Not Like Her

by H K Christie

  Selena didn’t think she could win this argument or talk any sense into him. She would just let it play out and hoped he tired of this jealous routine. At first it was sweet, but now it was turning her off, big time. She sighed. Nobody was perfect. If this was Zeek’s one imperfection, she supposed that wasn’t too bad.

  “What, no response?”

  “Well, he’s a detective.”

  “So you think he’s tougher than I am? Is that what you’re saying?” He stood in front of her, hands on his hips.

  She imagined steam coming out of his ears. He was so worked up. It was strange and kind of scary. He shouted. “Answer me, do you think he’s tougher than I am?”

  She moved away from him. “No, of course not. But please calm down. You’re starting to scare me.”

  He put both hands on the arms of her chair and hovered over her. “Don’t ever tell me what to do. Never tell me what to do.”

  A ripple of fear ran through her. Had Alida been right? How well did she really know Zeek? Selena couldn’t look at him. She averted her gaze and stared at the beige carpet.

  He pushed off her chair and continued pacing the apartment, huffing and puffing.

  Selena just did not understand. Why was he so mad? Why had she not seen him fly off into a rage before she had moved in? She’d had this feeling in her gut before. The feeling when she’d hear one of her mother’s boyfriend slap her or push her against the wall. That’s crazy. Zeek isn’t like that. Mom’s boyfriends were never loving or caring or ever bought her any jewelry. This wasn’t the same. This was different. Zeek loved her. He was just having a hard time. Maybe he was stressed out. He saw a dead body too, she reminded herself. Maybe she needed to be more understanding. She didn’t know what it was like to have the life of a college student. But how could it be more stressful than her life? Maybe something else was going on with them that she didn’t know about. Maybe she should ask him once he calmed down. Maybe he was having a difficult time at school or work.

  She remained frozen in the chair at the dining table. He was coming toward her again with a long look on his face. The rage seemed to have seeped out of him and been replaced with sadness. He knelt on the ground and buried his face in her lap, his hands around her waist. “I’m so sorry I overreacted. I have a lot of my mind. I love you. You’re so beautiful, I just always think, what man wouldn’t want you? I love you so much.” He lifted his head and said, “Please forgive me. I need you.” He stood up. “Come with me.” He gave her his hand and she took it.

  Apprehensively she followed him over to the futon. He sat her down and then pushed her back. Her heart was beating fast. She wasn’t sure if she should be scared or turned on. He said, “I need you so bad. Make love to me. Make love to me, say you will.”

  She wasn’t exactly in the mood. “Of course. I love you too.”

  He kissed her roughly and she struggled to get air. She didn’t like how aggressive he was being. He grabbed her breasts and tugged hard, ignoring her muffled cry. He unbuttoned her jeans and shoved them down to her ankles with his foot. He unbuttoned his pants and pushed his jeans and boxers down before he jammed himself inside of her. She yelped quietly.

  He said, “Oh, that’s so good. Oh. Yes. You like that, don’t you.”

  She nodded as he rammed his tongue in her mouth. When he finished, about thirty seconds later, he kissed her on the cheek. His sweat stuck to her skin. She tried not to flinch or turn away. He mumbled. “Babe, I love you so much. That was so good.”

  She couldn’t look at him. It wasn’t anything like the few times they’d done it before. He had been patient and giving. This was something entirely different. Thank god I decided to start taking the pill right after we started dating. What the hell?

  He climbed off her and headed into the bathroom. She heard the shower turn on. She wondered, did he think that was making love? Maybe that was how he liked it? She supposed that when you loved someone, sometimes you had to do what they want, even if you didn’t like it. She loved him and he loved her, and that was all that mattered, right?

