The Man Cave Collection: Manservant, Man Flu, Man Handler, and Man Buns

by Ryan, Shari J.

  “Why’s that?” The question sort of flies from my mouth faster than I intended, but curiosity is eating away at me.

  “She cheated. It happens.”

  “And now you’re looking for Miss Right?”

  “Can I start you two off with something to drink?” A young waitress with a tan I’m jealous of, asks us.

  “I—” haven’t even looked at the menu. “A glass of your house white would be great.”

  “And for you, sir?”

  “Sam Addams, please.”

  “Great, I’ll be back in a minute for your order,” she says, tapping her pen down on her pad. The entire wait staff here looks below the age of seventeen. This would have been the best high school summer job. Instead, I was babysitting and collecting eggs at the chicken farm down the street to bring in some extra income to help save up for college. Not as much fun.

  “I’m not looking for ‘Miss Right,’ just taking life one day at a time, you know?” That’s kind of what I said last night, but he seemed to have a different thought on the matter when we were kissing. I’m not sure I’ve ever had such a hard time reading someone.

  “Yeah, I understand that.”

  “I know Liam has his claws in you.” Wow, okay. While I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth, I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised to hear it after the awkwardness this morning.

  “I don’t think I’d say that.” I take a moment to breathe through this conversation and glance back down at the menu, remembering we’re here for pizza.

  “What do you like on your pizza?” Sterling asks. I can’t help but laugh at the question because of the expression people make when I recite my great pizza topping. “And you’re laughing, so this ought to be good. Don’t forget I’m a Canadian, eh. Pizza isn’t our staple, so go easy on me.”

  Before I have a chance to answer his question, my phone buzzes on the table. I snatch it up quickly, scared it might be Jade sending something inappropriate that I wouldn’t want Sterling to see, but when I look at the display, I don’t recognize the number, and it’s a text.

  I open up the text and read:

  * * *

  Unknown Number: Have you seen any double A batteries lying around?”

  * * *

  Me: Huh? Who is this?

  * * *

  “Sorry, I think someone’s texting the wrong number,” I tell Sterling.

  * * *

  “No prob,” he says, looking back down at the menu.

  * * *

  Unknown Number: Oh, you know what, never mind, I forgot, I found some earlier. I had to take them out of something, though, so they’re probably half dead. Do you think you could grab a pack on your way home?

  * * *

  Me: Goodbye, Liam.

  * * *

  Liam: Okay, I’ll just buzz you later, I guess.

  * * *

  Unbelievable. I drop my phone into my lap, more nervous now for it to light up with a message I don’t want Sterling to see. This guy doesn’t stop even for a second.

  I redirect my focus on Sterling who’s casually looking around, waiting for me to quit being rude.

  “So, you’ve kept me hanging with this weird topping of yours. What’s it going to be?”

  “We can just go with mushrooms and onions. How’s that?”

  “No, no, I need to know what you had in mind.”

  “Just one topping,” I tell him.

  “What is it, chocolate?” He laughs.

  “Ew, no.”

  “Well, what is it?” He seems intrigued, so I’ll bite.

  “Over-easy eggs.”

  Sterling drops his menu down to the table. “Nope, can’t do it. That’s gross, guppy.”

  “Have you tried it?” I press.

  “Obviously not.”

  “Maybe you should. You might be surprised.”

  “Eh, I don’t know. Maybe on our third date, okay?” He looks grossed out, but he should know he didn’t pass one of my date tests. However, I do realize that I have spent more time setting up date tests and point systems than I’ve spent in an actual relationship this past year. All I had were a bunch of failed dates and low-graded guys to scratch off my list.

  “I’m kidding. Cheese is fine,” I say dryly.

  “Thank God, I was starting to worry about you there for a minute.” Over-easy egg on pizza is amazing but it isn’t for everyone, especially not for someone who isn’t willing to step outside their comfort zone or try something new for the sake of trying something new. That could potentially lead to a boring married life.

