by K R Bicknell
“Don’t say sister.” I interrupted with my finger on his lips, and they’re soft, a lot softer than I imagined.
He smiles as if I wasn’t in enough trouble already.
“Not sister, no. But I don’t stay friends with girls I’ve,” he paused and leaned back slightly, “fucked, and I want to keep you as a friend, without all that drama that girls connect with sex.”
I understood what he was saying, it made sense but didn’t make me like it anymore.
“You don’t know that I’ll be drama,” I said.
“There’s a good chance, ninety percent of high school girls make drama, even if they don’t give a damn about you,” he said, and I knew he was talking from experience.
“Fine.” I concede, “How about you teach me ‘Call of duty’?”
He does and we play for hours. After a while, Jacob and his friends, Molsky and Cole join us. Molsky’s first name is Nick and they are both on the basketball team with them. They shoot nervous looks at Caleb before saying anything to me and I think I know where the ‘order from above’ that Colton had mentioned came from.
I wondered if this order would follow me into school once the semester starts and what it would mean for my social life.
Saturday before the end of break and before Mom and Harry return is when we have the ‘real’ party Jacob had been wanting.
I come back from work to see a surplus of cars in the driveway and street. This time there are no caterers and the decorations have been taken down.
Since Mandy was busy with her family, I decide to spend the night sequestered in my room or Harry’s study. There is a band or DJ and a loud bass beat reverberates throughout the mansion. As I walk through the pool room, I see the pool is already full of glistening teenage bodies and a couple of guys call out to me. I ignore them and find my way upstairs to my room. After I change out of my uniform into a tee and leggings, I fall down on my bed, my legs and arms splayed. I am hungry but don’t want to go down to the kitchen. I wonder where Adele is and wonder if I can just talk to her on the intercom to bring me dinner. Isn’t that what rich people do? Nope. Only in the movies.
I lay there and stare at the textured tray ceiling and wonder why I can’t go to bed hungry. It wouldn’t be the first time.
My door bursts open suddenly and two bodies tumble in. I am too stunned and just lay there.
“Hey, there’s someone here!” The boy says, “Who are you?”
The girl turns around, it’s Adelaide Thompson, the senior who’d been all wrapped around Caleb at the last party.
“It’s Hannah Johnson,“ she says with a scowl, “she lives here.”
“Oh, are you ‘Little Sister’ ‘cause you’re hot.” The boy slurred.
Adelaide elbows him in the gut.
“Get out of here,” I say coldly.
“Stop acting like you’re all that, you don’t belong here.” Adelaide says, “and Caleb knows that. You’re just a pity fuck to him.”
I stand up, “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, I’m not fucking your crown prince. Now get out of my room!” I step up to her and announce.
The boy slides out but Adelaide first scowls before twirling on her heels and saunters out slowly. God, I hate people! I lock the door behind her but am too angry to stay. Quickly, I toss on a hoodie on top of the tee and locking my door behind me, leave my room. I decide to not allow these dipshits to intimidate me from my dinner. Since Adelaide and her latest conquest are heading down one direction, I go the other way to the foyer. I’m just stepping down the curved staircase when the front door opens, and a man enters. I recognize him as the man with the goatee I’d seen in the diner. The one Jacob had bought drugs from. I freeze silently. The man looks around and then looks at his phone. Just as if on cue, Jacob enters from the living room.
“Hey!” He says, “You made it!” And they do a guy handshake with the slapping and fist bump.
“Sick place you got!” The man says.
“Come join the party, we got a band and babes. Really hot babes.” Jacob says.
“Yeah, I could go for some of that.” The guy says and they walk towards the back of the house.
I have to take some breaths to calm down before I continue down the stairs. No one notices me slide into the kitchen, but it is too full of people and I slink into the pantry and close the doors behind me. I grab a protein bar and a bag of the cheddar popcorn that Adele keeps stocked and walk out. There’s a crowd of kids from my high school blocking my way. I turn to walk the other way around the kitchen island and Avery Shelson was standing there, smiling at me. This feels like deja-vu.
