The Secrets of Life

by K. L. Humphreys

  I put the kettle on and here my sweet baby say, “Don’t cry daddy. Why are you crying?” I don’t hear Hunters response, but then again I don’t need to with Emme around. “That’s okay daddy, just make sure you don’t leave me again.”

  They stay holding each other for a while and I busy myself making lunch for everyone, wanting to give them the space they need to get to know each other, but close enough for them both to know that I’m here if they need me.

  We spend the rest of the day here. Both of them getting to know each other, Emme asking loads of questions and telling him everything about her life, including getting to feed those bloody Meerkats. She’s also started hinting at Christmas presents and what she wants.

  Hunter tells Emme everything about his life, including his football career, how he hurt his back and that he's not going to be a footballer again. Emme got really sad and asks him if he misses it. He tells her about his dad and how she has a granddad, that he's really excited to meet her. That got another excited squeal from her.

  Now we're leaving and Emme's crying. It's too much for me, as I've spent the afternoon watching two people I love, connect and be happy. Emme isn't the only one that's upset. I have tears in my eyes and I know that Hunter's trying his hardest not to let his sorrow show.

  Pulling me into a hug, I love the feel of his arms around me. "Fuck, Jess. It's torture watching you both walk away?" He whispers harshly. “We’re going to be a proper family one day.”

  "She's so happy and you'll see her tomorrow. You can spend the evening with her, while I'm at work. The boys will love the company." I tell him trying to let him know that it's not just a one-off thing, that he's welcome anytime he wants.

  Kissing my cheek softly he leans his forehead against mine. "Fuck Jess, you do know the more time we spend together, the harder it's going to be to watch you both walk away."

  "I know, but we need to do this, we need to do this right. Not just for me and you, but for her.”

  "I love you Jess and if I have to love you from another house, then so be it. I'm not leaving either of you, ever again. Our daughter Jess, God, she's funny and smart and beautiful. You gave me a beautiful baby girl Jess." Ah, he needs to stop! He's going to make me cry.

  "We made her Hunter. You were with me every day. She is so much like you, it was like looking at a young version of you." Placing my hands on his chest, I stand on my tip-toes and kiss his cheek.

  "Go. Go before I take you to a hotel room and fuck you senseless. I haven't had you in a long time and the need for you is so strong.” Shivers run through my body and I need to leave. "Emme, baby. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay?"

  "Okay daddy, but don’t be late this time," she tells him wagging her finger to and fro like he’s in trouble. She misses nothing.

  "I can promise you that baby. I'll see you tomorrow." He kisses her cheek and then mine. I take a deep breath, inhaling his scent as I do so. "See you tomorrow Jess." He whispers and I close my eyes, trying to force myself to remember why I’m doing this.

  "Bye daddy, I'll see you tomorrow," Emme says as she waves goodbye, Hunter waves back at her. Taking her hand I start to walk away, otherwise we'd never get out of here. "BYYYYEEEEE" Emme shouts as we walk down the stairs and I hear Hunters deep chuckle followed by him saying goodbye

  Chapter Twenty One

  For the last two days, Hunter has been here dead on six o’clock. He’s so comfortable around her and I love it. Emme is her father’s daughter that is for sure. I never realised how much they were alike until you see them together. Yes, they look alike, but there mannerisms are the same too. I push her out of me and she is him all over. God, did I get the short straw or what?

  Every time he sees me he makes it harder to resist him. He always compliments me, along with telling me how much he loves me. I want to be with him that was never in question; it was whether or not I could trust him to be here for us. Stef thinks that I should jump in eyes closed. She’s rooting for us, as her and James are loved up and I’m happy for them, I really am. I just know that I need to have both eyes wide open going in.

  I’m not working today seeing as it’s Monday and Hunter asked last night if he can come with me to get Emme from school. Of course I said yes. I told Emme when I dropped her off and she was excited. She is so happy that Hunter’s in her life, she’s always talking about him, always asking me when is he coming. I’m glad that I took a step back and let them get to know each other, but, the more I see him and the more he’s here and talking to me, the more I see the old Hunter, the Hunter that I loved with every fibre of my being, the more I want to get back with him.