  The waitress returns with our drinks and Sterling orders a cheese pizza for us to split. “I couldn’t help but notice you were having a rough time at the beach earlier. Are you sure everything’s okay?”

  “Oh yeah, it’s fine.” I’m drained from it and can’t think about repeating the story again tonight.

  “Good. So, how did you and Jade meet?” He presses his elbows into the table and rests his chin on his folded hands. “You know what? No, this small talk stuff kind of sucks. I’m sorry.”

  I take a sip of my wine, finding my thoughts floating back to Liam in the lull as boredom grows between Sterling and me, whether he realizes it or not. It was Liam’s plan and it worked. “People learn about each other over time, I guess.”

  “Yeah, I think you’re right. Personally, I’d rather know the you who is sitting in front me at this moment—what you’re thinking right this second,” he says.

  “I’m starved,” I say with sort-of-fake laughter. “I guess that makes my mind a bit shallow.”

  “Guppies like shallow water, so it’s okay.”

  “Ha-ha, so funny.”

  The pizza comes out quickly and eating fills the blank spaces in our “in the now” conversation, though it doesn’t stop my vibrating phone from distracting me.

  I peer down while finishing the last of my pizza, and I find a picture message from the Unknown Caller known as Liam.

  It’s a picture of Shermanator with a—I tilt my head to the side to get a better look—condom hat and a drawn face. It’s tucked into bed, resting on my pillow.

  My teeth grind against each other with fury, knowing he’s crossed the line once again, and I’m not sure how much of this back and forth bullshit I can take before I lose my mind.

  * * *

  Me: That marker better not be permanent.

  Sterling handles the bill with our waitress while I wait for a response from Liam, but I don’t even get a “read” receipt of my text message. Damn him.

  “Are you all set?” Sterling asks me.

  “Oh, yeah, the pizza was pretty great, huh?” I ask, trying to push Liam to the back of my head.

  “Yeah, it was good,” he says while looking down toward the sidewalk as we head toward our cars.

  We end up at my car first, and I stop in front of it, fidgeting with my keys. “Well, thank you for dinner. Next time it’s my treat, though. I had fun.” I think I may be lying.

  “I like the sound of next time, so I’ll take that, and it was my pleasure. So, what are you up to now?”

  I look down at my watch, just for effect. “I think I need to get some rest tonight after how long today was. It was a long day for sure.”

  “Cool, cool,” he says with a sense of discomfort. I think I totally let him down.

  I press up on my toes and wrap my arms around Sterling’s neck, giving him a hug, or what might feel like a slap against the face to him.

  I already know Sterling isn’t the type to give up, though, so as he leans in for a repeat of last night, but I turn my face to the side without much thought. “I hope you have good waves tomorrow,” I tell him.

  He laughs, probably because that’s not what someone wishes for a surfer, or not in the way I said it, at least. “Thank you, and I hope you don’t get hit by any of them tomorrow.”

  He takes a few steps away from me as I head toward the edge of the curb. “Oh, wait, can I see your phone for a sec?” I
ask.

  He reaches into his pocket for his phone and glances at the screen before clicking a few buttons. “What for?” he asks, retracing his steps toward me and handing it over.

  “I was going to put my number in it, you know, that’s what friends do.”

  “Despite being friend-zoned, I’d love your number.” Ignoring his comment, I add my number to his phone, and he calls mine, so I have his number too.

  “Friend-zoned?” I question. “It’s called dating. Things take time.” Not with Liam, they don’t. I place my hand on his rock-hard chest and smile up at him. “I want to enjoy the summer. That’s what I’m doing right now, and you’re helping with that, so thank you.”

  He releases a quiet groan. “And you’re driving me crazy, which I can’t say is making this summer super amazing, but I’ll endure the chase because you might be worth it.” I might not be. I have a bad track record of choosing guys or letting them choose me, for that matter.

