Actual Stop

by Kara A. McLeod

  Granted, the timing could’ve been better. I was literally just coming out of…well, something, but she knew the score there. I certainly hadn’t hidden the situation. Besides, wanting to go to bed and wanting to rekindle a romance were two different desires entirely. One didn’t necessarily lead to the other.

  How would I feel about that? If she and I were to fall into bed tonight—not that I was expecting us to—could I be content with just sex? Would I be able to handle making love to her, only to have her walk back out of my life? And what if she wanted to stay? Did I even want to go down that road with her again? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t trust her not to shatter me once more.

  “Thinking about kissing me isn’t supposed to make you all broody.” Allison handed me another water.

  I blinked and shook my head, then accepted the offered drink and took a long swallow. I glanced around. It wasn’t like her to be so open with these types of discussions when coworkers were lurking nearby. “It’s not that.”

  She took a sip of her own drink, her face serious. “What’s got you so tied up in knots, then?”

  I studied her for a moment, attempting to decipher the meaning behind her actions and each of the words she’d uttered from her first appearance in my office until now. It didn’t work. I was still completely clueless, which drove me crazy.

  Maybe it was the alcohol, which was probably a contributing factor. Or perhaps my poor brain had gone into shock and shut down from all the emotional ups and downs I’d endured lately. Maybe my war-torn heart had thrown up its figurative little hands and decided it wanted out of my decision-making process entirely. Or maybe all three. But that was—oh, screw it. For tonight at least, I was through thinking.

  “I was contemplating other things besides kissing.”

  “What other things?” The hint of passion swirling behind Allison’s gaze belied her tone of forced innocence.

  “You’re a smart girl. I think you can figure that out on your own.”

  When she didn’t reply, I fixed her with a long look, not hiding my desire, guessing I had nothing to lose. She stared at me for a long moment, and I tensed in anticipation as I awaited her reaction. The sensation was reminiscent of the moment when the roller coaster’s reached the top of that first climb and slowly starts to creep over the precipice of that initial huge drop. I was one giant ball of raw nerves and slithering organs.

  Her eyes flared just a little, and she inhaled sharply. She swallowed, and the tip of her tongue darted out to swipe across her bottom lip. The hand not holding her drink came up to brush her hair back off her forehead, and it was trembling. The barbed wire that’d snaked around my esophagus loosened, and my sparking nerves settled to a dull hum.

  “Any more silly questions?” I asked so quietly she had to lean in to hear me.

  Allison shook her head and gaped at me. “Christ,” she muttered.

  I smiled and took another sip of my water, forcing myself to concentrate on the cool wash of the liquid as it hit my tongue and slid down my suddenly dry throat. God, I wanted to touch her. Nothing too intimate. Something small. Just a brief meeting of hands or a swift brush of fingers against the bare skin of her shoulder. I ached with desire but wasn’t sure whether she was ready for that or what the gesture would even mean to either of us. I didn’t want to up the ante too soon.

  “You need to stop looking at me like that,” she said in a throaty rumble. She’d shifted so she was standing next to me, and I couldn’t look at her without turning my head.

  “Why?”

  The invisible hand around my chest squeezed, and my breathing stalled. Shit. I’d gone too far. She wasn’t going to answer, and I’d have only the din of my wildly thudding heart for company.

  Allison took another sip of her drink. “Do you remember the day we met?” Her tone was mild, and the seemingly off-topic question threw me.

  Did I remember? Which part? The immediate tension between us when we’d first made eye contact? The sparks that’d lit up my entire being when her fingers first brushed mine? Our inability to keep from touching one another, even innocently? Perhaps she meant the way my pulse had raced each time I’d even glimpsed her magnificent smile. Or maybe she was talking about the way everything in my world had suddenly made perfect sense the instant our lips touched. Truthfully, I remembered every single second of my time with her that day.

  “Vividly.”

