Broken Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  Tears fought their way down her cheeks, dripping to her carefully chosen blue shirt. “You can’t love me. What happens when my heart gives out for good? You love me and I die. You’ll be worse off than if we were just friends.” She wiped at her cheeks, shaking her head and lifting her chin. “If we can’t be friends, I’ll go with my parents. I’m not going to do that to anyone. Least of all you.”

  Nate stared at her, his jaw tightening and clenching. “No. I keep pushing and I’m sorry. I won’t anymore.” He stepped closer, but kept his hands by his sides. “Can you at least tell me how you feel?” He pleaded with his eyes as he searched her face. His whisper nearly ripped the tension between them in two. “Please.”

  Did she tell him she couldn’t stop thinking about him? That seeing him made her feel like she could conquer anything? Or how her heart didn’t feel weak when he was around? What about all the times he casually touched her and her knees quivered, threatening to drop her to the ground? Or how important his friendship was?

  If she told him how she was falling for him – all over again – it wouldn’t be fair. The confession would be tortuous, especially if he loved her like he declared he did. Emma shook her head, fighting her feelings, fighting the draw of him. “Leave it alone, okay?”

  “No, I —” Nate glanced from her to the front of the house. The sound of a truck engine carried through the open windows. He flicked his gaze back to Emma and slowly nodded his head. “For now. I’ll leave it alone for now.”

  The truck sounds grew louder as they pulled closer to the house, giving Emma the escape she desperately needed.

  But so desperately didn’t want.

  Chapter 15

  Nate

  Nate washed his hands, lingering in the bathroom to give Emma a private moment to welcome her parents and invite them to dinner. Her parents were supposed to just stop by to meet Nate and let Emma know their decision, but Hannah had suggested they stay for dinner before their drive and Nate couldn’t argue with that. Emma wouldn’t see his parents for a while, if she ended up staying with him.

  He’d promised not to push her anymore. What was he thinking? She’d barely admitted she wanted to stay because he pushed her. She hid so much in her eyes from him. Asked him to leave it alone? Why? What was she hiding from? He wouldn’t hurt her. If she let him love her, she’d never be lonely again. She’d know she was important.

  How much did she hold back? Would he ever hear her say what he needed to hear? Holding her at night might not be the best idea. When she stayed with him – and she would be staying with him, no matter what he had to do – he might have to put a stop to the nightly visits.

  Okay, the decision was final. He wouldn’t let them sleep together. If she pressed him, he could explain why. Maybe that would make her feel better and she wouldn’t talk about having no future and dying all the time.

  The possibility of her death wouldn’t register. She seemed so healthy – even in the hospital her color hadn’t been horribly pale, at least for Emma. She’d always been on the lighter side.

  Maybe Nate missed something.

  A man’s deep voice carried down the hall. For a slight second, Nate closed his eyes and pretended Dad just got home and was being welcomed by his loving wife.

  The break from reality only lasted the space between seconds, long enough to remind Nate he couldn’t lose anyone else he cared about.

  Determined to convince Emma’s parents that Bella Acres was the best place for her, Nate charged down the hall, a mission to accomplish.

  Prepared to be charming and confident, Nate faltered mid-step at the confusion and fear on Emma’s face.

  He rushed to her side, ignoring the newcomers who hovered in front of her with hands wrapped together. Concern laced Nate’s words. “Emma, honey, what’s wrong?” So much for hiding how his feelings for her.

  The older man jerked his worried stare from Emma to Nate and back.

  Emma grasped Nate’s hand and cast her eyes downward. She whispered, “I need to check the gravy.”

  “We shouldn’t intrude. We need to… figure out…” Mrs. Benson’s voice faded as she slowly turned in a circle, looking for something. Shock and dismay distorted features similar to Emma’s.

  What had Nate walked in on?

  Hannah paused at the door, taking in more with her thirteen-year-old understanding than Nate expected. She pushed forward, placing her hand on Emma’s arm and capturing the gazes of both parental Bensons. “Emma’s been working really hard on this meal. It wouldn’t be right if we didn’t insist you stay and eat with us.”