  “There you are.” Hunter’s voice makes me jump, I didn’t know he was here. “Sorry, Owen let me in.” He comes out onto the balcony and sits in the seat beside me.

  “That’s okay, you’re early, Is everything okay?” He looks nervous and I wonder what the hell is going on.

  “Yeah Jess, um, I was wondering…” He’s worrying me now. “Fuck, Jess, what I’m trying to ask, is can I take you on a date tonight?”

  My heart feels as though it’s skipped a beat. He’s so bloody sweet. “I’d love nothing more.” The heat rises in my cheeks, I didn't mean to sound so bloody eager.

  "Fuck, I thought you might have said no. I promise you Jess, I'm here to stay. God, I never realised how much one tiny little girl could completely own my heart. I know I've said this before, but I mean it. She is amazing and that's all on you." Tears prick my eyes as I listen to him. "Fuck, you don't know how many times a day I wish I had come and seen you back then. I've missed out on not only being with you, but watching my baby grow."

  "Damn you, Hunter. Stop being so sweet, you're making me bloody cry." I wipe the tears away. "I know that we're meant to be, the amount of crap we've been dealt, we're still here, and we're stronger than ever."

  "You're the strongest person I know. Jess, looking at you, I don't just see the mother of my child and the love of my life. I see a woman who no matter what life throws at you, you don't let it faze you."

  I laugh, "It fazes me, hell, It took me forever to get over what you... I mean your mum put me through, but, I had no choice, I had three kids to look after. They needed me and I couldn't break down. I had to be strong for them."

  "So what, loads of people would have broken down, even with the kids. How you've raised not just Emme, but the boys too, is amazing. You've helped them grow into little men." He shakes his head while laughing, "Si, God, that boy wants to kill me."

  "He doesn't. He watched me struggle for so bloody long, that he's wary. He doesn't want me to be hurt again."

  "I'm so fucking sorry Jess. I should have been here for you. I should have held your hand while you were in labour. I should have been there to watch that beautiful little girl come into this world." He breaks down, putting his elbows on his knees and places his face in his hands. I watch his body start to shake.

  Watching the man I love, break in front of me, is something I never thought I would witness it.

  "Don't, it's not your fault." I can hardly get the words out, I want to bloody cry now.

  "It is, I should have known that you wouldn't have done that. I should have spoken to you instead of leaving. I let you down and I don't know how the hell you forgave me. The way I spoke to you when I came back was inexcusable..." He needs to stop. He's going to break me if he continues.

  I cut him off. "Stop, stop this. We could be here all day, going around in circles. Yes, we should have had more faith in each other, but we were young and naive and we were played by someone you trusted." I don't want to have this always in our minds, this need to be resolved and sooner rather than later.

  He's silent for a while and I let him be. I light up a cigarette and vow that today will be the last day. I did it once and I know that I can do it again.

  The cheeky buggar nicks one of my cigarettes. "You're right, we could go around in circles, and I fucking hate my mum. She made this happen and I was so fucking stupid." He
's shaking his head, he's not listening to me, he needs to let this go. "I'm glad she's out of my life, and far a fucking way, so she can't get anywhere near Emme. I love the fuck out of you Jess."

  "I love the fuck out of you too. Now, promise me something?"

  "Anything," he says as he takes a long drag from the cigarette. "For you, I'd promise you anything."

  "Leave the past exactly where it's meant to be, in the past. You're here with us and we love you. That's all that should matter." I'm pleading with him, "If we're gonna work. You have to let go of the past."

  "It's hard. I've lost so much time with you both, but I know that it's what I have to do to keep a hold of you. So I'm gonna do it."