“Hey, Hannah!” She said. Avery was a tall auburn-haired beauty whom I knew from school.
“Hey,” I mumbled.
“Great party, isn’t it?” She asked, she was sipping from a wine cooler bottle but didn’t seem drunk.
“Eh,” I said.
“I love how you’re not fazed by any of this! All the other girls are like losing it, I mean, Moshing Twins are playing!”
“Who?” I say, she shakes her head and smiles.
“I always knew you were different, but now Jacob and even Caleb...” she pauses.
“What do they say about me?” I can’t help but ask.
She gestures and I lean in closer.
“Pretty sure Jacob’s crushing on you, but he told me that,” she pauses to look around, I don’t see anyone I can recognize, “He said that his brother told him you are off-limits.”
Big brother, huh? I sigh. “I’m sick of his rules.” I find myself telling her.
“Yeah? It doesn’t seem to be too bad a compromise since you do get to live with him. Do you share a bathroom?” She asks with a gleam in her eyes.
“No,” I tell her with a wry smirk, “unfortunately.”
“Yeah? Wanna make him burn?” She asks, and yes, I want that, but I hesitate.
She doesn’t notice, “Come with me.” She says and pulls me towards the family room where most of the noise is coming from. I slide my protein bar in my hoodie pocket and reluctantly relinquish the bag of popcorn on the counter.
There is a legit band playing where the tree lived last week with dark towers of speakers on each side. The sofas have been moved back and the coffee table is missing. The floor instead, is being used as a dance floor.
“That’s Lane Crissly!” She shouts over the music, “He’s hot and sweet and really likes high school girls.”
“So?” I shout back into her ear.
“Dance with him!” She yells.
“What?”
“Dance with him and I’ll make sure Caleb is watching.”
I stand and stare at the lead singer of the band. He is tall and thin and has dark, spiked hair and a plethora of tattoos covering his upper body. Yet, he is hot, and when he grabs the mic close and croons, I feel the heat. It only takes a minute of my ogling before he notices me and sends a crooked grin my way. I slide along the wall to get closer, taking my hoodie off along the way. It’s baggy and worn, and I know I look the wrong type of hot in it. I don’t flirt with guys, ever, yet when he crooks his finger to gesture me near, I follow, sliding and swaying with him. Their drummer is really good, and I watch him flail inhumanly as I move, keeping my back to the audience. It’s unnerving but as long as I can’t tell if anyone is staring, it’s easier. The singer, Lane saunters up to me as he sings something about wrecking the night and his hips sway back and forth in front of me. I join him, looking directly into his eyes and since he doesn’t touch me I’m not scared only a little bit excited. He moves away to stand back to back with his guitarist as they sing the ending verse and then the crowd breaks into applause. I try to sidle away.
“Hey, hey!” Lane calls in his smooth voice.
I stop as he grins and walks up to me. The rest of the band slides right into another chord, this beat faster.
“What’s your name?” Lane says with his mic lowered.
“Hannah,” I answer.
<
br /> “Find me after the show?” He asks, his full lips curving into a sexy smile.
I bite my lip and nod, with a smile, before turning and walking away.
No one disturbs me as I walk through, the crowd already screaming along with the new song. Right as I’m about to enter the hallway I see Caleb in the dark corner. A buxom blonde is wrapped around him. He scowls but doesn’t move her as she puts her mouth on his neck. I turn to walk away, my back straight and confident. Maybe I will meet Lane afterward. Maybe I’ll let him put his mouth on my neck. I think as I run up the stairs my anger for Caleb burning in my chest.
The hallway to my room is blocked so I turn the other way. The other, long hallway to the master bedroom is empty. I open the dark wooden doors leading to the master suite and thank god it’s empty. I’d only been there once to talk to my mother and remember it is vast. It smells like Mom’s perfume and I feel comforted but only for a second as I hear a sound from the closet.
Jacob’s drug dealer friend walks out casually.
