The Cat Really Did That?: 101 Stories of Miracles, Mischief and Magical Moments

by Amy Newmark

  Eventually, Hannah took the two-month-old tabby to be placed for adoption at the Humane Society of Dallas County Dog & Kitty City. They named him Cheeto.

  That’s where I came in, broken-hearted from the loss of our beloved Squeaky, a cat who had graced our lives for seventeen years. I was getting older, so I was looking for a maintenance-free kitty, if there was such a thing.

  A gray kitten in a cage reached out to me, scratching my hand slightly and producing a few drops of blood. Simultaneously, a veterinary nurse was vaccinating Cheeto.

  “Here. Hold him,” she said to me. I grabbed the fidgety little creature as he bled from his shot onto my bleeding hand. Our blood got co-mingled. That clinched it.

  “It’s destiny! We were meant for each other,” I said.

  I took him home and changed his name to Ollie.

  Have you noticed that regardless of their humble beginnings, some cats develop an entitlement attitude from the get-go?

  Ollie had nothing but the fur on his back when he came into our lives. His story could be “From Rags to Riches,” because he soon had toys, mechanical mice, strings, feathers, and balls. He had a different cat bed in each of three rooms, yet he slept with us in our bed. He received a scratching post as a “Welcome to Your New Home” gift from a friend. He had a cat condo with three levels. Before long, however, he turned his nose up at any toy or gift more than a few days old.

  And he was even in our will. If anything were to happen to us, we bequeathed Ollie to our granddaughter, Lindsey.

  One day, my husband and I decided to buy a new bed. I did an online search while Ollie was comfortably curled up in a designer shoebox by my keyboard. He was always by my side when I surfed the Internet, basking in the light and heat of the computer. Sometimes, I’d go to a cat site, and together we would peruse the latest craze in cat toys. He might give a high-five to the screen, indicating which item pleased him.

  But back to the Internet search. I remembered sleeping on a wonderfully relaxing mattress at a hotel. It was the Westin Hotel Heavenly Bed. I was so pleased to find it on Amazon. I clicked to place it in my shopping cart but once it was there, I saw the very high shipping charge, so I didn’t go through with the purchase.

  “See what you can find locally,” suggested my husband. “You could always go back online if you don’t find it in a store.”

  The next day, I found the perfect mattress at a local mall. Free delivery. It arrived a couple of days later.

  Soon after we were happily sleeping on our new bed I received a somewhat garbled message on our answering machine: “Here to deliver your (unintelligible). What’s (unintelligible) address?”

  He left a number that I couldn’t understand, so I ignored it. I figured it was a wrong number or a telemarketer.

  The next day came another message: “I’m in Dallas and have your mattress on my truck. Where do you want it delivered?”

  The man left a number, and I called him right back. “There must be some mistake. They’ve already delivered our bed. We’ve been sleeping on it for several days now,” I told him.

  “Lady, all I know is I have a Heavenly Bed on my truck, and I drove all the way to Dallas to bring it to you, as ordered.”

  Once I heard “Heavenly Bed,” I realized what must have happened. I knew I had put the bed in my cart, but I also knew I had never completed the transaction. No one had access to my computer but me… and Ollie!

  Maybe it was my fault for leaving my computer unattended, but who would have dreamed a cat would walk on my keyboard and hit just the right, or wrong, keys? I guess all it took was one step, literally, to enable the 1-Click feature and complete the order.

  Amazon was so understanding. They referred me to the mattress vendor, saying, “If it’s fraud, they will work with you.”

  I tried to explain it wasn’t fraud. My privileged cat, who has three beds of his own, but prefers ours, was the perp. I’m not sure the vendor believed that my cat placed the order, but they eventually agreed to cancel it.

  That’s how Ollie became “the cat who almost purchased a Heavenly Bed on Amazon.”

  Since then, I sign off my computer when I leave it unattended. With Ollie’s taste for fine things, there’s no telling what that cat will order next!

  ~Eva Carter

  Hide and Seek

  I have studied many philosophers and many cats.

