Big Stick

by Kelly Jamieson

  The Aces won, but it was almost anticlimactic, as everyone was thinking ahead to the playoffs. Marc Dupuis, Jared Rupp, and Max weren’t even playing, the coach deciding to give them a rest before playoffs started.

  After the game, there were some awards given out and jerseys presented to fans because of it being the last home game of the season, but Jodie didn’t stay for all of it, making her way out of the arena with a drowsy child.

  Kendra had been sitting near her with some of the other wives and girlfriends, and they’d hung out during the intermissions, but Kendra was going down to the Aces Ladies lounge to wait for Max. “Come with us,” she’d said to Jodie.

  Nick hadn’t said anything about that. She didn’t think she qualified as one of the “Aces Ladies.” “That’s okay,” she’d said. “I don’t think Nick is expecting us to be there. We’ll just head home.”

  She paused at one of the exits, moving out of the way of other people to get Zyana’s jacket and mittens on. It was spring but still cool at night, and they had a bit of a walk to the bus stop that would take them back to the Loop where they could get a train home.

  Zyana rubbed her eyes. “Mommy, where’s Nick?”

  “He’s, um, probably changing. And maybe talking to the TV people.”

  Zyana was awake but quiet on the bus, then dozed off again on the train. Finally they were home, and she was tucked into bed. Jodie glanced at the clock. It felt like a full day and it was late for Zyana, but it wasn’t even ten o’clock. So she headed back downstairs for a glass of wine and curled up on the couch with some nice music and her e-reader to relax before she went to bed herself.

  She’d just finished her wine when a knock sounded on the door. She uncurled her legs and padded over to it. It had to be Nick…she peeked through the window and yes, it was him.

  She opened the door. “Hey.”

  “Why didn’t you wait for me to drive you home?” His eyebrows were pulled down over his nose.

  She tipped her head back and stepped aside for him to come in. “You didn’t say you were going to do that. I didn’t know what you did after the game.”

  “Shit.” He turned to face her, pissed-off energy radiating from him. “I thought you’d know. Didn’t Kendra say something?”

  “Yes, but you hadn’t…and Zyana was asleep and I didn’t know how long you’d be. I wanted to get her home.”

  He sighed. “I’m sorry.” He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her. “Should have been clearer.”

  “I’m sorry too. I never thought.”

  “So you took the train alone at night?” He scowled again.

  “Yes. It was fine.” She smiled. “I’m a big girl.”

  He snorted. “Grown up, yes. Big, no.” He shook his head and rubbed his nose against hers. “Next time you come down and wait for me.”

  Next time…“Okay. Um…do you want a drink?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Come sit down.”

  The little house was mostly dark, except for the lamp in the corner where she’d been sitting. Music played softly from her speaker, a favorite mellow playlist on Spotify.

  “Beer or wine?”

  “Is it red wine?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll have some of that.”

  She refilled her glass and poured him one and carried them over to the couch where he sat.

  “Thanks. Did Zyana have fun?”

  “Yes!” She told him about their evening and the funny things Zyana had said. “And she loved it when the man sitting beside us told her that in the ‘old days’ hockey pucks were made out of frozen cow poop.”

  Nick burst out laughing. “I didn’t even know that.”

  “You played well tonight. I think.”

  He chuckled again. “Yeah. I did okay. Played a lot, though.” He rubbed his face. “Coach is giving me a lot of minutes.”

  “You can handle it. You’ve got great stamina.” She winked.

  “Ha.” Then he sighed. “Sometimes I worry about letting the team down. Tonight Coach juggled the lines and moved me up to the second line.”

  “What does that mean? Is that good?”

  “It’s good, but it means he puts us out against some of the other team’s best players.”

  “I’m sure he knows what he’s doing. That you can handle it.”

  For a moment he didn’t say anything. “I always feel like it should be Aleks. He was a better player than me. It should be him getting the opportunities.”

  She pulled in a slow breath, centering herself. “You can’t change things, Nick. Aleks isn’t here. You are.”

  He stared down into his wine. Had she said the wrong thing?

  Then he lifted his head and gave her a long look. “You know what? You’re right.”

  She released her breath and smiled. “Of course, I am.”

  “You know what else?”

  “Um…what?”

  “I’m shit at taking my own advice.”

  She huffed a laugh. “We probably all are.”

  She set her wineglass on the coffee table and moved to straddle him on the couch. She held his face between her hands and looked deeply into his eyes. “Your coach wouldn’t be playing you like he is if he didn’t think that. This is the playoffs. Don’t let your feelings about Aleks stop you from playing your best. You have to have confidence in yourself.”

  “Wow.” He swallowed, setting his hands on her thighs. “Our playoff theme is ‘trust each other.’ Duper came up with it because of all the new players we have who’ve been called up.”

  “You have to trust yourself first.”

  He sucked in a long breath. “Yeah. You’re right.”

  “And what do you think Aleks would be saying right now? I mean, I didn’t know him, but I know he loved you. He’d want you to go all the way. To win the Stanley Cup.”

