by Lexi Ostrow
She couldn’t help watching Marshall. When she’d seen him out the window, she’d been furious. In fact, she’d almost marched right out of the house and up to him to say as much. She hadn’t gotten the chance too because Leena had passed her a box of ornaments to sort, and the next thing she knew, Marshall had been standing in the living room with an invitation to the decorate the tree with them.
Anna had wanted to stay mad, wanted it more than anything because she’d had a pit in her stomach since she’d stomped off the day before. The universe wouldn’t allow it though. Less than five minutes after he’d arrived, she’d found herself sneaking looks at him and that had led to standing in front of him as he was trying to leave.
Twice Adam had called, and twice she’d let it go to voicemail. She wasn’t certain why she’d done that, except for the way Marshall was calling to her like a lighthouse in a storm, and he hadn’t even been trying to. He’d never had to, and that was one of their problems. It didn’t matter how far apart theywere,Anna never could go long without thinking about Marshall.Having him standing before her, clearly determined to at least not be the huge asshole he’d been behind the lodge put butterflies in her stomach. Something Adam never did for her. Sure, she’d been smitten when she’d seen him for the first time, but his mere presence didn’t turn her into a blushing kid. It was something she’d always hated about Marshall, yet she was starting to think it was one of the very reasons she couldn’t shake him. They were the end game for each other. Marshall might have accepted that, but was she ready too?
“So you like it?” The words sounded clunky as she forced herself to say something and get out of her head.
“I can’t believe you kept it.” His shock seemed real.
“I don’t think I could ever do away with anything that has to do with you.” The words slipped out, and her hand crashed over her mouth in horror.
Marshall’s lips twitched into a smile. “I had a feeling it wasn’t just me.”
Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she wished she could make herself invisible or that she had the power to go back in time. She’d come with the hopes of finally dousing the fire of her lingering feelings and moving on. Instead, she’d tossed just enough water into the flames to make them hiss and crackle stronger.
“I have no idea what I’m doing, but Marshall, would you come have Christmas dinner with us? I came up here to make things right with you. How things went yesterday, that wasn’t what was supposed to happen.”
He reached out, gently taking her hand in his, and she felt her heart flip-flop in her chest. Eyes meeting his, she knew he felt the same spark of attraction she had. His smile grew bigger, and he cocked his head to the side.
“I’d love to come to dinner. Thank you, Anna. Though, I have to admit, I’m not so certain I’m going to let you use this trip to close the door on us. Not when I’ve finally grown man enough to go after what I want.”
The heat of a flush spread over her face, and it took all she had in her to not look away from him. His eyes blazed with intensity, and she knew there was no way he was going to let her just walk away from them, not any longer. That statement should have made her angry, but it didn’t.
They stood, staring at one another in silence until his phone went off again. The vibration broke whatever spell they were under, and he looked away, leaving her feeling embarrassed that she hadn’t had the willpower to tell him goodbye again.
“I’ve got to go. I will be here tomorrow. I promise.” He dropped a chaste kiss to her lips and continued down the hall.
Her fingers grazed over her lips, trying to convince herself that they really weren’t tingling from the smallest touch. They weren’t, but it didn’t seem to make a difference.
“Leena.” Her sister-in-law’s name slipped out.
“Everything okay?” Leena shouted from the living room.
Anna winced, she hadn’t realized how loud she’d been.
“Um, any chance you and Tasha would be up for a walk?”
Every single one of her family members and Tasha chuckled.
Great, they don’t even need to ask what it’s about. Fantastic.
Leena and Tasha popped around the corner, zipping up their jackets with smiles on their faces.
“Marshall?” Leena asked as she walked past Anna and opened the door, gesturing for them to go out.
Anna tugged the door closed behind her before letting out a sigh—and making certain Marshall was far enough away to be out of earshot — before speaking. “Yes,” she groaned and put her hand over her eyes, shaking her head in frustration. “I came out here to put everything aside.”
