by Peiri Ann
Val pulled away and said, “If I’m sorry mended broken hearts, erased the past, and fought for our future. Would it be enough for you to forgive me?”
I took her in, her words, her expression, and the soft glaze over her eyes that caused an almost unnoticeable pool to form on her lower lids. “Yes,” I uttered, chest swelling.
Her gaze fell from mine, dropping to the ground. She pulled away to say, “I do love you. And I’m sorry I lied and tricked you.”
I lifted her head by her chin, stared into her soft hazel eyes, and read her heart instead of her words. “It’s okay. I forgive you. Let’s go work this out.”
Have you ever just wanted to kiss somebody? Just walk up and kiss them because they’ve done or are doing something amazing? That was me, sitting in the passenger seat of Kyle’s truck, clutching the sides of the leather seat in my hands, putting all the pressure I could on my feet to keep them pressed against the floor of the truck. All in order to stay seated so I didn’t jump from the seat and kiss him my thank yous.
Kyle kissed me. God, he kissed me and melted me. I thought there was only liquid a solid could turn into, but I’m sure I spontaneously combusted into a gas while we stood in the garage of the Value Markets warehouse.
I definitely didn’t deserve his kindness.
Kyle reached over and grabbed my hand, which had made nail prints in his seat. “It’s not living. You can’t kill it.” He took my hand in his and interlocked our fingers. “You’ll be fine. I’ll drop you off at your house. They won’t do anything today. They’ll have to check with Purcell first. Then maybe by this time tomorrow, they may send someone after you.”
“How long do I have until the benefactor’s list is transferred to someone else?”
“Day after tomorrow. I know the person after me. So I’ll go see her tomorrow. I can’t talk someone out of getting two million dollars, but I can stall her a little bit. The only thing is, the time may wind down. I got seventy-two hours, she’ll have forty-eight hours, and whoever is after her will have twenty-four hours. If they still can’t get you after that, it will be any man’s game.”
“Shit…”
“Don’t worry about it, Spirit. You’ll be fine.”
“Easy for you to say,” I stated blandly.
He snorted. “It is actually. How about I one up you?”
“Shoot.”
“My brother was supposed to be in jail—”
“Nixon, the adopted brother.”
He looked at me, then back to the road. “Yeah…” he spoke slowly. “I’m going to have to remember you know my life story. But he got out today and was instructed by Purcell to get me to take on an assignment to assassinate this high-profile Russian drug lord. It’s a one point five million-dollar assignment for each of us. So, check this. If I choose not to take on the assignment, he has to take me out. Wanna know how much they’ll pay him? Two million. He said to me I’m either in or dead. My brother is choosing two million over me.”
“Now I feel like shit. No—what’s lower than shit?”
“Shit’s pretty low on the ‘I fucked-up’ chain. I think shit is the lowest you can go. If you had started off saying you feel bad, you could’ve gotten away with feeling like shit right now.”
“Kyle, you’re not helping me feel better.”
“I didn’t intend to.”
“Great. Thanks.”
He let go of my hand to turn a sharp corner. “I’ll have one of my friends scramble the database. It will buy you a few days. Are you going to try and get out of town?”
“I don’t know.”
He pulled behind my building and parked. “Alright. Call me if you need anything. I’ll make a few calls. Help out where I can.”
“Alright. Thanks.” I grabbed the handle and pushed the door open.
I over- and underestimated him. Here his brother would turn him in for two million. And he wouldn’t turn me, a woman he barely knows, over for the same amount. There has got to be something lower than shit, and whatever it was… that was me.
I lugged myself up the stairs to my loft. Pulling the door open, I was nervous as all hell, hoping no one was waiting for me. It was silent and empty. A soft relief washed over me. I pushed the door closed and headed to the bathroom, ready to wash off my regret and erase the self-torture of how bad of a person I was.
The heavy metal door of my loft slid open as I was turning on the water to the shower.
