Daddy's Virgin Nanny

by Tia Wylder

  “All I’ve done lately is screwed up. This entire situation is my fault. I shouldn’t have let her leave,” he muttered, rubbing the tears away from his eyes.

  “You can’t blame yourself for this, Daniel. I’ve… finally come to terms with the fact that our marriage dissolving wasn’t entirely your fault. As I said, I’ve not been the best mother since then. I was thinking…,” she paused, glancing away. Daniel waited patiently for her to continue, idly listening as Amanda whispered to the unconscious woman. “We should settle this custody battle out of the courtroom. To take it that far is ridiculous. We should be able to remain friends, at the very least. I realize I don’t have the same ability to take care of Amanda as you do,” she confessed, tears pricking at her own eyes.

  “Melody, I would never make it so you could never see our daughter again. I just… I just want to be able to see that she is taken care of,” Daniel maintained a steady eye contact, drawing his ex-wife into his arms. She stiffened in his grip, but slowly relaxed, resting her face against his shoulder.

  “See, Miss Tiffany. You’ve made things so much better in the time you’ve been a part of my life…,” Amanda whispered softly, rubbing her own teary eyes. Daniel drew away from Melody, who seemed somewhat relieved by the broken contact. She remained near the door of the room as Daniel crossed the distance to the bedside chair. He gathered their young daughter in his arms, holding her in a gentle hug.

  “Tiffany will get through this, buttercup. She’s strong. Stronger than myself, even,” he murmured. She hesitated, looking uncertain as to whether she believed her father.

  “Your father is right. Tell Miss Tiffany goodbye. We’ll come back to visit… soon,” Melody winced, pain lacing her voice. Daniel could only wonder if she intended for their goodbyes to be the final ones exchanged with the comatose woman. Amanda leaned in to press a kiss to Tiffany’s pudgy cheek, smiling tearfully as she drew away.

  “I love you, Miss Tiffany,” she murmured. “I’ll be back to see you real soon, and you better be awake next time,” the young girl continued, trying to sound cheerful. Melody forced a laugh, stepping towards the bed and hesitating before resting her hand atop Tiffany’s limp one.

  “Until next time, Tiffany,” Melody softly staring down at Tiffany with an air of finality that did not go unnoticed by Daniel. His chest tightened in pain, and he struggled to maintain an air of composure as his daughter embraced him. Melody joined the embrace, pressing a gentle kiss to Daniel’s cheek before drawing away. She took Amanda by the arm, guiding her out of the hospital room. Daniel watched them go with a sense of trepidation, waiting until his daughter was out of sight to fall apart altogether. He collapsed into the bedside chair, hunching over the hospital bed and choking out a sob. He gripped her hand as tightly as he could without hurting her. Hell, at any rate, he couldn’t know if he was hurting her or not. He hesitated, a choking sob spilling past his lips as he tried to put together what he wanted to say to the woman. He knew it was most likely that if he didn’t confess his feelings now, he would never get the chance.

  “Tiffany… Everyone seems to think you’ve given up. I haven’t given up on you, but… if you’re ready to let go, I suppose I have no choice but to accept it,” he began, voice trembling. She didn’t respond, but he knew it shouldn’t come as a surprise. He hesitated, rubbing his thumb to the back of Tiffany’s still hand. Her skin was warm, so warm that it felt as if she would wake at any given moment. “I wanted you to know… I just wanted you to know. After all this is over, I want to end this charade. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to be together for real, I want to do it right,” he rambled, squeezing his eyes closed against another onslaught of tears. Her chest rose and fell steadily, but there was otherwise no movement from her still form.

  Reaching into his pocket, he gently brushed his fingertips to the velvet box contained within. He laughed almost hysterically, withdrawing the box from his pocket. He popped it open, considering the contents of the box. The ring shone a brilliant shade of gold, with the diamond at the apex of the ring shimmering beautifully. He was all too aware of the tears rapidly flooding down his cheeks, but was helpless to stop them. The ring was a bittersweet thing, something he had bought on a whim when he was still debating his feelings for the other woman. He should have known right then that what he was feeling could have been nothing but love. He was so foolish. Plucking the ring from the box, he grabbed her by the hand and dropped to one knee beside the bed. The beeping of the heart monitor was steady, a small comfort in the relative silence of the room. It would have driven most men mad, but for Daniel, it was a reminder that the woman he loved still had a chance. A small chance, a minute chance, but a chance all the same.

