A Secret Sacrifice (Amish Secrets--Book 5)

by J. E. B. Spredemann

She grinned. “I'm in the family way!”

  John's countenance lit like a child at Christmas. “You are? Al-Already? You're sure?”

  She nodded, joy filling her heart at her husband's excitement.

  “Why didn't you tell me? How long- Is that why you felt sick the other day?”

  She simply nodded again, struggling not to release her laughter.

  “But, when did you find out?”

  “Today. I thought I was but I took one of those Englischer pregnancy tests to be certain.”

  “Why didn't you tell me right away? I had no clue all this time and-” He shook his head. “What am I thinking? Who cares! I'm a daed!” He stood and pulled Rosanna to her feet. Gripping her waist, he stepped away from the table and swung her around. She laughed aloud, doubting she had ever been happier than she was in this moment. Suddenly, John stopped. “Wait, I probably shouldn't have done that. Is it bad for the boppli? I don't want to do anything to hurt it.”

  Rosanna laughed again. “I think the boppli is enjoying your excitement just as much as I am.”

  Wearing the biggest grin, John stepped close and branded his mouth to hers. Rosanna allowed her hands to travel up around his neck and lost herself in her husband's embrace. Some moments later, she looked up and noticed that she was in John's lap, sitting in the living room.

  “Supper.”

  John removed her prayer kapp and began pulling out the pins securing her hair. He smiled. “Supper can wait.”

  Rosanna couldn't agree more.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  John leaned in and listened intently as the preacher spoke. He’d never understood the Scriptures as he had today. It was plain and clear. Jesus paid it all. All! There was nothing anyone could do to add to what Jesus did on the cross. Now, he knew what Jesus meant when he’d said, “It is finished.”

  This was absolutely amazing. If what the preacher read was true, that meant that there was nothing left to do. If you accepted Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, your salvation was paid in full.

  As this new revelation moved his heart, tears pricked his eyes. Every single one of his sins, past, present, and future, had been paid for by Jesus when He shed His blood.

  He glanced toward Zach and hoped he’d been paying attention. The preacher asked if anyone wanted to receive Christ’s free gift of salvation and John immediately threw his hand in the air. There was no way he was going to miss out on this opportunity.

  After the service, the preacher approached him and asked if he’d like to talk more. You bet he did. He invited Zach to stay and listen, but he chose to wait with the Brooks family. They discussed several different things in regard to the message and John was happy to gain even more understanding. The Bible was clear. You could know that you were saved and Heaven bound!

  John felt as though a heavy weight had lifted from his chest. He was free indeed! If only Zach could get a hold of this truth, how different his life would be.

  He ached to get home so he could share his newfound knowledge with Rosie.

  <><><>

  Rosanna smiled as John approached the house alone. She watched and sighed in relief as the taillights of Zach’s vehicle rounded the corner. They would have the afternoon all to themselves – that is, if no one from their community showed up to visit, which was very likely on a Sunday.

  “How’s my beautiful wife?” He greeted her with a much needed kiss.

  “Gut. How was your morning?” She moved to the dining area. “Are you hungry?”

  “Not yet.” He pulled her by the hand into their sitting room. “Come, sit with me and let’s talk.” He sank down onto the couch and pulled her into his lap.

  She loved the feeling of his arms around her waist. “About what?”

  “I want to tell you what happened today.”

  He seemed so happy and Rosanna could almost feel his excitement. “Zach did what?”

  “No, not Zach. This has nothing to do with Zach. It has to do with Jesus.”

  “Jesus?” Now she was a little confused.

  “I got saved today, Rosie!” He squeezed her momentarily.

  She wanted to catch his enthusiasm, but what did he mean by this? “I don’t understand.”

  “Jesus paid it all.”

  Her brow rose. “Jesus paid it all?”