I grabbed the spare gun from the magazine holder near the toilet. It was loaded. I waited, listening as footsteps walked down the hall, nearing me.
“You should really lock that door, Spirit.” Kyle came in and leaned against the wall.
I sucked in a relieved breath, lowering my gun. “What you trying to do? Scare me to death?”
“You were going to shoot me?”
“Yes, if you weren’t you.”
“Why did you leave the door open?”
“I don’t know how to lock it. And I know how to protect myself if anyone was to come in here on me.”
He nodded. “I’ll wait for you in the living room while you take your shower.”
“I’m okay, you don’t have to wait around.”
“That’s okay. I don’t mind.” He turned and headed back down the hall.
I quickly showered and dressed and sat beside Kyle on the couch. He helped himself to a soda and cared enough to use a coaster. This was exactly what I meant, I couldn’t even remember to use the coasters.
“I remembered what I was trying to tell you,” he said, cutting off the TV.
“I’m listening.”
“Nixon found out about your name coming up on the list. He knows my benefactor. It’s a strong possibility he might come after you. That’s why I came back.”
“Hmm…”
“Yeah, hmm…”
“So he may decide the money for killing you, his brother, isn’t worth it. But me, oh what the hell. Nobody cares about me.”
“Exactly.”
I hunched over with my hands in my face. “I should’ve just killed you, Kyle. A long time ago.”
“I thought we discussed this.”
“I know and me saying that just makes me feel worse than I already do. How am I going to escape this?”
“Just trust me.”
I glanced up at him.
He slid his arm across my back and pulled me closer. “Trust me.”
I looked into intense green eyes. “Why are you even here? Why not try to kill me? Why do you trust me?”
He shrugged. “The answers going through my head make absolutely no sense to me, so I know it’s not going to make any sense to you. But I see beyond this.” He pointed at me. “In your eyes, I see the feelings of the person who you really are, beyond the assassin. It peeks out when you look up to the right.” I looked up to the right, only because he mentioned it. “Right here.” His thumb lightly pressed against my bottom lip. “It says everything you feel. Your entire face reveals who you really are. You don’t realize it or maybe I’m the only one who can see it. Or it could be because I read your letter and I started seeing you in a different light.”
“That’s really bad of you.”
He chuckled. “Bad of me?” A brow hitched as he said it.
“You invaded my privacy.”
“Now, now, Spirit. If you want to point the finger, I have a very long list of things you’ve invaded. And my privacy is at the bottom. But I am sure you’ve been involved with a nice chunk of my life that I’m not aware of.”
“I have, like seeing you and Instructor McMenamin.”
He turned up his nose and looked away from me. “About that… I don’t do relationships. But I um…” His brows pulled tightly together as he tried to figure out a way to explain their relationship to me. “It was exactly what it seemed like. Just take out emotions, intimacy, and cuddling.”
“And Barbie?”
“Why are you worried about these women in my life?” He looked back at me, ey
es narrowed and interrogative. “You don’t hold the title to follow up with me on people and situations you’ve been investigating.”
“I wasn’t investigating. I was only watching.”
“Whatever. You were invading my privacy.”
“Her name’s Reagan, right? Janet told me about her.”
He shook his head and rubbed his hand over his beard. “Why is it that none of my friends know how to keep their mouths closed?”
I looked away from him out the window. The sky was dark and I was crazy nervous sitting next to him as we avoided talks on kissing and… kissing. Butterflies dropped in my stomach feeling his hand at my side. I could’ve asked him to move it, but I wasn’t going to. Butterflies are pesky little insects that worsen your nervousness and make you feel like you have to fart. That moment was so uncomfortable. I thought jitters and stomach flutters stopped at some point in life, like in your teens. Kyle was making me feel like I was back in high school. And I didn’t know how I felt about that.
“Spirit, why was your agency after me?”