  I stub the butt into the ashtray and stand. I go to make my way into the house only to be dragged down onto Hunter's lap. I gasp as his mouth covers mine. I didn't gasp at his kiss, or the way that his tongue is massaging mine. It wasn't even the fact his hands were all over my body, caressing, and kneading my breasts hungrily. It was his erection digging into the side of my leg that got my attention. He groans into my mouth as he bites and sucks my tongue. My hips begin to rotate as I graze his solid member. I got lost in all this commotion. Then the sound of the doorbell ends it all in a heartbeat. I pull back from him panting; I lick my lips, still tasting him on them. “Wow.” is all I can say.

  He leans his forehead against mine. “Fucking hell Jess. We need to do that more often.”

  Laughing as I get up from his lap I make my way to the front door. Just as I put my hand on the handle the bloody doorbell sounds again. Opening the door, I’m confronted by a woman I haven’t seen in five years. Henrietta… Hunter’s mum.

  “Can I help you?” This woman has some bloody cheek showing her face here. I thought she was arrested?

  “Stay the hell away from my boy is what you can do.” she hasn’t changed a bit, still a sour looking old cow. “Have you seen the trouble you’ve caused?”

  “Me? You’re the cow that lied to everyone, not me. Did you think we were never gonna find out?” the look on her face tells me that she didn't. “Why, why did you do it? Why did you rip us apart? What did I ever do to you?”

  “You did nothing to me. It was just who you are. A nobody. I don’t want my son around your sort, and as for why I did it, because I could. It was so easy. God, so easy to manipulate.” She has a smirk on her face and I just want to punch her.

  “Seems your plan backfired didn't it? I didn't get an abortion and now everyone knows the truth.” Is it bad that as this point in time I feel smug?

  “I’m not letting you off that easy. There's no way I’m letting my son be with a nobody and a bastard child.” She lunges forward ready to attack me when out of nowhere she’s pushed back by Hunter. “But….Hun…”

  She’s cut off from her babbling by Hunter’s harsh words. “You’re the nobody. Jess is the love of my life. Nothing is going to come between us again. Don’t you dare say that shit to her! you’re not worthy of being the shit under her shoes.” she pales at his words but Hunter isn’t finished yet.

  He takes a step closer to her and leans in to her “If you ever call my daughter a bastard again, I’ll forget you’re my mum and a woman and I’ll knock you out. Do I make myself clear?”

  Henrietta nods and scurries away as Hunter slams the door. “Hunter, you can’t tell your mum your gonna knock her out.”

  “Jess the woman called our daughter a bastard. She’s lucky I gave her a warning.” He walks up to me and caresses my cheek. “Babe, don’t stand with the door open letting someone put you down. You slam the fucking door in their face.”

  “Hunter..” he silences me with a brief kiss.

  “Hunter nothing. I'm telling you now Jess, no one is gonna get away with putting you down and calling you names. I won't stand for it.”

  Oh God, “Hunter you can’t be serious? What are ya gonna do? Go around hunting down everyone who calls me a whore for being a pole dancer?” the look on his face tells me that he doesn't like it. “Why? Why would you bother? It doesn't matter to me. I know I'm not one and so does my family. That’s all that matters.”

  “It matters to me. You matter to me.” he walks off leaving me standing at the front door smiling. Yeah, we’re going to be fine.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Christmas is finally here and the past few weeks have been blissfully happy. Hunter still spends his evenings at our house helping the boys with their homework, and spends the rest of the time playing tea parties or with dolls with Emme. He's really a great dad and will do anything for our daughter.

  Emme loves her dad. She told me ‘that he’s the best person ever.’ Last weekend, Hunter took Emme shopping; she told him she wanted to get everyone a present. I had bought her a present for Hunter. I presume that she was getting him to buy one from me. That presumption was made true as when they came home, they made a beeline for my bedroom. All I could here was the sound of Emme’s laughter, he really does love her and she loves him. They had an amazing day together, I know that she loves having Daddy, daughter days.

  The day his mum came over was the day I told him I wanted us to be together. The bastard just smirked at me and told me he loved me. Of course I told him I loved him too. I don’t think I’ve been as happy as I have these past few weeks and I have Hunter to thank for that. I know some people think he’s an arsehole, but he’s my arsehole.

