It Was Always You

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It Was Always You Page 13

by Natalie R Allen


  “Mmm, I’m hungrier than I thought,” I said through a mouthful.

  Caleb nodded, watching the sun crest the mountain. The light stretched across the valley to us. I closed my eyes and soaked up the warmth for a time, thinking of how content I was in that very moment. Caleb was observing me when I broke free from my moment in the sun. I narrowed my eyes at him. “What?” I asked carefully.

  He shook his head slowly. “You’re beautiful, Amy. I mean you were before but…” His smile was all appreciation.

  “You better be careful with your flattery or I might think you actually mean it.”

  “I do,” he said matter-of-factly.

  A flush of pleasure trailed down my neck. He was near to driving me crazy with his flirting and smiles. I had to make light of the situation before I got too caught up in it. “So, you missed my face, did you?” I teased.

  “Not just your pretty face. I missed all of you.” Caleb kept his eyes on me as he took a drink of his orange juice.

  My heart skipped, but I didn’t want to read too much into what he was saying. “I missed you too, Caleb,” I said thoughtfully. “Thank you for coming with me this morning.” I looked away from him and continued to eat.

  Did he really miss me or was he teasing and flirting with me like usual? I was fine if we kept things light and friendly, but anything deeper and the pull to him would be irreversible. My self-restraint was wearing thin with each minute I spent with him. I was second guessing my decision to come, when he interrupted my thoughts.

  “You look pretty serious. Are you okay?” Caleb nudged my shoulder and I tried to smile.

  “Just lost in my own world,” I said, and finished the rest of my juice.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  I glanced at him and chewed my lip, wondering what to tell him. I wasn’t about to reveal anything I’d been thinking. Caleb must have seen my reluctance because he took my hand and squeezed it. “What is it, Amy? You can talk to me. I won’t tell anyone.”

  Of course he wouldn’t. He had changed in some ways, but he was still the sweet, trustworthy man I knew him to be. Years of separation hadn’t changed that. “I know you won’t. I don’t know if I should say what I’m thinking out loud.” My heart dashed when his expression turned serious, his eyes alert and intense. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again and looked away, letting go of my hand. An awkward silence fell between us and I wished I wouldn't have said what I did.

  “Are you ready?” Caleb asked as he started cleaning up.

  I stood, bringing the blanket with me. We walked to the jeep and I put our picnic things away as Caleb dealt with the ziplining harnesses.

  I eyed him with my arms folded. “Are you sure you know what you are doing with those?”

  Caleb raised a brow and smiled. “Yes, I wouldn't offer to do this if I wasn't sure how to use them.”

  I nodded, appreciating how his smile broke the awkwardness.

  We walked in silence to the zipline platform and I waited while Caleb checked everything. I took the moment to appreciate the sight of him. Even in his pajama pants and a long sleeve t-shirt, he looked good. His light hair was tousled from our night in the hammock and the stubble on his face was a bit longer than I had seen it before. The look suited him.

  “Hello…” Caleb’s voice caught my attention.

  “What?” I blinked a few times.

  He chuckled and strode over to me, my heart dancing with him this near. “I said, are you ready, or do you need a minute?”

  “You said all that?” I asked doubtfully.

  Caleb nodded, his eyes alight with quiet mirth.

  “Sorry,” I muttered. “Yes, I’m ready.” I stepped toward him as he reached for a harness.

  “Do you want me to help with your harness again?” he asked, holding it up.

  “Yes,” I answered a little too quickly.

  Caleb bit back a smile as he stepped in front of me and kneeled down, holding out the harness for me to step through. I knew I could manage this part on my own, but I wanted him close to me. I liked the way my skin burned when his touch grazed mine. My nerves tingling with his close proximity wasn’t unpleasant either.

  I put my hands on his shoulders and placed my feet through the straps. He slid the harness over my leggings at my ankles, then over my knees and up my thighs until it was in place. My breath had caught long ago and I didn’t breathe until he let go. But then he stood and walked behind me, checking the straps. “Is this too tight?” he said near my ear as he tugged.

