by Ava Danielle
“Oh, naïve little Sophia. My brother is a cop; don’t you know it’s easy to find anyone?”
“Ummm… get out before I call the cops!” I start to back up and try to escape, but he gets up.
“Close the door Sophia.”
I hesitate. If I run fast, he can’t get me. None of this will happen. I’ll be safe.
“Close the door, now, Sophia!” he yells and startles me.
Before I even have a chance to run, I seem to be glued to the floor. My legs won’t move. My hands are shaking. My entire body is shaking. He storms past me, slams the door, and locks it. He pulls the chain lock at the top for an extra precaution. My nerves start to get the best of me and I panic.
“Sit down.”
But I still don’t move. I stare right at him, and all these memories flood back: the times he had tied me up, the times he used me for whatever he wanted.
“Bitch, I said sit down!”
Jumpy from his yelling, I listen to every word he says. I do it. Tears begin spilling down my face. I sit down on my small brown chair next to my couch. He paces back and forth, waving the gun around. He continues walking back and forth. I look at the clock when he notices.
“You waiting on someone?”
I shake my head no. I don’t need or want Daniel involved in this. But I worry he’s going to think I stood him up. I didn’t. I won’t. Instead of worrying about my life, I’m worried about Daniel. What is wrong with me?
Ryan kneels down in front of me. He drags the barrel of the pistol up and down my legs. Still wearing the shirt I had on earlier, but once Daniel left I put on some shorts. My legs are bare and he’s using the gun to scare me. He spreads my legs, rubbing the gun along my thighs. Goosebumps rise on my entire body. I’m scared, truly scared. I don’t trust him, there’s no way. He’s had my life in his hands before and now he does again. Pretty sure he’ll finish what he started before. I wish I could run, like I was able to back then, but there’s no one here to protect me.
“Ryan?” I start to stutter.
“Don’t talk to me. You don’t get that honor. All you get to do is sit back and enjoy,” he says smiling.
But I’m not enjoying. I can’t stand the fact he’s that close to me, I can’t stand his breath, it’s starting to annoy me and disgust me all at the same time. I’m worried. Because last time I barely skated by, this time he seems determined. The look in his eyes is frightening me; they are dark, and full of hate.
His hand wanders under my shirt and rubs my nipple. I bite my lip in fear of him doing more. His touch nauseates me.
“You like that don’t you? It’s turning you on. I see you biting your lip.”
Of course, that’s the only reason a woman bites her lip. Right? I’m so beyond disgusted by him.
“Can… I….” I try to say something but he’s squeezing my nipple so hard I only let out a whimper of pain. He’s making me feel nothing but fear. I will, definitely, not get turned on like he’s expecting me to be.
“I never gave you permission to speak, remember?” He pulls out a handkerchief out of his front pocket and ties my hands behind my back. The wood chair back digs, painfully, into my arms. He uses another to tie my feet together and then gets up and paces around the room.
“Tell me you have some beer in that fridge of yours. Or do you just have that stupid ass European wine?”
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to answer or not.
“Well bitch, do you?”
“There’s some in the pantry,” I whimper.
“That’s better.”
He rummages through the drawers and finds a bottle opener, I hear him pop the bottle. Footsteps coming near me have made me skittish again. I swear he’s going to kill me today. There’s no reason he wouldn’t.
“You know why I’m here don’t you?” he asks as he sits down on the couch across from me.
I shake my head no. Actually I think I do but I don’t want him knowing. I want him to think I forgot about him, forgot why he would hunt me down.
“Don’t give me that bullshit, Sophia. You know why. I’m here to finish what you never let me, a few years ago. You know I always wanted you, but noooooo, sweet little Sophia never wanted Ryan that way. She never wanted all I had to offer. It was supposed to be good with us. We were going to be something, baby.”
– ### –
Ryan always had this vision of us being a couple in high school. He wanted me with every fiber of his being, but I didn’t want him. I was concentrating too much on school. I wanted nothing to do with him. I tried to ignore him at parties we both attended, in the hallway at school, I always pretended he didn’t exist. Maybe it’s my fault. Actually, it is. If I had given him the attention he was begging for, I might not be in this situation now.