  “Yes! When Jesus died on the cross for our sins, He paid for every one of them. Salvation is a gift and it’s free for the asking.” His grin stretched across his face and joy radiated from his eyes. “I asked Jesus to save me and I know He did! I’m going to Heaven, Rosie!”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  He frowned. “Why am I telling you? I thought that was obvious.”

  A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. She sprung from his lap. It wouldn’t do to be caught in an intimate embrace.

  “Someone is here.” She frowned and prayed it wasn’t Zachariah Zook.

  “I’ll get it.”

  He pulled open the door and greeted their guests. “Isaac, Mary, it’s gut to see you.”

  “Mamm, Dat, I didn’t know you were coming by today.” She smiled, relieved it wasn’t Zach.

  “We wanted to surprise you. I brought a casserole for supper.”

  John smiled. “That’s wunderbaar.”

  He leaned over and whispered in Rosanna’s ear as they took the dish to the kitchen. “Do you want to tell your folks about the boppli?”

  She smiled. “We have a surprise for you too!”

  “Oh? Did you make my favorite dessert?” Her father perked up.

  “No, Dat.” She laughed.

  “Rosie’s in the family way!” John beamed.

  “Ach, for real?” Her mother’s countenance brightened. “Now, that’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time!”

  They shared congratulatory hugs.

  <><><>

  “That was delicious, Mary. Denki for bringing it to us.” John smiled at his mother-in-law.

  Rosie’s mother nodded demurely.

  Rosanna’s head shot up. “Did I hear something?”

  “It sounded like a car.” John moved to the door. What’s Zach doing back here? He looked back to the table, where Isaac still sat eating. The ladies had begun to take dishes to the table.

  He quickly went outside before Zach could come in. The last thing he wished to do was disrupt a perfectly good evening with his wife and her parents.

  “What’s going on, Zach?” He met his friend as he opened his vehicle’s door.

  A whiff of his breath told him Zach had been drinking again. “Wanted to come see my buddy.”

  “Zach, you are not supposed to be driving while you’re drinking, remember? If you drink, you need to stay home.” Telling him now, while he was intoxicated, was as useful as telling an elephant to tie her shoes. “Get in the passenger’s seat.”

  Zach did as told.

  “Okay, now just wait there. I need to go talk to Rosie.” He took the keys to ensure Zach wouldn’t drive off.

  He went to the door and called to Rosie. He quickly pulled her outside and close the door. “I need to take Zach home. He’s been drinking.”

  Rosie sighed and then nodded. “Okay. Are you going to call Ernie?”

  “Nee, I’ll just take him.”

  Her eyes sprang open. “But you don’t drive.”

  “I did some driving when I was in my rumspringa.”

  “You did?” She smiled at this new revelation. “You never told me.”

  He shrugged. “It never came up.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yeah, it’s no problem. And I’m going to ask Mrs. Brooks to hold onto his keys from now on so he can’t drive drunk.”

  “That sounds like a good idea.”

  He pulled his wife close and gave her a kiss she wouldn’t forget too soon. “I love you, Rosanna Christner.”

  “I love you, too. Please don’t be any longer than you have to.”

  “I won’t.” He pointed to the house. “Do
you want me to explain to your folks?”

  “Nee. I can handle it. You go.” She put a hand against his chest and kissed him, sending a spark of desire through his veins. “The sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll be back.” Her lips met his one more time before she disappeared into the house.

  Boy, did he love his wife! His blessings almost seemed too much to contain.

  Now, if he could just get Zach back on his feet again, the world would be right.

  “Let’s get you home, buddy.” He turned the engine over and pulled out of the driveway.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  A knock on the door woke Rosanna from a dead sleep. She rubbed her eyes, loathing the fact she needed to answer the door. Who could it be? She knew it wasn’t John, he wouldn’t knock. She rolled over and looked at the empty spot in bed next to her – an all too common sight since their wedding a few months ago. She’d hoped that telling John about the baby the other night would influence his decision to be home early in the evenings. It hadn’t. She sighed, put her robe on, and went to open the door.