  11

  Selena sat at the kitchen table reading her pre-calculus textbook. It wasn’t making any sense. Maybe she was too distracted for homework. She was scheduled to go down to the police station to try to pick out Fox from a lineup. It was also the one-week mark of her mother’s death. It seemed so long ago, yet like it had only been five minutes. How could seven days change so much? Her mom was dead. She’d moved in with her new boyfriend. Finals were right around the corner, and she needed to concentrate. She read the problem again. Maybe she should just try later. She heard the sound of the front door open and close. She smiled. It was her favorite part of the day. Zeek called out, “Honey, I’m home.”

  It had become their little joke, a throwback to the 1950s. He walked up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “What are you studying? Pre-calculus?”

  “Yeah, I keep reading this one problem over and over again. I’m just not in the right headspace.”

  He said, “Maybe I can help. I told you that I basically aced all the math classes I’ve ever taken since I was like four, right?”

  Four-year-olds don’t typically take math class, but if you want to show off what a great, mathematician you are, be my guest. Selena bit back her snarky thought. She supposed she shouldn’t get annoyed with him. Zeek was not only hot, but also kind of a nerd. It was such a turn-on.

  “I don’t know, I don’t think I can concentrate right now.”

  He leaned over and studied the page. “Oh, it’s simple. Don’t feel bad. Girls aren’t good at math, not like guys.”

  Girls aren’t good at math? Selena seethed silently. She wanted to scream that she actually had an A in her pre-calculus class and it usually came pretty easily to her. She was just under pressure right now and having a hard time concentrating. She shook her head. “No, it’s not that I don’t understand math. I’m just distracted right now.”

  “If you say so. When do we need to leave for the police station?”

  If I say so? Jesus. Was she dating a misogynist? Whatever. “We should leave in ten minutes, Detective Gates asked that I be there at five.”

  She watched as Zeek’s demeanor went rigid and then back to relaxed. Zeek still wasn’t thrilled the detective called her every day. It wasn’t that she was romantically interested in the detective, but it was nice to know somebody cared not just about her mom’s case but also what happened to Selena. He was like that overprotective uncle she never had. And it was cool that he was a homicide detective. She always thought she wanted to be a nurse or a doctor, but watching the police work her mother’s case had her thinking maybe there were ways for her to help people other than going into medicine.

  Zeek dragged the chair next to her and looked down at her homework. He grabbed the pen out of her hand and worked out the problem on her piece of paper. Her homework paper, that she had to turn in. Her teacher would know that wasn’t her handwriting. Getting busted for cheating was the last thing she needed.

  He sat up, said, “There, it’s solved. Who’s the man?” Obviously very proud of himself.

  Selena rolled her eyes. “Oh, you’re definitely the man.” She was still irked by his comment about girls can’t do math. Had he been kidding? He didn’t seem to be joking. She’d let it go for now. They hadn’t gotten into any fights for the last three days and she wasn’t interested in starting a new one.

  He continued to do her homework problems as if to show that he was really the mathematical genius he claimed to be. She had never questioned that Zeek was smart, but it was in no way cool that he was questioning her intelligence based on her gender. Who does that? And why was he continuing to do her homework? He wasn’t even trying to teach her. He was simply showing off. It wasn’t an attractive quality.

  She supposed she should consider herself lucky that she had a smart boyfriend. Most of her friends dated such dummies. Mostly because they were good-looking. She was lucky to have a man that was
both smart and good-looking. Her annoyance with him simmered down.

  After watching him do her homework for ten minutes she said, “Okay, we need to leave for the police station.” At first, she’d thought it was sweet how he’d insisted on taking her to the station for the lineup, but upon further thought she knew it was at least partially due to his jealousy. He didn’t want her spending any alone time with the detective.

  Selena and Zeek walked hand-in-hand into the police station. They were greeted by both Detective Renier and Detective Gates. Detective Gates introduced himself to Zeek, but Zeek mumbled and coldly shrugged it off, not even shaking the detective’s hand. Selena watched as Gates’s normal friendly demeanor toward her disappeared.

  Detective Renier said, “Thank you for coming down, Selena. Are you ready?”

  “I’m ready.”