Over the years, Ryan has had medical issues. I don’t see how he was able to even leave the states.
– ### –
Looking at the clock, I see it’s been about twenty minutes. I start to think about Daniel. He’s going to think I stood him up and that pisses me off so much. But I can’t let Ryan know that. He’ll go after him or worse, kill me now, as a present for Daniel. I’m thinking the worst, I always do. If only I could stop thinking about what ifs and come up with a fucking plan on how to get out of this predicament.
Lips are pressed against me shaking me out of my thoughts. What the fuck? I try to resist him but I feel the cold metal of his gun against my head, “Spread your lips and quit fighting me off. You know you want it,” he says through gritted teeth and bites my lip. Fucker that hurt.
As he kisses me, I hear a loud thud and screams. Lots of screams. But before I could react, I feel Ryan jerk back and then a gunshot.
The sand beneath my toes feels pleasant, it’s what I missed. Watching the sunset fall over the water is soothing me and I’m in my happy place. It’s warm. It’s quiet. It’s extremely quiet at the beach today. I’m alone. There’s no one here besides me. It’s actually a bit eerie. The complete loneliness and silence envelops me.
“Sophia!”
I look around, but I see no one. It’s just me. But I could’ve sworn I heard my name.
“Sophia! Baby!”
I hear faint noises. I feel hands on me. Oh no. This is a dream again.
“Sophia. Can you hear me?”
I know this voice. He’s here. Why is he here? How’d I get here?
As I open my eyes I see his beautiful brown eyes staring at me. He came for me. He knew I wouldn’t stand him up. Relief washes over me and my emotions take over. Tears started to cascade down my face, but I feel Daniel wipe them away.
“You had me worried,” he kissed my forehead.
I try to sit up, but my body has left me weak. I can’t move.
“Daniel,” I whisper trying to adjust my body.
“Shhhh. Don’t move. The ambulance is on the way.
“Ambulance? What happened?
I see fear in his eyes. “Just lie still,” he whispers holding my hands.
I hear voices all around me, mainly male voices. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on.
“Book him,” Daniel says looking away. “I don’t want him to get out of that cell for the rest of his fucking life, ever.”
Confused I stare at Daniel. He gives me a reassured smile, “it’s all going to be okay now.”
What does he mean? There are so many unanswered questions, but I have no energy to keep up with them, in fact, I could sleep. I could sleep right now and not have a care in the world.
“Don’t close your eyes, Sophia. We need to make sure you don’t have a concussion from that fall,” Daniel states.
And then I finally remember the gunshot. It must’ve hit me. I must’ve been shot. But I feel no pain. Besides the small headache, I feel fine. If he shot me, I should be dead. He had the gun against my head. That’s the last thing I remember from the sleazebag. His lips were against mine. Just the thought of it makes me retch.
“I need to brush my teeth,�
�� I say as I try to get up.
Daniel laughs at me, “What?”
“I need to brush his taste off my lips, Daniel. I need to get him off me. I think I will throw up if I don’t.”
Daniel holds me down trying to calm me, “Babe, we will take care of that as soon as the EMT gives us the ok, alright?”
“Excuse me, sir,” a female says standing next to Daniel. She’s gorgeous, her brown hair in a bun and her superb smile calms me down, with her fluent English she speaks, “Let’s check the patient,” she pushes Daniel aside as she starts to check my vitals and gives my body a look over.
“How you feeling, Miss?” she smiles at me as she listens to my heartbeat.
“Sophia. I’m actually feeling fine besides the light headache.” I respond.
“Should she go to the hospital or would it be okay if she stayed here and I supervised her for the next twenty-four hours?” Daniel interrupts and asks her.
“It’s up to her, would you like to stay here or go to the hospital?”
“I’d prefer my apartment if that’s ok,” I say as I start to sit up feeling my body again.
