Falter

by Haven Cage

  The changing images stopped on a single picture. It was a memory of George and I cuddled under a thin, shabby blanket, taking shelter under a bridge. I slept peacefully while he watched over me with unconditional love in his eyes.

  I knew what needed to be done. The sharp claws of rage and evil retracted from my heart. Love and hope flooded me, washing away the evil within seconds.

  My muscles relaxed. Loud pops and snaps rang in my ears as my bones relocated themselves back into their proper places. I rocked back and forth on my hands and knees, enduring the agony of transforming back to the being I was before. My eyes drifted to the hand bracing my weight off the floor and watched the wrinkled, burnt skin covering my fingers smooth out and lighten to its original color.

  As the last of the transformation finished, I drew in a deep breath of relief and sat back on my feet, appreciating my very normal, very human looking hands. I felt whole again, spirit intact. “Thank you,” I whispered to God, knowing he gave me the strength I needed to fight my haunting wickedness.

  I didn’t know what would happen from that point on, but if I made it out of here, I would find a way to release George. I had to learn to let my soul trust and have faith, especially if I was going to overcome the challenges I knew were ahead.

  I eased down to the floor, suddenly too tired to hold myself upright.

  “Nevaeh. Nevaeh?”

  I heard Archard saying my name, but soon even that faded under the exhaustion that took over my body. The demonic transition and emotional roller-coaster took one hell of a toll on my body—and my mind.

  One last thought fixed itself inside my skull before I shut down completely; the image of my angel bleeding, and the pain I’d caused him all along, etched into my memories. Somehow, I would tell him how sorry I was. I would make it up to him.

  I retreated to a deep sleep, confident that someone watched over me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Lesson Learned

  “Nevaeh.”

  I woke to the sweet whisper of my name and a strong hand smoothing the hair from my face. Every breath was full of his honeyed scent.

  “Nevaeh, it’s time to go,” he coaxed. I felt safe and happy just to be near him—until I remembered where I was. My eyes flew open. I prayed to be out of the shadowy void, to see his face looking back at me.

  “Archard?” There was only darkness, but I could feel him close to me. Relief came when I felt his warm skin under my fingertips.

  “I’m here. Let’s get you home.” He slid his arms under my back and knees, lifting my limp body from the ground. I rested my head against his chest, enjoying the peaceful sound of his heart thumping in my ear. He hoisted us upward with one strong swoop of his wings. I had no idea where we were going, but it didn’t matter because I was with him.

  The cool breeze drifted across my skin as he pumped his massive wings beside us.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “I told you. Home,” he answered softly, his grip tightening around me.

  “I thought I was stuck here.” Tears filled my eyes, thankful to escape.

  “Nevaeh, this place...it’s not permanent. I brought you here so you could experience what you needed in order to help you understand the severity of your choices.” The warmth of his sigh caressed my forehead. “You needed to see what could happen if you chose the other side, and how vulnerable you are if you don’t make a choice at all.” His thumb reached from its place on my shoulder and caressed my neck. “And most importantly, you needed to see what it was to lose something you didn’t know you had.”

  “God’s love.” Tears trickled down my cheek. I felt ashamed as I replayed the awful journey in my mind. Haunting memories of Archard tied to the chair rushed in, filling me with guilt. “What did you mean when you said you didn’t leave Heaven for me to become the monster I became?”

  “Just rest. We can talk about it when we get back.”

  He still refused to give the answers I needed.

  “How are we going to get back?”

  “I have my own ways of opening the portals,” he responded, and I could hear the hint of a smile behind his words.

  I noticed, as we soared through the abyss, the urges I had towards Archard were different from before. There was still an unmistakable bond drawing me to him like a moth to a flame, but instead of the intense lust, I just...loved him. I could see that, even without his graces taking effect on me, whatever lingered between us was Heaven-made—ingrained in us when God kissed our soul’s to life. I wasn’t sure that any amount of denying him would take away the emotions he invoked in me. And, after he’d shown me the misery he endured on Earth, I couldn’t deny him if I wanted to.

