by K R Bicknell
I need to be ready when he comes for her again. I keep waiting till Percy says I’m ready. I want to take down guys bigger than me. I need to know that I can end them, if I have to.
H
I work the whole week, have dinner with Harry, Mom, and Jacob, and every night, after Jacob leaves, Caleb comes.
It’s hot and crazy but also sweet. We talk during and after, never before, always in too much of a hurry. He doesn’t like me on top but I cajole him into it once.
“You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says.
“Yeah, I do. Shut up.”
“I can’t shut you up like this.”
“You can do anything you set your mind to.” I say.
He flips me over and I giggle.
“You like new positions, huh? I got one for you.” He says and pushes me onto my belly.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Just watch, or better yet feel.” He bends my legs and pushes them up so that my knees are next to my ears.
“I feel like a frog.” I say.
“Hold.” he says.
It’s heady, and overwhelming, too much and I cry out, my screams muffled into my pillow.
He flips me over afterwards and tucks me into his side.
“You know too much.” I pant.
“There’s no such thing as knowing too much.”
“You’ll get bored of me.”
He looks down at my face, I look away.
“Hannah.” He says.
“Sorry. That was stupid.”
“This is not forever, you know that.”
“Of course I do.”
“Do you?”
I burrow in and kiss his chest.
“Thank you for being my first.” I say.
He doesn’t speak.
Friday I come home to hear yelling in the kitchen.
“You screwed up. You fucked up big, Dad.” I hear Caleb’s deep rumble.
“Caleb, this was not in our hands.”
“Two hundred K. I told you it wasn’t enough!”
“What’s going on?” I ask as I enter.
“Hannah.” Harry says running his hands through his hair.
Caleb turns around, he looks upset, his brows scowling, his hair mussed.
“He’s out isn’t he?” I ask him.
He walks up and envelops me in a tight hug. My heart beats hard and fast in my chest.
“Caleb?” I hear Harry ask, “What’s going on?”
“I’m taking her away, Dad.”
“No, no you’re not.” Harry says.
Caleb steps away from me.
“Fuck you, Dad.” He says in that cold rumble.
“She is not your responsibility.” Harry says.
“Who’s is she then?” Caleb yells, “She’s not yours! Is she her pussy ass mother’s?”
“Caleb!”
“Or her pervert dad’s? Let’s just do that then, let’s turn her over to him!” He is yelling now, and the sound echoes around me.
“Fuck this.” He finally says, and I watch him turn and leave towards the garage.
I stand there, facing the garage door with my arms wrapped around me.
“Hannah, is there something going on between my son and you?” Harry asks.
“He’s out on bail?” I ask him, coldly.
“Yes.” He says.
“Excuse me.” I whisper, “I have to be alone.” and I leave.
I shut myself in my room. My heart beats but my body is still. I’m not in panic mode, not yet. I’m sure he’s going to come after me and I need a plan. I can’t run now, because I know Caleb will come after me and he’s the one I have to protect. I have to think but my brain feels like mush.
C
I knew two hundred K wasn’t enough.
I know he’s going to go after her and I’m not ready.
I head to the gym.
“You need to let me fight.” I tell Percy, “I have to be ready.”
“Calm down twerp.” He says, even though I’m almost as tall as him, “I’m not going to answer to that girl if you get hurt, or killed.”
“He’s coming after her.” I say, I’m pacing, I can’t calm the shit down.
He exhales like he’s got shitload of worries, he doesn’t. Not like me, not like Hannah.
He sits me down and suggests something.
H
I’m not allowed to be alone long though, because my mom comes in.
“Baby!” She wraps me in her arms, but I’m numb now. I don’t feel anything. Or I won’t allow myself to.
“Are you okay?” She asks.
I know enough to shake my head.
“I heard...Harry said...I’m so sorry. I thought we’d be safe here but I didn’t realize...I’m sorry I brought you into this house.”
“Why?” I ask, my voice thin and raspy.
“I thought we would be safe, I really thought. I...” she looks at the closed door and then pulls me to sit on the bed, “I thought the boys were harmless.”
“They are, Mom.” I say.
“Harry says... are you okay?” She rubs my hand.
“Yes, what are you talking about, Mom?”
“Caleb. Did he take advantage of you?”
“What the fuck, Mom?” I stood up.
“You never cursed like that before, never mind that. Boys, they can be persuasive...”
“Shit, Mom! I took advantage of him! I’m taking advantage of him, every fucking night!”
“Hannah!” She looks shocked.
“Mom, I...” I look out the french doors to the balcony, “Our relationship doesn’t matter right now. Dad, Dad is out on bail. The man you slept with, remember? You don’t get to preach to me about making mistakes!”
“I’m sorry, you don’t look like you’re okay and I wondered if Caleb had something to do with it.”
“No.” I say, “I’m upset because my father is a predator and he’s after me.”
“Harry will protect you. He said he’ll hire a bodyguard.”
I am silent. Maybe, that’ll be good. The only bodyguard I want is Caleb, but I don’t want him in danger either.
