by K R Bicknell
Chapter 11
I am numb as we make our way to the main door of the hospital, my mom crying quietly next to me. I somehow convince her to call an Uber from her phone and take her back to the house.
On the way I realize that Harry is right, if it weren’t for me Caleb wouldn’t be in the hospital right now, fighting for his life. I put his life in danger. Harry was right, I had to get away from him.
The lights are all on when we enter the house, Adele waiting eagerly for us in the kitchen.
“He’s made it through the surgery.” I tell her monotonously, “They’re gonna watch him in the ICU for twelve more hours, and then we should know more.”
“Oh, he’s gonna make it through, I know he is.” she insists, “I’ve been praying.”
“Then he will.” I say but pull back when she tries to hug me. I can’t take her comfort right now.
I put my mother to sleep. Tucking her into her bed. She keeps crying and I want to shake her, to yell ‘Snap out of it! It’s not the end of your world!’ but I don’t. I remember what it felt like when Caleb shut me out with his words and should be able to sympathize.
I go into my room, change my clothes, and lie on my bed unable to sleep. I plan. I need to move out. I have been able to save a little since living here and I’ll ask for my job back. I don’t look back at today but into the future. I know I’ll be okay. I don’t know if Mom will come with me but maybe some distance from Harry would be good. As soon as I find out Caleb’s okay, I will leave.
The sun’s faint light is peeking through the drapes when Jacob slides into bed next to me.
“Caleb?” I ask.
“He’s okay,” he says as he pulls me into his arms, “He’s a tough motherfucker, woke up, look off the fucking ventilator and said, “Where’s Hannah?”
“Did you tell him I was okay?” I ask. My chest feels like a band around it has loosened.
“Dad did.”
“He’s okay now?” I ask again.
“He’s gonna be just fine, he got a slight fever so they’re keeping him in the ICU to make sure he doesn’t have an infection but say he should be out of it by tomorrow.”
I bury into his chest and take a big breath of relief.
“You can cry now.” he says.
I shake my head.
“You’ll feel better, I promise. I did.”
I don’t know when this little boy grew up but I listen to him. My sobs start out slow and soft but soon I’m bawling loudly, drenching his shirt.
“You love him?” he says when I finally slow down.
I nod.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell him.” he says with a smile.
I finally sleep.
C
I'm in pain.
A lot of pain.
Hannah.
It's the first thought that comes to me.
I need Hannah, she'll touch me and I'll stop hurting.
Fuck.
Hannah.
It all rushes back.
I didn't see her. Is she okay?
Where the fuck is her dad?
There's something on my face, no wonder no one can hear me.
I pull it off.
Dad is there. "Caleb?" he asks, his eyes are red, his voice scratchy.
Who does he think he's talking to?
"Hannah?" I manage to ask.
"She's okay." I think he says.
Someone else is there, they want to put the fucking plastic thing back on my face.
"No." I say, "Hannah."
"She's okay." Dad says, "She's home, she's safe."
Shit.
I lay back.
Everything hurts.
But she's okay.
When I see her, I'll ask her.
I hope I killed him.
J
When I don't find Hannah in the house, I call her phone. Then Brother's. No one picks up.
Finally I get a hold of Dad.
He tells me everything.
The first thing I think is...no the second thing, the second thought in my head is that Brother's gonna kill me, and I'll let him.
The first thought is that I hope they don't touch her, if they do, I'm gonna end them.
I don't fucking care if I end up in jail.
But Brother, he's going there.
"Where?" I ask Dad, he doesn't tell me.
I hold Adele as she loses it. Apparently Hannah was baking, in the kitchen.
She wouldn't have left her cake.
Someone took her from the kitchen.
Where was Travis?
Where was I?
Brother's been shot.
I hate to think of him like this, I hate to see Dad so broken, and Hannah.
But she holds me and she's soft, and warm, and I think if she's okay, so will Brother be.
He's gonna fight to be with her again.
He's not gonna let her go.
He won't let me go.
I knew he was going to be okay.
Then I go to her, and tell her to cry, she needs it.
We're going to be okay.
H
The next morning I ask Travis to take me to Wanda. There is a missed call on my phone from an unknown number but since I don’t know the caller, I ignore it.
Wanda grabs me in a tight hug and I let her.
“You’re okay, you are just fine.” she repeats.
“I’m fine Wanda.” I confirm.
“So your boy turned out to be a hero, huh?” she says as she pulls back.
I nod.
“Thought so, you got a good one there.”
“I have a favor to ask you.” I say.
“You don’t even have to ask, your job is still yours, your replacement lasted two weeks and sucked the whole time.”
“Thank you, there’s something else, I need a place to live.”
“You sure?” she asks. I nod.
“Okay, I’ll ask around.”
“Thank you.” I give her and Enrico big hugs and then leave.
At home, I pack. Luckily I haven’t bought anything since I moved in and everything fits in one suitcase and two cardboard boxes.
I go to see my mom. She’s still in bed, her face swollen and her eyes red.
