My heart races to my throat, and I feel a twinge of anxiety as Aiden settles between my legs.
But then our eyes meet, and all my fears and doubts fade away as he says, “You’re mine, Emma. No matter how far apart we are, you’ll always be mine.”
I said I wouldn’t, but I can’t hold back the words. “I love you, Aiden,” I whisper, barely audible to myself.
His whole body tenses over mine.
“What did you say?” His eyes darken with desperation. “Say it again.”
“I love you,” I whisper breathlessly, my heart pounding in my ears.
He crushes his mouth to mine, our tongues twisting feverishly. He breaks away and moves down my body, trailing kisses over my breasts, paying particular attention to the bruised parts.
He slides one hand down and cups me, and I want to cry at how good it feels, how safe and right.
“I need you inside me,” I beg near tears. “Please.”
This isn’t about getting to orgasm, but instead, just knowing Aiden still wants me – to feel him consume every broken part of me.
Taking hold of my knee, he lifts it to his hip.
“Emma,” he whispers as his cock presses to my opening, “I love you.” His hips move forward, and he fills me slowly. “I won’t let the ocean between us keep you from me.”
CHAPTER 31
AIDEN
After she fell asleep, I ended up crying against her hair like a fucking baby. I can’t even begin to try and work through the pain that’s eating me alive.
Slipping quietly out of bed so I won’t wake Emma, knowing she hasn’t been sleeping well, I leave the room to call Zac.
“Mornin’,” he answers on the second ring. “How’re you holdin’ up?”
“Still standin’,” I reply. “I need to ask a favor.”
“Anythin’.”
“Emma’s leavin’ tomorrow. Can you cover for me? I won’t be worth shit at work. I need to be with her.”
“Of course, you don’t even have to explain.”
“I’ll see you Thursday.”
“Good luck. Call me if you need anythin’.”
I drop the phone on the counter and stare at the apartment where my life changed irrevocably.
We stayed in bed yesterday, just holding and loving each other.
Today, I have to say goodbye to the woman I love.
When she puts her bags at the door, my gut twists. I can’t even look at the damn thing. I’ve been sitting in the living room while she packed. I can’t beg, and I can’t think of any more ways to keep her here.
“Aiden.” I nod and get up. My gut is raw as if someone has taken a grater to it. “I’ll take the bus.”
“I’m takin’ you,” I growl, unable to control the hurt crashing through me.
“I don’t want to put you through that.”
I take a deep breath to calm down. I don’t want our last words to be in anger.
“I’m takin’ you, Em,” I say much gentler than before.
“Thank you,” she says, and she smiles, trying to be strong.
I load her bags into the car and turn to her, my movements jerky.
“I’ve put my numbers on your phone, my email address, Skype address, everythin’,” I say. I know long distance doesn’t work. I’ve seen relationships go to shit in the army over and over.
“Thank you,” she says again, but her smile falters. “Will you email me a photo of you?”
My eyes start to burn as a tear rolls down her cheek.
“Send me one, too.” My voice is hoarse as I have to swallow my own tears back.
I open the car door. There’s no delaying the inevitable anymore.
As we both get in the car, I realize we don’t have a photo of the two of us together. I quickly mount my phone to the holder on the dash. Opening the camera function, I press record.
I turn to Emma, and framing her face, I kiss her with all of my love, all of my sorrow, and all of my fucking determination to get her back.
“This is not goodbye, Em. You’re comin’ back to me.”
She stares deep into my eyes, then says, “I love you so much, Aiden.”
I soak in her words, needing to believe that she loves me enough to fight for us.
After stopping the recording, I forward it to Emma and then start the car.
We drive in a heavy silence, and as if we’re not in enough pain, the worst song possible comes on the radio. I reach to turn it off, but Emma lunges forward, and, taking hold of my hand, she holds it in both of hers on her lap.
She cries silently as Almost Lover, by A Fine Frenzy rips me to shreds.
At the airport, I’m completely dazed with pain. I go in with her and walk her to the gates. I pull her to me and hold her too tight. I kiss her too hard.
And my heart shatters, my soul disappears back into the hole it’s been in for the past four years.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” she whispers into my chest.
“I love you so fuckin’ much it hurts.” It hurts to breathe.
She pulls back, and my arms fall to my sides.
“When I’m standing on the beach, and I look at the ocean.” Her voices cracks as a tear slips down her cheek. “I know you’ll be on the other side along with my whole heart.”
The gaping hole in my chest widens as she turns and walks away from me.
CHAPTER 32
AIDEN
I thought coming home to Lyman would make me feel better, but it doesn’t. It’s been the longest day of my life, not being able to talk to Emma.
Her flight left at six yesterday evening which means she should be landing any time now.
I’m just glad the fucking day is over, and I can leave work. By the time I walk into the house and head up to my personal office, another hour has gone by. I sit down and open my laptop.
I start an email to Emma, and first add photos of myself. I sure as hell don’t want her to forget me.
Em,
I keep hoping I’ll wake up and it will all be a nightmare.
They say people come into your life so you can learn from them and they from you. There’s still so much I want to learn from you.