  The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

  ~Hippolyte Taine

  He had been found wandering, weak and hungry, when he was rescued. Given his penchant for drinking from the water faucet, I suspect that’s how he managed to survive. The vet estimated that this beautiful, mink-colored Siamese was just shy of a year old.

  The staff of the Humane Society that took him in named him DC, short for “Darn Cat.” I met DC when I took my two Cockapoos to be groomed at the Humane Society, an event they always dreaded, as evidenced by their trembling and crying. When I picked them up that afternoon, the groomer pointed to DC and told me how the cat had jumped onto the groomer’s table and sat calmly with each dog as it was groomed, easing its fears and forming a heartwarming bond. Since DC was about to be put up for adoption, I jumped at the chance. My dogs obviously loved him, and his personality stole my heart. He quickly bonded with me and my husband, acting as though he had known us all his life.

  Often we would find him hiding under a throw rug or cuddled into the back of a recliner. If not playing hide-and-seek, he and the dogs would take turns chasing each other through the house, up and down the stairs, and in a circle from the kitchen to the living room, to the dining room and back to the kitchen. They loved to cuddle together for naps and they became inseparable friends.

  One day became forever etched in my memory. It was especially hectic as I tried to get the house straightened up, furniture dusted, supper planned, dishes put away, and laundry done. I transferred the first load of wash into the dryer and placed a second load in the washer. The family room was in need of a good vacuuming, so I lugged the vacuum out of the hall closet and down to the family room, plugged it in and moved some items out of the way. Just as I was about to turn it on, I heard a strange soft thump, then several more muted thumps, evenly spaced, several seconds apart. I knew I hadn’t put any sneakers in the dryer, so what might it be?

  Suddenly, I knew. I raced to the dryer and frantically started pulling out wet towels. As I had feared, there was DC, buried in towels. He was hot, dizzy, and smelled of wet fur. Apparently, he thought the dryer would be a great hiding place, and he had jumped in unnoticed.

  I carried him to the next room and carefully placed him on the floor. He rested on his side, panting heavily. The dogs rushed to his side, licking him and whining softly. He seemed to feel the love and responded meekly with a little meow. No doubt he was sore from the tumbling he had endured, but apparently the towels had cushioned him, protecting him against broken bones and internal injuries.

  The dogs and I sat next to him, gently soothing him with soft touches and encouraging words. After about ten minutes, his breathing slowed, and he sat up cautiously. He tried to take a few staggering steps, but vertigo got the better of him. He lay back down and willingly drank some water from a syringe.

  As he relaxed, I folded some laundry and carried it up to my bedroom. I debated with myself about taking him to the vet or giving him a while longer to recuperate. After a few minutes, DC climbed the stairs, joined me in the bedroom, and jumped up on the bed as though nothing had happened. With a sigh of relief, I knew he was going to be okay. The dogs followed behind him and settled down on the floor next to the bed as though vowing never to let him out of their sight.

  Thankfully, DC never used the dryer as a hiding place again, but I never turned it on after that without checking first to be sure he was safe.

  We enjoyed twelve more years with DC until he passed quietly in his sleep. Our lives were made much richer for the love and antics of this little character. That adorable “Darn Cat” will live foreve
r in our hearts.

  ~Marti Robards

  The Rescue

  If you’re curious, you’ll probably be a good journalist because we follow our curiosity like cats.

  ~Diane Sawyer

  His glowing eyes gave him away. I spotted him hiding under our porch — a tiny thing with scaly, bald patches where there should have been black fur. So I did the only rational thing — I grabbed an empty box, laid my trap, and scooped him up. Bringing him inside, I wondered how I’d explain this to my husband. We are both very allergic to cats, so convincing him to let me help this tiny kitten would take all of my persuasive powers.

  Opening the box in the light of my kitchen, I discovered the situation was worse than I had thought. He was malnourished and missing large amounts of fur all over his shaking body. I could feel his tiny bones and his swollen belly. I determined he couldn’t be more than four weeks old — so young to have suffered so much already.