  “Who is it?” She called through the door before opening it.

  “It’s Henry Christner.”

  John’s father? What was he doing here at this hour?

  She quickly opened the door and her eyes widened when she noted the police officer behind him.

  “Rosanna,” Henry swallowed and she noticed tears in his eyes. “There’s been an accident.”

  “An accident?” Her gaze shot from John’s father to the officer.

  “John is dead.”

  Rosanna felt her knees go weak.

  “Is she dead?” Rosanna heard her father-in-law say.

  “No, she just passed out.” Whose voice was that? It was unfamiliar.

  She felt cool air on her face and she opened her eyes. Was she lying on the floor? “What happened?” She looked to her mother, then to John’s father, then to an officer. What was going on?

  “You fainted,” her mother explained.

  Fainted? She’d never fainted before. “Why?”

  “You do not remember?” John’s father asked. His eyes shifted to the officer.

  “Nee.” She looked around. “Where’s John?”

  Her mother stroked her hair. “He’s gone.”

  “Jah, jah. With Zachariah.” She sat up slowly. Her memory was returning now.

  “No, dochder. John was in a car accident with Zachariah Zook. He is dead.”

  She closed her eyes and attempted to process her mother’s words. “Zachariah is dead?”

  “Nee, our John is dead.” Henry Christner’s brow lowered.

  “John? M-my John?” Her hand immediately went to her belly. No, John couldn’t be dead. He couldn’t be! He had to be here to help her raise their baby. She couldn’t raise it alone. “No! He can’t be dead!”

  “I’m very sorry, ma’am,” the officer spoke. “Is there something we can do for you?”

  “Nee, you may go now,” Henry Christner nodded to the officer.

  “I will stay here with her, Henry. You may go home to your family,” her mother said. “But will you help me get her to the chair?”

  “Sure,” Henry said.

  “I can do it. I don’t need help,” Rosanna insisted. She attempted to stand but her legs gave way again. Her mother and Henry caught her by the arms.

  “Let us help you, dochder,” her mom said. She and Henry helped her over to the chair in their small gathering room.

  “You wanna help me? Bring John back.” Tears rushed to the surface and cascaded down her cheeks. “I can’t live without him.”

  Her mother pulled her close and let her cry on her shoulder. “I know it is hard, dochder. But Der Herr will be with you. He will help you through this.”

  “I’m not ready to let him go, Mamm. Our boppli…” She couldn’t speak another word as the tears choked her voice. Her heart felt like it had been wrung out like a rag. Not a drop of anything was left. It ached more than she could fathom.

  “Shh…” Her mother stroked her hair, but it didn’t lessen the pain.

  If only she could die too. If only she didn’t have to face her future alone.

  <><><>

  John's body was delivered to his parents the next morning. Sarah Christner prepared his body and dressed him in the clothing he wore on the day of his and Rosanna's wedding. Family and friends visited to view the body and offer condolences. Rosanna stayed home, unable to shake the shock clouding her mind. She knew many of the Amish would question her absence, but she paid it no thought. John was gone.

  Sleep refused her that night and she spent the hours gazing upon the empty space beside her. It seemed as though all she could do was think about their last hours together. The pride of informing her parents of their new boppli. The disappointment in letting him leave with Zach. The sorrow and pain she experienced when she learned he was gone. The memories replayed over and over again, and yet the tears never came.

  The funeral came too soon the following day and Rosanna forced herself to rise and join her parents and sisters on their way to John's childhood home. The sight of the special buggy created to carry coffins parked by the barn seemed to make everything seem so real. Her mother guided her inside the house and to John's mamm.

  Sarah's eyes brightened with tears. “I will take you to see him.”