  Emma wiped her cheeks and finally met Nate’s eyes. She lifted her chin and forced a smile. To her parents, she said, “Yes, at least eat dinner.”

  As if on auto-pilot, everyone dished up in the kitchen, buffet-style, and gathered around the table.

  The baked chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuits, and green beans obviously took great effort. Not long ago, Emma barely understood how to boil noodles and now she had timing down on fairly difficult meals.

  Nate nodded toward Emma and Hannah. “This is delicious, ladies, I’m impressed.”

  Mr. Benson ate slowly, as if certain the food would disappear and he savored every bite. He nodded at Nate’s compliment and mumbled around a large bite of potatoes. “Best meal I’ve had in a while.”

  With tears in her eyes, Mrs. Benson stared at Emma. She swallowed and asked softly, “Do you eat like this here all the time?”

  Hannah glanced up sharply. “It’s not always this fancy, but if you want it to be fancy for her to stay here, I can try.” She ducked her head at her outburst and muttered, “Sorry.”

  The topic burst from its don’t-touch-me bubble, Emma leaned back, placing her fork beside her plate. She reached for Nate’s hand under the table.

  Her gentle touch surprised Nate. He didn’t want to presume anything, but he hoped things hadn’t changed so much since her parents’ arrival that Emma no longer wanted to stay. Nate desperately held back his questions. It wasn’t his place.

  Until she changed her mind on staying with him.

  Then he was going to drop questions like a game show host.

  “Yes, Mom. I eat three meals like this a day.” She glanced at Hannah, cocking her eyebrow. “And they’re all fancier than I deserve.”

  The Bensons shared a glance filled with silent parent language Nate had never understood.

  “We can’t hope to give you that in Seattle.” Mr. Benson didn’t let go of his fork but braced his forearms on the edge of the table. “Your mom told you something horrible had happened before she started crying. We didn’t get a chance to go further into it. Would you like to go outside and discuss this?”

  Emma squeezed Nate’s fingers, she shook her head. “No. They can hear.”

  Mr. Benson cleared his throat. “The company I was hired on at was a start-up and they’d been in business for the last six months. There is no job for me because the main CFO was embezzling. They’re very apologetic and said they would help me find work, if I still wanted to move over there, but at this point, there is no job for me, there is no insurance… there’s nothing.” His voice trailed off and he stared at his plate.

  “I still have my job though.” Mrs. Benson rushed in, pulling the direction of attention from her husband’s mounting shame. “We won’t be able to provide insurance for a while and we don’t have room in the truck to sleep.” She avoided looking at Hannah or Nate and held a steady focus on her daughter.

  “Don’t move then. Move back in the house. Let’s do something here.” Emma’s grip on Nate’s fingers tightened and she leaned forward, pulling Nate’s arm with her. Her distress saddened him. She didn’t want to lose her parents, but she didn’t want to go either, he could see that.

  “We sold the house, Emma. We can’t go back there. There’s nothing good for us here.” Mrs. Benson shook her head. She motioned to her plate with her fork. “We can’t give this to you. Look at you. I’ve never seen
you with so much color in your skin and your hair is so healthy. That’s the food and the company. You’re obviously happier here. We don’t want to pull you from something that helps you, especially when we won’t be taking you to a better situation.” She sniffed, glancing down at her barely touched food.

  No one spoke for a moment. Nate didn’t know whether to celebrate his gain or mourn the Bensons’ loss. He couldn’t do both without feeling guilty, too.

  Emma lifted her eyes, the danger of tears gone. “I thought you were going to say something had happened to Drake. What about him? He won’t have a home to return to.”

  “That boy is doing much better without us. Like you’re going to do. If things get settled down and we’re able to improve our circumstances more, we’ll gather everyone together again.” Mr. Benson directed his piercing gaze at Nate. “If things progress the way they seem to be, you have my blessing.”

  He glanced between Nate and Emma. “As it stands, I’m mighty grateful, Nathan, that you’re helping out our Emma like you are. She deserves better than I’ve ever been able to give her. At least this way, she’s still close to her doctors and her care can be consistent.” He smiled, a suspicious sheen to his eyes.