  Luckily for me, my husband is as much of a sap as I am. So, we loaded up on allergy medicine and settled in to nourish our rescued kitten back to health. Most of his ailments were cured with lots of food and attention. The bald patches were easy enough to fix after a trip to the vet.

  Before we knew it, he was running around the house at full speed and causing all sorts of mischief. He liked to hide in the most random places and wait for us to pass by. Once we were close enough, he would pounce out on our feet, scare the daylights out of us, and bound off before the screams were fully out of our mouths. For some reason, he only played this game when we had been home for hours. If we left the house, he would come running to the door to greet us when we returned.

  So, imagine my surprise when we came home from the gym, and there wasn’t a cat winding his way around our feet. It seemed very odd, but I wasn’t too worried at first. I called his name, expecting him to come running, but he didn’t appear. My husband and I checked his usual spots, but he was nowhere to be found. So we checked again. And again. We grew more frantic as time passed. After an hour of calling his name and checking every room, we grew worried that he had somehow escaped. But a quick check of the windows and doors proved they were all locked and secured. After another hour, I became convinced that some criminal had literally “cat-burgled” us. I just knew that someone had broken in, seen how awesome our cat was, and stolen him!

  I tried to remember what people do when a cat goes missing. Did they put up signs? Offer a reward? I had never had a missing pet, and I felt as lost as I thought he was. My husband figured we had done everything we could for the night, so he set out dinner and tossed a load of laundry in the washing machine. As soon as the washing machine hit the spin cycle, we heard it: a loud, wailing meoooooow!

  Jumping up, we ran to the washing machine, opening the lid to find nothing but wet, sudsy laundry. We stared at each other, trying to determine where the sound had come from, when we heard it again. Meoooooow.

  It had definitely come from the washing machine, but it was clear he wasn’t inside the machine. So where was he? I looked on the sides and between the washer and dryer, but there was no sign of him. Climbing on top of the washing machine, I peeked over the back.

  Again, his glowing eyes gave him away. He was upside-down with his arms and legs spread as far as they could go, stuck between the wall and the washing machine. His eyes were open incredibly wide with a look of pure panic, and he let out another screeching meoooooow. I reached down and rescued him from his precarious position, laughing with relief. Later, we determined he had climbed on top of the washing machine, slipped and fell behind it, and then somehow grabbed onto the small vents in the back of the machine on his way down.

  Needless to say, that was the very last day he climbed on anything again. All of his surprise attacks now come from much closer to the ground!

  ~Jessica Edwards

  My Musical Cat

  There are two means of refuge from the misery of life: music and cats.

  ~Albert Schweitzer

  It was that kind of a day. I looked forward to coming home to my cat. “Boo!” I called. But, as usual, he didn’t come to me. Weren’t pets supposed to comfort a person? Was I chopped liver? Apparently, I wasn’t because if I were actually chopped liver, Boo would not be ignoring me.

  I found him in the kitchen. He was swishing his tail as he gobbled his food. “There you are,” I said, petting him. “Why didn’t you come to me?”

  Boo stopped eating for a second and gazed up at me with his green eyes. “Meow?” he said, with an inquisitive look.

  I knew Boo was smart. So, why was he ignoring me when I called him? It seemed the only time he came running was when I opened a can of cat food.

  “You know you are supposed to come to me when I call you,” I scolded. “Don’t you know you’re reinforcing all the negative stereotypes about cats?”

  I petted him for a while and then left the kitchen. I strolled over to the piano and started playing. Next thing I knew, Boo had raced into the room and leapt up on the piano bench. He was rubbing his face against my arm, purring, as I tried to play the song.

  “Hey, move out of the way. I’m trying to reach for a chord.” That didn’t stop him. He kept head-butting my arm in a state of bliss.

  I rolled my eyes. “Just like a male. When I want you, you won’t come, and when I don’t call you, you’re all over me.”

  A few weeks later, a friend was visiting. “Play something on the piano,” she said.

  I launched into song. Within a few minutes, Boo had jumped on the bench beside me, purring.