  The soothing air glided over our bodies as we flew upwards. Archard’s wings began beating faster. We were still engulfed in darkness, but every once in awhile, his shiny metal feathers reflected some far away light above us.

  We traveled farther and farther through the black chasm of my soul, but finally, the light that I saw became brighter and clearer. My eyes focused on a watery surface, like Malach’s portal. I remembered the way the rain halted, the wind thrashed at my face, and the walls buckled. The anticipation of experiencing that chaos again tightened my belly even though our dark atmosphere remained peaceful and undisturbed.

  I wrapped my arms around Archard’s neck and buried my head in his strong chest, bracing for the turbulence I feared was ahead. Sounds of crashing and whining penetrated the watery opening from the other side, but we remained in a bubble of serenity. The closer we got, the louder the sounds of wind and destruction became. Somewhere, there was a structure crumbling and hurricane force winds.

  I peeked up at Archard’s tired face. “Are we almost there?”

  He held me tighter, his fingers digging into my skin. “Cover your ears,” he commanded.

  I did as he said, but in the end, it really didn’t help. His chest vibrated against my arm so powerfully I thought he might explode. Sound emerged from his mouth, disrupting the silence with a gorgeous melody of orchestral notes. His face strained as he shouted out in his heavenly language.

  We closed the distance to the portal at an alarming speed. The surface above us spiraled into a funnel of silver liquid. The music crossing Archard’s lips echoed louder, seeming to break open the portal. The intensity of his voice stabbed at my ears like a million tiny needles; warm blood trickled between my fingers. I cupped my ears tighter, attempting to block out the sound.

  Then, just as we were about to go through the portal, my angel came to an abrupt stop. His massive wings wrapped around me protectively, and we fell. Strangely, it wasn’t a fall downward. We plummeted up into the opening—with a reversed gravity pulling toward it.

  The air silenced once we broke the portal’s veil. I pressed my frame into Archard’s chest with anticipation. Cool liquid splashed against my skin and dried instantly. Time, and everything that made the world go around, seemed to stop on a dime.

  Considering we flew up to get to the portal, I expected us to enter through the floor. I quickly realized I was wrong. Archard threw open his wings, once we were on the other side, and spanned them across the room, slowing our speed and controlling our shift in direction, as we dropped in through the ceiling and created an arch with our bodies. With barely enough space to accommodate Archard’s massive appendages, let alone our dive-in landing, my butt grazed the floor just before he navigated us into an upright position. It was like that “Oh, shit” moment when you dive into a pool and realize you’ve misjudged the depth, then try not to break your neck on the bottom.

  His breathing slowed, and he carefully set me on the ground. My eyes wandered over our surroundings, taking in the destruction that occurred from our arrival. We were back in Archard’s room at the factory again. Hard, white puddles dotted the floor where the candles had melted. The fluffy blanket was shredded to bits and singed in some places. Cracks had formed along the ash-covered walls under the impact of our arrival.


  Archard groaned behind me, and I instantly turned, focusing on his stumbling movement to the center of the room. Aside from looking worn-out, his skin was flawless; even his feathers were remarkably clean and neatly tucked against his back.

  He fell to his knees with outstretched arms. His hands smacked into one another in front of him, creating a thunderous boom. I flinched, startle by the unexpected sound. He repeated this three more times, blasting a ripple of energy outward into the atmosphere that repaired the room. Everything moved in reverse like time rewinding around us; the candles pooled back into small pillars, the comforter seamlessly stitched itself together and renewed the burnt pieces, and the walls flattened and smoothed around us.

  Within minutes, our surroundings looked as though we’d never left. Soft candle light played happily along the smooth walls, and the blanket invited us to crawl into bed. The only thing different was me.

  I left this room with a damaged soul, denying myself the love God so freely gave, refusing to put my faith in anything. I returned mended and with an understanding I didn’t have before.

