by Peiri Ann
He grabbed my hips, his strong hands gently clasping me. I was already feeling him moving in me before he was out of his pants. “You’d feel different if you saw you in my eyes,” he uttered.
The air was slowly leaving the room as he stared me down. I was a movie in his green eyes. A strong admiration stayed constant in them as they intensified in color the longer he watched me. They grew darker as whatever thought he was having unfolded in his mind.
I wasn’t the least bit as interesting as his allured expression made me seem. “I wish I could see me the way you see me in your eyes.”
He lifted me from the couch and carried me to my bedroom. “I’ll show you.”
Laying me down, his bare, warm, suave body moved over mine. We captured each other in the depths of our eyes, lust expelling from our lungs with our roughened breaths. He slid his hands up my arms to my hands, interlocked our fingers, and slowly pushed them over my head.
“Look at me,” he said. “Don’t close your eyes or look away. No matter how good it feels.”
Shhiiittt…
I did not mean for this to happen.
I rubbed my hand down my face, looking down at Valerie Harper lying asleep on my chest. I’d thought she was a well-rounded, confident person. Not insecure about anything. But I was wrong. She was humble and modest and only confident in what she was capable of doing, not who she was. I liked it. I probably shouldn’t have taken it this far so quickly. And she would most likely hate herself when she woke and realized we happened.
Valerie Harper was definitely one I could settle down with. Only thing was her lying. I kind of got why she did it. But I thought I had made it clear to her that I’d help out. I don’t know, I guess it was me being stupid again. Giving these women too much credit.
I should go.
If she needed me she would call.
I slid from under her, making sure she didn’t plop down on the bed and I didn’t wake her. The “sorry, we just boned but I gotta go” talk was always awkward.
I’d gotten about a foot from the bed when she said, “Want another truth?”
Damn… “Wassup, Spirit?”
“I’m a really light sleeper.”
I faced her. “Me too.” It was too dark to see her, but by the light shining into her bedroom window, she was able to see me just fine.
“You look nice.” She lay back down, turning her head away from me. “Bye,” she said in regret.
Shit… “Spirit, I’m not leaving. I just…” I was leaving and I didn’t want to lie. So I stuck with the truth. “I was leaving. But not because I don’t want to… be with you.” I didn’t know for sure if that was what I wanted. But it fit in the sentence. “You’re amazing. But I didn’t want you to wake up and feel guilty for sleeping with me and—”
“Seems like you’re the one feeling guilty, Kyle.”
I shrugged. “I do feel guilty, but let me explain why.”
She sat up with her back to me, taking the sheet with her to cover her body. She had an amazing body; she shouldn’t have wanted to cover it up. She should’ve used it to throw in my face, taunt me with what I was walking away from. “Kyle, don’t worry about it. Go ahead. I won’t take it personally.” She picked up my jeans and my briefs as she walked over to me. She shoved them into my chest. “Bye… again.”
I felt like a dick. And the way she said bye was so heartless and her face was emotionless. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but I knew it was that thing she does, when she makes herself into someone she isn’t. She had opened up to me just a few hours ago. And now she was back to playing the role. She didn’t even know who she was. But I did. I knew what she wanted and I could give it to her. But I didn’t know if I could trust her. I wanted to. And I knew I’d easily fall for her, but that never worked out for me. I didn’t want this to backfire in my face.
Then again, I didn’t want to make her feel worse. I told her she could trust me and there I was showing her I was just another guy. Hit and run.
She stood in front of me, waiting for me to take my clothes from her.