I hate the time difference. It sucks.
I miss you so damn much.
Loving you, Angel.
Aiden.
I press send before I rattle on about the damn weather that’s starting to turn cold.
I open the case file so I can get lost in work, and just after ten my phone rings. Feeling miserable I almost don’t answer. Glancing at where it’s vibrating on the desk, I dart forward to grab it when I see Emma’s name.
“Emma?” Her name rushes over my lips.
“Hey, am I bothering you?” she asks. She still has to ask? Doesn’t she know my world revolves around her?
“Of course not,” I assure her, taking the stairs down to the den. “Isn’t it four A.M. there by you?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m going to bed now. I wanted to phone you first.” She sounds exhausted, and I stop in the middle of the room.
“Why are you going to bed so late?” I ask.
“I had to get a connecting flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town. I’ve also been sitting with Chloe just catching up.”
“How was your day?” she asks, trying to change the subject. “Have you been assigned to a new case yet?”
“I want to talk about you,” I say, ignoring her question. “Not about work. Are you in bed yet?” I ask.
“Yeah, Chloe’s cat is giving me the evil eye because I’ve taken his spot.”
I smile. “Do you like cats?”
“I do,” she admits. “Do you like cats or dogs?”
“Dogs. I don’t understand how cats work. They’re like women.”
Emma’s laughter fills my ear, and I close my eyes so I can absorb it.
“Such a guy thing to say,” she teases.
“Last time I checked I was a guy,” I can’t help but tease her back.
�
��Oh, definitely. I can vouch for that.”
I let out a burst of laughter. “If you were here, I’d remind you.”
This is the hard part. Hearing Emma’s voice but not being able to touch her.
“You owe me an email,” I add quickly before the conversation can get all heated.
“You sent me one?” I hear her move.
“Yeah, you can read it when you wake up. Get some sleep, Em.”
“I miss you already,” she whispers.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I swallow the emptiness down that’s already threatening to overwhelm me, and we haven’t ended the call yet.
“Okay. I hope you have a good night’s sleep.”
I close my eyes. “Night, Em.”
I don’t know how to give up, so I sit down, open my laptop, and I start to research visas, marriage licenses and how the hell to get her back.
CHAPTER 33
EMMA
I make Chloe some breakfast, hoping she will eat. I have to admit, the two of us make a pretty pathetic pity party.
I place the bowl with muesli and yogurt in front of her. “You have to eat.”
“I know. I just don’t have an appetite,” Chloe says, but takes a bite to please me. Once she’s swallowed it down, she asks, “What are your plans for today?”
“I’m just going to visit my gran, then I’ll be back. Is there something you want to do?”
“I need to clear out Mom’s closet so you’ll have space for your stuff.” Her eyes tear up, and she sags back against the couch.
Chloe’s so lost without her mom, and I don’t know how to help her. Her brown hair hangs listlessly around her face, and the usual spark has gone from her eyes.
“You don’t have to do that. I don’t need a lot of space.”
“It needs to be done,” she whispers.
“I’ll help as soon as I’m back from my gran. Why don’t you take a relaxing bubble bath while I’m gone?”
“Is that your way of telling me I smell?” Her lips twitch at the corner as if she were going to smile but doesn’t have the energy to.
“Yeah. Even Kit is avoiding you,” I tease.
“Where is Kit?” she says, glancing around the flat.
“Claiming the bed. He’s not happy sharing with me.”
“Poor cat. Kit misses my mom too. He was more her cat than mine.”
I close the distance between us and sit down next to her. Placing my arm around her shoulders, I give her a hug.
She rests her head against my chest, then says, “You’ve changed. I couldn’t come near you before you left, now you’re hugging me.”
I don’t comment on her observation, but after a moment’s silence she whispers, “Do you miss him?”
My shoulders slump as the tears push up. Being so far away from Aiden is unbearable.
Chloe lifts her head, and when she sees my face, she immediately pulls me back into a hug.
“I’m sorry I asked you to come,” she apologizes.
“Don’t be. Aiden and I couldn’t last forever,” I say as I wipe my eyes.
“Why not?”
I get up and looking out the window to where the ocean lies, I whisper, “Because there’s an ocean between us.”
I walk to the village where Gran lives. I need to see the only person I consider family. I’ve missed her terribly.
She has a neat little one-bedroom flat in a retirement village not too far from Chloe’s. My grandmother is a stubborn, independent, God-fearing woman, and I hope I can become half the woman she is. I feel guilty for not seeing her as much as I would’ve liked to.
I get buzzed in, and she beams when she sees me.
“Emma-dear,” her smile is so wide. I really should’ve come sooner. “What a nice surprise.”
“Hey, Gran.” I hold her tightly as I soak in her love. I feel guilty for forgetting about her. Aiden doesn’t even know about her.
“Come in. Let’s have a cup of tea.”
I follow her into her flat and take in all her mementos. She has a picture of me above her TV. I frown. “Where did you get the photo of me, Gran?”
“I made your mother give it to me,” she says, chuckling. “The bloody wench has so many, she can spare me one of my own granddaughter. I wanted something. I wanted to see your beautiful face after you just up and left me.”