  Her eyes captured mine and held them for a long moment. The longing in their depths made me totally forget how to think. Now I swallowed hard. I took another gulp of water, trying to dispel the dryness in the back of my throat.

  “The stools over by that pool table are about the same height as the benches at the range, don’t you think?”

  I glanced at the pieces of furniture and remembered our first trip to the shooting range, then imagined treating her to a repeat performance in the middle of this very public bar. My already racing pulse picked up speed, and I closed my eyes as a stab of pure need shot through me.

  Allison’s lips brushed against my ear, and I felt that touch acutely all over my entire body. “That’s why you need to stop looking at me like that. If you don’t, I can’t be held responsible for what I’ll beg you to do to me.”

  The sensation of her lips gently caressing my sensitive skin suddenly silenced the cacophony of memories rolling around inside my head as I was abruptly propelled headlong back into the moment. The muscles in my lower abdomen clenched, and I struggled for something clever to say, something that would mask my true thoughts. “Okay. Not up for a live sex show. Duly noted.”

  Allison grinned at me and shook her head. “Not just yet. But I do remember someone promising me a plaid skirt once upon a time.”

  I laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “This is it! This is it!” Paige’s excited squeals shattered the intimate moment, and she almost knocked me down with an overly enthusiastic lunge in my direction. She tugged insistently on my arm, and I was thankful it wasn’t the arm holding the water. That would’ve been messy. And I was already wet enough in other places.

  Paige looked back and forth from me to Allison expectantly, anticipation brimming in her eyes. I tilted my head to one side and listened. I knew this song. Paige had been right. It was kind of old. And it would be fun to dance to. I glanced at Rico, who shrugged.

  “I’m game if you are.”

  I held out my glass to Allison. “Do you mind?”

  “Not at all.” Her smile made me faintly dizzy.

  “Wait ’til you see this,” I heard Paige tell her. “My God, I just want to jump them both when they do this.”

  My jaw dropped, and I glanced back over my shoulder as Rico led me to the dance floor. Allison seemed torn between laughter and intrigue. I shook my head and stepped into Rico’s waiting arms. We paused a moment, feeling the beat of the song before we moved. The muscles in his arms tensed, and instantly I realized what part of the song was coming and what he was about to do.

  “Dump me on my ass, and I’ll pistol-whip you,” I told him.

  Rico just laughed. And then I was spinning, one revolution for each count the singer made. I’d realized his intentions just in time, too. Whew! If I hadn’t been prepared, my legs would’ve tangled, and I would’ve gone down. I very likely would’ve taken him with me. He’d made a gutsy move. I was a tad unsteady in heels this high as it was.

  I forced myself to block out everything—the lights, the setting, the guys, the fact that I could practically feel Allison’s hot gaze on my skin—and just concentrate on the beat and Rico. It didn’t take long to get caught up in our familiar rhythm. The rest of the world faded away as we moved together, and I caught myself grinning.

  Rico met my eyes, and he echoed my smile before turning me again. It’d been way too long since I’d been out dancing, and I’d forgotten how much fun it was. I made a mental note to ask Rico and Paige to go out again soon and counted myself lucky that Paige couldn’t dance like this and didn’t mi
nd lending me her husband once in a while.

  The song was over way too soon, and Rico lifted me into his arms and spun me around as the last chords of the music faded away, replaced by an undanceable popular pop song. The five or six work guys still left broke into spontaneous applause, and Rico and I made a big show of bowing to the crowd. I laughed right along with him as we stumbled back over to Allison and Paige, beaming and a little breathless.

  Paige’s grin was enormous, and her glassy eyes sparkled. “That was great, you guys.” She nudged Allison. “Weren’t they great?” She didn’t wait for an answer as she wrapped her arms around Rico in an exuberant hug.

  Allison was staring at me, something not unlike shock painted across her face.

  “What?” I wanted to know.

  “I didn’t know you could do that.”

  I shrugged and glanced away, embarrassed. Was she complimenting or criticizing me? I kept quiet.