Daniel leaves us alone for a minute and returns with a glass of water, “Here, drink this.”
Gulping the entire glass of water, I notice them staring at me. Daniel’s eyes never leave mine. There’s true compassion there and I’m glad he came storming in when he did. But that leads me to so many questions. How did he know? Why? What now?
After the EMT and all the policemen have left my apartment, Daniel and I sat down on my couch. I’m wrapped in my favorite fleece blanket with a cup of tea that Daniel made for me.
“I don’t know what happened. I don’t know how he got in. I don’t’ even know what to say or do anymore. He’s from my past, Daniel. All those nightmares, they were about him. He’s haunted me and found me. I don’t understand why he can’t just leave me alone. He should’ve been locked up years ago.” I mumble on and on.
“I know, babe. I know.”
“No you don’t.”
“Actually I do. I need to tell you something, Sophia. I need you to promise not to get upset or storm away. Try to be calm and be open-minded.”
Scared I look at him. What could he have to tell me that will make me lose my mind like he’s expecting. He’s been nothing but there for me, so what could change all that?
“What?” I adjust my body to face him but ready to run at any given moment.
“I’m not really a student here at any university. That was my cover.”
He pauses for a minute, which gives me a chance to ask, “Cover?”
“I’ve been trying to catch Ryan for years. I’m an undercover police officer. When you moved to Italy, so did Ryan. We’ve been working with the local police for the last six months to get the evidence we needed to put him away. The thing is, he didn’t just move, he was chasing you, hunting you. Any chance he got he was watching you. I felt the need to protect you so he couldn’t get to you. But I needed to catch him doing something illegal to be able to arrest him in a foreign country.”
I interrupt him, “Wait. You knew about him? You’re only with me to protect me? You put me in harm’s way? What the fuck Daniel?”
I start to get up but Daniel holds me down.
“No baby, listen it’s not like that.”
He must sense my reluctance to get up, and lets me go.
“Don’t touch me, Daniel! Get out of my house!”
He continues to sit there and waits for me to calm down, but I don’t, “Get out, now!” I scream, standing up.
I walk over and open the door. Mr. Luciando is standing in the hallway. He looks at me with worry in his eyes.
“Sophia, stai bene?”
I nod but continue to wave at Daniel to get out. He slowly gets up from the couch and walks over toward the door, “Sophia, you need to let me explain.” He tries to take my hand, but I refuse.
“I don’t need to do shit.” I look away and wait for him to leave, slamming the door after him.
I can’t believe any of this. I came here to Italy to start a new life, a new journey, and my past catches up to me, my past takes over my future and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better nor will I be able to escape Ryan fucking Johnson.
– ### –
Letters have filled my mailbox, and trashcan. Phone calls have cluttered my voicemail. I don’t care. They came, but I ignored them. I don’t want to hear his sad story as to why. I don’t want to know what he’s thinking. I don’t care. I haven’t opened his letters and I don’t plan to. I never answered his calls. They don’t mean anything. He doesn’t mean anything. He can just forget the last few months like I have. Who does he think he is? He makes me fall in love with him just to use me like that? How’s that supposed to be a healthy relationship when I don’t even know who I’m having a relationship with?
It was all lies. He pretended to like me to close a case. That’s all it is. I opened up to him so much but he didn’t see that. I told him everything and he pretended to care. He knew who I was, all along. He knew all the pain I’ve been through.
– ### –
A few weeks have passed and I found out that Daniel is back in the States. Good. He can stay there and I hope I never see him again. I’ve returned back to work and things started to go back to normal. The nightmares have gone. And I’m starting to be happy again. Whatever you consider happiness. Happiness can be without a man in your life. Happiness can be, to be surrounded around people that don’t pretend to love you. That’s true happiness.
