Her Counselor (Love Hack, #3)

by Allyson Lindt

  She felt more than heard his sigh, and his hand paused for the briefest moment. “Tippins?”

  “Mhm.”

  “Not the best pillow talk, Vi.”

  She smiled against his chest, even though he couldn’t see. “I know. But I may not get another chance to say it, and it’s important for some reason that you know it was completely physical.”

  He moved his palm to her shoulder. “Then why does the nickname bother you?”

  “He was supposed to be like me. Single forever. He betrayed that. I don’t blame him. She’s good for him. Everyone should have someone like her.” Why had she added the qualifier? Not everyone got their happily ever after.

  Damon squeezed her arm and kissed her on the forehead. “We should sleep. We have work in the morning, and I need to get back to my hotel, to change, before I go into the office.”

  She wanted to ignore the regret in his voice. Tried desperately to shove aside that she’d heard it. Her mind refused to let it go, though. Were they going to be able to walk away from this? Did she even want to?

  Chapter Ten

  DAMON ROLLED ONTO HIS back, letting the pleasant memories from last night spill through his head. He was disappointed to wake up alone in Vivian’s bed, and tempted to join her in the shower when he realized the running water was what woke him. Before he could make up his mind, he heard the water shut off and the scrape of a shower curtain being pulled back.

  Probably for the best. He needed to get back to his hotel. Let her get to the office. Work. The idea almost soured his lingering desire, but the scent of Vivian everywhere won out.

  The bathroom door creaked open, and seconds later, she strolled across his line of sight, satin bathrobe knotted on, long legs on display. Watching her move made him instantly hard.

  “You’re up.” She paused by his side of the bed. “You should probably go soon.”

  Up was right. “I’m thinking about it.”

  She gave a light laugh. “Don’t think here. I need to get going, too.”

  He grabbed her wrist, to keep her from turning away, and pushed himself up on one elbow. “Last night was fantastic.”

  “It was. You were exactly what I needed.”

  He knew from the way she hesitated before snapping her mouth shut there was more to the thought. He was glad she didn’t finish it. Too bad it was only for last night. “I get a goodbye kiss, right?”

  When she leaned in, to oblige, the front of her robe fell open, treating him to an incredible view of the curve of her breasts, her flat stomach, and the tempting V hidden between her legs. His cock pulsed in response.

  He wrapped an arm around her as she fell and landed against his chest. The impact stole his breath for a moment.

  A light laugh escaped her. “What are you doing?”

  He moved both hands to her waist, shifted his weight, and flipped both of them, so he was on top. He straddled her, her wrists pinned above her head. Her warm body beneath him pulled his already hard dick to a painful level of stiffness, as his erection dug into her stomach. He dipped his head in and trailed his nose along her slender neck, inhaling deeply. He kissed the edge of her ear, his voice barely a whisper. “You’ve got time for one more, before work.”

  She gazed back, eyes wide and breathing shallow. Pink dotted her cheeks. “I just got out of the shower.”

  He could have fragments of this with anyone. With certain lifestyles becoming more mainstream, it was never a problem to find a girl willing to give him total control. None of them were Vivian, though. Strong, aggressive, confident, intelligent, and gorgeous.

  “If you want me to stop, you know what you have to say.” He didn’t like her being unwilling in the bedroom. Everyone had their own kinks, and that was fine, but non-consent wasn’t his. Control and pain, yes. And only if she enjoyed receiving as much as he did giving.

  She licked her lips, searching his face. He nudged her bathrobe open further and trailed a finger down her chest and over her breast, circling the hard nub of her nipple.

  She sucked in a sharp breath between her teeth. He pinched and twisted. She arched her back, grinding against him with a moan.

  “I bet you’re wet.” He glided his hand down her stomach and brushed her pussy. When he parted her folds, she gasped and jerked under him. “Mmm.” He kissed along her neck and down to her collarbone. “It’s a good start.”