  Rosanna reluctantly followed the woman into a room, where an open coffin was supported by two church benches. Her feet drew her nearer to her husband's lifeless body. As she gazed upon the pale, still face that was once her precious John, acid rose in her throat and she turned and rushed out of the room and through the back door. She retched onto the ground, tears blinding her vision. “Why, Gott? Why?” Sobs choked her and she didn't fight them. “Why did it have to be John? Why my John?”

  How long she sat there crying, she didn't know. Somehow, releasing her pent-up tears seemed to cleanse her. It didn't take away the pain, the horror, but it brought some solace. The wall had finally crumbled and she mourned for what she had lost. Who she and her baby had lost. She wept until her head ached nearly as much as her heart.

  Suddenly, she noticed her mamm's hand on her shoulder. “Rosanna. We need to go now. The funeral is about to begin.”

  She nodded and rose to her feet, wiping her face with her handkerchief. Praying for strength, she entered the room where the funeral was to be held and was surprised to see how many folks had arrived. She sat in her designated place, grateful that she was unable to see the body from her view.

  The first minister selected to speak soon began. “John Christner was born to Henry and Sarah Christner twenty-two years ago. He...”

  The preacher spoke about John, outlining his childhood and adult life, and discussing his good standing in the church and community. Rosanna listened to the familiar stories, her mind refusing to focus on anything, until the minister's words grabbed her attention.

  “John was living in sin the last weeks of his life. He chose to openly fellowship with a shunned member of our community and ignored repeated warnings to cease his foolish actions. He brought shame upon his family.”

  The man's words felt like a dishonor to John, yet did she not agree with him? Wasn't she also against John's actions?

  “And how did he die? He perished in an Englisch vehicle, while driving with an intoxicated shunned member.”

  The police officer's words came back to her. “From what we can tell, your husband saw a deer in the road and swerved out of the way. He lost control of the vehicle and crashed into a tree. He most likely died upon impact.”

  “We can only hope that John repented in his final moments and prayed for Gott to forgive him of his transgressions. Perhaps if he did so, his soul went to Heaven.”

  She recalled John's words on the night he died. “I asked Jesus to save me and I know He did! I'm going to Heaven, Rosie!”

  Was John in Heaven? Was there a chance she could see him again? Rosanna prayed it was so. Her heart ached with the longing
to see her husband again. Not his lifeless body, but the man she knew and loved. She yearned to kiss him one more time, to beg him to take her with him.

  The service lasted another hour, but Rosanna didn't hear a word. When the funeral was over, the congregation rose and prepared their buggies for the drive to the cemetery. Rosie was heading for her parents' buggy when Magdalena approached her.

  “Oh, Rosanna, I'm so sorry! I came as soon as I could.” Her best friend's eyes filled with tears and Rosanna wrapped her arms around her, her own tears welling.

  “Thank you for coming. I appreciate it.”

  They both rode with her parents and sisters to the Amish cemetery less than a mile away. John's casket was carried to the freshly dug grave and lowered into it. Sarah wept openly as the casket was slowly buried, until the entire hole was filled.

  Wiping a tear, Rosanna glanced away and spotted a single figure standing just outside of the cemetery fence. Noticing her gaze, the person turned and limped away.

  How dare Zachariah Zook come here! It was all his fault John was gone, all his fault she was widowed at eighteen, his fault her and John's boppli would grow up without its biological father.

  And she certainly had a mind to tell him so.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Zachariah watched from afar as the long line of buggies drove toward the Amish cemetery and eventually parked near what would be John’s final resting place. He couldn’t help shedding tears as they laid to rest the best friend he’d ever had. Few people possessed the character and integrity of John Christner and it was unfortunate for those who knew and loved him that he had to leave this earth so early.

  Nobody could possibly understand the ways of God, but Zach found it difficult not to question his Maker. Rosanna didn’t deserve to have her husband taken from her so soon. John didn’t deserve to die. As a matter of fact, he was less deserving than anyone he knew. But maybe God saw things differently. Heaven was a blessing, not a curse. Perhaps it was because John was such a great guy that God rewarded him with an early death.