by Nashoda Rose
The kiss was unrelenting, harsh, and without mercy. Denied sexual need drove both of us into a wild frenzy. His arm wrapped around me and caged me against him, his cock pressing into my abdomen while his other hand grabbed my hair and tilted my head to give him better access to my mouth.
I moaned as he caged me into the counter. All I could think about was him inside me, the ache between my legs a throbbing pain-pleasure that had been deprived for years.
“Baby, you taste so fuckin’ good.” Ream pulled my head back farther and it hurt, but I didn’t care. I wanted it to hurt. I wanted Ream to take me right then. I’d figure out the other shit later, but for now I wanted him.
He kissed my neck, tongue swirling where he bit me. I winced then moaned.
“Ream.” I pressed my hand down between us feeling his pulsating cock that I wanted to free from its confines and push inside me. “Now.”
The smell of burning penetrated my nostrils.
“Fuck.” Ream pulled away then reached beside me and pressed the lever up on the toaster.
I was leaning back on the counter, my body betraying every single ounce of denial I had and Ream … Ream was looking as if he had complete control, not even breathing hard.
“That’s all you get. Next time, don’t throw out the bathing suit I buy you.” He nudged the tip of my nose with his finger then went and grabbed plates from the cupboard and proceeded to pile on the eggs and slices of bacon. “Get the door for me, beautiful.”
Shit. I was still standing completely stunned at what just happened, and he was at the screen door, holding both our plates without even a flush to his cheeks.
Holy shit. How the hell was I going to survive another night? Why was he so insistent that we not have sex? But I did know. He wanted to prove to me that we were more than just sex. That all the fighting was just us trying to find our way back to our beginning.
We ate out on the deck in crappy, orange striped folding chairs and a table that looked like it had permanent dirt embedded into it. I ate the eggs and avoided the bacon, although I was dying to eat it. There was something about the smell of bacon that made my mouth water, although I suspected my mouth was watering more from the frustrating male specimen sitting across from me.
“You a vegetarian now?” Ream nodded to the uneaten bacon.
“No. Well, not by choice.” I shifted my plate around and he took the hint and grabbed the three slices.
“What’s that mean?” He bit into the bacon and I watched, wishing it was me he was biting into.
Then I picked up my melted pride that was still splattered on the kitchen floor and tried to get some of my self-worth back by sitting up straight and meeting his intense, direct gaze. “I’m trying a new diet. It doesn’t allow meat for the first year.”
He tossed the half-eaten piece of bacon on his plate, his brows knitted low over his eyes. “You’re not going on a goddamn diet. You’re already way skinnier than when I last had you in my arms.”
“It’s not like I have a choice, Ream. It’s for my MS.”
He sighed and shifted the bacon around on his plate. “I know the diet. Talked to a few neurologists about it. How long have you been on it?”
“You talked to neurologists?”
“Baby, you think I just forgot about you?” Well, kind of yeah I had. “Lots of great doctors have ideas about treating MS, Kat. Some believe in this no fat thing, others don’t. It makes a lot of sense to me, but not if you’re losing weight. Now, how long have you been on it?”
“When?”
“When what?”
“When did you talk to neurologists?”
“When I was on tour. I set up appointments in the cities before we left.”
Oh my God. The disappearing all the time. He hadn’t been having sex with women, he’d been meeting with neurologists. I was speechless, emotions whirling through me, churning.
“How long?”
I jerked from my thoughts. “Umm, yeah, a few weeks maybe.”
He grunted. “We’ll figure something else out. See a nutritionist. You can’t keep doing it like you are. Fuck that.”
“Ream—”
He shoved his plate aside. “No arguments. You lose any more weight … this disease will take the rest of you. Not happening.”
I wasn’t used to anyone contesting what I did with my body. I mean, Matt tried to but he relented to my judgment. After getting shot, Matt became a little more persistent in asking me about my symptoms, but he didn’t interfere in how I managed day to day.