I swallowed hard. Telling him meant I was truly taking his side. There was no going back after this. Taking into consideration what he’d done for me, I took the leap. “They’re after Cunningham.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s a benefactor. A very popular one. Some names he sends aren’t always legit and it results in the wrong people coming up dead. There are some high rollers we need to stay alive because they can lead us to the bigger guys. Cunningham is cutting us off at the legs—stopping a lot of people, including the CIA, from locking down on illegals.”
“There is a reason you take out the ones that can lead you to someone else. It keeps the high roller guarded.”
“I don’t care why they did it. I get the call to put a stop to it. Cunningham is keeping them safe. Your benefactor is Cunningham, so we figured you knew him. And because of the mark you left on the black market and government two years ago, we got the go-ahead to have you lead us to Cunningham and the requirement to take out you and your family. They figured with your background and your parents’ background, you all had to be involved in the same line of work.”
He thought, moving his arm from behind me. “I’ve never met Cunningham. Someone else introduced me to him. And the guy who put me in contact with him just sent Cunningham my name and number. One day I got a text with instructions. I handled the job, he paid me, and he’s kept me good for the last couple years. I don’t know him, so you all would have hit a dead end. In regards to killing me for that other stuff, eh, I’ll give that to them. Cohen, Regal, and Benton, all of those weak-ass agencies have been after me since that stuff happened and none of them can catch me.”
“I did.”
He gave me a mischievous smirk. “Did you?”
I nodded, feeling a little uneasy. His voice had a sly edge to it and it felt like a trap.
“How do you know I wasn’t on to you from the start? And slowly started drawing you in to make you like me so you wouldn’t want to kill me when they made the call?”
I considered that. “You would have taken me out. You wouldn’t have let it go on this long.”
His head smoothly turned away from me. “You know me so well, Spirit.”
I stared at him for a second, contemplating what I should say next. I may have been digging too far into it and I know it’s just the way he is. But if someone tried to kill me, I would be incredibly pissed at them. And here he was, easygoing, unaffected.
He licked his lips in preparation to speak.
“You kissed me,” I said, cutting him off.
His eyes shifted, locking in on the blank TV. “You kissed me first.”
“I had a reason.”
“So what.”
“So—”
“So you want me to do it again?” he asked.
“Why do you do that? Try to finish peoples’ sentences.”
“Why don’t you finish your own?”
“I just feel really awkward with you sitting here and I’m trying to hold up a casual conversation. On one hand, I think you’re going to try to kill me, and on the other I’m trusting you. I know the type of guy you are and I know you wouldn’t set me up to kill me. Then in the back of my mind I feel like you’ve unwrapped my brain and dug into it to find my deepest secrets because you read my letter.” I stood. “I just can’t with you. I’m going to sleep.” I rose from the couch and headed for my room.
“Night, Spirit. See you in the morning.”
I made it to my room’s door, Kyle resting heavily on my mind. He was sitting in my living room, lounging comfortably on my couch. He was forgiving and accepting and I couldn’t force myself to stay away from him any longer. I was done walking away, I was done running and denying the defying fact that I wanted him more than I wanted freedom.
I rushed back, leaned over, and drew a kiss from him that had a shock of lightning charging through my body. He surprised me by expecting it. “Thank you,” I said. He pulled me to sit on his lap. “If the shoe was on the other foot I can’t say I’d do this for you.”
“You already did. This is payback.”
An edgy feeling crawled over me. “That’s it? You’re just… helping me out because I didn’t kill you?”
His head jerked back a bit. “Did you want it to be for more?”
I tried to move from his lap, but he held me tighter. I swallowed hard. I guess I did want it to be for more. I wanted him to have some type of affection for me. I don’t know… maybe it was a long shot. But I thought I felt it earlier, when he kissed me. It just felt like he was going to help me because he didn’t want me to get hurt, not because he owed me a favor. And he didn’t owe me a favor. I honestly didn’t need his help. I got myself into this and I could get myself out.
His hand crept up my back to my neck and pulled me in to him. “Spirit?”