“But you can’t,” Leena said matter-of-factly.
“I can’t,” Anna whined, dragging her feet through the small amount of snow as they walked. “I want to. I really do. But there’s something about him that I can’t seem to get over.”
“And you think I’m the perfect candidate because either A, I got over your brother after almost a decade of pining for the man, or B, because I couldn’t make up my mind for a period of time about your brothers?” Leena raised a blonde brow but didn’t stop walking.
Anna winced. “I hadn’t meant it like that…but, yes.”
Tasha let out a loud laugh and shrugged when they turned to look at her. “Oh, come on. I can’t be the only one of us that found that amusing.”
“Blame baby hormones for me not laughing, but I’m not annoyed that you think I can help.” Leena patted her stomach gently. “I think what you’re going through is a little different than what I did two years ago, but I do see the similarities.”
“It’s just that I was coming here to move on, not get sucked back into the whirlpool that’s stopped me from living my life since Marshall’s wife passed. And I hate that I keep partially being happy that she passed. Marshall and I aren’t right for each other. We’re night and day—”
“Like Jake and I?” Leena supplied.
“Or Nick and I?” Tasha quipped.
Letting her head fall backward, she groaned and stood still. “You aren’t helping. In fact, I think you’re both making it worse.”
That drew laughter from them.
“I haven’t even said anything yet!” Leena said through her laughter.
“You didn’t even have too!” Anna insisted, trying to hold back her amusement over the situation. She sighed and dropped down onto the ground, cringing as the snow quickly infiltrated her jeans. “Sweet Jesus, that’s cold.” She didn’t move, rather shifted her butt side to side to try to get past the snow and reach the dirt.
Neither Leena nor Tasha joined her on the ground.
“Honestly, what was it like?” she asked, feeling somewhat like a child waiting for bedtime stories.
“I don’t think there are words for it. It was very confusing, so you’re on the right path,” Leena quipped with a smirk.
“Gee, lucky me.” Anna lay back into the snow, shivering as the cold quickly raced through her.
“Mind if I ask what you are thinking?” Tasha asked, finally sitting with a wince.
Anna closed her eyes. “I’m thinking that there is no point in trying things with Marshall. I’m thinking that Adam really is a perfect match for me, and if I could just stop thinking about Marshall, I could be very happy with Adam… Maybe as happy as you both are with my brothers.”
“But?” Leena prompted, still standing next to where Anna had dropped down.
“But I can’t stop my thoughts from centering around Marshall. I’m still in love with him, no matter how many years have passed. That I want to end things with Adam and just focus on Marshall.” Her words were rushed, and she felt her chest constrict with the need to breathe.
“There’s still another but in there. I can sense it,” Tasha said as she poked Anna’s shoulder.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, she opened her eyes as watched as the cold showed off her breath. “But I’m not going to give up my life in London. I won’t let Mom down, and I love it th
ere.”
“And you’re assuming Marshall wouldn’t leave Colorado?”
The question was innocent enough, but she rolled her eyes at Tasha. “I wouldn’t be pining after the only man I’ve ever really loved if he’d been willing to give up something for me ten years ago.”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Leena said waggling her finger like a scolding parent. “You just said you won’t give up something for him.”
“Just fantastic,” Anna grumped as she sat upright. “Is there a right way to go about this? I mean, can I just tell Marshall that I’ll always love him but we aren’t right for each other and then head back to London and continue things with Adam? Does it work like that?”
Both women shook their heads apologetically, but it was Leena that responded.
“It does not work like that, sweets. The moment Jake accepted Nick’s proposal for me, I thought I could pull it off. The truth is, if it’s not what’s in your heart, you aren’t going to make it work. You’re going to hurt everyone involved.” She offered Anna a hand to help her up. “Do you think you can say goodbye to Marshall? If the answer is yes, then I see no harm in going back to London with Adam as if this minor nervous breakdown didn’t happen.”
