by Lexi Ostrow
So how did he go about convincing her of the feelings she was denying? If he didn’t chase after her, it was honestly no better than the way he’d been living his life since his wife had died and he’d realized how precious time was. It hadn’t been enough to get him to be open with Anna, he’d been too afraid he’d lose even the smallest interactions with her. Telling her to get away from him had been the first honest verbal interaction they’d had in forever. He’d truly meant it in the moment, but now that she’d walked away from him, he realized what he’d lost by losing his temper and not thinking things through.
He’d been ready to say goodbye, if it had been what she wanted, but it was obvious that it wasn’t. Marshall couldn’t imagine she’d brought this man to Colorado with her, or she never would have let him kiss her, never mind kiss him back. That meant he had a little under a week to convince her that they were meant to be. Not to mention he had to not be the asshole he’d warped into a minute ago.
That wasn’t who he was. That had been years of rage mingling with hurt and boiling over before he could stop himself. Marshall wouldn’t force anything, but he wasn’t going to let her get away from him without at least trying. He’d let the love of his life go too many times, and he had a feeling she was just as in love with him as he was with her.
Taking in a deep breath, he forced himself to grab another log to split. Anna DeMarco was important, but his top priority was not getting fired. There were still a ton of medical bills to pay off, and those were a sure thing. Making Anna see what he saw was just a shot in the dark and a Christmas prayer on the wind.
The cold outside had nothing on the cold terror he was feeling as he stared down the hill at the DeMarco cabin. Smoke billowed out of the fireplace and lights blazed from within. From his higher spot, he could see that the entire family was finally there and decorating the tree.
“Just go, Marshall. Worst case scenario is she’ll scream at you and tell you to get out. Best case scenario is you’ll get to apologize and ask her to be open minded just for the week.” Despite the pep talk, his feet didn’t move.
Instead, he stood up on the small hill and watched as Elaine DeMarco slipped candles into the menorah while Leena and Anna spread out the close to one hundred ornaments on the carpet and Jake strung white lights onto the tree. Anna’s gaze lifted and met his, shock and then hurt crossed over her face before she looked down.
Swallowing, he looked behind him at the barely lit path and then back down at the chalet. He was where he was because he kept running away when Anna was around. He’d reacted badly when she’d come to see him, but he couldn’t keep going down that path. This holiday season was about him and Anna.
You sound like a real creep, chasing after another man’s girl. The thought made his stomach sink, but he wasn’t going to push Anna. He wanted a chance to talk to her like a grownup, the way they should have done the day before.
Before he knew it, his feet were moving down the path, the cabin growing closer until he was standing in front of the large wooden door. “It’s now or never, Marshall. You won’t get a second, second chance.” He lifted his hand, but he didn’t get to knock on the door.
Swinging open the door, Elaine DeMarco greeted him with a large grin on her face and wearing Christmas light bulb earrings and a green and red sweater that only Leena could have given the woman. “Marshall! So good to see you,” Elaine said, smile widening. “Won’t you come in?”
It never ceased to amaze Marshall that Elaine had gone from practically chasing him out with a meat cleaver when he was sixteen to acting as if he was an extended part of the family whenever she saw him. Most people would speculate that it was because she hadn’t wanted her daughter with someone like him—useless and with no future. That wasn’t it at all. Elaine and the rest of her family were probably the least snooty billionaires a person could meet. She simply hadn’t wanted her baby girl in bed with a man.
“That would be lovely, might I speak with Anna first?” He sounded like the same nervous fool he always was when asking if Anna was home.
“Anna?” Elaine shouted, turning her head over her shoulder. “Marshall is here to see you.”
“I’m busy working on the tree, Mom,” Anna called back with no hesitation.
He felt his stomach drop. He’d messed up and that little goodbye of hers had apparently been for real.
“Oh, don’t mind her. She’s been in some sort of a tiff all day. Come in and help us decorate the tree. I’m sure by the time we’re finished she’ll have gotten over it and remembered that the boy of her dreams is looking for her.” She winked and stepped away from the door, clearly expecting Marshall to follow.
