make any noise. I packed a few things and was about to leave when I heard him open the door. I turned back and saw him and he saw me. I went through the window and ran as fast as I could.”

  “Where did you go?”

  “To the Starbucks down Grapton Avenue, behind the building, and I hid.”

  Where would she live? How could she avoid foster care? Would it make a difference if she tried to find her dad? That’s assuming he was still alive. She didn’t even know if he was. For all she knew, she was now an orphan. Darkness descended on her. She didn’t want to be an orphan.

  “How old are you, Ms. Bailey?”

  She looked into the detective’s dark brown eyes. “I’m eighteen.”

  “Do you have a place to stay tonight?”

  She turned to Zeek. He squeezed her tight and said, “Of course you can stay with me as long as you need.”

  “I’ll stay with Zeek.”

  She sensed the police officer was skeptical of her age, but if he was any kind of human being, he wouldn’t push her right now. “Can we go?” she asked.

  “Yes, let me give you my card. My partner or I will be in touch. Most likely my partner. He’s out of town right now, but he’ll most likely take over the case when he returns. You may want to gather a few things. The apartment will be a crime scene for a while, and you won’t be allowed back in until it’s cleared. I’ll have one of the officers escort you into your bedroom and you can pack up some things.”

  She nodded. She glanced around the apartment now swarming with police officers. It was as if it was all happening in slow motion, like a bad dream.

  Back at Zeek’s apartment, he sat her down on the futon and told her that she could stay as long as she wanted. Forever, even. She realized that if it wasn’t for Zeek, she’d be homeless or lost in the system. He asked, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’ll be fine. Probably should try to get some sleep. I have school tomor
row.” She wasn’t sure she would actually sleep, but she didn’t want to talk anymore and didn’t have the energy to be upright.

  “You plan to go to school tomorrow?”

  Her new reality included living with her boyfriend, going to school, going to work. It all happened so fast. She said, “What else would I do? I’d go nuts just sitting around here all day by myself. And I already missed today.”

  “Okay. I’ll drive you to school in the morning.”

  Driving me to school. Paying my rent. She’d always been independent, and it was how she wanted it to remain. But how could she? Could she increase her hours at work or get a higher -paying job? Would it be enough?

  “I can take the bus. It’s fine.”

  “I insist. I will take you to school. It’s the least I can do.”

  “Thank you. I love you.”

  “I love you too, babe. Anything you need, you just let me know. You know I’m a man who takes care of his girl.” He kissed her on the forehead, sat back, and smiled.

  His girl. She liked the sound of that.

  9

  Selena moped down the hallway of her high school toward the cafeteria. She started to wonder if maybe she should have stayed at Zeek’s. She didn’t think she remembered a single thing anyone said or did in any of her classes that morning. All she could think about was how unimportant everything was. Her mother had just died. Murdered. At the moment, she gave zero fucks about hyperboles and paradoxes. She entered the cafeteria and spotted Alida and her other friends seated at a nearby table. She walked up to Alida. “Hey, can I talk to you for second?”

  “Of course.”

  They found an empty bench and sat down. Alida asked, “What’s wrong? Did something happen with you and Zeek? You seemed totally spaced out during English. I’ve never seen you like this. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”