  “Are you okay, Nevaeh?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I answered as Archard collapsed on the floor. I gasped and dropped by his side, frantically shaking his shoulders, but he didn’t wake. His heavy body lay unresponsive at my knees. “Help! Someone help me!” I screamed, hoping that one of the other angels would hear. I scooted to his head and cradled it in my lap, praying for him to open his eyes.

  Arkin barreled through the door seconds later, panting. “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know. He just crashed to the floor.” My vision blurred as I fought to restrain my tears. “We came through the portal and he just...he fell.” My voice shook uncontrollably. I worried that Archard was in more pain or harm because of me.

  “You came through a portal?” Arkin stopped moving and stared at me with steel eyes, and then looked down at Archard. “Purgatory,” he said.

  “What? No…I don’t know.” I pondered the thought for a moment, growing more frustrated by the possibility that Archard might have taken me somewhere like Purgatory—not that I knew what that meant, but I sure-as-shit knew it wasn’t somewhere I was supposed to go by the disappointed expression on Arkin’s face. “Are you going to help him or not?” I snapped back, not caring to explain where we’d gone.

  “No need to get feisty, kitten,” he retorted. His surprised expression relaxed, and his lips tightened into a smirk. “I see he’s taken care of your little issue of succumbing to our graces.” Arkin stepped closer and kneeled beside Archard. He placed a hand on my angel’s chest as I watched in hopeful silence. “He’ll be peachy before you know it. He just needs some rest.” Arkin smiled at me reassuringly and winked while making a clicking sound with his mouth.

  I managed to calm myself enough that I didn’t choke on my words. “What’s wrong with him?”

  He grabbed Archard’s arms and pulled him upright. “It takes a lot out of us when we go through a portal, Nevaeh.” Arkin hoisted the sleeping angel over his shoulder, then laid him on the bed. “We’re not supposed to cross portals.” He grunted, maneuvering Archard into a comfortable position. I was impressed with how gentle the strong, cocky angel was when handling his brother.

  “I’ve seen an angel cross a portal before with no problem.” Malach came to mind as I sat on the bed next to Archard.

  “What angel have you seen?” Arkin asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

  “An Archangel,” I responded sheepishly.

  “Hmm. And I was under the impression that we were the only angels that cared.” He grinned.

  “Maybe...maybe not.” I dropped my gaze to the unconscious being beside me. The room filled with an awkward silence. Arkin waited for me to tell him what I knew, but I decided to ignore any further conversation on the topic for now.

  “Ya know, he’s not the only one that made sacrifices for you, Nevaeh,” he added, sounding offended by my secrecy.

  I looked into the hurt eyes staring at me from the other side of the bed. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “There are some people that were with me in the beginning of this mess...I’m not sure where I stand with them anymore, and I’m having a hard time knowing who to trust. Right now, I can barely trust myself. I’m working on it though.”

  “You can trust us.”

  “Arkin, it’s not that easy. There is so much I don’t know. So much that’s kept from me.” I nudged my chin towards Archard. “I just need someone to give me some straight answers.” Tears welled in my eyes.

  His eyes fixed on Archard as he mulled through something in his mind. “What do you want to know?” he asked after a few moments of what appeared to be some serious consideration.

  “Why me?” I whimpered. “Why George?”

  “George was sent to you for protection. He did what was asked of him, but I suspect the others found out what you are and saw an opportunity to persuade you. Unfortunately, he became another soul lost in the battle.” His gaze darted to mine. “And you, cupcake...you are The Clavis. You are what God made you. You’re gonna do great things in his name. There’s no need for more explanation than that.”

  I didn’t argue, but I still wasn’t sure about my part in all this. “The demons said I only had a week to save George. Are we too late?” I choked out the words as I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. “Can I still save him?”

  “Nevaeh, by my count, you’ve only been gone one day, but I don’t know how you plan on getting to him without giving yourself up in the process.”

  I knew what the right thing to do was—declare myself Light Celatum— and I truly wanted to do the right thing, but I wasn’t quite ready to commit, not until I could find a way to get George’s soul where it belonged. Besides that, I still needed answers, and maybe holding off on my choice just a little longer would encourage the angels to give up information I was missing.

