Broken Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  Nate

  “You’ll come back in the morning?” Nate hoped she was serious. Having her for dinner with her easy-going nature and constant smile made the house feel a little less empty and a whole lot more homey. He hadn’t been joking when he’d offered her a place to stay. As far as he was concerned, she could move in with him and never leave.

  She nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear and glancing up at him. They stood on the porch at dusk, the purples and pinks of the sky fighting for attention. “Thank you again for dinner. Hannah is a terrific cook. Everything was delicious.”

  “Are you sure you won’t let me give you a ride? I don’t feel right having you walk the whole way a fourth time today. At least let me walk you.” He moved to the edge of the steps, hell-bent on spending more time with her and making sure she was safe.

  A soft hand on his bicep gave him pause and he turned. She gently shook her head, her eyes warm. “Thank you, but no. I need to plan out what I’m going to say when I get home and I won’t be focused on that while I’m with you.” Her shy smile warmed him. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

  She thought of him as distracting, how nice that he wasn’t alone in that. Why were they keeping it platonic again? Oh, how he hated that word as he took in the soft waves of her hair and the intensity of her gaze. Her lips parted softly as she shifted on her feet. He could’ve sworn a gust of wind moved between them and pushed her hair from her shoulder.

  Were they close enough friends yet that he could demand she let him walk her home? She seemed to struggle for every gram of independence, Nate would hate to stand in the way of any improvement. Yet, his worry compounded when he thought of her passing out by the side of the road or someone stealing her.

  He watched her walk down the stairs and out to the road, everything in him warring with the idea that she wanted to go alone. He didn’t like that. Something bad would happen and only because he wasn’t with her. His heart was more attached to her than he wanted to acknowledge. He called after her, “Let me know you made it okay.”

  The sun wouldn’t set completely for another hour or so. She turned and waved at him, not pausing as she walked. Her long legs ate up the distance.

  While he waited for her call, Nate could help Hannah in the kitchen. He waited until Emma had traipsed out of sight before returning inside.

  At the counter, Nate stopped and watched his kid sister put things away. She wiped at the sink edge and scraped plates into the chicken scrap bucket. “You do so much here, Hannah, thank you for all your hard work.”

  She blushed and ducked her head. “You too, Nate. Thanks.” She slowed down as she put dishes in the cupboards and rehung the towel on the fridge handle. After a moment she turned, her eyes misty. “Do you think Stefanie will come home?”

  Nate drew back. Was Hannah worried that their family was falling apart? He was on a continuous basis, and he blamed himself. Did she blame him, too? “Hey, you know Stef is only gone this summer right? She still has another year of school left.”

  Hannah shrugged. “She left fast, she didn’t even really say goodbye. Sometimes it feels like she was never really here. Like none of them were.” She slipped in the reference to their parents like a dropped coin – with meaning and significance but little thought. After a second, her face brightened. “I’m really glad Emma is going to hang out with us. I like her. You never said she was that nice.”

  He’d never thought about Emma’s niceness before. Not when she had so many great characteristics. He couldn’t list everything he liked about her. That’d be like trying to list every color in a rainbow – there were too many hues to get them all right. He had his favorite things about her, but they too occupied a long, thorough list.

  The one thing that concerned Nate though, had to be broached with Hannah, so she wouldn’t be surprised. “True, I’ve never really talked about her and how nice she is. I also never said she had cancer.” The silence as Hannah stared at Nate compelled him to rush on. “Look, it’s just cancer, it’s not contagious.” He’d dropped the information too fast. Why hadn’t he slowed into the topic, given her time to adjust to it?

  “I know what cancer is, Nate. My friend’s dad just died from pancreatic cancer.” Hannah’s eyes watered, she twisted her lips. “Is Emma going to die?”

  Great. Nate had to be the most uncouth person he knew. He walked around the counter and pulled his sister into his embrace. He’d never noticed how thin she had gotten. She covered her shape with baggy clothes and an over-bright personality. Wrapping both arms around her, he held her tight against him and rocked side to side.