“I’m sorry.” That’s all I can say.
She taps on the seat next to her. “You went and had yourself an adventure, now, did you?” she asks. Then she folds her hands together and settles in, waiting for me to tell her.
Sitting down, I smile blushingly. “I did.” I fish my phone out of my pocket and bring Aiden’s photo up. “I met a guy.” I turn the screen so she can see him. I watch how she fumbles for her glasses and nudges them onto her nose, then she stares long and hard at him.
“Oh… he looks like a charming young fellow.” She slips her glasses off, and I glance down at his photo. It’s one where it looks like someone caught him sitting at his desk and called to him. He’s leaning back in his seat, glancing at the photographer. The reason I like it is that I can see his eyes and the color of them, really well.
“He is,” I say, deep in thought.
“And now, love?” she asks.
I let out a deep sigh. “And now I’m here, and he’s there, and there’s not much to do about it.” I smile at her. “How are you? I feel horrible for leaving you.”
“You’re young. I expect you to go and have fun,” Gran scolds me. “I have a new neighbor. A bloody old nagging man. He wakes up nagging and goes to sleep nagging,” she huffs, and I can’t keep back the burst of laughter. She’s adorable when she starts in on her neighbors.
“Every second day he’s found a new religion, and he drives me up the bloody wall with it. Today, he’s a Jehovah’s Witness. Crazy old fart.”
I sit smiling as she brings me up to speed on the happenings of her little village.
And then, as if I haven’t been feeling bad enough, she says, “And the other day I was cooking. The bloody pot fell on my foot. It wasn’t that bad, though, only a bruise,” she says.
“What? Let me see.” I drop to my knees at Gran’s feet and start tugging her slippers off.
“It’s looking so much better already,” she says. “Just a little purple still.”
I caress her foot gently. It doesn’t look too bad.
Seeing how dry her skin is, I ask, “Do you have some lotion, Gran?”
I get up to go and look in her bathroom.
“On the side of the bath, dear,” she calls from the small lounge.
After I fetch it, I sit back down in front of her. I place a pillow on my lap and gently lift her feet onto it. Then I squirt some into my hand and warm it a little.
“He’s a detective,” I say, as I start to massage the lotion into her frail skin. “He’s so handsome and caring, you’d really approve of him. I wish you could meet him.”
“Your granddad was a handsome fellow. Oh, he had the girls running after him,” she says, a sweet smile playing around her lips. She always gets that smile when she tells me stories of her past. “But I made him work hard. I sure did.” She closes her eyes, and I concentrate on a particular spot by her ankle. “Oooh… that’s nice.”
Yeah, look at me who hates touching people rubbing my gran’s feet.
“I have to go look for work. I don’t know what, though. I’m not sure I want to be a nurse.” I tell her what’s been weighing heavy on my shoulders.
“Why don’t you pop in at the office here? They need someone to help. At least it’s a start until you figure out what you’d like to do. I’d get to see you every day then,” she says.
“I’ll pop in when I’ve finished here, Gran. From now on, I’m going to spend more time with you. We see each other far too little,” I say.
It’s just like Aiden said: time is precious, and Gran isn’t getting any younger. I don’t know how much time I have left with her.
When
I leave her, I go to the office to see about the nursing position. They ask me to bring in proof of my qualifications. I doubt I’ll get it without any experience, though. On the way to the gate, I stop to help an elderly man move his chair into the sun.
I’d like to work with the elderly. They’re often rejected by family and forgotten by life.
I’ll fit in here.
Walking home, I wonder what Aiden’s doing, and whether he’d mind if I phoned him now. It’s just past twelve here. That would make it around six A.M. by him. He shouldn’t be at work yet.
I press dial, waiting while it rings. Nerves start to nibble at my insides. With every ring, my stomach clenches more, and I fumble to cut the call. I take a deep, shaky breath. I can’t just call him anymore. He’s not mine to phone whenever I feel like it. I need to learn how to let him go.
When my phone starts to ring, I jump, staring at his name flashing on my screen.
“Hey,” I answer, feeling anxious.
“Hey, you,” he greets back. “I’m just pluggin’ you in so I can drive, give me a sec’.” I listen to him moving, and a smile spreads across my face. I can picture him getting into the car. “There we go, we’re all set. So, what have you been up to?” he asks. I hear the car roar to life.
“I went to visit my gran,” I tell him, my smile growing wider. “She thinks you’re charming.”
“She does? You told your gran about me?”
He sounds pleased, happy even.
“I did, and I’m applying for a position at her village. There’s a nursing position open she told me about. We’ll have to see how that turns out.”
“You are?” his voice drops a bit, or it could be my imagination.
“I love elderly people. I think I’ll like it there,” I admit.
“Where are you? I hear cars,” he asks, changing the subject of my career.
“I’m walking home, talking to you,” I say, looking at the houses around me.
“I’ll keep you company then,” he says.
“I wanted to hear your voice,” I admit, not knowing if that is wrong. I don’t want to cause Aiden any more pain.
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