  She gazed up at him, eyes wide. “We don’t have a lot of time.”

  He trailed his mouth back to her ear, inhaling and memorizing the scent of her shampoo. He whispered, “I don’t care.” The problem was, he really didn’t. He wanted to stay here with her all day. Marking her. Bruising her. Making her come. He’d respect the schedule though.

  She twisted under him, pressing against his cock. Teasing. “You should.” Her tone was playful. “I’m not blaming you; I’m just saying.”

  Holding her wrists in place, he relocated his hand to her breast. Her skin was soft and smooth against his fingertips. He didn’t know if he had the patience to drag things out this morning, anyway. Maybe it was a good thing they didn’t have much time. He scraped his thumb over a rigid nipple, and she pressed into his hand.

  “Harder,” she whimpered.

  “One of my favorite words.” He obliged, pinching and rolling the nub. Kneading the flesh beneath.

  With each twist of his fingers, her hips shifted, digging into him. Nudging his erection. Her frantic thrusting became rhythmic, and her breathing grew shallow. She leaned her head back, lips slightly parted and cheeks flushed, her hair fanning out around her head on the pillow like a halo.

  So beautiful. He drew his tongue along the edge of her ear, keeping his voice low. “I need to be inside you, Vi. Just me. I want you wrapped around my cock.” He couldn’t get her pregnant, and they were both smart enough to stay clean.

  She opened her eyes, bright blue and boring right into him, and nodded.

  He pushed her legs apart with his knee and hooked her legs over his shoulders. Her groan mingled with his when he pushed inside her, rough and fast. Feeling her spread open. Forcing his way inside. “Play with yourself, Vi. Finger your clit until you come. I want you tightening around my cock. I need to feel you.”

  She moved one hand between her legs and the other to her breast. She pinched and stroked herself in time with his fast-paced thrusts. When her gasps became short cries, he knew she was right at the edge. He slammed into her harder, hitting something deep inside. She felt so amazing. So right. It took the last of his focus not to come yet. Pressure built in him, and his balls tightened until stars danced behind his eyes.

  “Come for me, Vi.” He spoke through heavy breaths.

  She threw her head back, and a delicious sound tore from her throat. She clenched around him. Tight. Uncontrolled. Delicious. He couldn’t wait any longer. He spilled inside her, pounding until he was spent, and even then, taking his time to slow.

  When the desperate grind finally stopped, they untangled themselves, and he dipped his head in for a hungry kiss. She tasted like toothpaste and smelled like sex and body wash, and his senses devoured every bit of it. She scraped her nails along his neck, holding him, diving into him.

  God, why couldn’t they lie here all day?

  FOURTEEN YEARS AGO

  Damon dug through his apartment, searching frantically for the cordless phone before it stopped ringing. He found it on the coffee table, under a scattered pile of newspapers with office jobs circled. “Hello?”

  “Hey.” Vivian sounded faint, and the single word was strained.

  That didn’t stop him from grinning at the sound of her voice. “Hi yourself, gorgeous. I thought you were working tonight. Not that I’m complaining.” In a few weeks, it wouldn’t matter. Her lease would be up, she’d move in, and with any luck, she’d have a job with better hours that was less physically demanding.

  “I called in.” She sounded as if speaking took tremendous effort. “I don’t think I can drive. I’m dizzy, Damon. I
think I need to go to the hospital. I’m bleeding a lot.”

  He was already jerking on his shoes and grabbing his keys. His entire chest wrenched in on itself, until he thought his ribs might collapse. “Are you at home?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll be there in five minutes. Don’t move, okay? I love you, Vi.”

  “Love you too.”

  He disconnected and tossed the phone across the room, not caring it missed the couch and clattered to the ground. He sprinted to his car. It’d be all right. She’d be all right. Please?