If he blushed Marshall knew his face would be as flaming red as Anna’s hair. Elaine was never one to shy away from matters of the heart, even before she’d lost her husband to the same monster he’d lost Mandy too. That didn’t mean it wasn’t horribly embarrassing for her to point it out so nonchalantly.
Wiping his feet on the doormat, he went inside, tugging his beanie off and twisting it in his hands as he walked. A whiff of their dinner danced past his nose, the tantalizing smell of roasted lamb nearly making him drool. Of all the tasks he’d seen the family do or done for them to ring in the holidays, helping them with their traditional tree decorating had never been one of them. The idea of being involved in something so intimate gave him hope that her mom was right, and that Anna would warm up as the evening went.
Turning his head, he nearly tripped over his feet when he saw the spread of holiday decorations all over the floor. Piles of ornaments sat, neatly arranged—not just by color, but likely by sentimentality.
Traditional balls in various sizes lay scattered in red and gold glittery piles. Crystal snowflakes and icicles were in a pile in front of the fireplace. Four white ceramic bells sat in a group nearest the tree, and sparkling silver garland dangling above them as Tasha wrapped it lovingly around the tree. A stunning glass star with golden trim sat carefully nestled on the nearest suede chair. It wasn’t the same topper he was used to seeing gracing the top when he dropped items off, but he supposed everything had to change at some point.
Then came four rows of carefully spread out ornaments that Marshall could tell represented sentimentality to the family. From a tiny Tigger to a photo of Leena and Jake framed as an ornament, he knew each one told a story about the DeMarco family, and he found himself rather wishing he could know all the tales.
“Marshall! Good to see you, man.” Jake grinned enthusiastically as he plugged the light strand into the wall. “Success!”
Leena laughed, pointing at a dead bulb in the strand. “Don’t get too excited, there’s a bulb that needs to be replaced.”
“Only you would notice a single blown bulb on a ten-foot strand of lights,” Nick said, laughter ringing out with his words.
“It’s not my fault I am in tune with the Christmas season,” she retorted, playfully sticking out her tongue.
“What brings you here? Dropping off a gift?” Jake asked waggling his brows.
“Yes, what brings you here, Marshall?” Anna repeated, and the smallest tinge of ice could be heard in her normally cheerful tone.
He suddenly felt as if he were the outcast cousin they were forced to spend their time with. It was obvious they all belonged there, and not just because they were all wearing some variation of the Christmas sweater Elaine had on. Well, all except Nick, who had at least unbuttoned his dress shirt. The room practically oozed with their spirit. It was impossible to tell that Leena had destroyed Nick’s heart two years ago or that Tasha and Nick almost hadn’t happened. All Marshall saw was a blissful family celebrating by decorating their tree, and he didn’t belong.
“No gifts this year. Just the gift of me.” He grimaced at his awful attempt at humor.
“Well, that’s a relief.” Tasha grinned at him as she tucked the tiny silver tail of garland into the tree branches. She too, easily fit in with the family and concealed any hint that she w
as a celebrity.
“I don’t think Marshall really wants to stay and decorate the tree with us,” Anna said, the icy tone dripping a bit more from her words.
“Nonsense.” Peter dropped a kiss on the top of Anna’s head before moving to sit on the couch. “Marshall must be dying to decorate it after bringing us them for so many years.”
“I’d love to help.” He did his best to smile at Anna, despite the anger he could see radiating from the depths of her eyes. “Is there an order or anything?”
Elaine laughed as she sat down next to Peter and slipped her hand into his. “No order. Just the tradition of telling stories as we hang certain ornaments.” She pointed at a ceramic diploma that held three different years written in calligraphy across the side. “This one is my favorite. It symbolizes all three of my wonderful children’s college graduations. Leena, why don’t you hang it for me this year? I’m rather content sitting here.”