  “No.” My voice was inaudible and I cleared my throat. “No.”

  “Okay, I think I’ve about got it here.” His breathing was so near my ear that I shivered, and Caleb noticed. “Are you cold?” he asked.

  I shook my head, not trusting my unsteady voice. My shoulders and neck were nearly stiff as I held perfectly still.

  “Is it pinching you anywhere?” he asked.

  I nodded, reaching down to my left leg and touching the strap. “It is a little, right here.” Caleb reached around me, and I swiped at the opportunity to touch him as I guided his hand to my leg. He paused, waiting for me to release him but I didn’t. His hand was warm and strong in mine. So, I kept my hand in place as he adjusted the strap that was pinching.

  Caleb’s mouth was so close when he spoke, his breath touched my skin. “How does this feel?” He pressed the strap. I nearly sighed. Whether he knew it or not, he was driving me crazy.

  I slipped my fingers through his. “Good,” I breathed.

  As if I wasn’t on the verge of imploding from his touch, Caleb’s nose skimmed my ear and down my cheek. He let out a breath before he suddenly stepped away. I was breathing much too heavily as I watched him walk to the pole on the platform, his hands on his hips. I waited a minute to get my head straight before I approached him again. “Is everything ready?” I asked, trying to act normal.

  Caleb nodded. He took an audible breath and faced me. “Now when you get to the bottom at the other platform, you’re on your own for getting yourself unhooked.”

  “Okay.” I nodded.

  “Don’t wait too long to unhook or I’ll crash into you,” Caleb chuckled.

  I grinned and nodded again. “Got it.”

  He pulled me forward and once my harness was hooked, he said, “Are you ready?”

  I tried not to look down. I was much higher than I expected. “I’m nervous now that I’m up here,” I laughed, eyeing the water below.

  “You’ll be alright. Ready?”

  I squealed as I adjusted my grip on the harness and nodded.

  Caleb gave me a small push and I was off. I laughed as I soared over the lake and in a moment of bravery, spread my arms out wide. The cool morning air was so refreshing and I welcomed it, feeling as though I was an early morning bird.

  My ride started to slow down and I readied my feet, gripping the harness once more. I stopped a few feet away from the platform. “What?” I muttered, looking up. I didn't see anything that would’ve stopped me. I bounced to try and get myself moving forward but nothing happened. I started to panic when I saw Caleb flying at me. “I’m stuck!” I yelled, waving my arms. He must have seen me because he reached up and not fifteen feet from me, dropped into the water below. I gasped as I watched him fall but after only two seconds, I decided to follow.

  The cold water was like a stinging slap, but it was invigorating. I circled around looking for Caleb. As I was about to call out for him, his arms snaked around me from behind. I gasped and tried to turn but he kept me facing away from him.

  “Hey, girl,” he rumbled against my ear.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened with the zipline; it just stopped!” I tried to turn once more. He let me this time and pulled me close again. My every nerve was vibrating as I was hyper-aware of how close we were.

  Caleb was smiling. “It’s alright. This is a much better landing anyway.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed quietly. I dropped my gaze from his e
yes to his dimple and back. He was watching me closely with a look I knew too well. I had seen that desire in my dreams, and I wouldn’t let it pass by. “Caleb…” I whispered. I was going to ask him. I wanted his kiss and I didn't know if I would ever get the chance after this.

  His smile grew, eyes filling with anticipation. I was sure he knew what was coming. “Yeah?” he answered.

  My heart was pounding. Before I asked him, I was momentarily distracted and warned him with my eyes. “Hold still.” I pulled myself closer to him, wrapping my arms fully around his neck, and slowly placed my lips on his disappearing dimple. I lingered there and pulled away. Another smile spread across his face and I grinned. “There it is,” I whispered.

  “What?” Caleb said carefully. His eyes were curious.

  “That dimple.” I shook my head. “It’s always around distracting me.” I leaned in again and kissed it before it could vanish.

  “You like my dimple? Is that what you were after?” Caleb chuckled. “You are about an inch off.”