  The next couple of hours were the longest of Damon’s life—not that he remembered most of the details. Picking up Vivian. Wondering why he hadn’t told her to call an ambulance. Asking himself if they’d have gotten there any faster than he did. And then the waiting. Sitting in the almost empty emergency room, unable to focus on anything but the clock and the fact he couldn’t find anyone to give him answers.

  Finally a nurse approached him. “Damon?”

  He stopped pacing, but trapped his toes in his shoes. “That’s me.”

  She nodded toward the door that had taunted him since they pushed Vivian through it in a wheelchair. “You can come back now.”

  “Is she okay?”

  The nurse gave him a weak smile. “Well enough to tell me you were probably waiting out here. She can explain everything else.”

  He ground his teeth at the lack of an answer, but followed. Seconds later, she pointed him toward one of the small rooms at the back of a long hall. Vivian sat half-propped in the bed, face tired and pale, expression blank. She managed a weak smile when she saw him.

  He crossed the room in a few long strides, and wrapped her in a hug. “I was so worried.” They didn’t have her hooked up to an IV or any other wires, except the monitor on her finger. That had to be a good sign. “Are you okay? They wouldn’t tell me anything.”

  Her frame shuddered against his when she dragged in a breath. “They’re very careful with the information they give out about pregnancies. They leave it up to the mother to share what she wants.”

  That made sense when he thought about it, which was a lot easier to do now he was holding her again. “You didn’t answer my question.”

  She buried her head against his shoulder, and her voice came out muffled. “They can’t tell for sure with the equipment they have here, but they think... I’m probably damaged. I have to see a specialist. They don’t believe I should have been able to get pregnant to begin with. I lost the baby.”

  The moment he heard the words, he realized he’d expected them. It shocked his system anyway. His mind went blank, except for the repeated words, it’s gone, but she’s still here. He didn’t know where to focus. “Christ. I’m so sorry.” He heard his voice, but barely remembered saying the words.

  She broke, her body shaking with sobs. “I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry.” Her crying punctuated and blurred the words. “I know you wanted this, and I can’t... I’m sorry.”

  “Shh...” He trailed his fingers through her hair. “It’s okay. We’re okay. We’ll be okay.” He held her until she was spent, neither of them saying much of anything. A couple hours later, the ER doctor cleared her to go home. She gave Vivian a list of instructions, made her promise to schedule a follow-up appointment, and handed her a prescription to help her sleep.

  Damon helped Vivian slide into the passenger seat, before running around to the driver’s side. He felt raw and numb at the same time, but she had to be doing worse. That didn’t help him process the information any better. He didn’t even know how much of it he had a right to worry about, beyond her health.

  He watched her fumbled with her purse and the pack of cigarettes inside, as he stuck the keys in the ignition. Something else fluttered from her bag, catching his attention, and he grabbed for it at the same time she did. He reached it first, and as he processed the words, the last of the bottom fell out of his world.

  “What’s this?” He struggled to keep his voice calm but wasn’t sure he succeeded.

  “Nothing.” She grabbed, and he jerked away. “A pamphlet. Nothing.”

  “About abortion?” The foul taste of bile coated his throat. “What the fuck?”

  “I didn’t know if I was going to do it. I was reading up on all my options.” Her voice sounded as rough as his thoughts.

  “I thought we’d already figured out our options. We had a plan. Is that what happened tonight? You went through with this, and it went bad?” He shouldn’t have said that. The anger and hurt on her face confirmed it was a bad idea. He didn’t know if he cared.

  “No. God, no.” She snatched the booklet from his hands and shoved it back in her purse. “I wouldn’t have, without talking to you. I just... You were so sure, and I wasn’t. I needed to know what else was out there. I didn’t really want to do it.”

  “You couldn’t have said something?” He was yelling, in a car in the middle of an almost empty emergency-room parking lot, at one in the morning. So what? “You know, when we talked this through. When we both decided it was what we wanted to do?”

  “I couldn’t say anything. No means nothing to you.” The waver was gone from her voice, replaced with ice.