Smiling, Leena happily plucked the ornament from its spot in the second row and hung it front and center on the tree.
Nick came in, trailing a popcorn garland behind him. “Who’s wrapping this bad boy?” He looked at Anna. “You made it.”
She laughed and Marshall couldn’t help smiling at the sound. He loved her laughter. It had a way of brightening his mood, and seeing her enjoy herself helped to put him a little at ease.
“Only so Jake wouldn’t eat all of it!” She laughed, taking the garland from Nick and walking to wrap it around the tree.
“You really wrap three things around there?” The questioned slipped out before he realized it, and he felt as if he’d insulted them.
“Don’t worry. When I saw them do it last year, I thought it was going to come out looking like a hot mess. Somehow, it works,” Tasha said, grabbing a movie clapperboard and hanging it on a branch facing out the window. “I’m not a part of the family, but Nick insisted I bring and ornament this year.”
“Are you angling for a ring?” Nick teased as he snatched the giant “D” off the floor. It was the company’s logo and the rest of his surname was written down the curved side.
“Heavens no! I have too many movies I want to star in before settling down and turning into a mom or something!” Tasha joked.
“Tasha!” Leena hissed, drawing all eyes to her.
“Oops,” Tasha shrunk down and stepped as far away from Leena as she could get.
“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! That’s the family picture you were taking! A horribly ugly one, but you were making a baby announcement!” Anna shrieked and flew at Leena, wrapping her arms around her in a giant hug.
A chorus of congratulations rang out through the room before Leena or Jake could confirm the news. Congratulations that should have been said by him as well, but he couldn’t bring himself too. Mandy’s cancer had been found when they’d gone in for fertility work. He would always want a child, but it would always be a reminder of one of the worst moments of his life as well.
No one seemed to notice his quietness, except Anna. At some point, she’d removed herself from the group and walked over to him. Her hand gently touched his shoulder, drawing his attention to her instead of the excited grouping in front of the tree.
“I haven’t forgiven you for what you said, but I didn’t mean what I said. I could never cut you out of my life completely, Marshall. I’m sorry Leena’s pregnancy brings such a harsh memory for you.” Sympathy shone out of her eyes.
“How did you know?” He barely managed to choke the words out.
She looked away from him briefly, tears shining behind her delicate eyelashes when she looked back. “I found out everything I could. I always wanted to talk to you about Mandy, but there just never seemed to be a moment.” She crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged. “I mean, is there ever a good time to tell the first love of your life you’re sorry his wife passed?”
He itched to wrap his arms around her and tell her how much it meant to him that she had cared, even if she’d never brought it up before. He had a rule, he didn’t talk about Mandy to anyone that didn’t know her, and Anna had never met his late wife.
“Thank you.” He forced himself to smile as best as he could. “How about you make it up to me by telling me about some of these ornaments? It appears the tree decorating has halted for a bit.” He gestured toward Leena with a nod. “I am excited for her, it’s just hard to forget a painful memory in lieu of a happy one for someone else.”
“I understand.” She wiped at the tears forming in her eyes and sniffled before looking at the rows of ornaments at their feet.
Bending, she picked up a red glass heart. It sparkled as it twirled in the light, and Marshall found himself oddly mesmerized by the site.
“This one is my favorite.” She handed it over to him and waited until he carefully took hold of the white satin ribbon hook before continuing. “It represents all the love in our family. Whether it’s my mom’s for Peter or Leena’s for Tasha, this heart is for all our love.” She stopped speaking, words appearing to hang on her lips but never spoken.
“It’s beautiful.” He passed it back to her, aching to hear her say she loved him as well. He knew it was on the tip of her tongue and knew he hadn’t lost her yet.
Smiling, she carefully navigated past the calming excitement over the news about the baby and hung it two branches down and slightly over from the diploma ornament.
“Marshall, why don’t you grab an ornament and someone will tell you the story as you hang it?” Elaine suggested as she returned to her seat on the sofa.