  “Yeah.” His voice rasped. “He would.” He rested his forehead against hers. “God, Jodie. You make me feel so much better.”

  She just smiled, but her heart rose up into her throat.

  “You said something Friday night…at the bowling alley. About not wanting Zyana to have your fears and insecurities.”

  “Mmm.” She shifted off him to sit beside him again, snuggled against him.

  “What fears and insecurities do you have? You seem like you have your life all in order. You’re a great mom, a successful businesswoman. And sexy as hell.”

  She reached for her wineglass. “I have lots of fears and insecurities. I’m afraid of flying.”

  “Huh.”

  “And spiders. And big dogs.”

  He nodded.

  “Mostly my insecurities are around being a single mom. I don’t regret my decision. I told you before, I thought it through and made my choice. I was determined to do my best and make it work. But the truth is…it’s hard.”

  “Being a parent is probably the hardest thing in the world.”

  “Yeah. But doing it on your own…is really hard. It’s exhausting. I mean, I know being a new mom is exhausting for everyone. I made sure I had a mom squad—some real-life friends and an online community I’m still part of—and I know all moms get exhausted, even ones with partners. One day I was sitting on the toilet crying because I hadn’t had a shower for four days and I just wanted to go to the bathroom by myself, and Zyana was screaming outside the door.”

  Nick smiled and stroked her hair back. He was a good listener.

  “And sometimes it’s lonely. Not even just for the hard things, like when I had to do all the middle-of-the-night feedings, and when Zyana got sick and I was scared and worried. But the day Zyana took her first step…there was no one there to share it with. Kendra, yeah, I called her and she was excited, but it’s not the same. When Zyana learned her ABCs and I thought she was
the smartest kid in the world…you can’t brag to most people, they just roll their eyes. I wished…” She cleared her throat. “It would be nice if there was someone else there who was as proud as me.” She sighed. “There are lots of times when I wonder if I overestimated my ability to do this, even though I thought I’d prepared myself. It’s overwhelming and hard. I knew it would be hard, but sometimes it’s more exhausting and frustrating than I ever expected. And sometimes it’s actually…boring. I know I’m not the only mom who feels like that, but even so, you hate to admit that.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Like I said, I don’t regret it. I love Zyana so much and can’t imagine life without her now. But those are my insecurities.” She wrinkled her nose up. “I’m a fraud.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re real.”

  “You told me that before.”

  “Yeah. Real. And honest.” He touched her face. “I…like that about you.”

  “Thank you.” Their eyes met…and held. Something warm unfurled in her chest, stealing her breath.

  Damn. He was praising her for being honest, but there weren’t many people she’d open up to about her biggest fears like she just had with him. She felt safe with him. Accepted.

  She liked him too. So much.

  Chapter 21

  After their away game in Winnipeg, the last game of the regular season, the Aces had only three days before the first round of playoffs started. They would face Minnesota in the first round. They were playing the first two games in Chicago, so they had the advantage of resting up at home for those few days. Coach knew everyone was banged up in some way so he was easing up in practices, telling them instead to take care of nagging injuries—get some PT, massage, rest, and sleep.

  Coach had talked to them. One of the things he’d warned about was distractions.

  Nick didn’t have the distractions of family. Other years he’d told himself it was a plus…he didn’t have to worry about a pregnant wife or screaming kids or parents showing up to stay with him. He’d told himself he was happy to not have to worry about those things.

  This year…there was a beautiful, warm, honest woman living in his coach house. Along with an adorable curly-haired mini-teenager.

  He smiled ruefully as he headed over to Jodie’s place for dinner with her and Zyana that night, remembering how annoyed he’d been about them moving in a couple of months ago. Now he was happy they were so close.

  Jodie’d made an awesome chicken stir-fry with rice. Nick knew Zyana well enough that as he served her dinner, he separated the chicken and the carrots and broccoli on her plate. She liked all the components of the stir-fry but would only eat them separately. He followed Jodie’s lead on this. She didn’t make a big deal out of it or force Zyana to eat it as it was cooked, just shrugged and said in an aside, “She’ll grow out of it.”

  Not only did he like spending time with Jodie, Nick had fun with Zyana too. They weren’t afraid of each other anymore. No, wait. That wasn’t totally true. She was completely unafraid of him. In fact, he was fully aware she had him wrapped around her little finger. He, on the other hand, was at times completely in awe of her. Jodie was right—she was the smartest kid in the world. Sometimes it scared him.

  And he liked the time after Zyana went to bed. When he was there she liked him to read stories to her, and he was happy to do it. In fact, it made him proud that she wanted that. Then he and Jodie got some alone time.

  “So. Tomorrow’s a big day,” Jodie said when he came back downstairs.

  “Yep.”

  “You’re all ready?”

  “I hope so.” He grimaced and ran a hand through his hair. “Could be a crazy couple of months. But first we need to focus on one game at a time. In fact, we need to focus on one shift at a time. Stay in the moment. It’s been a few years since we went all the way and won the Cup, and some of the guys on the team have never been through it. They have no idea what to expect.”

  “But you do.”