  I smiled against his cheek and leaned back.

  “Kissing my dimple,” he said, shaking his head.

  I was reeling inside. For all the times I’d imagined capturing that little indentation, I never imagined this sort of thrill from it. I swallowed. “You have no idea how many times I have wanted to do that.”

  The smoldering look in his eyes was enough of a foretelling. I knew what he was about to say and I would ask him this time. If he didn’t kiss me, I would likely combust for want of him. He opened his mouth to speak but a whistle cut through the morning air.

  We looked toward the platform, not far behind us, and saw Holly waving us over. “I wanted to let you know that your mom was asking for you. I told her you went out for a morning walk.”

  I nodded as my feet touched bottom. “Hey, I got stuck on the zipline right there and had to drop. You might want to have someone look at it.”

  Surprise and concern touched her eyes as she looked up. “I’ll have someone check it out. I apologize.” She focused on us once more before reaching behind her. “Here are a couple of towels. You can come in the side door if you want. Take a left and up the stairs will put you out between your rooms.”

  “Thank you, Holly,” Caleb and I said at the same time. She smiled and left us.

  My heart was sulking as I looked at Caleb. “I guess we have to go,” I said in a small voice.

  His smile was solemn at best, and he reached for me one more time. I couldn’t help myself; I buried my face in his cool, dampened neck. It felt so right when I was with Caleb. I felt good, whole. Could he be feeling this way too? I wasn’t sure, but I clung to him a little tighter. We remained close for a minute until he patted my arm. I let out a breath and kissed his neck, before reluctantly pulling away with my heart screaming in protest.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and I’ll follow in a few minutes,” Caleb said, wiping his face.

  I nodded and waded my way through the shallow water. When I was fully out, I braced against the frigid morning air, grateful for Holly’s generosity with the big dry towels. I dried off on the platform and wrapped myself up. I looked over at Caleb once more and smiled at him watching me from the water. He winked and I waved before hurrying through the trees to the side door Holly spoke of. I made my way to my room without running into anyone and shut the door behind me.

  The music I played for my shower was a distraction. I wasn’t ready to process everything that had happened since I left my room the night before and I wasn't sure that I wanted to. The hot shower warmed me up, but it still didn't compare to my cold plunge in the lake this morning with Caleb’s arms around me.

  I was wrapped in a towel and there was a knock at the door. I knew my mom was looking for me, so I opened it without bothering to ask who was there. I started at Caleb standing there in clean, dry clothes. His grin was broad when he fully took me in. “Uh...sorry.” Not sorry. “I thought you were my mom,” I explained, adjusting my towel.

  His tongue rolled between his smiling lips, and he scratched at his chin. “I was making sure you made it back here.”

  I nodded. “I didn’t run into anyone, did you?”

  Caleb sighed. “Yeah. Byron and Olivia saw me coming back in. I’m sorry.”

  My stomach twinged. “Did they say anything to you?” I asked nervously.

  “No. They started toward me but I waved and went to my room.”

  That didn’t seem like anything to worry over. I was glad he didn’t engage with them. “Okay. I’m going to get dressed and find—”

  “Amy!”

  I cringed. “—my Mom.”

  The door opened wide and my mom’s eyes were bugging out from where she stood next to Caleb.

  “Mom!” I pulled the door back to where I had it.

  “What are you doing?” Mom whispered, as though Caleb couldn’t hear every word. She scowled at him. He was still looking at me, grinning from ear to ear. Mom tsked and reached up, covering Caleb’s eyes with her hand. Caleb chuckled but made no move to leave.

  “Stop!” I mouthed silently at Mom.

  She gave me a stern look. “No, I will not stop, Amy.”

  Caleb chuckled again and folded his arms.

  “Get dressed and meet me downstairs; I need your help.” She lifted her hand enough for Caleb to see only her. “I need you too, Caleb, if you are done here.”

  “Yes ma’am. Whenever you’re ready.”

  “I was going to find Katie first. I haven’t seen her today,” I said.

