Broken Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  But the charcoal leather seat was empty.

  Nate worked the hood open and swatted at the remnants of mice nests above the carburetor.

  The starter coil hung limply from the base and Nate gritted his teeth. Emma didn’t have time for him to sit there and reminisce or even question what he was doing. He slammed the coil into position and climbed into the cab. He had left the keys in the ignition. Honestly, who was going to steal the old thing clear out where they were?

  Nate whispered a prayer. Would it start? He turned the key, and the engine ground out a churning sound, but no turn over. He tried again. Same result.

  Two more and his heart started to sink. Bella Acres meant everything to him. Unless he compared his feelings to the land for how he felt about Emma.

  Would he be able to go on if she didn’t survive?

  He clenched his eyes shut, tight. Silently moving his lips in a prayer, he felt deep in his gut, Nate rotated the key one last time. The chugging caught and the engine turned over, sluggish and cold sounding, but definitely running.

  Nate glanced to the Heavens. Okay, he had help. He could do it. Hope glowed like a small ember in his chest.

  Carefully, he drove the rig out of its place and onto the drive directly in front of the house.

  The rain had stopped, but that didn’t mean much. Nate had to somehow get Emma and Hannah into the truck while maintaining some kind of compressions and drive to the hospital without crashing.

  Fear gripped him. He’d never wanted help so badly in his life, even when he realized he had to finish raising his sisters. Leaving the truck running, Nate rushed back inside.

  Hannah yelled, “Her eyelids moved. Do I stop? What do I do?”

  Was Emma okay? Nate knelt down, holding up a hand for Hannah to stop compressions. He leaned down to Emma’s chest and pressed fingers to her throat again. The faintest pulse, thready and inconsistent, rewarded his search. He pulled back only to lean forward again and pull Emma into his arms.

  Cradling her, he stood. She couldn’t weigh more than a buck-ten. He led the way, calling over his shoulder to Hannah, “Come on. We gotta get her to the hospital.”

  The stress didn’t abate, it just shifted from getting her heart started to keeping it going.

  Man, loving someone hurt.

  Chapter 12

  Emma

  An odd sensation of a familiar, but unwelcome smell awakened Emma. She turned her head, sniffing softly, and opened her eyes.

  The sterile interior to the hospital room greeted her searching gaze like a long-lost friend that she didn’t want to see. A sob ripped from her chest, making her ache in parts she’d never hurt before.

  And she’d hurt plenty.

  Boots thumped to the floor and Nate came into view from a chair set up beside her bed. “Hey, you’re okay. I’m here.” He reached up, caressing her hand with the IV in it.

  His touch was comforting, but alarming at the same time.

  The last thing she remembered was being so happy with all the work she could do and smiling at Hannah who she was starting to think of as a sister. Waking up in the hospital with Nate by her side when he had so much else to do, was just a repeat of what her dad had done.

  The tears blazed down her cheeks, warring with the cool hospital air. She lifted her free hand to wipe at the moisture on her skin, but couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Why did she have to ruin everything? Nate cared for her and now… now she’d sucked him into the drama of her health and she didn’t want to.

  He was losing time away from work to sit there for who knows how long. He needed that income for his sisters. What was she doing to him? What about Hannah? She would be alone without him at home.

  It didn’t matter that Emma was scared and didn’t understand what was going on. Her health had always been a toss-up. Fear was a constant in Emma’s life. How could it not be when she was certain she would die young?

  She’d never had a reason to want to live so badly.

  “Shh. It’s okay. I’m here.” Nate rocked to his feet and walked around the bed, opposite the monitor and IV bag. He adjusted the blankets and climbed on beside her, pulling her into the crook of his arm. Bending his knees, he let his boots dangle off the side of the bed.

  The heat of his body close to hers and the strength and comfort in his hold soothed her. Emma calmed down. Her fear ebbed, but her worry at his presence prevented her from completely relaxing into his embrace.