  "Tiffany… when Melody and I divorced, I was convinced that I would never love again. I thought that if I could screw up something with a woman who had seemed so perfect for me, there was no chance I could make it work with anyone else," he paused, wiping a tear away. "I hated myself for the longest time. I masked the feelings as a loathing for my ex wife, but deep down… I only ever had myself to blame. I gave up on ever loving again because it seemed so certain that no one would ever love me. Then… you came," he smiled faintly, bringing her hand to his lips. The beeping of the heart monitor continued steadily, and Daniel breathed in a shaking breath.

  “When I met you, I thought you were cute from the start. I guess the feeling was mutual. Cockiness aside, women did tend to have a thing for their child’s supposedly charming doctor. I’d never shown an interest in anyone before you. I was afraid. When I first saw you, I was still afraid.

  Then we met at the zoo. We’d been talking for a while, and I’d found myself growing enamored with the woman I was getting to know. When you suggested the entire act, I was baffled as to why someone would put themselves out like that. I tried to reason that you did it selfishly, because you wouldn’t have a place to stay. I know now, however, that all you ever wanted was to help me. That’s the sort of person you are. You’re kind, intelligent… beautiful.

  I don't know when I realized I was in love with you. I'll admit I fought the revelation as much as I could. I was afraid, not just of hurting you, but being hurt myself. We made love, and it was the most soul-shaking experience I could ever hope to have. You told me you loved me when you fell asleep. Though I was afraid to say it, fought against it, I knew even then. I knew I loved you too.

  Now… I guess that’s what brought us here. A fool in love, but too afraid to admit it. A woman who was too kind, and who ended up suffering for it. Most of all, it leaves me here, hoping that you can hear me. I’m certain you can’t, but on the off chance you can,” he paused, taking her hand and slipping the ring on the appropriate finger.

  “I love you, Tiffany. As much as I fought it, it only made the feelings even more intense. I can’t imagine my life without you.

  He admired the way the ring shone on her finger for a long moment, placing her limp arm back on the hospital bed where it would perhaps be more comfortable. He glanced at the various tubes and monitors, inhaling a shaky breath. He could only hope she would find a way to pull through. He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple.

  “I hope you decide to continue fighting. I’ll be here as often as I’m able. I have a secret that I never told anyone about… that is, my father wants me to inherit his billion-dollar investment firm but my passion has always been working as a pediatrician…however, I don’t think my current salary can cover all the cost to help you so I will follow his wish in exchange to gain access to the funds… to get you the best doctor and medical care I can… I’m not willing to give up yet. I hope you’re not either” he trailed off, slipping towards the door and glancing over his shoulder towards her. He quirked his lips in a sad smile, a sense of grim finality washing over him for reasons he dare not try to reason. Allowing himself to be soothed a moment longer by the steady beep of the heart monitor, he steeled himself and slipped out of the hospital room.

  The nurses
watched him with no small measure of sympathy as he slipped down the halls. Daniel vaguely wondered if the dark cloud that loomed over him was as visible to everyone else as it was to him. One of the nurses approached him to gently grab him by the arm. He paused, turning teary eyes upon the kind woman. She looked hesitant, as if there was something troubling her.

  “Doctor Brookes,” she began, drawing her hands back to herself and clasping them carefully in front of her chest.

  “Yes, miss?” He prompted, not wanting to waste any time that could be spent working to cover the hospital costs.

  “You’re a single father, yes? The costs of keeping someone on life support long term can be… rather overwhelming when you get down to it. I just wanted to let you know that none of us here would blame you if you decided to… end her suffering. The chance that she’ll wake up is growing slimmer every day, and--,” she paused, swallowing the rest of her statement in the face of Daniel’s furious stare. “Doctor Brookes, I don’t mean to be presumptuous,” she tried to apologize, and his tense expression relaxed if only slightly.