  “Look, shhh, Emma’s not dying. I only told you about her health so you know to help watch out for her. She needs to have breaks and stuff. I don’t want her doing anything heavy or over-tiring, okay?” He stroked Hannah’s hair, staring at the ceiling and silently cursed himself. He wasn’t known for his sensitivity, but come on, she was his little sister. He could’ve rethought the whole yeah-someone-else-in-your-life-might-not-make-it doom and gloom topic.

  And he just blurted it out there.

  He was a special kind of jerk.

  Chapter 10

  Emma

  Emma edged up to the front door, her breathing suddenly more erratic than the walk warranted. Her hands shook and she glanced over her shoulder toward Nate’s place – which of course was too far away for her to see, but the fact that his house was out there gave her enough courage to open the door and walk inside.

  Odd how quickly she’d come to rely on him for support.

  Her mom rushed from the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Emma’s waist. She didn’t speak, only held her for a moment. Emma enjoyed the comforting smell of flour and lemon attached to the soft worn cotton of her mother’s clothing.

  Mom pulled back and searched Emma’s face. “Are you coming with me tomorrow?” She didn’t speak loud, kept her voice to a low murmur, but she spoke as if she knew Emma had found a way to be more independent, and the realization frightened her.

  Emma couldn’t speak at the sudden realization that her mom was going to be gone for about a week. Emma wouldn’t be able to run to her for help, for anything. She shook her head, slowly, glancing down.

  Tears welled in her mother’s eyes and she quickly looked away, nodding briskly. “Get your things packed, then. We’ll drop you off when we leave.” Her mom didn’t ask where, probably because she’d find out when they left the next morning.