  “I do, some,” he admitted. “We’ve been talking about it a lot, trying to help them understand how to handle all the emotions. The distractions. The attention from the media. They’re used to a handful of press hanging around after games—once we’re in the playoffs, it will be a fucking madhouse. The pressure is incredible. I’m feeling it already.”

  She rubbed his back. “You’ll do great. And Zyana and I will be cheering for you.”

  He eyed her. “You know, I have to commit to this. That means hockey’s going to be everything for the next…who knows how long.”

  She nodded, holding his gaze. “I understand.” She leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I’ll be here for you when you need me—anything you need—and cheering for you in the background the rest of the time.”

  His heart turned over in his chest, full of gratitude and affection.

  It occurred to him that this wasn’t the ideal time to be starting some kind of relationship. Because what was happening between him and Jodie was a relationship. He wanted to be with her all the time…but he had to focus on hockey.

  Once again he felt that doubt…that uncertainty that what was happening between them was the right thing to do. He was going to have to be a selfish bastard for the next few weeks as he focused on one thing and one thing only. Was that fair to her?

  Other guys did it. They had girlfriends, wives, kids. Pregnant wives, for Chrissakes. He’d always considered himself lucky he didn’t have those distractions but now…it was fucking weird because, looking back, it seemed…lonely. Not lucky.

  They watched some TV and talked more, and it was nice and relaxing, even though he couldn’t keep his hands from wandering over her…touching her thigh, her shoulder, her hair. He always wanted to touch her…always wanted her.

  Jodie yawned, and he shifted away from her. “Tired, babe?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll head home.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  He met her eyes.

  “Maybe this isn’t the best time. You probably want to get a good night’s sleep in your own bed. But I want you to stay,” she said softly.

  His heart crashed against his ribs. “Fuck,” he muttered. “Really?”

  She bit her lip and nodded. “I’m okay with Zyana knowing we’re together.”

  This felt big. Important. Awe-inspiring.

  The fact that she trusted him, that she had faith in him and wanted him to be part of their lives was both humbling and terrifying. Because he had no idea if he was worthy of that.

  But he wanted to spend the night with her so much. Every time they had sex and one of them had to leave, it annoyed him. He wanted her in his bed with him, against him, all night, like the night of their first date. He kept thinking about waking up with her and having hot morning sex, and he wanted that again. He wanted that every damn day. And life was about to get crazy. “Let’s go to bed, then.”

  “You sure?”

  “I know I’ll sleep great with you in my arms.” He kissed her forehead.

  They turned out the lights and climbed the stairs. Jodie opened Zyana’s door and peeked in to check on her daughter, then eased the door shut again. She led the way into her bedroom, pulling her T-shirt off over her head.

  Nick closed the door behind them and watched as Jodie turned on the lamp beside the bed. Light gleamed on her bare skin. She reached behind her back to undo her bra, sliding the straps off her shoulders, then pulling it off.

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  “Thank you.” She smiled.

  He pulled off his own shirt and stepped out of his jeans. He bent to pick them up and lay them over the arm of the floral-print chair. When he looked up again, Jodie was slipping on a long white cotton tank. It skimmed over her curves, hitting mid-thigh.

  “Be right back,” she whispered, and disappeared into the
connected bathroom.

  He slid into bed, the sheets cool and smooth, that fresh flowery scent that was Jodie filling his head as he breathed in.

  Her bed wasn’t as big as his, but it would work, especially since he wanted her close to him.

  She returned moments later, flicking out the light so the room was in shadows. She climbed in next to him, and he drew in a sharp breath at the feel of her, soft and warm, her hair silky on his arm. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. His heart thudded and his throat thickened. “This is fucking amazing.”

  Having her in his arms and staying there all damn night…it was amazingly satisfying…and breathtakingly erotic. It was also a relief. He’d wanted this so much, for so long, but it made him feel vulnerable. Exposed. She made him want more in his life. She made him crave something, and he didn’t know what it was. She was amazing and brave and strong, and he didn’t deserve her.

  She pressed against him, twining her legs with his, kissing his jaw. “It is. So…special. To sleep with you.”

  “How tired are you?” He rolled her to her back and moved over her, finding her mouth with his for a long kiss. When he lifted his mouth he saw her smile in the dark.

  “Not that tired.” She held on to his shoulders as he kissed his way down her chest, lifted up her tank, and found her perfect breasts with his hands and his mouth.

  * * *

  —

  The Aces lost the first two games.

  This was the hard part—the frustration of playing hard and still losing. They’d had a couple of unlucky bounces of the puck, a goal disallowed because they’d been a millimeter offside, and a shitty call by a ref that cost them a goal and the game.

  These were the things Coach had warned them not to get distracted by. “Don’t let the frustration take over,” he admonished them. And he reminded them they couldn’t blame anyone for their losses but themselves. “Stick to the game plan,” he told them. “Trust in it. Trust in each other.”

  After a third loss in Minneapolis, the mood was bleak. Rico and Bomber tried to lighten things up with their wisecracks on the bus back to the hotel, but the laughs they got were strained. If they didn’t win their next game, they were done for the season. Not the outcome they’d all been hoping for.