Broken Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  “Thank you. Um, do you think I could get checked? I had some heart issues a little while ago and…” Emma didn’t want to go into the whole thing, if they couldn’t see her. She held her expression neutral instead of breaking into an expression of pathetic pleading.

  “Of course. Come on back. When you say heart issues what do you mean? Did you have a murmur or something?” The woman walked alongside Emma, her hand on Emma’s back.

  “I had a heart attack. I have osteosarcoma and finished a treatment not too long ago. They are about due to check on the cancer and see if there have been any other recurrences since the previous round. I had the heart attack and at the hospital they told me my heart was weakened by the chemotherapy and radiation I had all my life.” Emma shrugged then glanced to her side, then behind her.

  Nurse Shelley had stopped in her tracks ten feet back and stared at Emma as she spoke stoically about her medical history. “Child, that’s a lot for such a young person to go through. Let’s see if Doc has any suggestions. My word.” She shook her head and started after Emma again.

  In the small room, Nurse Shelley deposited Emma and didn’t even close the door. She took her vitals and then disappeared from sight, her voice carrying back to Emma. “Doc, this poor child has had a heart attack. So young.”

  His gruff reply wasn’t clear, but he walked through the doorway rather quickly. “You just had a heart attack? What’s going on?” His bushy eyebrows and portly build gave him the appearance of a soft grandfather Emma had once seen visit a hospital roommate. But the sharp glint to his eyes and the tight snap of the plastic gloves as he pulled them on pushed that comparison from her mind.

  “I had one a little while ago.” Emma recounted her medical history, while Doctor Roylance watched and listened with his arms crossed over his chest. He nodded in parts and hummed with others. A stethoscope hung from his neck like a fancy accessory.

  After she finished talking, Emma kicked her leg as it swung from the exam table she’d been placed on. She shifted, the paper crinkling under her.

  Doctor Roylance lifted his finger to his lips and then put his arm back across his chest. “You know, Emma, I’ve never seen a patient your age in here with that kind of health history before.”

  Emma’s heart sank. Of course not. He wasn’t exactly challenged in the backwoods of Montana where animals outnumbered the residents. She nodded and braced her hands on the edge of the table, ready to get down. He couldn’t do anything, why waste any more time?

  “However, if you were thirty years older, I would suggest a pacemaker with your type of condition and medical diagnoses.” He moved across to the counter opposite him and pulled out a piece of paper. “If you’re here, I assume you don’t have insurance. Pacemakers aren’t cheap to put in. If you’re interested, I know of a doctor in Missoula who does some surgeries pro bono. I could contact him and get a pricing list together for you. I believe you need to pay for the equipment, but that shouldn’t be too much.”

  Hope swelled in Emma’s chest. He was offering a solution instead of a poor prognosis. “A pacemaker?”

  “Sure, it keeps the heart going at a steady rate, kind of like a mini-battery-operated car charger. Just in case the heart decides it doesn’t want to do a particular beat, the pacemaker keeps it going like it should. Are you on any iron supplements?” He glanced over his shoulder and continued when she shook her head. “I recommend over-the-counter iron pills. Your blood pressure looks pretty low and that doesn’t help the heart when it’s trying to pump.”

  He handed her a slip of paper with scratchy writing and numbers on it. “I would like to see you again in a few weeks. If you can’t afford the pacemaker, at least let me help keep an eye on you.” He smiled. “You remind me of my wife when she was your age. Don’t turn out like her.” He wiggled his mustache. “She spends all my money and wants more.” He winked and cackled. “Alright, let’s get you out of here. If Nurse Shelley has anything to say about it, you’ll be living here one day so she can take care of you. No one wants to live in a clinic, makes for a very lonely life.”

  Escorting Emma to the front, Doctor Roylance hummed alongside her.

  Gathering the sisters up like a mother hen, Emma waved at Nurse Shelley and Doctor Roylance as they left. “Let’s go to the store and get your prescription, Stefanie. I need some iron, too.” She rummaged through her small wallet in the truck and pulled out four crumpled dollar bills. “Do either of you have any money? I don’t have very much.”