“That’s not your decision,” I said, quietly. And I really had to get out of here before my emotions took over completely. I could feel the walls crumbling like cracked plaster.
I picked up my plate and started for the door but turned back around at the sound of his chair legs scraping on the wood deck. He was standing right there, his expression dark and scary again. He grabbed my plate, tossed it on the table, and the loud clang echoed across the lake.
Whoa.
“I’ve researched this disease since the day you told me what the fuck was happening to you. I’m not a doctor, but I know when my girl is too skinny beneath my hands.” He cupped my chin and forced me to look him directly in the eyes. “You and I are doing something about this. We are working it out, and we fight this disease together.”
I pulled back. “Did they tell you what can happen to me? Do you realize that I may have trouble speaking, go blind, or end up in a wheelchair? Are you forgetting those parts? Because that is the reality of this disease, Ream.”
Ream kicked the chair and it flipped over on its side. “Of course I fuckin’ know. Didn’t you hear me? And I know that you can be okay too, that it may not get worse.”
“So you’re okay with that part.”
“Jesus. You think everyone is going to leave you if you get worse, don’t you? Is that what bullshit is wreaking havoc with your head, Kat? Is that why you refuse to tell anyone? Are you scared they will fuck off on you? Not want to help you? Care for you?”
I did think that. I’d be a burden and I never wanted that. I was fighting it with everything I had.
“Are you fighting us because you don’t trust me or because you are afraid you’ll ruin my life? Because that’s what it’s looking like here, Kat.” He grabbed me by both shoulders. “Christ. You give me far more than I could ever give you. If you only knew … Babe, you’re ruining me by not being with me.”
I swallowed back the tears. I wouldn’t cry. I never cried. I tried to turn away and run back inside, but Ream refused to let me.
“No.” He tugged me back. “You’ve pushed me away enough. This time you don’t get to do it. You’re the one fuckin’ running, Kat, not me, and you have to stop.”
“I’m not running. I’m trying to get away from your assholishness.”
He sighed. “You’re running.”
I felt the burning in my eyes and knew if I didn’t escape, I’d be a mess of tears. I yanked against his hold. But he pulled me in closer until I was snug against his chest, my face on his shoulder as he stroked my hair.
“Baby, stop pushing me away and let me in.”
I wanted to. God, I wanted to give him all of myself. Everything he said was true and I was running because I was afraid to hear it.
“Jesus, Kat,” Ream murmured as he hugged me to him, his whispered words vibrating against the top of my head. “It won’t take control of you. Let yourself grieve. Be scared. Stop running from yourself. Let others care about you.”
I slowly stopped fighting him—it was a pointless battle anyway—and sagged against him. My hands curled into his chest as he held me to him, his mouth resting on my head, arms around me.
There was a lock around my emotions and I didn’t have the key, or if I did somewhere, it was too damaged to fit anymore. The reality was … I was terrified of what was in store for my future and I didn’t want anyone to know. If I let that in, I may never be able to get back to being strong again.
He sighed and slowly withdrew then leaned down and kissed me. Then he let me go and went and picked up the plates. “Get changed. We’re going racing. And this time I’m winning.”
***
When he said racing I hadn’t expected go-karts. I thought he had packed a gaming console so he could get a rematch. This was so much better. The seriousness was gone and I was thankful that Ream let the conversation go and he was back to being playful, which I liked big-time.
I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing when he folded his six foot two frame into the tiny little cart with the red racing stripes. Then I did laugh when he had trouble fitting his other leg into the small space.
“You won’t be laughing when I beat your pretty ass.” He raised his brows. “Care for a wager?”
I could never resist a bet, and I’d been go-karting numerous times. My parents used to take Matt and me when we were little, and I’d sit in front of my dad until I was old enough to drive one by myself. I considered myself a natural so I had no doubt I could kick his ass. “Sure. How about I win, we go home.” And then his little no sex rule would be over. Although I had to admit, I enjoyed being here with Ream even though it was sexually frustrating.