“I don’t know, I don’t know, Mom.”
She caresses my back. “Baby, are you in love with him?”
“No.” I shake my head.
She inhales and after giving me a kiss, leaves.
I’m restless after my mom leaves and go to Jacob’s room. He is shirtless and rooting around in his closet.
“Jacob, do you know where your brother is?” I ask him.
“No,” he turns around, “Why, you horny?”
“Shut up.” I say, “Are you going somewhere?”
“Yeah, party!”
“Can I come with?”
“Sure, though you better change.” he says looking me up and down.
I go back to my room. Not having many party like clothes to choose from I finally decide on a tight red t-shirt and black jeans. I close my eyes and inhale after I have my hair and make-up done. I don’t know what I want from the party, I just want Caleb and I want to escape my life.
“It’s a college party, you know what that means?” Jacob says when we are seated in the back of the Escalade. Travis is driving.
“What?” I ask.
“There’ll be girls hotter than you.”
“I don’t care, I’m not looking for a guy.”
“Where is Brother anyways?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh leaning my forehead on the cool dark glass of the window.
“I’ll text him so he knows where we are in case he wants to show up.” he says.
“Thanks.” I tell him.
Travis drops us off at an overflowing Victorian close to my old neighborhood.
Now I’m apprehensive and definitely not in the mood to party. Jacob takes my hand and leads me through the boisterous crowds to the drink table.
“Okay now.” he says standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders, “just a small
drink to loosen you up, okay? Then we have some fun.”
I take a red plastic cup. I drink down whatever is in it without asking. It burns going down my throat but spreads a comforting warmth through my stomach and I like it. I take another. I’m about to drink a third but Jacob’s hand stops mine.
“Whoa! Enough Little Sis. Come let’s dance.”
I did. I danced with Jacob and some other guys. Some of these college guys were really hot. I was starting to feel really hot too. So, I decided to step outside.
I was cooler outside. There was a group of guys. More hot guys and I remember them being really loud.
“What are you guys doing?” I asked.
“Having a chugging contest.” someone said, “Wanna join us?”
“Is it cold?” I remember asking, thinking about how it would be a good idea to drink something cold right about now.
That was the last clear memory I have of that night. I remember riding in someone’s car, and Caleb, looking all hot and bothered. Or maybe he was mad. But he was there and I remember being happy.
J
It’s been a while since I’ve seen Hannah. I hope she didn’t go upstairs with anyone. Not that she’d cheat on Brother but, is it cheating? What the hell are they anyways?
I see a couple of guys I know, Colton and Miles from school.
“Hey, you guys seen Hannah?” I ask.
“What? Your sister?” Colton looks around, “Yeah, think she stepped outside.”
I walk out the back door, why the fuck would she come out here? It’s freezing. There’s no one out in the dark backyard. I look around, my blood freezing in my veins. Fuck.
“Hey,” he says from the door, “What are you doing out here?”
I stand and stare as my brother steps out, pretty sure I’m dead meat now. I look around with my hands in my pockets.
“Brother?” He asks, “What’s going on?”
“Hannah.” I finally say, better to get my death over with.
“What do you mean Hannah?” he says, “Is she...don’t tell me you brought her here?” he says exhaling.
“I can’t find her.” I whine like a baby.
“What the fuck, Brother!” he yells, “What is she wearing?”
“A red shirt. I don’t know. A long sleeve shirt and jeans, I think.” I babble as we go back inside.
We search the whole freaking house, no one remembers her.
“Colton saw her in the backyard.” I finally remember.
All our guys are looking with us now, and a couple of girls.
“There were some dudes out there.” Colton says.
Brother scowls at him.
“Some frat boys...”
“Phi beta kappa.” one of the girls said.
“Where? Where would they go?” Brother growls.
Someone tells us the address to their frat house and I follow Brother to his car.
“I’m sorry.” I say, when we’re driving. His face looks like he’s in pain.
“I’ll deal with you later.” he says all cold. I know I won’t enjoy it, but right now I just want to find Hannah.
I’ve done stupid shit before but I’ve never hated myself like I do now.
We walk into this big ass house and there she is sleeping on a couch in the great room. I run up to her and touch her face. She looks okay, still has all her clothes on including her coat.
“She’s okay.” I say and turn around.
Brother is standing in the middle of the floor with his hands on his hips, still doesn’t look happy.
“Hey, you her people?” some dude asks.
“Yeah, we’re her family.” I say when Brother doesn’t speaks.
“Yeah, she’s...” the guy looks scared when he looks at Brother, don’t blame him, “she was out of it.”
“Why?” Brother growls, “Why did you bring her here?”
“She said she wanted to go for a ride, said the party was too stuffy or something. Don’t worry, no one messed with her. She just sang a few songs and passed out.”
“Hey, Little Sis.” I say, tracing her cheek with my fingers, she’s so soft and small, I’m so fucking glad she’s safe.
I know Brother is still mad, I see it, but if she’s okay, I know we will be too.