“What are you doing here?” I ask at the same time as he says, “Thought I heard someone.”
“Wow, you’re something else.” he says.
“You need to leave!” I manage to growl.
“Now, why would I do that, when I’ve got all the entertainment I need right here?” He asks, slithering closer.
“This room is off limits!” I shout, my heart racing and I realize I’m afraid.
“Why, this your daddy’s room, he show you a good time in here?” He says and before I realize it my hand is up and hitting his face with a loud thwack.
He grabs my wrist and says with a surprise, “You hit me!”
My body turns cold and I freeze. I know I’m panicking; he has grabbed my wrist in a tight grip, and even if I scream no one will hear me. It has probably only been a few seconds, but I feel as if it’s forever as my surroundings blur and all I feel is his grip and my heartbeat. I calm myself enough to take a breath and hear Percy in my mind telling me that I don’t need anyone to save me if I can save myself. As the man pushes me backward towards a wall, I remember that my left hand is free. I make a fist and plow into his gut like Percy had taught me. His breath leaves his mouth in a surprised whoosh and before he can figure it out my knee comes up fast and strong to smash his nuts.
“Jesus Christ!” He manages to gasp as he falls and writhes on the floor. I walk backward, open the doors behind me, and run out into the hallway.
“God, Caleb!” The blonde is sighing as she rubs herself on him in front of his door.
Before my mind catches up with my body, my hand has grabbed the back of her top and pulled her off of him.
He stares at me surprised. I can’t talk but find myself gasping as the girl screams.
“Hannah?” He stares as I fall to my knees. I don’t know what I want to say, nothing is coming to my mind. I feel my body shaking and barely know when he kneels next to me.
“Hannah?” He asks again. I grab his collar with my fist and push my face into his shoulder.
“I hit him. I hit him.” I hear myself repeating and I sob. His arms are holding me now, his strong, safe arms.
“Caleb, what the hell?” Someone says in the background.
“Get my brother!” I hear him growl and then he lifts me. I know I have to calm down, get back in control, but it’s too easy to let him take the control for now.
Soon he lowers me to my bed, sitting next to me as his hand caresses my back.
“I’m okay.” Now I’m repeating.
“Who did you hit?” He asks as Jacob bursts into the room.
“The guy, you!” I point at Jacob, “you invited him, he’s in Harry’s room.”
Caleb starts to get up, but I pull him down. Jacob leaves.
“It’s okay,” Caleb says to me.
I shake my head as I stare into his eyes.
His arms come around me again and I’m rocked against his chest. Slowly, I calm down. Everything seems quieter now. The loud bass shaking the walls has stopped and I wonder if Lane is looking for me.
“Did he touch you?” He rumbles into my ear.
I try to recall the whole incident. “No.” I finally say, “I just freaked.”
“I’m sorry.” He says.
“You should be.” I find myself saying though I don’t mean it. I just want someone else to be sad, I’m done, being sad and broken. I don’t want to want his attention, or his affection and I pull away. He lets me but keeps a hand on my hair, running a soothing touch down through it.
I look up to see the girl, the blonde Caleb had been with, looking at my stuff.
“Don’t touch anything,” I say as I see her pick up the snow globe that Wanda had given me.
“So you like live here.” She says putting it down on my desk.
I don’t answer.
“Like next to the boys.” She says, “Do you sleep with them?” She asks and Caleb stands up.
“Come on.” He says and takes her hand to take her out. I take another ragged breath with my eyes closed before I stand up and walk to my french door. I regret being helpless now and making a scene in front of that bimbo.
“Did you really kick him in the nuts?” Jacob asks as he comes in. I turn around and lean back on the door. Caleb is standing behind him.
“I sort of kneed him,” I say.
“That’s badass!” He laughs.
“What did he do to you?”
“Nothing much,” I shrug, “I just freaked. I was mad, I didn’t like him there, snooping in their room and he grabbed my arm.”
Caleb gives Jacob a look I can’t figure out and then says, “End it, Brother. I’m done.”