  Stefanie dug in her pockets and pulled out a handful of change. “That’s all I have, sorry.” She dumped the coins in Emma’s hand and climbed into the truck, leaning against the window and closing her eyes.

  Emma glanced at Hannah. Stefanie apparently expected Emma and Hannah to do everything. Emma sighed. “Do you have anything, Hannah?”

  “No and the manager wasn’t in the store when I checked.” Hannah hung her head and kicked the dirt. “I wish my mom was here.” Her voice very small, she suddenly looked a lot younger than her advanced thirteen years would suggest.

  “I know. I do, too. Well, let’s go see how much more we’ll need for the medication.” She pushed the iron to the back of her mind and grabbed up the small Mason jar of syrup she’d brought along. Clenching the glass with her fingers, she rubbed her thumb over the raised words on the surface. Please, help her get something to work. She needed an idea to pan out. Anything.

  Inside the store a woman greeted them from the register.

  Emma handed over the prescription the nurse had given Stefanie. “Do you know how much this will cost to fill?”

  “Is this a free clinic script?” The woman slid glasses into place on her nose and inspected the sheet of paper.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Emma lifted her chin. She could only imagine how people reacted toward those looking for free healthcare.

  The woman looked up and smiled, sweetly. “This is just for pain meds, sweetheart. Let’s go for three dollars. We like to help out Doc and his patients. He’s so good with all the people who need help.” She nodded her head.

  “Thank you.” Emma lifted the jar up to the counter and placed it carefully on the wooden surface. “Hannah came in a little bit ago and the manager wasn’t here. Would you happen to know when he or she will be back?” Nerves wiggled in Emma’s stomach. She’d never spoken to anyone about anything like this. She wanted to be taken seriously, but how could she when she didn’t know what she was after?

  “I’m the owner – better than a manager.” The woman laughed, the sound loud and contagious. “What do you have there? Is that to sell here? I’m very particular. The last woman that tried getting me to buy her stuff… well, let’s just say her jelly tasted like it came off my uncle’s feet, and we’ll leave it at that.” She inspected the contents of the jar, holding the glass to the light and trying to see through the contents. “Can I try some?”

  “Of course.” Emma took the jar and unscrewed the lid.

  The woman produced a plastic spoon and gained a small bite from the jar. She smelled the syrup and then placed it on her tongue. Her eyes closed, like Stefanie’s had. After a moment, they snapped open and she swallowed. “How much and how many can you get me and when?”

  Emma hadn’t thought that far ahead. She only wanted to garner interest. “Um…”

  “Of course, I’ll pay half up front. We’ll draw up a contract. If you’re not sure about initial cost, you can check out the other items that are similar over there. We’re coming up on spring, and two of my suppliers are moving south.” She smiled, patting the counter and nodding at Hannah and Emma in turn. “Think about it while I have the pharmacist fill this prescription.”

  She walked around the back, leaving Emma and Hannah staring after her.

  All they had to do was agree on a price and she’d give them half for her order?

  Hannah squeezed Emma’s hand, her face bright with hope and excitement.

  Maybe Emma could afford those iron pills after all.<
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  Chapter 19

  Nate

  Nate wiped the sweat from his brow. The inner band of his cowboy hat could only wick so much moisture and he’d passed that amount a while ago. Even with the cool breeze on the pasture, Nate got hot working the horses and then helping with the mucking of the barn. Nothing like shoveling horse manure to bring out the heat of the day.

  Coming to an end, the day felt productive, but Nate would be happier back at Bella Acres doing that much work for himself. Stefanie should’ve gotten her cast by then and Emma, Hannah, and Stefanie should be home and preparing dinner. He tried not to focus on what was going on at home, but it was hard when everything he did was about the women at home.

  He banged his gloves together to remove the chunks of dust and straw before tucking them in his back pocket. Two and a half days of work was a good start to a solid paycheck.

  Dipping his head, Nate drank from the water fountain style spigot installed on the south side of the bright red barn.