He was immediately reminded that he didn’t fit into the holiday scene before him and that he was merely a guest. Looking at Anna, he couldn’t help wanting to be more than that. He loved her, but he also loved her family from growing up with them. He fit in, despite the ways he stood out for not actually being one of them, and that was because of the way Anna was currently looking at him. Gone was all the anger he’d spied from outside the window less than an hour ago. All he saw now was the pretty blue gaze of the woman who loved him as if he were the only man that could ever be with her.
Shaking off an image of sweeping Anna up into another kiss, he looked over the ornaments before selecting one that could only be something of Anna’s—a pair of ice skates. “How about this one?”
Anna groaned. “Like you don’t know it?”
He grinned as the memory played out in his mind as if it were yesterday. “Tell me again, maybe I forgot.”
“I don’t think anyone could forget that day,” Nick teased as he left the room.
Anna glowered after her brother and then shot him a playful dirty look. “These represent the shortest Olympic dream career on the planet.” She pointed at them. “For all of three minutes, little Anna DeMarco at fifteen years old was going to be a gold medalist. In less time than it took me to lace the damned skates up, I’d managed to leap out onto thin ice and crash through it, needing a rescue from every male in this room. Except Peter, who wasn’t there.”
Marshall tried not to laugh at the image of Anna howling like a cat whose tail had been stepped on as one of her feet had slammed into freezing water. “I’m shocked you have an ornament of that. I didn’t think people wanted to remember things that traumatizing.” Hanging it near the bottom on the left side, he smiled at Anna, loving the way it felt to be utterly normal with her for the first time since they were eighteen.
“It was only traumatizing because not one of you felt bad! No one was even worried that I’d fall all the way through and drown.”
“That, my darling daughter, is because you were on top of the pool, not a lake. Hypothermia worried me for a half a second, but you somehow managed to only crack the ice enough to sink one leg in,” Elaine chuckled at the memory. “How could we not memorialize that?”
Once more, Marshall was reminded of something he enjoyed about the family he sat with—their ability to laugh. Not many would mix the joy of the holidays with sad and happy memories, but the DeMarco’s did. He wanted
more than ever to make things work with Anna because being reminded of their past only drilled in how perfect a future with her would be.
His phone buzzed in his pocket just as Nick emerged, carrying a tray of steaming drinks.
“I don’t have a damn clue whose is which, and unlike Leena, I don’t force everyone to drink hot cocoa.” Nick grinned as he passed a mug to Tasha and gave her a quick kiss before handing the tray off to Jake.
Grabbing his phone as it vibrated a second time, Marshal saw that it was another of the families he helped, the Robinson’s. Sighing, he pocketed the phone.
“Thank you all for allowing me to help a little tonight. I’ve got a family in need of some firewood to heat up their cabin while they’re out celebrating. Merry Christmas.” He pulled the gray beanie from his pocket and tugged it over his head, preparing to leave.
“Marshall?” Anna asked quietly behind him, causing him to turn. “I have something for you.” She opened her hand and showed him a watch with a leather band.
Taking it, he rubbed his finger over the face, jaw dropping open in shock. The night her parents had caught them together, he’d left a watch behind, one he’d assumed he’d never see again. Yet, there it was, with a pristine new black leather band. Turning it over, he ran his thumb over the word “always” that Anna had engraved on it.
Looking up at her, he felt caught up in the past and his emotions. His chest tightened at the idea that she had kept it and had finally given it back to him. Was it a way to further provide closure to a past that never went away? Or was it her way of trying to see what could happen, despite her relationship with another man.
“I don’t understand?” he whispered.
“Most people say thank you when they’re given a gift,” Anna teased with a smile. “I’ve had this in London with me. I kept meaning to bring it, but it never seemed like a good idea. I thought, well, I thought giving it to you was a wonderful gesture of growing up.”
His heart sank. It hadn’t been the reasoning he’d wanted to hear.