  Emma’s dad was nowhere to be found.

  ~~~

  The morning dawned clear, giving Emma’s sleepless night more light. Fear and excitement had ruled her while she lay in bed, waiting for the next day.

  “Where’s Dad?” Emma scooted into the passenger seat of the truck, tugging on the strap of her duffel bag. She’d packed all the clothes she had, which wasn’t much, and she’d had room for her small quilt – pretty much everything she owned.

  Her mom waited behind the wheel of the truck, her hair done just so and her shirt and pants carefully maintained. She avoided Emma’s gaze and shifted the manual transmission. “He’s getting things ready for his trip.”

  “Where’s he going, Mom?” Emma didn’t really care. She didn’t want to talk about anything else and her mom’s white knuckle grip suggested many topics would be off-limits.

  “He’s going to Spokane to see if there’s work. A buddy of his called and said there might be some jobs at an aluminum company there. He got hired for a temp job in the same area for a few weeks, so hopefully we’ll have some money soon.” She pressed her lips together into something that probably was meant to be a smile but passed as more of a scowl.

  Emma looked out the window. The forecasted storm hadn’t shown up yet, and clouds hung low in the sky to the west. Damp air swirled through the burgeoning grasses and tree limbs. “I’m going to the Rourke place.” She didn’t look to see what her mom’s expression was. Honestly she didn’t think she could handle more disappointment.

  “I figu
red.” Mom passed a small bag over to Emma, watching the road. “I put all your medication in there as well as emergency numbers. We only have insurance for another month through your dad’s Cobra plan, but hopefully, he’ll have new insurance after that. I put Aunt May’s number in there, too. I expect a phone call every night to let me know how you’re doing.” She pierced Emma with her gaze. “I don’t like this, but you are twenty-one. At some point, we need to start treating you like an adult.” She swallowed and redirected her attention to the road.

  She turned the truck onto Bella Acres drive and didn’t speak again until they rolled to a stop.

  Emma gripped the handle of the vinyl makeup bag filled with her mother’s concern and love. She bit back a change of mind and smiled. “Thanks, Mom. I’m excited but a little nervous, too.”

  “I want to ask about your feelings for Nate, but I remember high school…” She trailed off, as if that topic was closed and done, never to be reopened. She shook her head and pasted on a smile that declared nothing was fine but she was smiling anyway. “Yes, well… Don’t forget to call and I’ll see you next week.” She reached across the bench seat and patted Emma on the shoulder in an awkward side-hug, then retreated to her seat and looked out the windshield.

  Emma slid from the cab and closed the door. Her mom drove away without another wave. Emma couldn’t figure out if her mom was hurt or not. A little piece of her felt like a traitor, but the part of her that wanted to grow up widened her grin as she pivoted on her heel to face the house.

  Here goes nothing. Or everything. Depending on which way she looked at it.

  She climbed the steps and knocked on the door.

  Nate swung open the thick panel, his smile warm and welcoming. “Well, hello. I wasn’t sure what time you’d come or even if you’d come for sure.” He winked and pushed open the screen.

  “I hope you’re sure about this.” Emma followed him inside, careful to hide her shaking hands. She’d never stayed anywhere but the hospital or her home. The fact that she was at Nathan Rourke’s house and they agreed to be friends glared at her as he turned around and put his broad shoulders on display. Hopefully her heart survived the next week.

  “It’ll be good to have an older woman in the house for Hannah.” Nate lifted his hand. “Not that you’re an older… I mean…” He ran his hand through his hair, pausing at the kitchen doorway with worry on his face.

  “I know what you meant. You think I’m old. It’s cool.” She winked, slipping comfortably into their easy banter. “Where can I put my stuff?”

  “Stefanie is going to be gone all summer. I hope it’s not weird for you to stay in her room? We don’t have beds in the extra rooms.” He led her up the stairs and down the long hall.

  A hall Nate used to chase her down. Once he caught her, he’d tickle her sides until she shrieked in laughter. Memories she’d tried to squash for so long flooded around her.

  Holding hands on the way to the bus after school.

  Promises of forever only teenagers can make.

  Tears when she thought she wasn’t coming back and that she’d never have another chance to tell him how much he meant to her.

  Seeing him for the first time after she’d survived a few weeks before, had so many survival instances since the last time she’d seen him. Each trip to the hospital, she’d worried that she wouldn’t live. At one point, she’d stopped wishing and hoping the world would bring Nate back into her life. Why would she want him to see her as she was? Broken, frail, hanging on to life with an IV tube and a throw-up bucket?

  Thankfully, Nate didn’t look at her as he walked toward Stefanie’s room. Emma blinked the longing away. The memories. Neither of them needed to complicate things and both of them needed the situation to work out.

  Nate pushed open a white painted door, revealing a rustic style room with artful touches in the lace doily draped over the lamp and the blue ribbon woven between the curtain loops. A handmade quilt in browns, blues, and greens adorned the full sized bed with its hewn log posts and simple headboard.

  Emma stepped further into the space, intertwining her fingers over the strap of her bag as she took in the simple elegance of the room. A thick cream rug spanned the length of the bed, allowing only peeks of the hard mahogany flooring around the edges. “It’s gorgeous.” She glanced at Nate, embarrassed by her awe but unable to hold it in.

  Only a few inches separated her shoulder from his chest. She peeked at him from under her eyelashes and hoped she smelled half as good as he did with the scent of pine and linseed oil mixing with a masculine scent of aftershave.

  “Do you want to eat breakfast with us? I understand, if you’ve already eaten.” His breath was a gust of minty freshness.

  “Yes, please.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. Would she ever stop being nervous around him? Not even a bad nervous, more like an excitement intertwined with anticipation that made her pulse quicken.

  His voice lowered and he stared at her. “Okay, well, I’ll see you down there in a few minutes. The bathroom, if you need it, is across the hall.” He held her gaze for a moment longer and then walked out the door.

  And took her breath with him.

  ~~~

  Emma straddled the stool, her knees higher than her hips and her elbows above her shoulders. She pushed on the cow’s udders with her palms and grunted. “Oh my word, Boss, do you do anything besides make milk?” She’d been working on that one bucket all morning. Okay, only about thirty minutes, but still.

  Since before breakfast Nate had been absent because he’d been called by the neighbor with the blacksmithing job.