  “Well, you are. Being quite presumptuous, that is. If Tiffany continues to fight, I’ll provide the means for her to do so,” he maintained a strong gaze at the nurse. The nurse considered him with a faintly sad smile, nodding and stepping back. “If that’s all?”

  “That’s all, Doctor Brookes. I do pray that things work out in your favor. We’re all praying for you,” she murmured. He hesitated a moment, feeling guilty for lashing out. However, he couldn’t shake the feeling that she deserved it in a sense. They couldn’t ask him to be the one to end the life of the woman he loved. Not when he had just found her, not when they had such little time together.

  Shaking off the conversation, he slipped towards the elevator, making his way out of the hospital for the first time in days.

  The sun shone brightly, and it promised to be a beautiful day. He only wished he could share it with Tiffany.

  Chapter Eight

  Falling back into a normal routine had not been an easy task. Though he had missed his young clients, Daniel found himself longing for the lonely seat in Tiffany’s hospital room. Perhaps when she was well within his sights, it was harder to entertain the idea that she could potentially be gone. Though she could not speak, the rhythmic beeps of the heart monitor did all the talking for her.

  “I’m here. Don’t give up yet.”

  It was difficult, here in his office, not to consider the likelihood that he was living on false hopes. He didn't want to give up on Tiffany. Were the roles reversed, he was confident she would have remained at his side. She would have done all she could to see him brought ‘back to life' in a sense. If the roles were reversed, however, Tiffany never would have never hurt him deeply enough to send him running away.

  He cursed himself, not for the first time, for allowing her to slip away from him that day. He knew blaming himself was a fruitless task, but he couldn’t help himself. If he had simply accepted his feelings, told Tiffany how he’d felt when he had the chance…

  No matter. He would have his chance when she awoke.

  ...If she awoke.

  He shook off that painful thought, shuffling through some papers in his office to try and distract himself from his own immeasurable suffering. The usual routine check-ups would make up most of his day, which was something of a relief. He didn’t know how much tragedy he could find himself able to handle. Running a hand through his hair, he rose from his office chair as his nurse slipped into the office. She handed him a chart for one of his patients, and he flipped through the pages for a moment before nodding his head and making his way to the examination room in question. He forced a grin that was much more cheerful than he truly felt, but it seemed much he’d been doing was contrary to how he felt.

  Daniel couldn't allow himself to get lost in his recently developed self-loathing while a client was waiting. It simply wouldn't be appropriate to stumble into the room with tears in his eyes. He took a moment outside the door to steel himself, brushing a hand through his hair once more before stepping inside. The child's mother sat in the usual seat parents took, tapping her heel on the floor as she waited for the doctor. Her eyes widened upon seeing him, and Daniel took the briefest of moments to muse that it was usually the boy's father that brought him in for check-ups. He offered the woman a wan smile, managing to remain polite though the disdain boiling inside him. She watched him much like a cat would watch a canary, seeming to follow his every move with an intense expression. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth, and Daniel made a point to look away from her any time her expression grew too extreme. He couldn't reason how she could be so callous in front of her son, let alone eyeing him like he was some slab of meat. Didn't she know he was spoken for? Couldn't she tell he was hurting?

  It did little good to blame the woman for her more primal desires, however, and he simply continued to ignore her while going through the usual routine with her son. The boy’s eyes widened upon seeing the needles that his vaccines would be administered through. Daniel smiled kindly, reaching out to rest a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

  “You gotta be strong, alright little man?” Daniel murmured. The boy hesitated, meeting Daniel’s gaze earnestly. For a moment, the older man felt like a sham. How could he tell this child to remain strong when he was doing just the opposite? If a grown man could not sort out his fears, how did he expect a little boy to? His expression nearly crumpled as tears pricked the boy’s eyes, and he was shaken from his reverie by a derisive snort from his mother.