  “Maybe, maybe not,” I offer as I wave goodbye. “See you tomorrow.” Tomorrow, when I have to start digging to China with the hope of removing myself from the middle of a very uncomfortable trio I’ve apparently joined.

  He watches as I make my way over to my car, and I feel bad for icing him tonight, but I think the kissing games should stop until I figure out what the hell is going through my head. Kissing games. Ugh. Liam. If kissing him was a game, I’d lose every time. Every freaking time, which is not what I should be thinking as I wave off my date.

  It’s early, like embarrassingly early to prance back into the house, especially seeing as Samantha, Daniel, and Dylan probably haven’t even returned from their dinner yet. I push the gear into park, quietly slip out of the car, and press the door shut with my butt so it doesn’t slam. The last thing I need is Liam thinking his little games got to me and cock-blocked my date, which is pretty much what he was trying to do. Though, if he had just behaved today, I probably wouldn’t have gone out with Sterling at all tonight, which makes all this a little more screwed up than it already was.

  I take off my shoes and head down the path that leads to the beach. There are no lights down here, but the stars are so bright, I have no trouble seeing my way to the rocks.

  As I dip my toes into the cool sand, I find the tide to be out farther than I’ve seen so far. The ocean seems so far away, but I can hear the waves crashing as if they were only a few feet from where I’m standing.

  I drop down onto a flat rock and pull my knees into my chest, feeling my flowy sundress sweep across the tops of my feet.

  How I’ve gone twenty-two years without ever seeing a sight like this is sad. Even in the dark, the inky ocean liquefying into the endless night sky is by far the most peaceful scape I’ve ever seen.

  Just as I feel like I’ve made a dent in clearing my mind from this day, something horrifying appears in the distance. It’s walking toward me from the water, and it’s glowing orange and blue. Um. I look in every direction, thinking this is a joke, but no one else is around. I need to get the hell out of here.

  Panicking, I jump up from the rock and run as fast as I can through the soft sand, which makes running crazy hard. It’s like quick sand, but I’m scared to look over my shoulder in fear of whatever that thing was has made its way closer to me, but I can feel a presence coming up behind me too.

  I’m so close to the path, and for some stupid reason, I assume the thing won’t leave the beach. That’s how it works, right? I hope.

  Nope. It has my arm.

  Terrified, I shriek at the top of my lungs, and a gloved hand cups over my mouth. I hope whatever the hell this is doesn’t care about me peeing in my pants because that’s about to happen.

  The thing flips me around, and I don’t feel any better about what’s going on. The orange and blue glowing lights are blinding, and I’m nearly hyperventilating. “Please let me go,” I cry out, feeling small drops of pee dribble out. I didn’t think someone could literally scare the piss out of a person, but now, unfortunately, I know the truth about that. I’m about to be murdered on this beach, and the last thing I’ve done on earth is pee myself.

  Thrashing about, trying to get away, I scream again, begging for mercy, and the thing tears its masked face off, revealing another face.

  Liam’s face.

  “What the fuck!” I shriek and slap his chest over and over, which I don’t think he felt, and then I hug him because I’m so grateful he isn’t a sea monster or murderer coming to kill me.

  “Did I scare you?” he laughs while catching his breath.

  “Do you have any clue what you look like right now?” Now that I can see a little clearer, I can tell he’s wearing a wetsuit, and his white board is about twenty feet behind him under the reflection of the moon.

  “A surfer?” he asks with a wet brow raised.

  “It’s night. Aren’t there sharks and stuff?”

  Liam checks his limbs over to be funny or cocky, whatever he’d like to refer to it as and smiles down at me. “Nope, no sharks tonight.”

  “Do you always surf at night? Plus, didn’t you just text me like forty minutes ago?”

  “I surf when I’m not getting laid by some hot beach chick, but the water was scummy tonight, so I’ve only been out here for a few minutes.”