Grasping Leena’s hand, she used most of her bodyweight to lift herself up because she had no idea how far along Leena was and didn’t want to do anything that could topple her to the ground.
“I think I can. But then I see Marshall, and it’s as if I’m sixteen again, sneaking around with him before Mom and Dad caught us and banished me from coming up here until I graduated.”
“You will know who you’re meant to be with once you open up to Marshall. The two of you have been dancing around each other for too many years. Be honest with him, let him be honest with you and your heart will tell you what you need to know.”
“Geez, Leena. You sound like an epic fortune cookie,” Tasha said as she stood up, brushing snow off her pants. “I agree, though I could never have said it so eloquently. Give yourself and Marshall a chance.”
“It feels like I’m cheating on Adam,” she confessed, still leaving out the part that she had cheated on Adam because she’d kissed Marshall.
“Are you two exclusive? Being an adult isn’t like being a kid. A lot of men don’t think about exclusivity until it’s brought up,” Tasha said, starting to walk again.
“I’m not that young, thanks. But no, we haven’t.” She pulled up her sleeve to show them the bracelet, though she’d shown Leena prior. “This looks like he feels pretty damn exclusive though, and he was practically begging to come here.”
Tasha shrugged. “To people like us that bracelet is chump change. Not to belittle the gift, I’m just reminding you. Now, if Marshall had spent that kind of money, I’d tell you he’s hearing wedding bells in his head. Plus, who wouldn’t want to meet the parents of a DeMarco sibling? Your family is the most powerful public relations firm in the damn world. He’s probably already thinking of the connections he can make.”
“So, basically, we’ve learned it’s totally confusing being caught up with feelings for more than one person and I’m not actually cheating on Adam if I have a discussion with Marshall about us.”
“Correct,” Leena said with a grin. “Though, I’m fairly certain you can’t just talk to Marshall. I’ve seen how he looks at you. I’ve seen how you look at him. It doesn’t matter that it’s been twelve years, you can tell you both remember what sex together was like.” She grinned even wider. “And you are probably thinking about how much better it will be now that you both have more experience.”
“Leena!” Anna gasped and kicked snow at her sister-in-law.
Leena scooped up snow and threw it at Anna, though it all fell apart before reaching her. “I’m just saying. I’m older than you, but I’m not as old as dirt, and I’ve already thought about it for you!”
“Guilty,” Tasha added with a leer.
“You’re both the worst. But thank you.”
They fell silent and snow began to fall in small, soft flurries. Looking up, Anna couldn’t help wondering if it wasn’t some of the mountain’s Christmas magic coming to sweep her away from her problems with the beauty of the season.
She wasn’t certain of how anything would go with Marshall, but she was certain they needed to at least talk about giving them a chance. Saying goodbye was no longer an option the minute he placed his lips to hers.
“Is it wrong that I don’t want to end things with Adam in case Marshall doesn’t work out?”
“Extremely so. Take it from me, Anna. Make a choice. Your heart is clearly not in it with Adam. Whether you and Marshall are able to make it work or not, you’re not interested in Adam. That sentence said it all.” Leena’s tone held an edge of harshness to it.
She didn’t say anything, just nodded and started to walk back. The snowfall was coming down faster, and she didn’t want to be outside any longer. More importantly, she didn’t want to have a conversation that made her feel like a terrible person, and that is precisely what the discussion was doing.
The worst part was that Leena was right. It didn’t matter what happened with Marshall, all that mattered was she was using Adam like a backup plan and love shouldn’t be a backup.
“So…does that mean you know what you’re going to do?” Leena prompted.
She nodded and pulled out her cell phone. “It means I need to send Adam a text that we need to talk. He deserves to know that I’m not as ready to move forward as he seems to be.” She was texting as she spoke.
“That’s a little harsh at the holidays, don’t you think?” Tasha asked.