  My friend laughed. “Wow, your cat really likes the way you play.”

  “Yeah, he does,” I said. That’s when it dawned on me. Boo always jumped up on the piano bench when I was playing. My cat loved the piano!

  One night after that, I was awakened from a sound sleep when I heard piano notes tinkling. Trembling, I sneaked down the stairs, flashlight in hand.

  My flashlight panned the room as I clutched the banister and shook in my slippers. There was something on the piano. It was moving. My flashlight beam fell upon it. Boo was walking on the piano keys.

  “Really, Boo? At two o’clock in the morning?”

  It became our routine. Every time I played the piano, Boo leapt up on the bench. Obviously, he loved the piano more than me. I went on with my life.

  When another friend came over with his guitar, Boo rubbed against his ankles as he strummed the chords.

  “Strange. Your cat isn’t like other cats. He’s so friendly,” said my friend, who was a dog person.

  “He likes the way you play.”

  A few days later, I was sitting on the couch singing my favorite song. As I sang, a dark, plump blur dashed across the room and dived into my lap. It was Boo. He kneaded my lap and kissed my face as I sang.

  Wow, I thought. Boo loves the way I sing.

  And then, I had a horrible thought. What if he hates the way I sing, and he’s trying to shut me up? I banished the thought immediately.

  Boo did not act like a cat who hated my singing. He was purring, happily rubbing his whiskers against my chin in bliss. He kneaded my lap. And right in the middle of the song, he snuggled in my lap, purring like a kitten, and drifted off to sleep.

  It happened again and again. Every time I sang that song, if Boo was in earshot, he would stop everything he was doing and come running. I never saw anything like it. I never knew a plump cat could move so fast and defy the laws of gravity while soaring in the air to reach my lap. It was now obvious that he truly loved all music, not just the piano.

  Yet when I came home from work, he was nowhere to be found when I called out his name. “Boo, where are you?” My voice echoed through the house.

  This is ridiculous, I thought. He only comes running when he hears the sound of a can opening. Or… when he hears music.

  I decided to put him to the test. I launched into his favorite song. There was a loud clatter from upstairs, and then thumping as his heavy body dashed down the stair
s. He skidded into the room in front of me.

  “Meow?” he said.

  I was delighted.

  I kept singing. He purred some more.

  I don’t bother to call Boo anymore. If I want Boo to come to me, I launch into his favorite song, and he will move heaven and earth to find me.

  Sometimes, when he is in the middle of joyous rapture, purring to the sound of a piano, guitar, or singing, I wonder if he’s really a frustrated musician trapped in a cat’s body. No, that couldn’t be possible, could it?

  ~L.A. Strucke

  Our Marmalade Safecracker

  All I do is eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. There must be more to a cat’s life than that. But I hope not.

  ~Garfield

  Ransom’s mind revolved around two things — naps and food. The rescue shelter’s staff had warned us. Whether it was dry kibble or juicy live critters, Ransom didn’t care as long as food was readily available. This became a problem since this hulk of an orange marmalade cat never knew when to stop.

  Through the years, we tried several devices to slow his gluttony. For a while, a bowl with upright prongs regulated his intake — until he learned to flip the dish and spill out the food. Never satisfied with twice-a-day feedings, he’d shadow us, yowling, “I’m huu-n-gry,” until we caved. In between the caterwauling, he’d sleep off the meal on the back of my favorite chair, only to wake ready to beg again.

  When we switched to feeding him small, frequent, grazing portions, Ransom’s attention switched to a more paws-on approach for acquiring kibble. Plastic or paper, he chewed through every package after prying open any cabinet door we hid it behind. The result of his scarf-and-barf behavior often left my dear husband calling for “cleanup in hallway five.”

  We resorted to locking his food within Tupperware. The Cereal Keeper turned into great entertainment for two bored, empty nesters like us. First Ransom would crash the Tupperware to the floor. We would high-five each other, believing we’d finally outfoxed the thief. He would paw at the airtight seal tirelessly.