  Had he just said Nate had his blessing to be with Emma?

  That couldn’t be right.

  But maybe at the same time, it was exactly right.

  ~~~

  Nate kicked the blankets off his legs and flopped onto his back, sighing. He couldn’t sleep. How long had he lain there with nothing but thoughts of Emma keeping him awake?

  What did Emma think of the whole thing? She hadn’t been particular talkative after her parents left and their semi-emotional goodbye. Nate had gone out to lock up, hoping to talk with her when he got back inside, only to find she’d gone to bed by the time he’d returned.

  She was staying and Nate couldn’t be happier.

  No, that was a lie. He’d be happier about her staying, if her parents had wanted to leave her there for her reasons and not because of the worsening of their situation. He didn’t want anyone to have bad circumstances – even if those circumstances meant he got what he wanted.

  Soft tapping on the door tore him from his whirling mind.

  “Yeah?” He shifted to a half-sitting position. Was everyone okay? Maybe Hannah’s nightmares were back.

  The door opened, revealing Emma standing in a long t-shirt in the dim hall lighting. “Can I come in?”

  “Of course.” Was she crazy? Of course she could come in, especially when he could see her legs – no, he wasn’t going to think like that. Friends. Friends. Friends. He sat all the way up, wrapping his arms around his drawn-up knees.

  She came, like he’d pulled her from her room to his with his thoughts.

  Emma glided toward his bed, gingerly sitting on the edge of the mattress. “I can’t sleep. I’m sorry to wake you, but…” In the dark, her sadness came off her in waves, sobering Nate from his less-than-platonic thoughts.

  Nate lay back down, patting the sheet. “Come on, you can sleep in here with me tonight.” Usually he went and comforted her in her bed, but he hadn’t pushed for that tonight because she’d gone to bed early and he assumed she wanted to be alone.

  She slid into the sheets beside him, reaching out for his hand when she’d settled.

  Sleeping beside her drove him nuts physically, but at least he could sleep. Even while they agreed, or he agreed not to push her for more, it didn’t mean Nate’s thoughts didn’t stray. He was a guy, for crying out loud, who’d loved her for so long he couldn’t remember not loving her. And she was in his bed. Having her in such close proximity was dangerous, but only for his emotional well-being. Every second he was around her, he lost more of his heart.

  To her.

  If he thought for a second he could live without her by his side, he’d consider having her leave with her parents. But as much as having her as just a friend sucked…

  Not having her here was worse.

  Chapter 16

  Emma

  Emma shuffled back into routine with ease at the Rourke house. Like she’d lived there longer than her own home. She felt healthier, more stable, less lonely.

  Day by day, her strength grew alongside her relationship with Nate.

  Even as she fought his pull on her heart, she wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t resisting as much as she probably should. What was she doing but shifting from her parents’ home to his? That wasn’t being independent. If they got together romantically and things didn’t work out, what then? She’d have to find a way to live on her own, make her own way.

  Look at Emma, making plans for the future. Even after all the years of being told she couldn’t.

  Hannah licked the back of a wooden spoon. She half-rolled her eyes. “Emma, I can’t believe how amazing this huckleberry syrup is. You picked up cooking and baking like you were meant for it.” Her moans bordered on comical. “I can’t believe this tastes so fresh since we got the berries out of the deep freezer. Doesn’t seem right.”

  Emma laughed, scooping another ladleful into the last Mason jar on hand. “I love doing it. Thank you for teaching me.” She loved cooking with the smells, tastes, and colors. She wished she could make a living at it. But she couldn’t work at a restaurant. Even where she was, sometimes she had to sit down from easy fatigue. With a weakened heart, she wasn’t surprised, but sometimes the out-of-the-blue weaknesses did shock her and slam her back into reality.

  Those moments helped keep her guard up against forming anything commitment related with Nate. Too bad her guard didn’t protect her emotions.