He laughed, his head thrown back, eyes sparkling. God, he looked hot when he laughed. I wondered why he rarely did it. It was like he was afraid to let himself enjoy, but right now he was so relaxed … Yeah, it was beautiful. He was beautiful. I saw it even more now than ever after what he’d said at breakfast.
His face went dead serious and I noticed that blanket of darkness shield over his expression, contradicting his next words. “How about a blow job? It’s not sex.”
I laughed. “You’re such a pig.” Although, the thought of going down on Ream was really tempting. I’d never had the chance to finish before he’d stopped me the first time.
“Anal?” I knew his words were meant to be teasing, but there was still the hint of … discomfort.
“Bah,” I barked out, trying to lighten whatever was bothering him, and Ream’s grin was back.
“Fine, I’ll take a kiss. Anywhere. Anytime for the rest of the day. No pushing me away.”
I thought about it. I wanted him to kiss me and knowing Ream, he’d take it regardless of whether or not I agreed to the bet, so I was better off to say yes and set the terms.
“Okay. And I get my phone back.” At least then I could call Emily and get some girl feedback.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I want you all to myself. I’ll give you one call.”
Oh. Well, I wasn’t expecting that answer. I shrugged. “Then one kiss.”
Ream’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Fine. You get your phone for the night if you win. If I do, I get as many kisses as I want with no complaint.”
It was a stupid bet on his part. Because he could kiss me anytime he wanted anyway. Okay, I guess the no complaining thing was something because I would complain and not because I didn’t want his kiss, but because I wanted more.
“Done,” I proclaimed just as the attendant came over and started my go-kart. As soon as I heard the peppering of the engine, I smiled at Ream. “And I’m not above cheating.” I pressed down on the gas and took off before the attendant had the chance to start Ream’s.
I couldn’t hear him swearing, but I knew he was, and most likely scowling, and I laughed as I went full speed down the straightaway. Matt and I raced a number of times as kids, and he taught me how to take the corners without spinning out.
I glanced back over my shoulder after the fifth curve, braking before the turn then speeding out of it. “Shit.” Ream was on my ass.
I swerved to the outside of the corner as he tried to take me and our karts collided. We looked at one another and I played dirty because … well, I liked to win … so yeah, I took my hand off the wheel, licked my finger, then ran it around my nipple.
His mouth dropped open, eyes glazed over, and then he crashed straight into a pile of tires. I laughed my ass off the entire next lap as I cruised around the course, Ream far behind me. By the final lap though, he was behind me again, and this time when he came up beside me on the straightaway, he didn’t even look at me.
A sharp corner was coming up and I slowed.
So did he.
My kart bounced off the tires on the inside of the track as I tried to keep my lead and I skidded as I came out of the corner.
That gave Ream enough of a chance to come up on my right as we sped down the straightaway. The engines were at full speed, and I was sure neither of us would let up into the final corner. It was give it or lose it, and I wasn’t one to lose.
Suddenly, Ream fell back behind me and I looked over my shoulder.
Mistake.
He came up on the inside and pushed me wide into the corner, taking a huge lead as we sped down the straightaway.
He was waiting for me when I stopped my kart, and despite losing, I still smiled. Ream eased out of his kart and tossed his helmet to the attendant then strode to me and unclipped the strap under my chin. He pulled it off, tossed it in the kart, then looped his arm around my waist and I stumbled into his arms.
“Nice race, Kitkat. But no chance was I giving this up.” He tilted his head and claimed my mouth. And it was claiming. There was no other way to explain what it was like. When Ream kissed me, he took and I crumbled. Maybe that was part of the issue. With Ream I felt like I lost my strength. I became his.
My belly swirled with pretty little butterflies, and my knees weakened as his lips melded with mine, tongue tasting like velvet sweetness.