  Detective Gates turned to Zeek. “I’m sorry to say, you can’t come with us. You’ll have to wait out here.”

  Selena suspected that Detective Gates wasn’t sorry at all. She pried her hand away from Zeek’s and before she could head off with the detectives, he kissed her on the lips, obviously marking his territory.

  Selena let it slide as she and the detectives walked down the hallway until they reached a navy blue door. Detective Renier swiped a badge in front of a small black rectangle and held open the door for her. With rattling nerves, she crept in. She turned to the detectives. “He can’t see me, right?”

  “None of them will be able to see you. It’s a one-way glass. Just take your time, Selena.”

  Selena continued in and stopped in front of the glass.

  Detective Gates explained how the setup worked. She nodded in acknowledgment of what was about to happen. There was supposedly no reason to be afraid, but she was. Afraid of what she didn’t know. He couldn’t see her, but maybe she was afraid of what her reaction would be to seeing him. The man who killed her mother. She took a few cleansing breaths.

  Detective Gates put his hand on her shoulder. “It’ll be okay. They’re gonna let them in now. Take your time.”

  She nodded.

  She watched as six men entered one by one and turned to face her. Her heart sped up. They can’t see you, Selena. She didn’t need to take her time. Fox was man number two. She’d recognize his beady eyes anywhere. He was disgusting and sad looking. She hoped they locked him up and threw away the key. Or did to him what he had done to her mother. She turned to Detective Gates. “It’s number two. Fox is number two.”

  Detective Renier asked, “Are you one hundred percent sure?”

  “Positive. I’ve seen him multiple times. It’s absolutely him. No question.”

  Detective Renier scribbled some notes in a folder and then handed it to Detective Gates. “Well done, Selena,” Renier said.

  “That’s it?”

  Detective Gates smiled. “Yep. Let’s get you out of here.”

  The imaginary boulder on her back rolled off as she exited the room. As Detective Gates walked her back down the hall, Selena asked, “He’ll go to jail forever, right?”

  She waited for an answer longer than she’d have liked.

  “We’re pretty confident he’s going to jail, but for how long, we’re not sure. We’ll try our best to get him locked away for a long time.”

  “Will I have to testify in court?”

  “Yes, you will if it goes to trial.”

  Selena didn’t like the sound of that, not one bit. It was bad enough seeing him through one-way glass. She’d be perfectly happy if she never saw his disgusting face ever again. But if she had to testify to make sure he got locked up, she’d do it. She’d be brave. She had to.

  They shook hands and said their goodbyes.

  Selena skittered over to Zeek, who was chewing on his fingernails. In an agitated tone he said, “You ready to go?”

  “All done here.” She smiled.

  “Good.” He sped out of the station.

  She practically had to run after him to catch up. She hollered, “Wait up.”

  He got to the car and climbed in without a word. She slid into the passenger seat. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “I saw how he looked at you.”

  How he looked at me? Oh geez, not this again. She smiled sweetly. “Zeek, you know you’re the only one for me. Don’t be silly.”

  In a flash he had his hand on her neck and pushed her against the side of the car door. Through gritted teeth. He said, “Are you calling me a liar? I saw it with my eyes. Don’t you ever call me a liar.”

  A mix of adrenaline, fear, and shock overtook her body. She clawed at his hand and gurgled, “Stop!”

  He released her and faced straight ahead.

  Selena put her hand to her neck where he had just had his. This isn’t happening. It can’t be.

  Zeek bowed his head on the steering wheel, his chest heaving. He sat up and turned to her with tears flowing down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. Oh my god. I don’t know what came over me. I’m so sorry. Please say you’ll forgive me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Babe?”

  Selena stared at him with new eyes. “I forgive you. Please don’t do it again. I love you.” She knew better than to upset him further. If her mother was still alive, she’d thank her for that lesson.

  “I love you too.” He kissed her sweetly and refocused on the car. He turned the key and headed out of the police station parking lot.

  They drove home in silence.