  “Why was George sent to protect me? What happened to my family, Arkin?”

  He sighed heavily, emotions torn again. “All I know is that your mom didn’t die like you were told. She just sorta went away.” He paused and glanced at Archard lying motionless on the bed, making sure he was still unconscious. “Your grandmother was your caretaker until the demons found you. Archard stayed too close, and they figured out that something was special about you. Once he drew their attention to you, they could smell the Celatum in your blood. He unintentionally led them straight to you, despite your family’s efforts to keep you hidden.”

  “Wait. How could my mom just disappear? Don’t guardians have some kind of tracking device on their people?”

  He smiled slyly, “We do...until they opt for the other side. Her angel went rogue too. It’s kinda hard to track when you don’t have a lead or connection, sweet cheeks.”

  “So, she’s Dark?” I buried the fear bubbling up as I thought about the person, or creature, she might be after all this time.

  “We don’t know for sure. It’s just our best guess,” he answered.

  “What about Archard? I thought Guardians were supposed to stay close to humans. How was he too close?” My eyes wandered to my angel’s hand resting on the bed next to mine.

  “We stay close, but invisible, to our charges. He appeared to you one day. You were hiding in a thicket. The demons were closing in on you from the branches. I’m sure you don’t remember. You were so young.” He shook his head and smiled sweetly at the memory of me as a child. “Archard grabbed you from the darkness and saved you. That was the demons’ first clue. Most of us just help from the sidelines. We let you make your own choices, but gently nudge in times of danger.” He moved his hands in a soft pushing motion.

  “I do remember that. It was one of my few memories on the farm. Hell, it’s one of the few memories I have period.”

  “Well, you held onto it for quite some time. A few years, actually. You knew you were different from the other kids. It became harder for Theora to keep you safe and hide what y
ou were. The demons swarmed your house one night. She took you to a boat, miles away, and planned on running with you.” Arkin lowered his gaze to the floor, his lips settling into a frown. “That’s when something happened, and we lost track of you.”

  Flashes of one of my dreams replayed in my mind. The old lady with a young girl, it was her and me.

  “What happened, Arkin?”

  The palpable heaviness of heartache crept through the room, and I could see that the recollection was painful for him. “We were on the boat with you and Theora, trying to figure out how to keep you safe. The demons had followed us and clouded the air, trapping us from all sides. We fended them off, by using our holy powers. The first chance we got, we escaped. Archard and I steered the boat under a bridge far away from them. That’s where the three of us decided to erase your memories. It was too dangerous for you to carry the knowledge of our world any longer; He should’ve never let you see. The more you knew, the easier they would find you.” His eyes darkened with regret. “We knew you were special, too. We just didn’t know why until much later.”

  Shocked and mad as hell, I glared at him, teeth grinding and nostrils flaring. “I can’t believe you guys would do something like that. What about this free will you keep talking about?” They took my childhood away.

  He ignored my outburst and continued. “That was when we gave up our Holiness for you, Nevaeh. Theora was old and knew she wasn’t able to take care of you anymore. Not like you needed.” A single tear rolled down his cheek. “Archard and I gave it up to stay here on Earth and look after you until the day you became a Celata.”

  “A lot of good that did,” I spat, crossing my arms over my chest.

  I couldn’t look at either of them. I rose from the bed and paced to a lonely corner of the room, wanting so badly to leave. I should’ve known the information I was searching for might not have been what I actually wanted to hear.

  Squeaking broke the silence when Arkin dragged the only chair in the room across the floor. I turned to find him sitting next to Archard, his elbows pressing firmly into his knees and his forehead resting on top of his clasped hands. He took a deep breath. “It weakened us when our Holiness ripped away from our souls. It was five minutes of torture that seemed like an eternity.” A tear fell from between his hands and soaked into his jeans. “And in those five minutes, the demons caught back up with us. I remember lying on the floor of the boat next to Archard, paralyzed in unimaginable pain, while Theora tried to row us out of danger. Her failing body couldn’t steer the boat. We capsized just as the demons were about to grab you.”