  A shout from out front drew their attention. Emma turned off the stove and wiped her hands on the blue and white patterned cloth hanging from the oven handle. “Come on, let’s see what’s going on.”

  Hannah followed Emma from the kitchen to the front deck.

  Jareth stretched over the back panel of his brown ’79 Ford pickup with its orange, yellow, and black side stripes. He soothed someone out of view in the bed. “It’s okay, come on. We’ll get you inside now.” He glanced up and saw Emma and Hannah, relief mingling with worry on his strong Darby features. He shouted, “Stefanie broke her arm on the ranch. I’m bringing her in.”

  “Oh, no!” Hannah gripped Emma’s upper arm with surprising strength.

  Cheeks red and tight lipped, Stefanie glared when Jareth took her into his arms. She stared at Emma standing beside Hannah and Hannah’s hand on her arm. Her glare refocused on Emma.

  Carrying her in a cradle hold, Jareth climbed the steps and into the house. He deposited her on the couch with an unceremonious plop. Straightening his shirt, Jareth eyed Emma. “Where’s Nate?”

  Hannah spoke first. “He’s out in the barn. You have to yell though, he has the vacuum on back in the forge room.” She sidled past Jareth and Emma and knelt beside Stefanie. “Are you okay? Why don’t you have a cast on?” She glanced over her shoulder at Jareth. “You said she broke it.”

  “It’s broken. She doesn’t have insurance and the free clinic in Colby isn’t open until Monday.” He shrugged, half-apologetically and half-accusatorily. “You can take her Monday to get a cast.”

  He tilted his hat at Emma and strode from the house.

  Free clinic? Emma had never heard of such a thing. Her parents had always taken her to specific doctors and hospitals.

  When money was as tight as it was, maybe she could at least check out the clinic. See if there was something that could be done? Nothing was ever free, but it was called the free clinic for a reason.

  Stefanie murmured to Hannah, but kept glancing at Emma like she expected Emma to do something.

  Suddenly feeling very misplaced, Emma cleared her throat. “Hi, Stefanie. I’m sorry you got hurt. Is there anything we can do to help?” Emma moved forward, putting herself in the conversation. She recognized a threatened person when she saw one.

  Even Stefanie’s insecurity didn’t mask the brilliance of her dark hair and tan skin sett
ing off her eyes like a spot of blue sky seen from a dark cave. She arched an eyebrow at Emma. “Sounds like you already took my room. What more do you want to do?” Her blunt attitude was exactly what would draw Drake in from the beginning.

  Trying not to grin, Emma nodded her head. “So true. I’m sorry about that. I don’t want to put anyone out. That’s the last thing I want to do. Let’s talk to Nate when he comes inside. While we’re waiting, let’s see how we can make you more comfortable.”

  Determination set Stefanie’s expression, but she didn’t balk when Emma arranged the pillows better behind her and brought her a glass of ice water. Step by step, and Emma would hopefully have an ally if not a friend in the older of the two sisters versus an enemy.

  Emma had to fight with her health. She didn’t want to fight with anyone else.

  Chapter 17

  Nate

  “Nate! Nathan!” Jareth’s shouts broke through Nate’s concentration.

  With Emma stable in his home, Nate’s worry had faded. He was able to throw himself full force into the tasks at hand – finishing the jobs he’d been hired for.

  He lifted his head, shifting his mask to his forehead and switching off the fan. “Yeah, in here.” The smell of burning wood and hot metal filled the air.

  Jareth walked into view, taking in the mess of Nathan’s current project. “Hey, man, I need you.” He jerked his head in a haphazard nod.

  “What happened? Is Stefanie alright?” Just when things were starting to look up, of course, something would happen to bring Nate down again. He couldn’t ride the happy wave for too long or he was bucked aside to wallow in the dirt.

  Every.

  Time.

  He tugged his gloves off, letting the warm air hit his skin.

  “She’ll be fine. She has a broken arm.” Jareth palmed the bucket of his hat and slapped his thigh with the flat brim. “You need to rein her in, cuz. She thinks she’s as strong as a man. She was out training and tried jumping the mare she rode. Fool girl fell and busted her arm. Didn’t even cry, so we didn’t know about her being hurt until early this morning.” He glared at Nate and pointed his finger back toward the house. “She broke it last night. Damned stubborn girl.”