“Hey, Mom.” I say as I sit on her bed.
She holds me tight for a few minutes.
“Did you talk to Harry?” I ask her.
She shakes her head, “He won’t talk to me.”
“Listen, Mom.” I say somberly, “I think we should move out.”
She shakes her head, “No, he still loves me.” she says.
“Mom,” I sigh, “If he does, he’ll come for you but maybe a little distance will be good.”
She disagrees. We argue for a little while before I give up and leave her to her sulk.
When I go back to my room my phone is ringing. It’s that unknown number.
I decide to answer.
“Hi, is this Hannah Johnson?” a strange man’s voice asks me.
“Yes, it is.” I say.
“Good, this is Liam Wordsworth. You don’t know me but I represent the estate of your late grandfather.”
“My grandfather?” I didn’t know I had one.
“Yes, would you mind meeting me? I have some things to discuss with you.”
My abduction still fresh in my mind, I ask him to meet me at Denny’s that afternoon.
Wanda and Tyrone are keeping a watchful eye as I slide into the booth across from a middle-aged man.
“Hi, nice to meet you.” he extends his hand. I shake it.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I ever met my grandfather.” I say.
“No, I can see that he and your father had a falling out.”
I nod. My father, recently deceased from a gunshot by my boyfriend, did not get along with many people.
“He, your grandfather passed away around a year ago, the only relative we were aware of was your father. We informed him but for some reason, he said he didn’t know
your whereabouts.”
I nod.
“I’m so sorry to hear about his demise.” the man tries to give me fake sympathies.
“Don’t be.” I say, “I’m not.”
He nods, he must’ve heard the story.
“Anyways, your grandfather had some property.”
I look up, my senses heightened.
“and since he didn’t like his son, he left it all to you.”
“What do you mean, property?”
“It isn’t much, I’ll have to say, a broken-down cabin in the woods, and it’s not been maintained since he died, but it sits on five acres and if you wish you can sell it for some money.”
“Did you say a cabin in the woods?”
“Yes, yes, basically. I can give you the address or more likely the GPS coordinates and you can drive out and see it and let me know what you decide.”
I sit stunned. I take his card, a copy of the will, and the GPS coordinates. After he leaves I ask Wanda for a ride. She has to work tonight but tells me she can take me tomorrow morning.
I am too wired when I get home. I pace in my room, rubbing my arms. Jacob bursts in.
“You have to go see him.”
I turn to look at him.
“He keeps asking about you and you haven’t been there. What’s this?” he says looking at my suitcase and boxes on the floor.
I don’t say anything.
“You’re leaving? No! That guy takes a bullet for you and you’re leaving him?”
“Jacob.” I try to explain but he pulls me by the arm and drags me downstairs.
We take the Beemer to the hospital. I don’t say anything the whole walk to the ICU.
“I’m here to see my brother.” he tells the nurse and when she tells him only one person at a time he pushes me forward saying “Be nice.”
I enter the glass-walled room. There are all types of strange buzzing and beeping machines surrounding a narrow bed. I move closer. He lies on the bed, his eyes closed. He looks really pale, his lips chapped, his cheeks sunk, yet he is still the most beautiful thing I’ve seen.
“He was awake just a little while ago.” Harry whispers from the corner. “Always asks about you.”
I reach Caleb’s side and touch the back of his hand. There are way too many wires and tubes running through his skin and it breaks my heart.
I hear Harry step out behind me.
“Hey.” Those stunning eyes open to smile at me.
I smile through my tears.
“You okay?” he asks me, “They didn’t hurt you did they?” his voice rasps.
I shake my head.
“You shouldn’t have come for me.” I say.
“I’m sorry I took so long, I didn’t know where you were till they called.”
“Caleb.” I look down at his hand.
“Don’t say you’re sorry. Don’t. I’m gonna get better really fast and come home and make love to you till you forget it all.”
My tears stream down my face and I say the only truth I can trust myself with in that moment.
“I love you.” I whisper and put my lips on his.
“No matter what anyone says.” I move back.
“Stop crying and I’ll believe you.” he says, one hand of his wiping my cheek.
I grab his hand and kiss the palm. “No matter what anyone says, or what happens, Sirius will always want Orion.” I whisper.
“Why are you saying it like that?”
“You hurry up and get better,” I tell him, “I miss you.”
“I miss you like hell, Baby, I think I can talk the nurse into letting you stay the night. Think she likes me.” he says with a smile.
“Everyone likes you, Stud.” I kiss him again.
“This stud is off the market.” he says.
“I have to go, they’re gonna kick me out.” I say and let go of his hand.
“You’ll be back tomorrow?” he asks.
“I’ll try.” I say as I move back further.
He looks at me curiously. He knows something’s up and I have to leave before he pries it out of me.
I rush out of the hospital. Jacob runs after me.
“Did you tell him?” he asks as we sit in the car, “Whatever you’re planning.”
I don’t answer. He drives silently for a while finally stopping the car by the side of the road.
“Shit, Hannah! What the hell are you thinking?” he yells.