  “I’m so sorry, Nate. You don’t have to stay.” She chewed on the soft inner skin of her cheek, cautious about making eye contact in case meeting his gaze made her lose all control. “Thank you for bringing me, but I don’t want to be a bigger burden.”

  “You’re not a burden and I could never consider you one. Hannah’s downstairs eating horrific cafeteria food and I tried calling your mom, but no one answered. Don’t worry about us. With all the rain, I can’t work today in the fields anyway.” He leaned his head closer to hers and kissed the top of her hair, softly. He lifted his free hand and ran his fingers from the top of her hair to the nape of her neck.

  “But you could be working on blacksmithing.” No matter how much she protested, she couldn’t relax in his embrace with the worry over her head.

  Plus…

  She lifted her head, weakly from his arm. “What happened?”

  He brushed the hair back from her forehead. “The doctor said you had a heart attack. Something about the muscles being weak from years of chemotherapy and radiation.” His eyes darkened with concern. “I didn’t realize how bad the cancer was. Are you okay?” He glanced at her position in the hospital gown and bed and chuckled. “Okay, obviously not right this second, but are you going to be okay?”

  In his arms? She was more than okay. She couldn’t believe how safe she felt.

  But a heart attack? She was too dang young to have a heart attack. Then again, she was too dang young to have been in the hospital more times than she’d eaten out at a restaurant or more times than she could count. When the hospital was more familiar than your own home, there was a large problem.

  As comforting as Nate was, as solid as he was, as much as Emma was growing to depend on him – she couldn’t burden him.

  She wouldn’t.

  Somehow, some way, she would have to be independent and learn to rely on herself.

  No more heart attacks or visits to the hospital, no matter what.

  She’d die before she’d have any more cost piled onto her loved ones.

  Emma’s eyes drifted closed on their own accord. She had to answer Nate. Was she going to be okay? She parted her lips to speak, but drifted off before any words made it from her mouth.

  ~~~

  Nate’s house seemed bigger than before with its long gaping hallways and lack of beeping machines. The darkness of the night seeped into the silence as everyone slept. Not even a clock ticked anywhere to bring some relief to the gaping lack of noise.

  Emma drew the blanket around her tighter in the borrowed bed. Silence had never bothered her before. She’d only been out of the hospital since mid-afternoon, but still she hadn’t heard from her mother or father. She was a little nervous about the doctor’s instructions to ‘take it easy.’

  Hadn’t she been taking things easy? What was she supposed to do? Sit around the house eating all day? When she went home, she wouldn’t be able to do that. The doctors had even suggested that she try to gain more weight. Well, that was hard without constant access to food.

  What would happen when she went home? More bills piled on top of her father’s shoulders. Guilt consumed her. She couldn’t go back to the doctors. She couldn’t be the parasite sucking her parents dry.

  Her thoughts ran wild as she plucked the edge of the soft comforter. Staring into the dark room, Emma tried to catch glimpses of stars or the moon from the window, but clouds covered most of the sky. She needed a night light.

  What she wouldn’t give to talk to Drake for just a minute, even thirty seconds would
be good.

  Drake was free from the guilt of making things harder for Mom and Dad. He couldn’t claim to be a burden to anyone. Emma still hadn’t heard from him. To be fair, though, he didn’t have the phone number where she was at.

  Being fair didn’t make her less lonely.

  Overwhelming sadness overcame her. She hadn’t felt this lonely in a long time.

  When Nate had crawled into the hospital bed with her, things felt right, like her whole existence shifted into place. She kept claiming she only wanted to be friends with him, but at what point did she stop lying to herself and accept the fact that she had feelings for him. Had always had them?

  But that wasn’t the problem.

  The problem was that acknowledging feelings for Nate meant she would have to deal with them. Why should she be faced with questions about the future she wanted to have when all she was certain of were her health problems?

  More loneliness assaulted her and she broke down into ever-present tears. Certain-uncertainty about her future compounded her exhaustion from the hospital stay. She didn’t stand a chance emotionally.

  She tried to hold in her hiccups and whimpers, but couldn’t. She shoved her face into the pillow and sobbed brokenly.

  A knock on the door startled her. Emma gasped. She wiped at her face. What time was it? A quick glance at the clock on the night stand revealed it was roughly one in the morning. Great, she woke someone up. Would she ever stop being a bother?

  The knock came again and Nate opened the door softly. “Emma? Are you okay?”

  She nodded, then realized he couldn’t see her in the more-dark-than-not lighting. “Yes.” But her voice broke and she closed her eyes. Of course, she wasn’t okay and he’d know she was lying. Her crying obviously woke him up. Thank goodness he couldn’t see her in the dark as heat flushed her cheeks. That was the second time he’d caught her crying. He was going to think she was an over-sensitive girl.

  Clicking quietly, the door shut. Lovely, now she’d run him off with her crazy girl emotions. She opened her eyes when the mattress dipped. He hadn’t left her.

  “Scoot over, it’s chilly.” He pulled the blankets back and slid in beside her. “Come here.” His husky demands soothed away the loneliness as he drew her into his arms and they settled on the pillow, sharing its support. He kept his voice just above a whisper. “Okay, now tell me what’s wrong.”

  Emma sniffed, his scent pervading her senses and calming her further. His warmth and strength consoled her and faded her loneliness. Her eyelids grew heavy. “I was lonely.”

  A long moment of silence stretched between them. If not for his arms around her, she would’ve thought she’d imagined him.

  After a moment, he kissed her forehead, his lips warm on her skin. “Go to sleep, Emma. You’re not alone anymore.”

  Emma wrapped her arm across his waist and caught his fingers in hers. She closed her eyes and gave over to the fatigue pulling at her.