  She tried to process what had just happened. How could he turn so cold so fast? He knew her mother had been strangled to death and he put his hands on her neck? She began adding up the events over the last week. Dread flooded her mind and her body. How had she been so stupid?

  12

  “Who can tell me the trigonometric function of theta equals pi over three?” The teacher paused. “Selena, how about you?”

  Shit. “Sorry, what?”

  Giggles and whispers from her classmates made it obvious she hadn’t been paying attention. Apparently, it was funny to them that she was distracted by her mother’s death and her angry boyfriend. The teacher looked at Alida sitting to Selena’s right. “Alida, maybe you can help Selena? Can you tell us the trigonometric function of theta equals pi over three?”

  Selena looked over at Alida with a pleading look. Alida said, “Sure …”

  That was something Selena had been pondering for days: Could Alida help her?

  The day after her mother’s death, Alida had said that she would ask her parents if Selena could stay with her family. Of course, Selena had adamantly refused, saying she had her wonderful boyfriend to live with. Alida hadn’t brought it up again.

  Selena assumed that Alida was too optimistic and that her parents weren’t willing to take in some orphaned teen for the rest of the school year. Alida’s parents had always been polite and friendly when she visited their home. But deep down they probably thought Selena wasn’t good enough to hang out with their only daughter.

  She was trying to wrap her mind around the fact that Zeek wasn’t Mr. Perfect after all. Mr. Not-Perfect was more appropriate. Alida had questioned how great he was from the very beginning, from that very first encounter at the coffee shop. How had Alida seen it, but Selena hadn’t? Had she been wrong about Zeek? She was wrong, wasn’t she? He was a bad guy, an abuser. If that was true, then why did she still want to be with him?

  Since the incident in the police station parking lot the day before, he’d been attentive, sweet, and thoughtful. He’d even bought her flowers. Maybe she was overreacting? She still loved him even if he had a temper. His smile. His kiss. His arms around her. They were the best things she’d ever experienced in her whole life. She’d never felt more loved or wanted. After all, it was his jealousy that drove him to such anger.

  Zeek was probably just stressed about finals. Selena hoped things would be better after the semester was over. It would be their first Christmas together and he’d told her he wanted her to come to his family’s Christmas celebrat
ion so that she could meet them all. She was excited to meet his parents and brother and sister. From the sounds of things, he had a very normal family with a nice house in a nice neighborhood with Christmas trees and Christmas presents and relatives who ate a turkey feast together.

  Relieved at the sound of the school bell, Alida and Selena walked side-by-side out of the classroom and toward the cafeteria. “Are you okay?” Alida asked.

  “Yeah, it’s just been it’s been a long week, you know, with everything going on.”

  “I’m sorry. If there’s anything you need or if you ever want to talk, you know I’m always here. You can tell me anything. I can be a good listener, I swear. Girl Scout’s honor.” Alida held up three fingers.

  “Thanks.”

  They stepped into the crowded cafeteria and the smell of tater tots made Selena’s stomach grumble. Tater tots. Yes please.

  “How’s Prince Charming?”

  She smiled. “He’s good.” Prince Charming? Selena doubted Prince Charming ever choked out Cinderella. Ugh. She knew fairytales weren’t real, so why was she hoping that Zeek and hers was?

  They both stood in the long line.

  “How’s domestic bliss?”

  Domestic bliss? It was bliss most of the time, wasn’t it? Or was it just a ticking time bomb? Maybe she should talk to Alida about it. It would be nice to talk to someone about what was going on. She was probably overreacting, but it’d be nice to have a sounding board. “It’s okay, he’s just been really stressed. So he’s kind of been short with me.” Selena peaked at Alida’s expression.

  Her bubbly best friend turned very serious. “He hasn’t hit you, has he? Or been violent?”

  She swallowed.

  Alida pressed. “Selena?”

  She shook her head. “No, of course not. He’s stressed out and we’ve had a few arguments. That’s all. Finals are next week, so I’m sure things will get better after that.”