I grabbed her wrist that held my clothes and they dropped. With my free hand I grabbed her other wrist, which still clutched the sheet. She held it tight. “Let it go, Val.” She did. I lowered my eyes, tracing the flawlessness of her curves. I knew she was smooth to the touch, but I kept her wrists in my hands, refraining from touching her. I pulled my gaze from her body to her eyes. “I’m going to be honest with you. Don’t get mad at my honesty.” She nodded. “I’m not on a hit and run. I promise. But honestly, Spirit, I don’t know if I can trust you. I want to because behind this…” I let her left wrist go and gestured to her face. “…façade you have going on, putting up this wall and presenting yourself as someone other than who you really are, I see who you are and it’s a woman I can fall in love with. That I started to fall for when you came into the living room, when I read your letter and got to peek inside your head. I see it when your eyes do that thing when you look up and away, and when we got lost on the dance floor at the club, and even when you gave me shit at the cafe. If you would just let your true colors show and stop hiding behind this person, Valerie Harper, the lying assassin, you would be so amazing. If you would be a friend, instead of an implant in my life, we could be amazing. If you would stop trying to assassinate me, and push me further and further away from you. Val… I could show you a love you never knew existed. I could really give you something worthwhile, worth leaving all this”—I pointed toward the desk of phones and computer screens behind her—“behind. But you can’t, you can’t stop. And because you can only let me in if I beg you, I’m not sure I can trust you. And I don’t want to get hurt by the person I’m trying not to hurt. That’s why I was leaving.”
“You’re not just saying that?”
“I don’t just say.” I rested my hand against her neck. “You should know that. You’ve been listening to my calls long enough.”
“I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Finding myself… I don’t know who I am. But I know I don’t want to be this person.” She looked up and away, revealing her weakness of uncertainty, her fear of having someone who will genuinely accept her as she is.
“Then stop being that person. Be who you want to be, not who someone trained you to be, and not who you think the world wants you to be. Be Val, and let me help, let’s work on it together.”
She turned away from me, going back to her bed. “You’re always talking about doing something together.”
I eyed her, following the crease in her back to her perfectly curved ass. “It’s better than going at it alone,” I said, rubbing my hand over my beard, unable to tear my eyes away from her succulence.
“Are you leaving?” She sat and slowly lay back, letting the light illuminate her body. Her shadow danced on me as she reclined. At the top of my chest, her index finger motioned for me to come.
I clinched my jaw as I stared her down, I didn’t know if she was worth it, but Spirit was going to be my suicide. A straight shot of death, on the rocks, with no chaser. She was going to be my heroine, and I was already addicted to her.
I fisted my cock, sliding my hand over it as I crossed the floor to her. Ready for another hit, I asked, “You want me to leave?” propping her knees up and pushing her legs open.
She raised her hands over her head and clutched the sheets. “The last thing I want is for you to leave.” She sucked in a deep breath, slowly letting it out as her eyes closed.
“I can’t figure out why, just yet. But I want you, Val,” I said, sliding my hands down her thighs to her hips. Her back arched inward as her lips parted. “Keep your eyes open. They’re my path to your pleasure.”
She peered through her lashes. “What will you try to do… fuck my soul?”
“Mmm.” I smirked. “Damn right…”
She kept her eyes on me as I looked her over. Her hair was tousled, tits full and ready for me to grab them as I plowed deep inside he
r.
Sliding my hands to her knees, I closed my eyes, loving how soft she was, how smooth she felt. I loved her legs.
“Val,” I called as I slid inside her.
She purred, chin tilted toward the ceiling. “Yes,” she serenaded, body lightly shuddering.
“Mmm.” She was warm and smooth as flower-petals with morning dew. I could get so used to this.
“Yes,” she said again.
I glided in and out as I said, “Don’t lie to me. Anything that happens we can beat it together. Let’s just be honest with each other.”
“Okay,” she moaned as I picked up pace, grabbing hold of her hips.
I was sure I was going to love her by the morning. The way her body responded to mine. How she said my name when she moved against me, meeting my thrusts. When she made a point to tell me she loved me every time she came. That’s what had me, her telling me she loved me, and it sounded like she meant it. I knew she meant it.
I rubbed my hand over my eyes, listening to Val’s loft. I heard something, but I wasn’t sure if it was in my dreams or not.
