Those Kinds of Adult Stories Your Mother Warned You About

by Natalie Nogasm

“That will be fine.”

  Hal said, “We’ll work out the press stuff and outrage, so no one knows we did it on purpose. It will be good publicity for our movie. I wasn’t expecting to be staring in it, but when Todd petered out, I knew we needed to change the plan.”

  “Good,” Steph said.

  Hal laughed and said, “Is Todd going to lose it when this goes public?”

  “It will be fine. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  Steph hung up.

  “Who was it?” Todd asked.

  Steph smiled and said, “An audition. We have good things coming up in our future.”

  Todd nodded, but kept his eyes forward as he drove.

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  TEMPTATION TALES

  Story 27

  Eva set the next dish aside. There was something rough crusted on it. She could feel it with her thumb through the slippery film of rinse water. She wasn’t sure if she had gotten all the soap off. Eva didn’t care much about leftover invisible soap or left over food stuffs. When she set the table next, she’d just be sure that Seth got that plate.

  She wore a tight black dress. She wore a thong and no bra so no lines showed through the material. She wore low heels, but black shoes that matched her dress. It was not dish washing clothes, she knew, but she wanted to feel special, so she tried to wear nice things even during ordinary chores.

  Eva was not new to washing dishes. She could do better and her father would not have tolerated soap or crust on his dishes, but Seth was a bit of a slob and even Eva’s half-hearted work was better than how he had taken care of himself before he paid her way over to the States.

  She had washed dishes ever since she was old enough to stand before sneaking away to America. Back in Freedonia in Eastern Europe, she had three sisters and seven brothers. Most of her brothers, even the younger ones, had gone off to fight in one civil war or another along one disputed border or another. Some of them came back. The ones that did, even the younger ones, married whatever daughter of whatever family they wanted. In Freedonia, eligible surviving men were scarce. They came back from the fighting mean and cold. She did not want to marry one of them even if they did choose her. So, she came to America to marry Seth and poorly wash his dishes.

  Seth was not mean or cold. He was a little gross and puffy around the middle. He needed to shower more instead of spraying on deodorant to cover up his stink. He had an odd combination of being fat and skinny at the same time. His belly was fat, but his arms and legs were skinny. His chest was all bone and very little muscle. He had no ass. Sex with him wasn’t exactly terrible, but she had better behind barns and over barrels with horny young men back in the home country.

  Seth liked sex with her. He usually came very fast. That was part of what made it tolerable. She had large, natural double D breasts. Her hair was a pinkish strawberry blend between red and blond. People thought it was from a bottle, but that was natural too. She had kept it up in a kerchief before coming to America, but then began wearing it down. She had an ass that men back in her home country thought was too big. Here in America though she noticed men turning in the streets and at the shopping malls to stare. Sometimes Seth asked her to shake it up and down for him. It seemed silly to her, but she was getting quite good at the twerking that Seth showed her in videos. If she twerked for him before they fucked, then he usually came even faster, so she usually put on the bouncy booty dance show for him while he stroked his tiny, hard cock.

  Seth gave her credit cards and let her roam freely during the day. Keeping her happy was a priority for him. He just didn’t know much about how to do so in the bedroom nor did he have the equipment to get the job done. Eva used her credit cards and allowance to buy dildos and vibrators to use in secret when Seth was distracted with his online business which was most of the day. She had them hidden around the house. As time went on, she was getting bigger and bigger models. She had a large, veiny black one. She had a purple one that was large enough to fight off a burglar.

  Eva leaned on the edge of the sink and tried to remember which one she had in the kitchen. She thought there was a clear, double-headed one stowed away behind the Tupperware. She used that one on her pussy and bent it around to tease her ass. The angle worked the G spot she had read about online.

  Seth had hinted that he wanted to take her in the ass. He sometimes rubbed his little cock between her cheeks and shot cum up her back. When he started bringing up sex with her ass, she pretended she didn’t understand what he was saying and he would back off the idea. She liked teasing her own ass, but she didn’t want Seth getting used to taking her that way. He was already obsessed with her plump ass as it was just like all American men. She did not want to feed that particular obsession. She kept her ass play secret from him then. She thought about sneaking a little play in the kitchen to deal with her horny feelings. Knowing that Seth was a couple rooms away at his computer made it seem that much dirtier.

  Seth called from the other side of the house. “Eva? Are you in the house?”

  She sighed and was tempted to sneak out the back door. She had a pack of cigarettes hidden on top of the rafters of the mud room attached to the back of the house. She could hide back on the blind spot on the back corner of the house and lot to smoke away some of her stress. Like the ass play, she did not do it often, but sometimes doing something dirty let out the negative energy. That and shopping usually did the trick.

  She gave the escape plan another moment of thought and then she called back. “I am. What do you need, Seth?”

