Broken Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  What a liberating feeling.

  “I’m fine. What happened to the chickens? The cow’s gone, too. Is everything okay? Did a coyote get them?” They’d had coyote problems a few years back. Emma could still hear their yipping as they’d attacked the chickens. Three gunshots from her dad’s rifle and the small barking had stopped.

  “We sold them.” Her dad approached, watching Emma’s mother flitter about her shoulders. Sold them. One of their ways to eat. One of the ways they brought in some cash. The animals Emma talked to even more since Drake had left.

  “Elizabeth, go inside. Let me talk to Emma.” Dad’s brisk tone didn’t brook argument.

  Mom’s hands settled by her sides and she dropped her gaze. She walked inside, clutching her purse to her stomach.

  Dad eyed Emma, shifting his weight to his back leg. “You can’t worry us like that. I don’t think my heart can handle anymore.” He rubbed his shirt over his chest, looking older in that moment than he ever had before.

  Knowing her dad cared, Emma’s throat tightened. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

  “It’s okay. Just try to let us know where you’re going or what you’re doing.” He nodded. “I won’t tolerate you collapsing on the road, Emma.”

  She jerked her face to the side. “No, I mean I’m sorry for all of it. I’m sorry for your job and Drake and… I could get a job, you know? There’s a lot I’m sure I can do. That would help with you and Mom.” Emma worried at the thread coming loose on her shirt with her fingers. Would he consider it? She was old enough to do it on her own, but disrespecting her parents wasn’t an option. Not when they’d done so much for her and struggled with other stresses.

  Dad crouched down beside the chair, making him a few inches shorter than her. “Hey, it’s not your fault. I could’ve stayed at work instead of going to the hospital with you, but that wasn’t an option for me.” He rested his fingers on her elbow. “And as for a job? I provide for my family. Or, I try to. Plus, I don’t think any place will hire you with your limited capabilities.” He leaned forward on his knees and kissed her forehead. “Thank you for offering. I’ll figure this out. I always get us through.”

  He rose and went inside, probably to console his wife.

  But he left behind a crushed Emma.

  He’d sold the animals.

  He’d sent Drake away.

  What was next? Or who? At least Emma could count on her body parts not being worth anything for science or she’d worry he’d sell her, too.

  Emma leaned back, shaking her head. That wasn’t fair. He was just trying to make ends meet. She had to do something. Find something.

  Nate wasn’t the only one desperate to survive.

  Chapter 7

  Nate

  Nate ran a hand over Missy’s mane. He didn’t have time to give her the thorough brushing she needed. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on her silken shoulder. “At least you don’t want anything from me but food and water.” Which, if things continued on the way they were going, he might not be able to do that much longer.

  He sighed, straightening to adjust the stirrup straps.

  “Hi, Nate.” Emma stepped into the barn, her faded jeans tucked into brown leather cowboy boots and her daisy printed long-sleeve shirt a welcome sight. She slipped her hands into her back pockets and beamed.

  “Wow, did you walk all that way again?” Concern covered Nate’s excitement at seeing her again. Friends could worry about each other – should worry about each other.

  Were friends supposed to get a flurry of excitement in their gut when they saw one another? If so, Nate stuck to the friend requirements with ease.

  She held up her hand. “I’m stronger. It’s okay. Yes, I walked and I didn’t even need to stop and rest this time.” She pretended to flex her muscles. “I’m getting to be invincible. Pretty soon, I’ll be stronger than you.” Her smile warmed the aching stress in his chest.

  Nate grinned. “You never know, stranger things have happened.” He swung his shoulder to the side as she advanced and playfully swatted at him.

  “How are things over here? I haven’t seen you in a week.” She reached up and patted Missy’s neck, watching Nate. She smelled of some kind of berries and her scent mixed with the dusty straw aroma of the barn.

  He’d counted every day since he’d seen her last. The fact that she’d noted the time too worked wonders with his mood. Seeing Emma seemed to be the bright spot in his dark days. He shrugged as if it hadn’t been that long and turned back to the saddle work.

  Emma rounded the front of Missy, putting herself directly in his line of sight. “Nate? What’s wrong?”

  He shook his head, trying to ignore the panic welling in his torso. “It’s nothing specific, just a whole collection of things, you know? Like Stefanie’s gone and I don’t want her to be gone. We’re not a complete family. Her chores need to be done and Hannah needs her here. Gosh, she needs someone – female – who’s not me. She has school and she’s working like an adult when she’s only thirteen.” Was he failing them? Was he failing the family ranch?

  A knot in the leather straps of the reins drew his attention. He worked at the tangled line, finally dropping the strands in frustration and pacing away from his horse. “I’m even looking for part-time work to pay bills off, too.”

  Emma’s eyes darkened as she watched him, nodding her head slowly. “Yeah, I understand.”

  Nate stopped and moved to stand closer to her. “I’m sorry, you didn’t come over here to listen to me vent. What’s going on with you guys? Did your dad find a job yet?”