  ~~~

  “You’re still coming over every day, right?” Hannah handed Emma’s bag to her beside the Benson truck. Emma’s mother waited in the cab.

  Smiling, Emma nodded and leaned forward to hug Hannah. “Of course. I’ll be back tomorrow.” She didn’t want to leave, but she’d missed her parents. She finally spoke with her mom on the phone the night before and told her what had happened. Her mom came to get her. Simple as that.

  But oh, so complicated.

  Mom had hinted at changes coming and that Dad would meet them at home. Emma didn’t want to go home and she didn’t have a chance to talk to Nate about it, so she left him a note. She couldn’t help drawing a heart at the bottom.

  The ride home was quiet. Mom was still mad at the whole thing. She’d ranted on the phone about knowing something like that was going to happen and she’d told Bob. Emma tuned her out halfway through. Sometimes Mom just liked to vent.

  Pulling up and parking, her mom climbed from the cab and went inside. She didn’t wait for Emma or even acknowledge her once she ascertained that Emma wasn’t dead. Like it was Emma’s fault no one could get a hold of her mother. She hadn’t planned to go to the hospital. Sometimes those things just happened.

  Emma slowly made her way into the house which didn’t have the homey feeling she thought she’d missed. No, Drake wasn’t there and her parents had so much stress going on, they weren’t exactly present for Emma either.

  “Emma, come in here. We need to talk.” Her dad was smiling. He rarely smiled.

  Her mom didn’t look at Emma, but watched her husband with glowing pride.

  “Okay.” Emma placed her bag by the hallway and sat gingerly on the chair her dad indicated. “What’s going on?” She flicked her gaze between both parents, unsure what to expect.

  Glancing at his wife and then patting the table, Dad nodded sharply. “I got a job in Washington. I was hoping for Spokane, but it looks like it will be in Seattle at first. I’ll have full benefits and hours and great pay along with opportunities for overtime.” He pressed his lips together, his eyes glowing with excitement. His shoulders were straight. When was the last time his posture had made him look like a man instead of a shrunken shell?

  Emma couldn’t catch her breath. Her heart pounded with anxiety. “But what about our home? What about Drake?” This couldn’t be good for her so soon after getting out of the hospital. Her heart wouldn’t be able to take the stress.