My body stiffened. “Hum?”
“It’s for more. Trust me.” He kissed my chin, under it to my neck, and whispered again, “Trust me.”
His soft lips lifted and pressed against my skin and I leaned my head back, giving him more of me to cover. He paved a trail of kisses across my neck as he pulled my shirt off.
His kiss was like electric shocks surging over me, through me, and filling me with a desire I couldn’t control. It had me hankering to feel his lips all over my body as I grabbed hold of his neck and tangled my fingers in his soft hair. I kept from crying out, but that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to cry to the kissing god and thank him for making Kyle’s lips and tongue feel that good. His tongue was warm, lips smooth and soft, roaming over my quivering skin. Through short breaths, I begged he’d do more.
“Spirit.”
No, don’t talk.
“Spirit.”
“If I am about to wake up from a dream, I am going to be so pissed off.”
He gripped my hips. “Why would you think you were dreaming?”
“When someone sings your name like that, it’s usually because you’re asleep and they’re trying to wake you up.” I’d snapped out of the deep trance he had me in. “But that doesn’t matter now. How may I be of service to you?”
He pulled my head forward, laying the perfect kiss on my lips. “You are so weird.” I smiled, playing into his kiss. “While I kiss you…” He paused, raining kisses down my chest, paving his way between my breasts. When full, strong hands firmly grabbed both my tits, all breath escaped my body. He squeezed, applying just the right pressure, whispering against my pebbled flesh, “While I kiss you, tell me you love me.”
I wasn’t sure if what he said killed the moment or heightened it. But my stomach dropped. My stomach dropped so far, my brain forced my heart to pound faster because it must have thought I was dying.
“Please?”
Yes, Kyle… Yes, yes, yes. “I don’t know,” I moaned.
My bra loosened, the front clasp coming undone, and quickly slipping from my body. It slid down my arms, easing away from
me. I was tasted. Tasted by the warmth of his tongue dancing over my nipple, sucked by the grasp of his lips circled around me, and puckered with them letting go.
I shuddered from my head to my toes, my body gripped by tremors over and over again as I tried to hold onto some calm in this storm of sensations that thrashed through me.
“Try it,” he offered.
I gasped for air, words gone with the wind. His hands toured along my curves. He learned my back, studied my hips, understood my waist. They lectured my neck and educated my hair. Drawing my into his kiss, he turned us over, laying me on the couch.
He was pulling the words from me. And though I’d said them before, I couldn’t say what I was so afraid of that kept me from saying it again.
“Val?”
I melted. Whatever he wanted became his. That one word, it was what woke me from every assassination dream I’d had of him. What I knew would keep me from ever hurting him. My name was placed on his lips for one purpose only. And it was to control me.
“I love you.”
He groaned softly, pulling down my loose-fitting sweats.
His eyelids were low enough to be closed when he came back to me. I lifted to kiss him, arching my body against his. I couldn’t get enough of the way he felt. His lips, his touch, his body over mine, it wasn’t enough.
I tugged his shirt off and admired him. Muscular cuts ripped throughout his upper body, freckles scattered along his shoulders, and the cutest birthmark covered his side. He was smooth and light hair circled around his navel, trailing under his pants, leading me to a place I hoped lay in my near future. I studied him, memorized him. I wanted this, wanted him, and he was more magnificent than I dreamed.
“Don’t stare,” he said, hands sliding to my panties. They stopped at the waistband before he slipped the crook of his fingers into them and easily pulled them down my legs.
He stared, tongue sliding over his bottom lip before he took it in his mouth. His eyes washed my bare body in his downcast gaze. “Don’t stare,” I breathed. His marveled stare burned me like the sun beaming down from the sky. I reached my hands behind my head to grab the arm of the couch, to clutch something tight in my hands so I could control the rage building in me from his blazing bore. My body was humming, anticipation causing my hips to roll and my legs to wrap around his thighs.