Crunching glass.
A heavy footstep. Another.
I jumped from the bed and rushed over to close the bedroom door. I locked it and rushed back over to Val… Miss Light Sleeper. “Spirit,” I whispered, shaking her and throwing on my pants.
She wasn’t waking.
I checked her pulse, making sure she was alive. She was, but she was unconscious.
Dammit Kyle!
I searched her room for a gun, coming up with nothing. I had to slow down to think where I would hide my guns. I had them all over my room. Under my pillows… hers were scattered all over the room. Then I thought to check the mattress. Her side of the bed was nearest the window. I stuck my hand under the mattress and found a Beretta, loaded.
I cocked it, trying to keep quiet, and headed for the bedroom door. I didn’t have time to throw on my shoes or a shirt, but at least my cock wasn’t hanging out.
I cracked the door open to a clear hall. I rounded the corner with my back to the wall and peeked in the bathroom; it was clear. Keeping my back against the wall, I crept to the open area of the loft.
Peeking around the wall, I caught a male with his back to me. I stepped out, gun aimed. “Can I help you?”
Nixon whirled around, drawing his gun. “Man, what the fuck are you doing here?” he blurted, stuffing his gun in pants when he saw it was me.
I lowered my gun and walked over to him. “What the fuck are you doing here? Keep your voice down.”
He threw his head back then forward. “You’re fucking Valerie Harper,” he accused in a harsh whisper.
I turned up my lip. “No. I mean yes. I mean… You need to get the fuck outta here.”
“No, you do. I came to do a job and you’re fuckin’ the money.” His whisper was just as loud as his speaking regularly.
I pushed him toward the window. “Go outside so we can talk.”
He climbed through and I went out after him. We walked across the roof far from the window. I didn’t want to wake her and I didn’t want her to see him or him to see her.
“No wonder you were acting so damn unusual. You can’t kill her because you’re too busy stuffing your dick inside her.”
I rolled my eyes. “Would you calm down? No one is killing her.”
“My ass! No one is killing her,” he mocked. “Do you know how many dead lists she’s on? I’m just the first to show up. She’s going to die, and I’d like to be the one to do it. You’re leaving me with no other options, Kyle. You won’t take the job with me. You wanna be a bitch about me killing you.” Seriously… a bitch? “So she is next on the list.”
My brows knit so tightly it hurt. “How the hell can you tell me I’m being a bitch about you killing me? You’re my brother… or supposed to be. You’re just okay with killing me for some money.”
“Man…” He turned his back to me, looking out at the rising sun. “We all got our problems. We all need money for something. Purcell didn’t take me out for that. And I’m sure they know, if I’m out for a few days too long… the right person will find out about it.”
“Get to the point, Nixon. Because you’re making me regret ever taking you in. And what you’re saying makes no sense. Who is they?”
“Reynolds wants me dead too.”
“Reynolds wants everyone dead, so what. You don’t threaten to kill your brother.”
“I have a daughter and a wife.” He turned back to me. “You think he’s going to let the three of us stay alive? Any of us. Me, Chrissy, Cat, Anna, Mom… you. No, he’ll get all of us. One point five will cover it. I don’t understand why you won’t do the job or just let me kill Valerie Harper and call it a day.”
“I’ll get back to you when I get on some underwear, socks, and a shirt. You’re not killing her. Not while I’m around.” I looked around the roof, wondering how he got up here. “So you can get away from her crib, go back whatever way you came. We’ll talk more later.”
He eyed me. “It may not be now, because I didn’t come prepared to fight you. But you don’t take this gig, it’s your life or hers. I’m not leaving my baby fatherless or lifeless.”
I turned my back on him and went back into Val’s house. I stripped and lay back down next to her… the light sleeper who slept right through her window getting broken into. I pulled her back on top of me and thought…
I packed a bag as Kyle cleaned up the glass from the floor by the window. I asked him what happened. He told me someone tried to kill me and he took care of it.