  Mom shook her head. “Donna took her to breakfast and the spa. You’ll have to see her later. I’ll see you downstairs.” She waited for Caleb, but he gestured for her to go.

  “Ladies first,” he murmured with a charming smile.

  “Oh. Well, thank you.” Mom was flattered as she walked past.

  “Sorry,” I mouthed at Caleb. He gave me the once over and winked, which provoked a sly smile from me. I raised my eyebrows at him and shut the door.

  I dressed quickly and threw some makeup on, then blew my hair dry with the intention of styling it later for the wedding. What I was feeling was unfamiliar to me. It was joy, and bliss, and excitement all binding itself around my heart. I wasn’t indifferent as to why. Caleb was arousing emotions in me I wasn’t sure existed anymore. I left my room with a flutter in my stomach and knew it was because Caleb would be downstairs when I got there. Even in the beginning with Byron, I never felt like this. He was sweet and could make me smile, but never this. I practically skipped down the hall to the stairs, and when I turned the corner in the lobby, I bumped into someone. “I’m so sorry.” I looked up and Byron was smiling at me.

  “I was just coming to find you,” he said and leaned in for a kiss. I was taken off guard running into him, and I backed up a step.

  Byron raised his eyebrows, amusement pulling at his lips. “Are you okay?”

  It seemed like forever since he left me at my door last night. So much had happened. It took effort to put a smile on my face and nod. “Yes. Sorry, I’m in a hurry. I know my mom is waiting for me.” I stepped around him, but he took my hand and walked with me.

  “Good. I'm headed that way too. How was your night?” Byron asked, as we passed Holly near the front desk. Holly’s lips turned up and she raised a teasing eyebrow at me when she heard Byron’s question.

  I grimaced at her. “Great,” I answered, really meaning it. One of the best nights I’ve ever had. Too bad I can’t feel this way about the man I’m supposed to.

  He rubbed circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. “I’m glad you were able to get more sleep.”

  I nodded, trying to behave normally, and pushed the guilt down clawing its way up.

  CHAPTER 16

  We strolled outside to the vast green lawn at the side of the lodge. There was already a huge floor set up in a black and white checkered pattern. I spotted Caleb fifty feet away; he was helping my dad and brothers with the big white tent the reception would be h
eld under. We walked closer but I stopped when Caleb noticed me. My insides were turning out. Caleb’s gaze shifted to Byron and his eyes tightened. I wished I knew what that look meant.

  “Hey, Byron, could you give us a hand?” Caleb called.

  I was anxious for them to be with each other. What if Caleb slipped up about last night? What if he said something on purpose? Was that what I wanted? If he said something, wouldn’t that be an easy out? Easy out of what? I chose Byron. There wasn’t even a choice, I reminded myself.

  I glanced warily at Caleb as Byron kissed my cheek and left to help. Caleb kept a straight face, but I wondered what he was really thinking. Maybe he didn't care. I remembered my thoughts from last night, about being involved in something I wasn’t a part of. Is that what was happening here? Was I putting myself in the same position with Caleb I did years ago? I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. I was overthinking things and now wasn’t the time or place, not when there was still a lot to be done. The wedding would be at 6:00 this evening, with the reception to follow right after. Time to put my problems aside until later.

  The next couple of hours flew by, and to my surprise—and my mother’s—everything was pretty much ready.

  “There’s lunch out on the deck whenever you are ready, Mrs. Hammond,” Holly said to my mom, as we entered the lobby.

  “Oh, that sounds great. Thank you, Holly.” My mom smiled and headed for the stairs. “I’m going to wash up.”

  “I think I will too.” I followed my mom to the stairs.

  Holly cleared her throat, and I gave her a questioning look. She just smiled politely but I could tell by her eyes she wanted a word.

  I backtracked. “Actually, I’ll use the lobby bathroom and head out there.” I retraced my steps and walked slowly toward the lobby bathroom. When my mom was out of sight, I waved Holly over. “What is it?” I said.

  Her head drew back a bit. “Like I have to ask?”

  I was confused. “What?”

 

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