  She was worried that her words came off too harsh. The only thing that was worse than him trying to hint at fucking her in the ass was him apologizing for offending her. Usually the times he really pissed her off by leaving clothes on the floor or leaving dishes under the bed to mold, he had no clue that he was making her miserable. When she had noticed nothing at all, he would patter on about how sorry he was and would keep asking her why she was mad. He would keep it up until she really was mad. Most of the time it was her accent. It turned him on, but it also sounded angry to him and other Americans even when she was just stating something plainly with no emotion at all. For all their bluster and tough talk, American men were very sensitive in private. They were annoyingly emotional.

  Seth came back with a voice that sounded occupied instead of sensitive. That she could live with. “Do you speak German?”

  Eva sighed. “Yes, I told you that I do. You know that. I speak German, Russian, Belarusian, and French. I also speak and read a little Italian, Ukrainian, Rusyn, and Polish.”

  “So you do speak German, right?”

  Eva growled and closed her eyes. She did not try to hide the harshness in her voice as she shouted. “Yes, I speak German, you trottel dummkopf.”

  “Great. Great. Can you come here, please, Eva. I need your help.”

  Again he was not reading when she was actually angry.

  She pulled off her rubber gloves and dropped them inside out on the counter beside the sink.

  “What do you need in German?” she asked as she walked through the dining room.

  The dining room table was stacked with file boxes. Papers spilled out from under the bent cardboard lids. Most were yellow and pink carbon paper from visa applications from countries all across Europe and Asia.

  “I’m working here, babe. Hurry up, please. I need to know what this says.”

  “I’m coming, Seth. Why don’t you use the Google translate like you did from before you knew me?”

  “It’s giving me a weird translation. I don’t think it’s right. Come on and help me. It will be quick.”

  Everything with him was quick, she thought.

  “I’m coming,” she said as she went down the short flight of steps into the den Seth used as an office.

  She thought of the den as the lair of some weird skinny and fat bear. It smelled even more musty than the rest of the house. There was a thick orange shag carpet that always caught in and
clogged the vacuum cleaner. She had given up on trying to get out all the stains and popcorn kernels he left ground down into the shag. The wood paneling was dark and gave the bear’s lair more of a cave like feel. There were old, water-stained posters of half naked women along the walls. Most of them were busty women in red bathing suits. Their boobs were not real and were from something called the Baywatch.

  Seth sat at the computer desk in the darkest corner of the room. His sallow, rat-like face looked sharper in the dull, green glow of the computer screen.

  “Babe?” He yelled again without turning around.

  “I’m right here, Seth.”

  “Right. Sorry.” He clicked his way back up through a screen of text and pointed at a block of lines on the screen. “This. What does this say?”

  Eva leaned out over his shoulder and squinted at the screen. Her lips moved as she read through and shook her head.

  Seth turned his head toward her and cupped her breast where it hung down and rested heavily on his shoulder. He pulled at and rubbed at her nipple until it poked hard through the material of her shirt. He licked his lips and took more encouragement from her reaction than she intended to give. She was getting turned on, but it was a shame that his little cock under his weirdly fat belly was her only option.

  She pulled her breast away from his grasp and moved to the side. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that he was crestfallen.

  “Not now,” she said. “I can’t concentrate on this, if you are teasing me. Do you want this translated or not.”

  He sighed and turned his attention back to the screen. “Okay. What does it say?”

  “It is not German,” she said. “Well, not all of it.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Eva waved her fingers over the text. “It is a mix of German and Russian. Some of it is misspelled and the grammar is bad. Words are out of order for both languages.”

  “Is it a bot?” he asked. “This girl keeps messaging me.”

  “Bot?”

  Seth waved a hand in a circle. “Is it a computer program putting together random text?”

  Eva thought, but then shook her head. “No. I think it is a person, but one that is not good with either language.”

  “What does it say?”

  She sighed and said, “It talks about bank accounts and transferring money for travel. It talks about trusting God and wanting to serve a higher purpose once she gets to America. That’s the best I can get out of it. Like I said, it is in two languages and badly written.”

  Seth scrolled up and deleted the message. “Super. I’m probably getting contacted by someone on the watch list.”

  Eva stood up straight and stared at his face in profile. “What is this watch list? What are you talking about?”

  “Nothing. Patriot Act stuff. It’s probably some hacker trying to scam me out of money, but it might be someone trying to sneak into America illegally.”

  Eva swallowed and narrowed her eyes. “Are you going to get in trouble? Are you going to get us in trouble?”

  He waved a hand at her dismissively as he clicked through pictures of women on his computer. About half of the pictures were completely or partially naked. She ignored them as she waited for his answer.

  Seth said, “Don’t be silly. I’ve been doing this for years. I got you to America, didn’t I?”