I was a professional assassin. Seriously, I could take care of myself.
Then I thought long and hard about that statement… I hadn’t heard someone break into my house, so I was leaving for a few days. Not to Kyle’s house, but to a hotel.
“I finished cleaning up the glass, and I blocked the window. Sorry you have to leave. It will just be safer, in case it happens again.”
“I can take care of myself, Kyle. But thanks for cleaning up.”
“There’s Spirit again. Please start giving me a warning before she pops up. I don’t really like her.”
I crossed my arms and threw my hips to the side. Pinching my lips, I bit back my smile. “I’m not going to get used to that. Sorry.” I uncrossed my arms and wrapped them around his neck. “Thanks for trying to help me.”
“Trying?”
“Well… until this is like maybe three years from now, and I’m still alive. At that point you can stop trying. Unless you’re no longer around. But then I can stop saying try, and thank you for helping me stay alive. But I doubt you’ll stick around that long.”
“You have absolutely no confidence in me. What happened to that trust we were talking about last night?” His hands pushed around my waist. “If I’m not here two years from now, it’s for two reasons. One, you ran me away. Because that’s what the women in my life do. And two, I’m dead. Because unfortunately I’m just about in the same situation as you.”
I dropped my arms and backed away from him, struck with a sudden realization. A sudden thought that brought on a harsh reality that I wasn’t ready to face, that I felt and hated because of the person it turned me into. Death.
“What?”
I walked away from him to my bag. “Nothing.” How heartbreaking would it be to love someone so deeply, so dearly and live on completely different schedules? He goes first and you have to live without him. Or you go first and he is tortured to live without you. It’s a lose-lose, and I don’t want to be there. It’s the reason why some people choose to be alone. To die alone…
Kyle took the bag from me. “No lying, Spirit. You promised. And you promised under very intimate circumstances.”
I faced him. I wanted to keep lying. And I did. To keep him from falling in love with me. I could at least save him from suffering, even though I couldn’t save myself. I pushed out a smile. “Nothing. I’m just pissed I have to leave. Damn lists.”
“P
erk up, Spirit.” He turned, heading out the door. “You’ll have another place before you know it. We’ll find you a job at a bank or something, under the name Ann Frank. Bet they’d find that funny,” he called back, his voice echoing back down the hall.
Kyle drove us to his apartment first. Something told me we were about to get into a sleep on the couch argument. Kyle quickly rushed into relationships and I saw why he always got hurt. He was always a step ahead of her…
“I don’t cook and I know you haven’t eaten. Feel free to make yourself something to eat. Janet keeps my fridge stocked with food.” He dropped my bag on the floor by the bar.
I wasn’t hungry, but I walked to the kitchen so he could stop staring at me. I opened the fridge as I listened to him walk through the house opening and closing doors.
His kitchen had all brick walls and black cabinets and appliances. His countertops were a dark marble and I touched over the fake fruit in the wooden bowl on his bar.
“Don’t try to eat that. It’s not real,” he said, walking back into the living room. “When Janet gets her ass out of my room, you can go in there.”
I had to beat him to it. He’d brought my bag up when I’d told him he could leave it in the truck, but he insisted. I guess he thought someone was going to break into his BMW and steal it. “Kyle, Janet is fine. I’m not going in your room. I don’t need a nap, I just want to get to this hotel to check in and I’ll nap there.”
He came around the bar to me, still holding a plastic orange. “Okay,” he said easily. I leaned up when he walked behind me. “But you don’t have to. You can keep some money in your pocket, sleep in my room and I’ll take the couch. Or, if you’re really feeling independent, you can sleep on the couch and I’ll sleep in my room. But I won’t be against you sneaking in there after lights out.”
I faced him. “I don’t need a handout. Plus, that would be us moving too quick. We’re just waking up to each other.”