It’s been a year since Ryan’s arrest and Daniel’s confession in my little apartment in Sorrento. I’m glad the shit bag had to spend so long in an Italian jail before his extradition. I have to fly back to Seattle this afternoon to face the scumbag. For the past year, I’ve been able to work and go to the beach, pretending nothing has happened. I have been able to ignore the world, to forget anything and everything. As long as Ryan stayed behind bars, I was good. I was no longer in danger. The summons I received to testify against him hit me like a ton of bricks when it came six months ago. Facing him in court will not be easy. Having to tell my side of the story, will reopen wounds have only superficially healed. I hid that part of me in a box and had hoped to leave it there. This will be the first time back in Seattle since Lori’s wedding. I’ve been ignoring my family, my friends, everyone. I hide myself from everything besides work. The kids have been the only steadies to put a smile on my face. I hate to leave them, but if I don’t speak up, he might get out again. And I refuse to let that happen.
“All packed,” I voice aloud as I roll the suitcase out of the bedroom and get ready to take it down to the taxi. I look around my apartment one last time, take a deep breath, and lock the door behind me. I think about the brown chair I threw out. I wanted to be rid of everything that reminded me of that day.
– ### –
Seattle, I’m here. I’m in fucking Seattle and I’m already ready to leave again. If I could I’d turn around, right here at the airport. I’d run back to Italy and act as if none of this is happening.
“Honey, you’re home,” my mother speaks with such sophistication it’s already pissing me off.
“Hi,” I say as I mope to the car and let her take me to her home. It’s not my home; it’s my parent’s home. I really don’t even want to be there. I’ve already planned to go to court, say my peace, and then go back home. I want nothing to do with anyone else here.
“How are you feeling?” As if she’s even concerned. She’s always thought of me as trouble, her problem child. After everything happened, and I was the talk of the town, she didn’t seem like it hadn’t even fazed her. She called me once, but not to see how I was doing. No, she called me to tell me ‘I told you so.’ “I’ve always invited Ryan into my life,” she said. So now having to face him in court, she thinks I brought it on myself.
“I’m okay,” I answer curtly.
“You’re always just okay.”
&nbs
p; “Well what the fuck would you like me to be? Chipper?”
“You don’t have to get an attitude with me,” she mutters.
“Nope. I don’t,” I look out the window.
– ### –
We arrive at the house, once I get to the bedroom; I just plop on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Fuck my life. I don’t want to do any of this. I could give a rat’s ass about all of it. But I have to do this. I need to put an end to this story and move forward. I need to look the asshole in the eye and make sure he stays behind bars forever; he can rot in hell there. He can rot in hell anywhere but close to me.
My life seems to be nothing but heartbreak and lies no matter where I go.
I have dreaded this day for the last six months. That summons really took me by surprise. I walk into the courtroom with my lawyer and the district attorney. We sit in the front row. I’m the center of attention, something I never wanted to be, and something I’m not too keen on. I don’t want to even deal with this, to be center of this trial makes me want to puke. I don’t want to be this close to Ryan. I don’t want to deal with his psychotic behavior.
People are starting to fill the courtroom. They sit behind me. But some sit behind Ryan’s side. Some of his family members are here. They are giving me that killer look. The look that blames me for Ryan’s crazy ways, as if I made him the way he is. Fuck them. Fuck them all.
Breathe in and breathe out, I keep telling myself. But it’s hard. It’s hard knowing someone’s future is in my hands.
“Next witness please,” the judge announces.
That’s my cue. I have to tell my side of the story now. I have to tell how he held a gun against me. Every. Dirty. Little. Detail. Every moment he took from me, every part of dignity he stole from me. I have to explain my fears. I need to tell everyone about the body parts he invaded, the times he lied – everyone lied – and the moments I wanted to die.
Sitting on the stand, I stare blankly into the crowd. And I see him. Not Ryan, but Daniel. He’s encouraging me to say exactly what I need to say. I see his support in his eyes. He’s my rock even if we don’t talk. Even if we pretend we don’t know each other. He’s my rock that pushes me to tell the truth, to see the fucker go to prison forever just by the words that will leave my mouth. My eyes are locked on Daniel’s as I explain every crucial and disgusting part. I retell the story that is my life. The parts of my life I’d wished to be kept hidden, forgotten.