  No. She wasn’t throwing that back at him now. “That’s not the same, and you know it. Besides, you didn’t say no, you said okay.”

  “And you knew I was lying.”

  This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. He needed to be there for her, and now he couldn’t be anything but furious. “That’s not a valid argument. I wanted to take you at face value. Do you really not trust me enough to tell me the truth?”

  She stared back, blue eyes as cold as her voice. “Do you trust me, when I say I would have told you before I made any decision like this?”

  He jerked his attention away, staring out the windshield, hands gripping the wheel until his knuckles ached. “I don’t know.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  Chapter Eleven

  FOURTEEN YEARS AGO

  Vivian wiped the steam from the mirror and stared at her reflection. Her mother’s face—eyes haunted by dark shadows, cheekbones too sharp to be attractive, and colorless skin—stared back, mocking her. Reminding her.

  It had been three days since her miscarriage. Damon apologized for his outburst, but things were strained between them. That didn’t stop him from doting on her every waking moment, though. It was sweet to the point she wanted to scream. He’d picked up some clothes for her and brought her back to his place, saying she shouldn’t be alone. She had to force him to go to work, but he insisted she needed a little more time off.

  The entire situation didn’t sit right, deep down in her gut, but she let him lead, because she was terrified of losing him. Of scaring him away. Of being alone forever. The words bounced in her head, sang in her mother’s voice.

  She raked her fingers through her wet hair, hand shaking. This was why she left home. Ran, as soon as she was legally able. To avoid becoming this person. Instead, she’d tied herself to the first guy who came long and treated her better than dirt.

  Her heart throbbed at the dismissal of what she and Damon had. It was more than that, the pain in her chest insisted. Rationalization would only make it worse, though. How many times had she seen it, growing up? Even when her mother’s boyfriend broke Vivian’s leg, her mother still said, He’s sorry, honey. He promises he won’t do it again.

  “Are you all right?” Damon’s voice shattered her out-of-control thoughts.

  She met his gaze in the mirror. “No.”

  He reached for her, and she stepped away from his touch. His furrowed brow and the hurt in his eyes devoured her. She swallowed her own reaction.

  “Talk to me.” It wasn’t a request.

  And that was at the root of the problem. Not that he made demands like this, but that she let him. “I can’t see you anymore.” It hurt to force the words out, and once the decision hung between them, acid churned in her gut. This wasn’t right. This w
as supposed to make her feel better.

  He frowned. “Don’t.”

  “I have to.” She stepped around him, unable to look him in the eye any longer. “We’re done, Damon.” The proclamation ached.

  “If this is about the other day, I’m sorry. I was stressed, but that doesn’t excuse what I said. You know I didn’t mean it.”

  “It is, and it isn’t.” She rubbed her face. The carefully rehearsed speech she had vanished, leaving impressions of what she wanted to say, but no structure to deliver the lines. Her thoughts jumbled and bounced, taunting her. “It’s about the fact I told you yes when I didn’t want to. And the fact I thought—even though I knew better—that I had to go behind your back to talk to someone at the clinic about my options. That I’m looking for a receptionist job, even though I love stripping, because you don’t think it’s respectable.”

  He grabbed her arm and spun her to face him. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You never have.”

  A bitter laugh slipped out, and she wrenched away. “You’re not getting it. I want to make you happy. It’s become an all-consuming thought. And it’s not your fault. You never did anything but be wonderful, but I can’t trust myself with you.”

  “It’s not me, it’s you? You know how weak that sounds, right?” He sucked in a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Look, I’ll try to back off. To not push so hard.”

  “Except you can’t.” She hugged herself, to keep from falling back into him. “You wouldn’t be you if you did that, and then we’d be at the same crossroads. I don’t want to stand up to you, and I don’t want to lose myself in you. And the only way I can see to get both is to leave.”

  “Vivian, you can’t.”

  Her heart begged her to agree. He was right. If it hurt this bad now, how much worse would it be when she walked out the door?