  Mr. Jacobsen was ornerier than Nate expected, but in a polite way. Like he knew he was paying them all and they had to do their work, but he wasn’t mean and he didn’t make unrealistic demands. In fact, the ranch owner worked alongside them all day, his own flannel shirt spotted with sweat marks and dusty rings.

  Respect was easy to give to the old man.

  The dinner bell rang and Nate followed the load of ranch hands up to the house. They ate buffet style on the back porch in the spring and summer according to some of the regular hands. In the winter, they ate in the barn on the main floor.

  Jareth turned into the line a few men up from Nate. He waved, his expression dark. “Did you hear? Highway patrol is cleaning up a huge car accident just outside of the reservation. More than six vehicles involved. Sounds pretty bad.” A few men murmured around him, picking up the topic and carrying it up and down the line.

  Nate froze. Car accident? Outside of the Salish reservation? That wasn’t far from Taylor Falls.

  Emma, Hannah, and Stefanie had been down that way today. Was it them?

  He pushed forward, brushing his shoulders against the men between him and Jareth. “Do you know who it was? Is everyone okay?” He broke out in a chill, goose bumps covering his body. After a moment he realized he’d closed the gap between him and his cousin and grabbed Jareth by the shirt with both hands, hauling him forward.

  Jareth covered Nate’s hands with his own and eased him back. “No, I don’t know who it was. Sounds like there’s only one survivor.”

  Nausea crawled up Nate’s throat. He swung about, searching for the phone allotted for ranch hand use. In the corner, he picked up the handset and dialed his home number. They had to be home by then. They had to be. There was no reason for them to stay out longer than the afternoon. He’d asked the guys on Sunday the hours for the clinic. It was well past the closing time.

  But the other line rang and rang. No message machine, nothing, came on.

  Jareth moved beside him. Nate redialed, hope giving way to despair when the ringing didn’t stop again.

  Emma couldn’t be dead. He wouldn’t accept that. He needed to see her. To talk to her. At least once more. The possibility that she wasn’t alive anymore tore through him. If he had one more moment with her, he’d make sure she realized she meant more to him than a friend.

  Desperation grabbed hold. He had to know if he had time left with her.

  “Any answer?” Jareth’s expression fell at Nate’s shaking head and he clapped a hand on Nate’s shoulder. “Look man, I can run you up there. I wasn’t thinking when I spilled it like that. Let’s go.” Nate’s family was Jareth’s family. There were no two ways about it.

  The ride up the highway was slowed by single-lane traffic. Everyone had to stop and gawk at the crews as they cleaned up the wreckage. And it spanned for almost a hundred yards. At least half the vehicles were cleared by the time Nate and Jareth passed at a near-crawl.

  “Do you see my rig?” His rig, his parents’ rig, it didn’t matter. Nate didn’t have to describe the blue Dodge body to Jareth. Everyone in the family knew the Rourke truck. Even with it stored for two years.

  “Nah, man. I’m sure they’re fine.” It wasn’t the first time Jareth tried placating Nate on the drive. He glanced worriedly at Nate, but Nate didn’t care. He had to get home. Had to make sure the girls were okay.

  They were all he had left and he couldn’t lose them.

  Not yet.

  Not ever.

  Gravel crunched under the tires on the pavement as Jareth turned onto Bella Acres’ drive.

  The blue rig hunched over in front of the home.

  Safe. Unscathed.

  Lights burned inside the home.

  Nate didn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe it.

  His luck didn’t support his family surviving anything like that – at least not in the past. Why would his luck change now?

  “It looks like they’re okay. Run in and check. Maybe they have dinner on. I’m starving.” Jareth didn’t even come to a complete stop before Nate leapt from the cab, running full tilt inside.

  Breathing heavy, he scanned the kitchen. Hannah, Emma, and Stefanie stared at him with wide eyes and mouths slightly agape. He counted to make sure. Then he said their names as if calling roll. He had to be sure. “Hannah? Stefanie?” He swallowed. “Emma?”