  Laughing softly, Emma smiled derisively. “No. And get this, Dad got rid of all of our animals – the chickens, the pigs, the cows, to pay for some things. I’m getting better, but Dad won’t let me get a job to help out.” She looked toward the sky, trying to control her irritation. “I’m twenty-one and he won’t let me work? Isn’t that weird sounding? But I live with them and it’s their house and I already burden them with too much worry and expense as it is.” She rolled her eyes, then bit her lip. “I’m worthless though, you know?”

  They absorbed each other’s woes for a moment in silence.

  Emma shook off her concerns, visibly trying to brighten the exchange. “How’s Stefanie doing? I know you miss her, but what is going on with her?”

  Nate sniggered. “Leave it to Stefanie to turn a precarious situation around to benefit her. She loves it. The ranch owner found out she’s a sixteen-year-old girl and rather than get mad and kick her and her cousins off the place, he’s keeping a tight eye on her and helping her with extra training. She stays in the guest house because he said he can’t trust a barn full of men to leave her alone.” Nate crossed to the small tack closet and grabbed an old rag and some leather conditioning oil. He was running low on that – heck, he was running low on most supplies.

  One more thing to add to his list.

  “I’m not surprised. There’s something about her that snags attention, you know? She’s always so confident.” Emma patted Missy again and then claimed a spot on a couch set up by the tack area.

  “Yeah, Stefanie is one-of-a-kind. She’s still getting paid, really well actually, and she’s sending money home which is helping more than I can say, but…” Nate fell silent, rubbing the oil into the saddle with small circular motions.

  “But there’s never enough when you’re trying to catch up, right?” Emma summed up his entire concern with one simple question, amazing him more and more. She snapped her fingers. “Oh, I forgot why I came over.”

  Nate honestly didn’t care why she came, just that she came and he didn’t feel quite so alone or overwhelmed. The simple act of being able to talk it out with someone he trusted, like Emma, released the tight stranglehold on his throat he hadn’t been able to shake. “Well, whatever the reason, I’m glad you came.” Easy to say when he buried his face in the oil and leather and didn’t face her.

  He glanced over his shoulder to take in her shining eyes and curling
lips.

  She arched her eyebrows and leaned forward. “Dad has a friend who’s looking for someone to do some horseshoeing. He normally has the guy in Colby do it, but I guess he’s booked out for three months. You could do it, maybe? I’m not sure what kind of equipment you have or even if you have time, but he pays in cash and asked my dad to keep an eye out. If he doesn’t find someone by this weekend, he’s going to see if anyone on the reservation can do it.” Emma crossed her ankles and beamed at Nate who had turned around while she spoke.

  Her delight faded as Nate didn’t say anything. What could he say? Thank you so much? That paled to what he wanted to say. The opportunity alone was bigger than anyone had ever offered him. Of course he had his own anvil and forge. Stored with all of his tools he even had extra coal that he’d tucked away when his parents died.

  But time. He didn’t have the time. He had to be there for Hannah and the field – oh, that horrible, time and energy sucking field. Why couldn’t he fill it with horses and cows? Grow something with value?

  Emma rolled her hand back and forth in the air. “I’m sorry. I crossed the line, didn’t I? It wasn’t any of my business. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.”

  Nate snapped his gaze to hers. Her lips turned down in a slight frown and her eyebrows drew close together.

  He put down the oil and cloth on the side table and crossed to sit beside her. “No, you don’t have anything to be sorry about. Thank you for telling me. I was trying to figure out how I would be able to make things work. Blacksmithing takes time, and after working on the fields all day, I need to be inside with Hannah so she’s not all by herself. The animals need to be fed and other chores closer to the house need to be done. Nothing big, but things that take time.”

  Tapping his temple, Nate grimaced. “Lots going on up here.” He pointed to his lips. “Not translating here.”

  “At least you have the option.” Emma leaned back on the couch, her hair flowing down her back and strands caressing Nate’s arm across the back of the couch cushions.

  “What kind of a job did you think about looking for?” Nate pulled lip balm from his pocket and glided it on. All day in the wind and sun dried out his lips. Plus, the action gave him something to do with his hands.

  He really wanted to reach out and hold Emma, but she’d set up the friend line with clear boundaries. He didn’t need to keep crossing them.

  No matter how much he wanted to.

  Plus, how much rejection did he want to deal with?

  “I don’t know. There’s not a lot I can do with my health.” She tilted her head and looked to the ceiling while she thought. “Probably something like what I do at home – or did when we had animals.” She lifted a finger. “Maybe a nanny or something? I like kids. I can tutor, too, but that’s about it. Cancer hasn’t exactly allowed me to work on my resume.” She laughed but the sound came was forced.

  She listed everything he needed help with at the house. An idea blossomed and Nate folded his hands, his elbow still resting on the back of the couch as he continued facing her. “Okay, so if I’m able to go after the blacksmithing work on the side, maybe you’d be interested in working for me.”

  Emma dragged her gaze to his face, her eyes searching and questioning.

  “Hear me out, I won’t be able to pay you a lot, might not even be in cash. I have milk and eggs now that the hens are finally laying again and we have a huge canned food storage in the root cellar. You said money is short at home, so maybe if you bring home food, the grocery money can be spent on other things?” He didn’t make the strongest job offer, but at least it was something. He’d be grateful for any help he could find and Emma wasn’t even supposed to be working. If she was at his place though, he could at least have her nearby and he could see her more often.