  “Have you always been able to do that?”

  “For as long as I can remember.”

  “I’ve never seen you dance before.”

  “Well, no, you wouldn’t have.”

  “It was very hot.”

  A sharp stab of desire cut straight through me, slicing cleanly through the threads of uncertainty that’d gotten tangled inside me. I cleared my throat. “It’s even hotter when you do it with someone you’re actually attracted to.”

  She was quiet, something intense and almost primitive flickering in her eyes. “Could you teach me?”

  “Definitely.” I cocked my head, so I could better hear the song currently playing. No, this wouldn’t work.

  “Let’s go.” Allison’s voice held more than a hint of a command, and underneath lurked a slim thread of passion.

  I shook my head again. “Not now.”

  Allison looked hurt. She set her jaw. “Okay.”

  I rested one hand on her bare forearm. “I’m not a very good lead. I haven’t had that much practice.” I sketched a vague gesture in the air with my hand, indicating the music surrounding us. “I won’t be able to teach you how to dance to this. I’m not proficient enough to ignore the beat. Rico might be able to do it, but if you want me, we’ll have to wait for another song.”

  Realization dawned on Allison’s face, followed by a tender sort of smile, which confused the hell out of me. What had she thought I’d been talking about?

  “No, I meant let’s leave.”

  “Oh. I thought you wanted me to teach you to dance.”

  Allison shook her head, the sway of her dark hair as it brushed the tops of her bare shoulders mesmerizing me. “I do. But not here.”

  I colored. How could I have forgotten we had an audience? She wouldn’t want them to see us doing something as intimate as dancing. And she was right. We didn’t need to fuel their fantasies. Besides, after five seconds of moving with her in my arms while she stared at me with that hungry look, I might ravish her on the spot, audience and probable jail time be damned.

  “Oh. Right. Sorry.” I hesitated, thinking, and then it hit me what she’d just said. She wanted us to leave. Together.

  My eyebrows flew up, and I gaped at her. Her blatant desire left me speechless. Even when we’d been a couple, she’d never wanted anyone to see us depart a party together. We’d always had to duck out separately with at least thirty minutes between our departure times, even though we intended to spend the night in each other’s arms. What had changed? Anything? I didn’t want to make the wrong assumption.

  Allison smiled at me again, probably reading my uncertainty, and extended a hand. Tentatively, I took it. Again, her behavior stymied me. Not that I was complaining. I just didn’t understand what was going on, and I didn’t like being clueless.

  She threaded her fingers through mine and pulled me toward the door. I stopped her with a light tug, and she turned around, looking part bewildered and part irritated. I squeezed her hand.

  “Just give me a second to say good-bye to Rico and Paige.”

  Relief flickered in Allison’s eyes, and she nodded.

  I made my way back to my friends, who also looked like they were getting ready to call it a night. We quickly exchanged hugs, as well as promises to call and get together again soon. My heart was stomping out a vigorous treble reel as I floated back over to Allison, and a flutter of nervousness tickled my insides.

  Allison gazed at me with tenderness and once again offered me her hand. She always could read me better than anyone on the planet, which could be a blessing or a curse. Tonight it was the former. I smiled at her as I took her hand and allowed her to lead me out the door and into the night.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Allison shivered as the cool night air hit her. I took her jacket from where she’d slung it carelessly over her arm and held it up. A secretive smile touched the corners of her lips as she turned her back to me and allowed me to help her into it. I wanted so badly to place a small kiss on the side of her neck just below and behind her ear, but somehow I made myself wait. I sighed softly at the memory the faint scent of her perfume invoked and felt her shiver again. Was it due to my proximity to her? I smiled.

  “Do you mind if we walk?” Allison wanted to know.

  “No. It’s a nice-enough night, and it’s not that far.”

  “Will you be okay in those shoes?”

  “If I’m not, will you carry me?”