He lifts her up before I can.
“Caleb?” she mumbles.
“I got you.” he says as we walk out, and that’s the last thing I hear him say all night.
C
I lose it when Jacob tells me Hannah was here. There’s a buzzing in my head and I can’t hear anything else. Red shirt, red shirt, why the fuck are so many girls wearing red?
My heart stops when I realize she’s not here.
I can’t even look at him right now.
How could he? How could she?
Would she have stayed if I was home?
I had to talk to Percy. He took me to see a fight. The mayhem, mess that was in that old warehouse. It was dirty and bloody, and just what I need. He told me to wait, he would get me in next week.
I left and decided to check on Brother. He shouldn’t be allowed at college parties yet. Too much temptation for him.
Then he tells me he brought Hannah.
We find her in a frat house.
For a minute I lose it. I feel my eyes burning and breathe again.
He tells me she’s okay. But I’m not.
My body works like a robot as I pick her up.
She’s so small and feels breakable.
I’m fucking going to kill her.
Brother is whining something or other when we get home.
After I lay her down on her bed, I go to his room.
“I’m sorry.” He says, looking it.
It takes all my strength not to lose it on him.
“Why the fuck?” I growl.
“She said she wanted to go!” he whines, “Where were you anyways? She was looking for you.”
“Don’t put this on me!” I say, “I did not take her out! Did you know her Dad’s out?”
He looks shocked. He didn’t know. But she did.
It’s her I’m furious at as I lay into him. She could’ve died, she could’ve been raped.
He doesn’t stop me, just takes it.
I know it’s not right but I’ve been beating up on my brother since he was a little kid. After my mother left it was the only way I could keep him in control. He had a tendency to run into the streets, do crazy shit like jump off of cars, I was the only one looking out for him. Adele tried with time-outs and shit but her wimpy ass ways never worked on him so I did the only thing I knew, I used physical force. Around when he turned thirteen, he told him to lay off his face, the girls liked it too much, so I did. Now I only pound into his abdomen, knowing he can take it.
After I stop I hold him as he sobs into my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” he says, “I didn’t know.”
I hate myself for hitting him.
Fuck!
He shouldn’t be the one on the other side of my rage.
It’s not his fault.
I leave him to sleep and go into her room. She’s throwing up in the bathroom. I go in and hold her hair back. Her pretty red hair I twist around my fist.
When I put her to bed I can’t help but bury my face in that rat’s nest and lose it.
I cry for the first time since my mother left. I sniff into her hair as a few tears leak out. Caleb Westlake doesn’t lose his cool for a girl. It’s been one too many times with her. I can’t remember ever being so freaked in my life.
And it’s all her fault.
H
I wake up with the mother of all headaches, my throat was dry and my mouth tasted vile. I was in bed. My bed. The sun was bright, too bright though the curtains were still shut. It peeked in. I crawled over to my phone, on its charger on my nightstand and looked at the time. It was eleven am, on Saturday.
“Shit!” I groaned. I had to be at work. Sitting up was not easy, my head spun. Somehow I made it in time t
o the toilet to throw up. Nothing came out but yellow bile. That’s what that vile taste was. I rinsed my mouth, many times, and tumbled back into bed.
“Thought I should check in on you.” Adele’s kind voice said, “How’re you feeling?”
“Horrible.” I mumble.
“Thought so. Threw up most of the night.” She set a bottle of water on my nightstand along with a couple of pills. “Try and see if those go down now.”
“I’m sorry.” I say, “Were you up with me in the night?”
“In the morning, Honey. It was Caleb that sat up with you most of the night, must’ve been some bad stuff you drank.” she says brushing a hand through my hair.
“Caleb, where is he?”
“I sent him off to bed around five o’clock when I found out what’s going on.” she says.
I slide up to sit against the headboard.
“And Jacob?” I ask.
“Oh, he’s been sleeping like the dead since he got home.”
I nod and then regret it. “I have to go to work.” I manage to say.
“Sure, you can?”
I call Wanda and say sorry like a million times. She’s already called Callie in to cover my shift and says it’s okay.
It’s the afternoon before I finally make my way downstairs. Jacob is sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.
“Hey Baby, how’re you feeling?” My mom asks way too chipper.
“Better now, I must’ve drunk some bad stuff last night.”
“Hell yeah!” Jacob says.
“What happened?” I ask him.
“All hell broke loose, that’s what. You disappear with some frat boys and brother beat the shit out of me.”
“I’m sorry.” I say.
“You should be, it’s all your fault. I never should’ve taken you. Why the hell didn’t you tell me your father was out? Now both Travis and I are in trouble.”
“I’m so sorry, Jacob.”
“You don’t know the half of it. I hope to God nothing bad happened to you in that frat house, but if it did, you totally had it coming.”
“What happened, Jacob?” my body chilling.
“Brother and I found you asleep on a couch in some frat house. The dudes there said no one touched you but who knows? Brother looked like he was going to kill someone. Thank god it wasn’t me.”