“I nearly got him killed.” I cry into the window.
“It wasn’t you!” he yells, “It was your fucking father, who is dead now!”
We are silent for a bit.
“He’s too close.” I finally say. “We’re too close, it’s going to hurt no matter what.”
“He’s fucking in love with you.” he whispers into the night.
I sit in the dark car and listen to my heartbeat. “I know.” I finally say, “That’s why.”
Eventually, Jacob pulls the car onto the road and drives me home. He doesn’t say another word to me.
J
All I can think when I see him lying in that hospital bed is that he looks so small.
My big brother has shrunk.
His eyes are open and he's looking at me with a frown.
I want to kiss his hand but I don't. He'll laugh at me.
"Hannah's okay?" he asks.
Of course, it's her, it's always her. Does he give a fuck that I'm not okay?
I nod.
"You're taking care of her?" he asks.
"Yeah, really well, she doesn't even miss you." I say.
I'm glad I made him smile.
"You sleeping in her bed?" he asks, Dad looks at me in shock.
"Yeah." I answer.
"Good, she'll have nightmares." Caleb says.
"I know more about her nightmares than you." I say.
"Yeah, she doesn't have them when I'm with her." he says with a smirk.
"Then hurry up and get better, she needs you." I say.
He lifts up his hand and grabs my fingers.
"I know I don't have to worry because you'll keep her safe." he says and I have to look at the wall and blink. I didn't keep her safe.
She says she's leaving.
I hate her.
I hate her with every breath that burns in my chest.
She's a bitch. How can she leave him like this?
Doesn't she fucking care? He took a bullet for her!
I think Dad said something. I want to yell at him but he looks so broken and weak.
So I don't, instead I take it out on her.
Brother's counting on me to keep her safe, to keep her there.
But how can I when I can't stop her from leaving?
C
She came to see me, she actually came to fucking see me so I don't ask her what took her so long.
I see Brother outside but I don't want to think that he pushed her. I want to believe she came of her own accord. Because she missed me.
She looks good, safe, healthy.
She touches me, tells me she loves me.
Something doesn't sound right. It must be this place.
I want to be naked in her bed, deep inside her and hear her repeat these words.
I'll ask her to.
She says a bunch of stuff, and I know something's wrong.
I wish Brother were here so I could ask him.
But he didn't come inside today.
I ask Dad.
"Is something wrong?"
"Everything's fine." he says, but he doesn't look happy,
"I don't want you to worry about anything, Hannah's fine. We're taking good care of her."
He's lying about something.
But there's nothing I can do from this bed.
I need to get better soon so I can get home and make sure everyone's okay.
H
The next morning is Monday but I think the school will understand if I take a couple of days off. I let Wanda drive me to my grandfather’s place.
When the car comes around the dirt road I recognize it. I ask Wanda to stop the car and step out. I walk down that dirt driveway until my feet reach that big brown stain on the gravel. My legs freeze, I can’t walk any further.
I see the shack behind which I had hid, and that boarded-up house behind it with the outhouse near the woods.
“This is it.” I say as I hear Wanda walk up behind me, “This is the place.”
“Your grandfather’s place?” She asks.
“This is where it happened, where they brought me.” I say looking down at the dark brown stain.
I hear the shot and the hole in my heart bleeds.
“Oh Honey!” She sighs.
“I don’t think I need the place to live anymore.” I tell her.
“You can’t live here.” She says.
“I think I have to. This is my place.”
“You’ll have nightmares.” She says.
“I don’t think I will.” I tell her.
I walk around the stain and go explore my house.
I walk up the rickety gray steps onto a small porch. It’s small but it’s there. I try to nudge the door open but it’s locked. Mr. Wordsworth would possibly know where the key is. There is a window from the porch but it is boarded. I explore the whole area, Wanda following me around apprehensively.
“He said five acres, I wonder how far it extends.” I muse.
“You seriously aren’t thinking of living here.” She says.
“I am.” I say, “I’m not saying it doesn’t scare me, it does. But it still feels right. This is my place." I say it and I feel it. Deep inside. It feels right.
“Girl!” She sighs.
My heart still threatens to jump out of my chest when I go around the outhouse where I hid. When I walk around the shed I have to stop as I feel my chest contracting. I can’t breathe for a minute and I have to hold onto the worn wood walls, but then I open my eyes and look around the corner. There is no one there. Caleb is safe. ‘He’s in the hospital and he’s all right.’ I tell myself.
I walk around and tell Wanda I want to do this.
“You know you won’t be able to work for me if you do this.” She says as we drive back.
“I know. But it’s my place. I’ve never had a place of my own Wanda. I can fix it up the way I want, and no one can kick me out. Ever.”
She sighs. “So you’ve decided.”
“Yes, can you help me find a car?”
My grandfather, Mr. Timothy Miller, has also left me seven hundred bucks in a bank account. I combine it with the savings I have managed to save in the last three months and I get a car. It’s a 2000 Kia Sorrento, but it runs and I love it.