  “Maybe. If you’re good.”

  She started ambling down the street. The expression in her eyes—what I could see of them—seemed distant and vaguely troubled. She had something on her mind, but I’d need to wait it out. Pushing her to talk before she was ready had never gotten me anywhere. So I tried to examine my surroundings and simply enjoy being with her rather than obsess over whatever could possibly be occupying her thoughts to this degree.

  After a few minutes, she took my hand with trembling fingertips. The sweetness of the gesture tugged at me, and I brought her hand up to my lips and dropped a gentle kiss on it.

  Allison inhaled sharply and studied me out of the corners of her eyes. The longing reflected there made my joints all wobbly, and I was thrilled when she didn’t pull her hand away. I hadn’t thought about the action before I’d performed it, but once upon a time it would’ve gotten me into trouble. Though her holding my hand at all signaled she was okay with a little PDA.

  Always one to push any envelope presented, I held her gaze and brushed my lips along her knuckles once more. I took my time, drawing out the kiss, teasing her. Her breathing was shallow and quick, and her tongue darted out to moisten her lips as her eyes dropped to focus on mine. My heart might’ve momentarily ceased beating, but I hardly cared.

  Still gazing at her eyes, I deliberately grazed each knuckle lightly with my teeth. Then I turned her hand over and nipped at the inside of her wrist, at the skin over her pulse. I could feel it pounding when I pressed my lips against it and couldn’t help smiling. Absently, I traced small circles in the palm of her hand with my thumb.

  “You’re driving me crazy.” Her voice was a low, warning hum, and her eyes flashed dangerously.

  “Good.”

  All of a sudden, on the heels of that declaration, all the reasons why we shouldn’t be doing this paraded across my mind and made me pause. But then Allison tugged me to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk and brushed my cheek with the fingertips of her free hand. Any thoughts I might’ve had about anything else completely dissolved as the raw desire in her unflinching eyes pinned me.

  My head started to spin, and a fissure shot up my spine, slamming against each individual vertebrae. I couldn’t think about anything else. How could I? Allison was everything, and satisfying her longing was paramount. Nothing else mattered in that moment. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, not next week. Now was everything. And now it was imperative that I kiss her.

  I leaned in, determined to capture those luscious lips with my own. She was gravity itself, and I was helpless against her pull. Allison smiled coquettishly and lean
ed back, shaking her head a bit. I huffed and rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling.

  “Guess I’m not the only one who’s going crazy,” she said lightly. Her eyes glittered, and she resumed walking, swinging our hands between us.

  I pulled her closer to me and threaded my arm around her waist and under her jacket. Before she could protest, I slipped my hand under her tank top, tracing designs on the soft skin of her lower back. She stiffened and gasped. Both the feel of her beneath my fingertips and her little sighs caused my entire body to ache and a flood of moisture to pool between my legs. As far as I was concerned, we couldn’t get to the hotel fast enough.

  The rest of the walk was a blur of sights, sounds, and sensations, which served only to stoke the embers of my arousal until they burned with the intensity of a four-alarm fire in an oil refinery. I was so hot by the time we walked into the lobby I was ready to come in my pants. The elevator ride was pure torture as Allison snuggled up behind me and rested her chin on my shoulder, scarcely nuzzling my ear. She might’ve been speaking to me, but I couldn’t hear over the roar of blood pounding in my ears on a fast track straight to my throbbing center. The feel of her arms around my waist, her hot breath in my ear, the sensation of her breasts pressing firmly into my back, her hips pushed up against my ass—all of it led me further and further astray from the bounds of propriety, and I craved to take her in the elevator. Too bad she’d already nixed the live sex show.

  Finally, finally we reached her room. Her attempts to insert the key card into the lock with trembling hands took way longer than I wanted, and I let out a low moan of impatience. That slip only made her hands shake more and delayed her progress that much longer. When we stumbled into her darkened foyer at long last, I was so happy I wanted to cry.