  She looked at a woman on his screen bent over and spreading her bare ass for the camera. Seth bit his lip as he stared at the image.

  Eva said, “That is true, but a lot of bad stuff has happened since then. Are you worried the police are getting mad about all the women you are bringing into the country?”

  Seth sat back in his chair. The back gave a creak from the strain of his weight. He stared at her a moment and blinked several times. Moisture glazed the surface of his eyes. He could have been angry, but Eva knew him well enough to know that he was more likely to cry. American men had their buttons and the ones Eva had met that ordered their brides from Seth’s service had a lot of buttons that made them cry. She prepared herself for whatever storm of emotion might be coming.

  Seth’s voice shook a little, but he held it together for the moment. “You don’t think I know what I am doing? Do you think I am too stupid to fill out the paperwork properly?”

  Eva sighed and shook her head. “I’m not saying that. There are bad people out there that can take pretty pictures online and fill out the paperwork to come to America. Bad people will use you to come here and do bad things. That is all I am saying. I don’t want you to get into trouble. I don’t want to lose you.”

  He softened and smiled, but still looked like he was about to cry. American men sometimes cried when women said nice things to them too. Eva thought not for the first time that Seth would not do well at all in a civil war.

  As she focused on his eyes moving up and down her body, she realized he was going to want to have sex that night. She began to brace herself for that possibility mentally. If he looked at enough bridal candidates online and she twerked nicely for him, it could probably be over quickly and he would fall fast asleep. She would be able to take care of herself with the purple monster she had hidden in the bathroom.

  He said, “I appreciate that. They have to pass immigration screenings. I might fudge the numbers and details a little, but if they have any sort of history. They’ll get flagged and stopped. No problem.”

  Eva nodded. “If you say so, then I believe so.”

  Seth leaned back from his computer and another Eastern European trying to look sexy in a red teddy. Eva saw Seth was wearing a dirty concert shirt for some metal band she did not recognize and baggy sweatpants. She could see the tiny shape of his hard cock. She fought the urge to grit her teeth. He would notice as he tilted his head toward her.

  He held out one hand with orange cheese puff dust under his nails. “Come here, baby. Sit on my lap a second.”

  She forced a smile. “I thought you had work to do. I have dishes.”

  “Both can wait. Come here.”

  She hesitated just a moment, but then moved toward him. She turned and lowered her ass in her tight dress down onto his lap like she was easing into a cold bath. She felt his little prick poking her ass cheek as she settled her weight. She wiggled her hips to try to get comfortable. He gave a breathy moan and she thought she had made a mistake. She was going to end up having daytime sex in his stinky bear cave den office with pop corn kernels under her bare feet. She decided once he stripped her naked, she’d leave her shoes on. Sometimes that turned him on enough to speed the process along.

  His hand found her breast and he started working the nipple through the material. He said, “I’m so glad I found you, Eva.”

  She smiled without having to force it. “I’m glad … to be here too, Seth. You changed my life.”

  All of it was true, she realized.

  “How about a little celebration before we get back to immigration documents and dishwashing?”

  Eva sighed. “I feel sexier at night. Maybe we wait until then.”

  His hand slid inside her dress and tugged at her nipple. He slid his fingers across to her other breast inside her dress and Eva shivered. Again, he was encouraged and started twisting her other nipple like he was tuning an old radio. She liked to be pulled and played with rough from time to time, but it helped if she was already turned on.

  “You are sexy all the time,” he said.

  She licked her lips. His kindness and unbridled attraction to her was nice. It made her feel somewhat like a goddess being worshipped by a lowly worshipper. He was a slob, but he was mostly a humble slob that was in awe of her beauty. She enjoyed that. He had his little honeys on the computer that would do almost anything for him to get to America and get their own worshippers too. As far as she knew, he had not taken any of them up on their offers of blow jobs or dirty, daytime sex since he had married Eva. If he did, maybe he would leave her alone more. Maybe. She might be free to find someone more manly on the si
de too.

  Eva swallowed and said, “I would rather do it tonight. I will make it special tonight. I promise.”

  Seth paused. His expression changed a little. It went more flat. He was disappointed. He drew his hand out of her dress, but moved his other hand to rest on the curve of her ass through the tight dress. He was just as stiff as he was before – maybe more.

  Seth smiled again. “Listen, speaking of making it special, I have an idea of something new I’d like to try tonight while you are feeling more sexy.”

  Eva felt cold inside. This was it. He was going to put her on the spot for ass sex.

  The doorbell rang and someone followed immediately with a deep, heavy knock. It almost shook the frame of the house. Eva pictured the person using the heel of his hand in a closed fist for that knock. It was the way soldiers knocked before kicking the door down. For a brief moment, Eva was transported back to the old country where doors were kicked open often.