“What? The party?” Jacob asks.
“Yeah, just get rid of everybody.” Caleb crosses his arms.
“Well, I can try, but you know half of them are high.” Jacob huffs.
“Those who can’t drive can sleep it off, but you take care of it. I’m staying here.”
“What, with her?” Jacob says.
“Yeah, what of it? Don’t give me that look. Look at her, you think she’s in any mood for what you’re thinking?” Caleb says.
Jacob purses his lips and then walks up to me. He very softly kisses my forehead and says, “I’m sorry.”
“I’m okay,” I say, trying not to cry.
He leaves and Caleb sits back on my bed and slides his legs up.
I walk to the door to lock it and say, “Sorry.”
“About?” He asks as he lights a joint, “C’mere.”
I walk over, he hands me the joint.
“Is this the stuff you got from that guy?” I ask as I sit next to him on the edge of my bed.
“What guy?” he asks.
“Jacob’s drug dealer,” I say and look down at the joint between my fingers, “the guy who ... who grabbed me.”
“The guy whose balls you smashed.” He says with a smile. Only the lamp on my desk is on so his face is in the shadow.
“Yeah, I guess. Glad I remembered that I wasn’t helpless.” I say and inhale the sweet smoke. It drifts through me, I know it’ll hit soon, but I’m still a little shaky.
“I didn’t really need you,” I looked at him, “I disabled him, no one was after me, I’m sorry I took you away from her.”
He leaned back against the headboard and gave me a gaze I couldn’t decipher. “From whom?” He asked.
“You know, your date for the night?”
“Hannah, you were freaking out, I’m glad you came for me. Anyways she wasn’t, I wasn’t really...”
“Looked like you were into her.” I say pointedly, “She’s sorta attractive I guess, she’s got those boobs.”
I manage to make him grin and I’m not sorry. Never that.
“Yeah, she does,” he says.
“You’re such a guy!” I sniff.
“You gonna knee me ‘cause I like boobs? He asks.
“You wish!” I say.
“FYI H, no guy would ever wish fo
r that.” He spreads his legs and pulls at my arm, so I slide over and sit between them, my back against his chest.
His arms come around my shoulders under my chin and the shaking and rattling inside me seems to slow.
I close my eyes and just breathe. After a few silent minutes, he speaks.
“You know why I wanted her?”
“The bimbo?” I automatically say the name my mind has created.
“Mmm,” he mumbles against my hair.
“Why?” I ask.
“You were standing there on stage with that singer.”
“Lane.” I interrupt.
“Yeah, with this scruffy ponytail and t-shirt that should’ve been given to Goodwill two years ago and just swaying your little ass. Every guy in that room wanted in your pants.”
“Caleb.”
“I’m serious. I was burning up because it just wasn’t fair...” He doesn’t finish.
“What?” I ask.
“Life. That’s what. This fucking world! So I grabbed her because she was easy and maybe for a little bit I could forget.”
I focused on the most inane point, “She makes you forget?”
“Sex does. For a little bit.”
I sit and muse for a while, not speaking.
“Never thought of life being unfair for you guys.”
“That’s why I don’t like people. You get attached and they end up chaining you with rules.”
“You mean your Dad.”
“Dad, Jacob, Mom. Only three people in the world who can make me do something I don’t want to.” He says, and then adds in a soft whisper, “and now you.”
I turn my head and my face finds the side of his neck. I stay there with my eyes closed, just breathing him in and think about want. For most of my life, I’d never allowed myself to want, anything, not the love of a father, not toys, clothes, shoes...wants made you weak. If you didn’t want anything you didn’t already have, no one could hurt you. I was weak, I was ultimately, inherently made up of the thinnest glass. I could beat up a big, scary drug dealer but was so fragile a soft word should shatter me.
We sit there silently, neither of us moving for a long time. I could hear people walking down the hallway and further away sounds of them calling out to each other, doors closing, but I was cocooned, safe, and warm in his arms.