  Emma swung a hand towel up to drape from her shoulder. She approached him cautiously. “Nate? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Mild concern dimmed her joyful expression.

  How could they be fine when Nate had been worried sick? “There was an accident outside of the reservation.” He moved to sit down, suddenly weak with relief and the ebbing of adrenaline.

  “Oh, no. Nate, we’re fine.” Stefanie’s gruff exterior softened and she lifted a hand toward him as if to console his worry. Hannah and Stefanie would understand. They’d get it.

  The door opened and Jareth stomped through. “Ladies! Glad to see you’re all in one piece.” He breathed in deep, pounding his chest and ignoring the sudden worried expressions on the women’s faces. “Smells good in here. We had to miss dinner. Have enough for us to eat?”

  “We’re having leftovers.” Emma watched Nate cautiously.

  He didn’t want to scare her, but he needed to get something off his chest. He had to. What if she did get in a car accident or something happened and he didn’t have another chance. “Can I talk to you, Emma? For a second. Alone?”

  She nodded, glancing at the other occupants of the room. “Sure.” Emma followed Nate down the hall and into his bedroom.

  He tried not staring at the bed she slept in, usually with him, but lately without him. He didn’t like the way that sounded. His heart hadn’t completely calmed and he inhaled slowly to gather more control.

  “What’s going on, Nate? What’s wrong?” She placed her hand on his arm and Nate imploded.

  His worry and concern and overwhelming feelings for her compounded into one big need. Without harshness, he closed the short distance between them and curled his fingers around her upper biceps. The briefest of inches separated their faces. “I thought I lost you. I can’t… I can’t lose you.”

  She searched his face, her eyebrows knit. “You won’t.”

  “No, I mean, I can’t lose you. I love you. I know I said I wouldn’t push, but I want you to choose to be with me. Just me. Just be happy with me. Stop worrying about the future. Just choose me.” He ended on a near-whisper, his ardor crushing his voice. He shook her, but only enough to rock her slightly forward, closer to him.

  Closer.

  Her lips spread into a small smile and she held his gaze with hers. She nodded. “Okay.”

  Nate paused, studying her face for a joke, or maybe a hint of misunderstanding. “Okay? What do you mean? I’m serious here, Emma.”

  “I mean okay. Let’s be together.” She bit her lower lip, her cheeks pinking as she waited for his reaction.

  “Why? Why now? What happened?” He knew h
er enough to know she wouldn’t push away her worry over her health like that. Not when she was so adamant days before.

  She placed her hands on his chest and leaned closer, the distance warmed by their nearness. “I went to the clinic today with Stefanie. The doctor there recommended a pacemaker. So simple. He said it will greatly increase my life expectancy and quality of life.” She looked up into his eyes, lifting her finger and touching the soft spot in the center of his chin. The brown of her eyes melted like warm chocolate as she stared at him. “I can make plans, Nate.”

  “Plans?” He repeated the word like he didn’t understand it. He kind of didn’t. She could make plans. All she needed was a pacemaker. He could do that. He could make that happen. “Tell me what to do. How can I help you? When can you get it?”

  “I need to save up, but as soon as I do I’ll have it. He’s working some details out, but…” She leaned up on tiptoe, pushing her face closer.

  He liked closer.

  “But?” He stared at her lips, then up again into her eyes.

  She didn’t say anything else as their lips came together, in joy, in finality, in acceptance.

  Nate wrapped his arm around her back, carefully cradling her head with his other hand. Their kiss deepened. Their lips touching, caressing, molding. He massaged her neck under her hair, reveling in the softness of the strands through his fingers.

  The heat was hotter than in high school. Hotter than he’d ever remembered or imagined. Kissing Emma was like coming home during a celebration that never ended.

  How would he ever be able to leave her again?

  To keep her with him, he had leave. He had to be able to get her what she needed.

  He loved her enough for that.

  Chapter 20

  Emma

  Emma taped the last box of the order shut. She winked at Hannah. “This is it. Do you think they’ll sell?”