  “He’s always been such a crybaby. Takes after his father. Serves me right for not finding a real man,” she bullied. The boy choked out a cry, and Daniel narrowed his eyes before wheeling around to face the woman.

  “A real man? A real man, huh? So when you look at me like a hunk of meat, you think I’m a real man? You think I don’t have silly emotions like sadness or fear?” His voice cracked as it increased in volume, and the woman looked more than mildly taken aback by the outburst. Daniel realized that tears were spilling down his cheeks, but he refused to acknowledge them. He simply turned his back to the woman, smiling at her son. “A real man knows how to feel. A real man doesn’t pretend to be made of stone,” he murmured to the boy. He pricked the boy with the shot, and the two shed tears for entirely different reasons. Once the vaccines were given, he drew away and placed a small bandage on the boy’s arm. He turned to consider the boy’s mother, who was staring at him as if she had been struck.

  “I-I’m sorry,” she began, and he managed a pained smile.

  “Your husband is a far better man than me, ma’am. If he tells you even once how much he loves you…,” he trailed off, shaking off the tears. “Take care, Billy,” he managed weakly, slipping out of the room. He rushed to his office, all but collapsing into his chair. He hunched over the desk, desperate sobs spilling past his lips. He had been doing so well, but it seemed even the smallest thing could remind him of how wrongly he had treated Tiffany. His failings were growing increasingly apparent with every given day, and he could only hope he would have the opportunity to right his wrongs.

  He was drawn from his reverie when his phone vibrated and jingled the familiar tune he had assigned his sister. He breathed a sigh, wondering what she could need. He grabbed his phone, swiping the screen to reveal the message.

  "SOS."

  A simple three letters were all the message read, but it seemed that even such a short message was enough to make Daniel’s heart stop. He gasped for air, leaping to his feet unthinkingly. His nurse peeked into his office, looking surprised to see the state he was in. He choked out a sob, his mind racing with all the painful possibilities behind the message. Certainly he was overreacting. Certainly Tiffany was fine. However, the grim reality of the situation washed over him all too unpleasantly. As the nurse had callously informed him, it was only a matter of time before she slipped away; every passing day was just drawing her closer to death. An anguished sob tore past his li
ps, and he felt his nurse draw closer. For what? To comfort him? Couldn’t she see how unfathomable that was? He edged past her, dodging her reaching hands.

  “I have to leave! Get my shift covered,” he blurted, racing towards the door.

  “Doctor Brookes, what on Earth,” she called out after him, but he paid her very little mind. He sped through the doctor’s office, the world seeming to spin all around him. Was he going mad? Was this true devastation the final blow it would take to drive him to insanity?

  He had to get to the hospital. He knew he was in no shape to drive; God, he could barely see a foot ahead of him through his tears. He should call someone, that much was evident, but who was there? He could not burden his ex-wife any more than he already had, and he couldn’t bear for his young daughter to see him in such poor shape. It would be hard enough to break the news to her. The news…

  Daniel lurched forward, yanking open the driver’s side door and stumbling into his seat. He thought not to bother with the seatbelt, his recklessness already reaching previously unseen levels. He turned the key in the ignition, blinking into the sunlight that filtered through his windshield. His eyes were almost sore from the amount of tears he had shed, and he continuously had to draw his hand away from the steering wheel to wipe the tears from his eyes. It was too sunny. The day was too beautiful. How could it dare be a wonderful day when he was suffering so much agony? How could the sun bear to shine when one of the Earth’s most beautiful creatures had been snatched away?

  The other cars on the highway appeared as little more than furious blobs, and the sounds of horn blaring were only vaguely registering in Daniel’s mind. Distantly, painfully, he wondered if this had been how Tiffany felt before her accident. He debated pulling over, but he had gone too far to stop now. He could not abandon the woman he loved in her time of need, he had to be there. She needed him, he was certain of it. Almost as badly as he needed her. He rubbed his eyes angrily, his skin inflamed from the constant scraping of skin against skin. He realized he was veering into another lane, and a transfer trucker laid down on the horn as he swerved to avoid the head-on collision.