  A slight smile curved her lips. “What would I do?” She arched her eyebrow. “Wait, this isn’t one of those things where I’ll have to worry about the boss and his intentions, will I?” Her smile turned to a grin.

  “No, at least not at first.” He winked. Was she considering it? A new level of anticipation curled in his stomach. “The things you mentioned are exactly what I need help with. Feed the chickens, gather eggs, check on the cows. Help Hannah in the house and keep her company while I’m gone. She could really use an older woman around.” Nate warmed to the idea the more he talked the details out. “Pretty much act like you live here.” He chuckled, but the idea of her living there was more compelling than any help she could bring.

  When had he stopped hurting from her abandonment? Had he? As far as he could tell, he’d always just loved her and figured loving her would never count for anything. Turning his attention elsewhere hadn’t been an option with his parents gone.

  Having her back in his life reawakened all the feelings and yearnings he’d had when he was younger. The loss of time with her rankled, but maybe he was being given a second chance to make that time up.

  He didn’t look directly into her eyes for a moment. Gathering self-control, Nate did everything he could to redirect his thoughts from her lips and leaning forward to kiss her.

  They were friends, discussing the possibility of helping each other out. He didn’t need to complicate things by crossing boundaries Emma had set up.

  Finally he looked at her in the silence. Why wasn’t she saying anything? She gazed at him, tenderness soft in her eyes.

  “I think that would be great.” A suspicious sheen brightened her eyes and she patted his leg. “When do you want me to start? I brought that guy’s information for you, but I can have my dad say something, if you want.” She leaned forward and withdrew a folded piece of paper from her back pocket. She passed the number to him, making him look away from her face.

  Sitting there beside her reminded him of the last time they’d been together in high school. He wondered if she remembered. Her hair, tied back in a ribbon, had come undone and she smelled of raspberries and cream.

  She broke his heart the next day.

  “I thought you couldn’t get a job? How are you going to explain to your parents where you’re at?” Nate pushed at the sadness rushing over him. They’d lost a lot of time together in whatever capacity. They could’ve done more with each other over the years.

  Emma’s laugh tinkled around them. “My mom got a cleaning job in Colby and my dad is looking at work all the over place. They check on me throughout the day, but Mom said she wouldn’t be by a phone today and she’s not going to waste gas to come all the way home to see what I’m doing.” She rolled her eyes. “I wonder who’s getting more tired of the constant watching, them or me.”

  She winked at Nate, her impish grin infectious. “I’ll talk to them when they get home tonight. I can always say I’m hanging out with a friend. They’ll be glad I’m not by myself when they’re always so worried about me being alone since Drake…” She lifted her chin.

  “Well, Em, I think we have a deal.” Nate allowed himself to be excited. Why shouldn’t he be? He’d see her more and he was helping her out while potentially making more money on the side. He needed things to work out desperately and for once, he wasn’t going to seek out the possible bad things first.

  What could go wrong with Emma in his life more?

  Chapter 8

  Emma

  The walk invigorated Emma more than she’d thought possible. Honestly, she just hoped to make it to Nate’s without passing out.

  Leaving her place and walking had seemed easier and easier the further she went.

  Heading back home and leaving Nate had been harder and harder.

  She was definitely out of breath when she plopped down into her favorite chair on the lawn. She’d sit there in the sun until her parents came home.

  A cool breeze swept across her moist brow and she tilted her face to the sunlight. She smiled at the changes in her life.

  Being around Nate was like returning to that time of her life where everyone had believed the cancer was gone. She didn’t have to stress a
bout chemotherapy and radiation and other medications.

  She could just be her. And she could enjoy being a teenager and being with Nate and having friends.

  But then she almost died. She left Nate without an explanation, and that tore her in half. When her friends stopped calling because they worried cancer might be contagious – even though they knew better – Emma resolved to stay shut away from the world.

  Loneliness stung though.

  Now, with Drake gone, and her parents more stressed than ever, Nate’s arrival in her life couldn’t be more needed. She couldn’t wait to start working for him. Of course it was a pity job, but she’d take what she could get.

  Plus, her heart needed more Nate time. Even platonic time would be a balm on her spirits.

  Her dad walked around the corner of the house. “There you are, Em, how was your walk?” He claimed a seat on the steps beside her, polishing a rusted wrench that would never return to its former glory.

  She adjusted in her seat to face him, her face warm from the sun’s rays. “It was nice. I went to see Nathan Rourke. Did you know he’s a blacksmith?” How would she hedge into telling him about her working for Nate?

  Dad nodded his head, folding his hands and dangling the wrench between his bent knees. “Yeah, I remember his father taking him to the classes when the boy was younger. He was really very talented. He made this knife once that had a double-edged blade with a hook on the end.” He resumed his polishing. “Sad what happened to that family. Very nice parents.”

  The small community claimed an air of omnipotent knowledge about each neighbor. How many people out there talked about Emma’s health and how unfortunate their family luck had been? She cringed at the thought of just how high the number probably was.