  We've had one argument in the past few weeks and that has to do with him going behind my back and bringing his brother to my flat when I specifically told him that Lewis wasn’t welcome here. He surprised my brothers with Tony's bully while I wasn't in the house to protect them. He apologized profusely and told me that he didn't realize how upset it would make me. So I explained it fully to him, that his brother tormented mine for a very long time. Him doing so made my brother a lot more withdrawn than he had been before. He made my brother feel an outcast, something I made sure he never felt. Sure, he's a geek, but why should that make him any different to the rest of us? Why should it make him an outcast? Why should he feel as though he's not normal? Hunter understood completely and spoke to Lewis about his actions.

  Lewis has seen the error of his ways apparently; he's nicer to Tony, although they’re not friends, which I think is the best thing really, but he makes an effort when around my brothers. He apologized to both Tony and Si and I heard Hunter tell him that he had better apologize to me too. Emme met Hunter's Dad and is happy that she has a Granddad. He's spoiling her rotten, and he can never see her without bringing her a present.

  Hunter's managed to convince everyone to spend Christmas at his new house. It's finally ready and he wants it to be our house that includes my brothers. My brothers took one look around the house and said yes. Who was I to put a dampener on their fun by saying no? Although I wouldn't have, I want to spend Christmas with Hunter, giving Emme a Christmas with her whole family, including her dad. Something she's never had before. She's looking forward to opening all the presents. I had Hunter get them from Stef's house last week and I have them all wrapped and ready for the morning. I bought Hunter a present too; I wasn't sure what he would want as he has more money than sense, so I made him a photo book. Each page is a picture of Emme, throughout the years. The first page is of Emme, the day she was born. There are over one hundred pages of pictures; I thought that he would like to have something to keep.

  With Stef and James back together, I’m worried about how Owen has been dealing with it. I mean, he puts on a brave face, and I know that he always keeps his feelings locked up. So, I follow him out to Hunter’s kitchen, not wanting him to suffer in silence.

  “So, Stef and James seem happy.” Both he and Stef told me that it was just fun. I suspected that it was more than just a bit of fun for Owen. He’s civil around James, and I know that Stef is grateful for it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not killing him.

  “Yeah, I suppose.” He grunts as he opens the fridge, helping himself to a can of larger.

  �
��God, Owen, I know that you love her, and it’s more than just friends.” He opens the can and just stares at me.

  “Jess, leave it. Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.” He’s being a prick, and I don’t care, he needs to know that he doesn’t have to suffer in silence.

  “Um, what, like you did with Hunter and me? Oh yeah, you didn’t butt the hell out, and neither will I. Look, Owen, I just want you to be happy.”

  He puts the can down on the counter and walks towards me, wrapping me up in a hug as soon as he gets in touching distance. “It hurts Jess. Fuck, I didn’t think it would, but it does. Watching them together and them being happy, it fucking kills me, but there’s nothing I can do. She chose him, and I have to respect that. How do I get her out of my system?”

  Oh, my God. Tears prick my eyes, and draw him in and hold him tight. I hate that he feels this. I’m so torn, that if this were any other woman, I’d hate her for putting my brother through this heartache.

  “I don’t know, you’re asking the woman who pined after her ex for five years. What I do know is, you’re going to find a woman who loves you. When you do, you’re going to be so happy.”

  “I hope so Jess, I really hope so.” He releases me and picks up his can, taking a swig from it before turning back to me. “But until then, I’m going to pretend that I’m happy for them. If he hurts her again, I’m going to kill him.”

  “If that happens, I’ll help you bury the body. You’re one of the best men I have ever met.” It’s true, he’s so selfless.

  “Only one of them?” He’s joking, and I’m glad that he can joke around. Heartache is a bitch, but I know Owen, and he’s going to find someone.

  “Yeah, Si’s another and so is Richie.” Just saying Richie’s name makes my heart hurt. I haven’t heard from him since, and neither has Owen. I just hope that he’s okay.