“Hey, buddy,” the attendant said.
Ream nipped my bottom lip and a jolt went through my body. He squeezed my butt then pulled away but didn’t let me go as he snagged my hand. Ream reached into his jean pocket, pulled out some bills, and shook the attendant’s hand.
I looked at the young guy and he winked at me, shoved the money into his jean pocket, and strode off. Ream guided me toward his car as my head reeled with memories of go-karting with Matt and my dad. I was really young and may have missed it, but I never recalled my dad giving the attendant a tip. Nor did Matt when we’d gone a few times.
Ream pulled out of the parking lot, the tires skidding on the gravel. He looked pleased with himself—too pleased.
“You gave the guy a tip?”
Ream’s hand stopped tapping on the steering wheel. “Yeah. Good guy.”
Silence. He turned up the tunes and Avicii played. I turned it back down.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did that guy get a tip and none of the other guys?”
“’Cause he got us the karts, baby.”
I saw the twitch in his cheek and the tightening of his mouth. There was no anger either; he was trying to hold back a smile. “Asshole!” I punched his shoulder. “You cheated. You paid him for a faster kart,” I yelled. “You sneaky bastard.” Shit, he totally played me. I should’ve known that normally he wouldn’t have ever been able to catch me with the head start I had and then again after he crashed his kart. They had speed limits—except for a souped-up attendant’s kart. “Shit.”
Ream grinned and rubbed his arm where I’d hit him. “Not above cheating, Kitkat. Not for a chance at those lips.”
“Mmm,” I mumbled, and yet inside I was a little giddy because Ream had unlimited access to my lips and I liked that.
I turned the music back up and started singing the chorus. Okay, I had fun. I couldn’t remember laughing as hard as I did when I saw Ream slam his kart into the tires. The look on his face just before he crashed … priceless.
“What are you smirking about?”
“I’m not smirking. Only men smirk.”
“Bullshit. You smirk. Seen it a number of times, although not often enough.”
“Oh, like when?”
“The first time I saw you from on stage. The night Emily was taken.”
“What?” I’d seen him fo
r like twenty seconds when he came on stage and I had been gaping not smirking.
“Babe, I saw you. You were standing with your beer and looking right at me all bitchy and full of yourself. You were wearing that way too short ass black dress that showed every fuckin’ curve of your body. You knew it too. You knew I saw you and you smirked.”
Shit. “Fine. I may have mildly smiled at you.”
“You wanted me. And if that shit hadn’t gone down with Emily and Logan, you would’ve been all over me.”
“Bah.” I scoffed. “I may flirt and I don’t have any shyness about showing off my body, but I’ll tell you right now, the most you would’ve got from me was the chance to buy me drink.”
Ream parked the car at the front of the cottage and put it in park. “So what were you smirking at?”
I thought we were off that. “Just your face.”
He looked in the rearview mirror and I laughed.
“No. Your face when you crashed.”
“You thought that was funny, did you?” He threw his wallet and phone on the dashboard then undid his seatbelt and without saying a word climbed out of the car. He went around and opened my door.
I smiled as I unclipped my belt. That died real fast when he reached in and grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder.
“Ream!” I pounded my fists into his back. “Ream. What are you doing? Put me down.”
He ignored my pleas and kept walking. He weaved his way through the bush, up a steep hill, to a small clearing where he finally set me down. Then he proceeded to kiss me and I forgot about everything except his mouth and hands running up and down my sides.
He broke away groaning. “Jesus, I don’t think I thought this weekend through enough.” Before I had the chance to respond, and what I was going to suggest was say screw his stupid rule of no sex, he reached up and grabbed a yellow rope that looked frayed and a hundred years old.
“Don’t you dare.” I tried to escape, but he hooked his arm around my waist and lifted me off my feet. “Ream!”
“Hold on, beautiful.” And without any further warning he went running to the edge of the cliff and we swung out into the air, then he let go.