“I think that doing it over a text message would make me even more horrible than if I stayed with him knowing I love someone more. But I need to talk to him.”
Tasha nodded, and they walked the rest of the way back to the chalet in silence, Anna clutching her phone and waiting for Adam’s okay to call so that she could do what she should have done before she left.
“Snow!” Anna shouted gleefully as her eyes quickly cleared from sleep-blur to crystal vision. Slamming her legs into the red and green flannel pajama bottoms she always wore, she tied the green velvet ribbon and stuffed her feet into her black Uggs.
Shoving her door open so quickly it slammed into the wall, she nearly crashed into Jake as she raced down the hall and threw open the front door. Large chunks of snow fell at a blissful rate onto the thick, fresh blanket. She rubbed her hands over her arms as a chill shot through her, but it didn’t stop her from stepping outside.
“Leena!” she exclaimed and raced toward her sister-in-law, who was already flat in the snow, making what looked like her third snow angel.
“Merry Christmas, Anna. It snowed after all!” Leena scooped up snow and tossed it above her head, letting it fall onto her where she lay. “I was beginning to think snow angels weren’t going to happen this Christmas.” She grinned and waved her arms up and down before standing as carefully as she could as not to leave a hand or foot print in her angel.
“Merry Christmas, Leena,” she said with a grin and titled her face to the sky, happily letting the flakes land on her face before adjusting her head back to normal. “This is Christmas magic.” She winked at Leena.
Dropping down in the snow, she ignored the wetness as it seeped through her clothing and pressed against her skin. The chill grew as she moved her arms and legs, making a snow angel right next to Leena’s.
“It’s too bad you’re not showing to do a pregnant snow angel,” she laughed.
“Well, I’m pretty sure laying on your stomach and wiggling isn’t allowed when you’re big enough to show.”
“Oh, poor Jake. Have you told him the news?”
“Anna!” Leena shrieked, throwing a chunk of snow at her.
“Oh, so you’re allowed to make jokes about my sex life, but I’m not?” Her grin widened devilishly.
“If you two are quite finished out there.” Jake appeared in the doorway holding two hot mugs of what c
ould only be cocoa. “We’re all awake, thanks to Anna’s childish screech, and ready to get this holiday started!” Grinning he took a sip of whatever was in his mug, revealing a dark brown mustache. “Come on, Anna, or I’ll drink all your hot chocolate!”
Leena giggled. “He knows better than to drink mine. Smart brother you’ve got there!”
Shaking her head, she stood up and dusted off the snow, shivering as the wind hit her wet clothes. “My brother is a lot of things…smart wouldn’t be on my list.” She smirked at Jake as she walked past and snagged the porcelain mug with her name on it.
“That’s it, I’m returning your gift,” Jake teased as he closed the door behind him.
Ignoring him, she couldn’t help the smile that shifted into place when she saw her family in the living room. She’d always loved Christmas because it was one of the few times the DeMarco family was always together. Even when they were little, it had been hard to get them all in one place. Either her father had been working late or one of her brother’s had been off on a date. Not at Christmas though. That was reserved for family, and it had never changed.
Elaine and Peter stood, both leaning on opposite sides of the arched frame that lead into the back living room, smiling and drinking from the mugs with their names. Tasha sat, legs crossed, on the floor in front of the fireplace with Nick just behind her, arms wrapped lovingly around her and tugging her against him. Jake dropped down onto the couch, and Leena propped her arm up on the mantel next to Tasha.
“Well, if you’re all comfy already, I guess that means I get to open my gift first.” Snickering, she bent down over the generous pile and found a rectangular one, a little larger than a hardback book with her name scrawled in Nick’s messy script, hiding just under a branch.
Dropping down onto the couch next to Jake, she ripped into the paper as everyone laughed. Being the youngest, she’d always assumed she was more enthused by opening gifts because of her age, but it hadn’t changed, and she was nearly thirty. Tearing the metallic green paper to bits, she smiled at the item in her hand.