  Mmm. “Yeah, not so shocked to hear that you’re the guy you accused Sterling of being.”

  “Why’s that?” He crosses his dark arms behind his head, waiting for my response.

  “Well, you seem kind of easy,” I tell him.

  “Easy,” he repeats through a gravelly groan. “I think you have me wrong.”

  “I think I have you right,” I argue.

  His eyes lock on mine, and the fluttering in my heart swoops down, down, down between my legs, making everything hurt inside.

  “How was your date?” While his pinned glare hasn’t moved from my eyes, the mood has most definitely changed.

  “My date? It was cock-blocked.” Saying this is basically telling him he won.

  “I wasn’t even there. How’s that possible?” The glow of his teeth shimmers under the moon’s glow, making his crooked grin look even more sinister than I’ve seen it before.

  “Liam, your games have me worked up, but there’s a problem here.”

  “And what’s that?” he asks, shifting his weight from one bare foot to the other.

  “I’ve promised myself not to get involved with a man like you again.” I exhale loudly, frustrated with the truth.

  “A man like me?” he questions.

  “Hot men, you’re all just too into yourselves.” It sounds very discriminatory when I say it out loud. Maybe I should have kept my reason to myself.

  “Well, thank you for that honesty, but obviously, you’re going to have to give me a little more explanation for this interesting vow you’ve made. Are you saying I’m too into myself?”

  I wrap my arms around myself, feeling a bit more insecure than I did a moment ago. “Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that most good-looking men aren’t into themselves more than the women they’re with?” Regardless of how uncomfortable this conversation is, I tell myself, whatever information I get from him will be great research for that book someday.

  Liam takes a step closer, his gaze still hooked on mine. “First, I don’t date hot men, so I can’t answer your question. Second, I’m not some self-centered jerk. I like to play games with the people I like, and I protect the things that I love by fighting for them.”

  Fight for them. Protect them?

  Dylan.

  This has always been about Dylan, and I thought he was using him as an excuse to be rude to me.

  “So, then, what? You like me, but you think I’m going to hurt something you love?”

  “You’re smarter than I’ve given you credit for,” he tells me as he takes another step closer. He reaches into a small pocket on his chest and the blinding lights covering his body go dark, taking some relief off my eyes. “Plus, I’ve written off
women who live by self-absorbed rules and who have an issue with beautiful things in life.”

  “See,” I tell him, slapping my hands down against my legs. “You just called yourself beautiful.”

  “No, I didn’t,” he argues.

  “What beautiful things am I discriminating against then?” I ask, sounding as heated as I feel.

  “You are clearly against the essence of living second by second and taking every moment as a surprise rather than an assumption. You judge books by their covers. You read people without taking a deeper look, and you’re missing out on life because you’re avoiding what scares you.”

  Hearing everything he’s saying is giving me a closer look into what makes him who he is, and the only conclusion I can come up with is that— “You have a secret.” I don’t think I need to ask. I’m sure he has a reason for being the way he is because “It’s the only reason you’d act as moody as you do.”

  “A secret,” he repeats, not as a question, but not as an answer.

  “Yes.”

  “Maybe I do,” he kind of agrees.

  “What is it?” Like he’d just tell me because I asked. Can’t blame a girl for trying, but now that I know he’s hiding something, it will eat me up inside until I find out what I’ll probably never know.

  He respires with defeat and slouches his shoulders forward, bowing his head with what appears to be shame. “I—ugh, this is hard. I’ve never told anyone this before.”

  Oh my God, he’s actually going to tell me? I place my hand on his pec and tilt my head to look up at his face. “It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.”

  “I can’t,” he argues against whatever thoughts are clearly fighting through his head. “It’s too hard to admit.”

  “We all have secrets, Liam. You know mine from earlier today.” That wasn’t really a secret, more like a lie, but I’m trying to ease his discomfort in any way I can.