  Hannah turned out to be great company, but she didn’t give Emma a racing pulse. After they ate an aromatic meal of hash browns, bacon, and eggs, Hannah showed Emma the ropes.

  For her first job, Emma chose the cow, thinking that’d be the most fun.

  Boy, was she wrong.

  Their old cow hadn’t produced as much milk in forever. Emma sighed and leaned her forehead against Boss’s warm side. “Oh, my arms hurt.” Walking all the way to Bella Acres had been strenuous, but Emma would trade the milking for that any day. She took a deep breath and straightened up. “No, I can do this. Come on, Boss. Let’s get you milked.”

  Squeezing and pulling on the teat with more concentration, Emma soon emptied the milk cow’s udders into three solid buckets full. She stood, nodding at the cow and the straw and anything else she could see. “We did it. Finally.”

  Next, eggs from the chickens and tossing out scratch as well as checking on the troughs for the pigs. The easy stuff. She’d been doing chickens since she was little.

  The barn door banged open against the side wall. “Hey, Emma?” Hannah called from the bright opening.

  “Yeah, I’m here.” Still here was more like it. Emma dusted her pants off and carried a bucket of milk to the processing area Hannah had shown her. She glanced at Hannah who was dressed for school, her hair hanging down her back. “Are you heading to school?” Another bucket joined the first and a last short trip delivered the third.

  “Yes. But…” Hannah glanced behind her out the door and then back into the dim barn. “Do you think you could walk me to the bus stop? Nate usually does, but he left for that meeting and I’m not sure when he’s going to be back. The stop isn’t far.”

  Emma joined her at the door, smiling. “Sure, let’s go.” They fell into step as their boots crunched on the gravel beside the driveway. Emma had to borrow a pair from Stefanie’s closet. She didn’t want to wear them out on the pavement. Dirt roads were messy but they were kinder to shoes than blacktop.

  “Thanks for doing the milking. Usually Nate and I take turns and I didn’t get up early enough to do it today because it was supposed to be his turn and I have school.” Hannah’s sheepish smile warmed Emma’s heart.

  “My pleasure. I have to earn my keep, if the meals are that good.” Emma pushed playfully at Hannah’s shoulder. “You’re an amazing cook. I wish I could do
that with food.” She almost rubbed her stomach, but thought that would overdo it.

  Eager with enthusiasm, Hannah turned and walked backwards while she spoke. “I’ll teach you. It’s so fun. Nate likes to eat.” She wiggled her eyebrows and made kissy faces at Emma.

  The actions were childish but a little too close to home. Emma couldn’t help giggling and she shook her head. “Yes, well, so do I.”

  Hannah turned back. “You’re no fun.” But her smile reached her voice and they walked together in silence the rest of the way.

  For the brief moments Emma was with Hannah, she didn’t feel so alone, like Hannah was a female version of Drake. Like Hannah could be her sister.

  ~~~

  Emma stirred the red marinara sauce with a wooden spoon. One of the best things about Bella Acres and the two living there was their propensity to utilize the best items – whether they were old-fashioned like the cast-iron pans they cooked with or more modern like the nice leather couches in the living room.

  She hadn’t seen Nate since the first morning she’d arrived. Her mood reached gray pinnacles similar to the rain that hadn’t stopped in days. She needed to see him.

  Hannah was great and all, but even a glimpse of Nate would make her feel like she wasn’t imagining him in her life.

  Even if she was staying at his house.

  The phone rang right on time. Her mom called every night, even though she’d asked Emma to call. Mom never gave Emma the chance. She lifted the receiver. “Hey, Mom. How are you?” Emma stirred the sauce, watching the swirl lines in the red as basil speckled the surface.

  A little breathless, her mother almost shouted into the phone. “Emma, I can’t talk long. May had a stroke while we were moving her things. I’m going to be down here a little longer. Your dad knows what’s going on. Can you stay there?”

  “Oh my gosh, Mom, are you okay? Is Aunt May?” Of course she wasn’t okay. Emma hated when people asked her that, but a stroke? One of Emma’s biggest fears was having a stroke.