  “We’ll be able to get a bigger home soon and once I get a steady paycheck coming in, we’ll send for Drake. You guys will love living over there. No more dry summers. I hear they have rain year round. Everything is always green and it’s right by the ocean.” He squeezed his wife’s hand, eyes bright. “We’re so excited. We listed this place yesterday with a realtor. You’ll stay here with your mother and I’ll go ahead to Seattle. Once it sells, you can both come to me and together we’ll find a house.”

  Emma’s heart sank. She didn’t want to move and not because she was attached to the house.

  Because she was attached to the boy who ran a ranch not far from the house.

  Sitting there with her parents, she couldn’t feel more alone or less happy.

  Chapter 13

  Nate

  The anvil didn’t budge as Nate slammed the red-hot horseshoe with the flat face of a hammer – over and over – on top of the large metal piece. He’d used that anvil so much over the last few weeks. The nicks and wear came from the multiple generations it’d been passed down through. Worn edges and distressed surfaces bound Nate to his family.

  He hadn’t picked up blacksmithing for the hell of it. His dad’s dad and back even further than that had been blacksmiths.

  Dad had more reasons for not doing it than Nate did for not doing the fields. Some of his father’s claims had included mild scoliosis as a kid and once, he’d even suggested he might be allergic to metal.

  The ridiculousness of the allergy tale had been an ongoing joke between Nate and his father. Dad had gotten Nate into blacksmithing, proud that his son could uphold the family tradition. They’d been close enough Nate’s chest still ached when he remembered Dad’s large hands turning the tongs and showing Nate how to manipulate the metal in the heat.

  Ack, he missed his parents.

  With each shoe Nate formed or each blade he worked and reworked, Nate hoped he made his dad proud with the craftsmanship of the pieces.

  That morning, things weren’t going so well. He hadn’t slept. Emma left a couple days ago and usually he slid into bed with her, just to hold her. Nothing else. Which he was content with because she was there in his arms. Having her present helped him stay centered.

  She’d gone and now only came in the mornings, leaving after dinner when he came back in before it got too dark. Her mom drove her.

  No big deal. That was part of the arrangement. Yet Emma’s brightness seemed dimmer, like someone had covered her happiness with a shroud. Whatever was bothering her had started bothering him. And when he didn’t know what was bugging h
im and he couldn’t fix it, he got irritable.

  “Hallllllloooo?” A man’s voice reached Nate through the pauses between banging.

  Nate lifted his head, cocking it to the side to hear better.

  “Hello? Nathan Rourke?” The man’s voice grew louder as if from inside the barn.

  “Yeah, in the back.” Nate lowered his tools and lifted his eye protection to rest on his forehead. Who in the world would be there? He wasn’t expecting anyone until the next day.

  A neighbor poked his hat covered head through. “Hey, Nathan. Thought I might find you out here.” He touched the brim of his hat and settled in the doorway.

  Nate stepped back and settled on his hind foot. “Al. What can I do for you?” Al Reddick. The man was a bur in Nate’s dad’s pants for as long as Nate could remember. He’d at least had the decency to not show up for the first few weeks after the older Rourkes had died.

  Then the visits had started, along with the pressure to sell. For whatever reason, Al hadn’t been by in months. Nate had welcomed his absence. Forgot his nuisance and enjoyed the peace of mind that he could fix what his parents’ death had broken.

  Al removed his hat, freeing wild silvery streaked black hair. He glanced around the barn to the view out the door he’d left open. He offered a slight laugh which was neither humorous nor friendly. “Well, now, Nathan, you know what you could do for me that would be extremely neighborly. I’m willing to pay full market value still.” The same offer, never worded differently.

  Nate sighed. “No, Bella Acres isn’t for sell. Is there anything else you needed?” No matter how rudely or politely Nate put it, Al never took the hint. He hovered like a horsefly, waiting for the chance to land and bite.

  Shifting on bowed legs, Al nodded. “Actually, I heard you’re back to blacksmithing. I need some shoes made and a few of my barn hinges could stand to be repaired, if you’re interested in the work.” He settled his hat and peered at Nate from beneath the dusty rim.