Living it Arg

by James Argent

  Mark and Joey are very different characters. They are both successful Essex boys who are great at nightclub promoting, but that’s where the similarity ends. Joey is like the class clown, whereas Mark is older and more business-minded. Nonetheless, even though they got on very well, Mark was keen to keep his crown as the top man in TOWIE.

  ‘No one’s taking that role from me,’ Mark told me. ‘I’m the man here and I’m coming back, Arg. I’ve been gone but the show needs me back, you need me back and I need me to be back!’

  ‘You’re right, Mark. The show just isn’t the same without you getting up to mischief,’ I agreed.

  It was no surprise to me that cracks soon began to show between Mark and Lauren. He just missed his old lifestyle too much. Towards the end of the second series of TOWIE they were constantly arguing and just didn’t seem to be enjoying each other’s company. Mark and I were still spending a lot of time together and it sometimes felt as if I were a third person in their relationship. I would often stay in their spare room. We all got along well together, but I began to get the feeling that the engagement wouldn’t last for very long.

  Meanwhile, I was technically single. I went on a date with a girl whom I got talking to during a personal appearance in Romford. Her name was Ebru and she looked the spitting image of the actor and model Megan Fox. I invited her to come and watch me sing at one of my gigs, and she agreed. We shared a little kiss after I performed on stage, but that was all. I didn’t sleep with her.

  When it came to the day of the pool party everything started out well. We were terrified that the weather was going to ruin it because it had rained the day before, but we were blessed with sunshine. The idea was that anyone who was anyone in Essex would be present. Guests were wandering around in swimwear, sipping cocktails and generally just having a great time in the spring sunshine.

  Amy Childs was looking stunning in a fuchsia-pink bikini. I had been in several scenes opposite her by now and we were quite flirty. Away from the cameras, we had recently been on a shopping trip together and I felt there was a bit of a spark between us. But, when I went over to say hello at the party, Amy was fuming with me because Lydia had asked her if we were sleeping together. For the record, Amy and I have never slept together, but our secret kiss at Christmas had stayed at the back of my mind. Foolishly, during an argument with Lydia, I’d made the mistake of alluding to my friendship with Amy. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of claiming that, if Lydia didn’t want me, then maybe Amy would. I don’t know why I said it – perhaps deep down I thought it was a way of making Lydia jealous and shocking her into taking me back. It was a daft thing to do – and it backfired, because Amy was angry and she gave me a right mouthful.

  I felt a right fool, but there was worse to come when Lydia made a grand entrance to the party with the boy she’d met in the street, Rob. I felt as if I had just been hit by a very heavy weight. My pulse raced and I felt sick inside. Even though Lydia and I were officially apart, I still regarded her as my one true love and the thought of her with another boy was just too much to handle. I also felt humiliated. Here I was at my best mate’s party and the girl I loved was rubbing my nose in it by parading around with another bloke. Seeing this shocked me into realising just how deep my feelings for her were. If I am honest, I had not shown Lydia much respect, either, in recent months. After all, I’d secretly been on a date with the girl I met in Romford, but I hated it now that the tables were turned.

  But, if the fireworks that were caught on camera were dramatic, they were nothing compared with what happened after we stopped filming. I’d been getting more and more wound up as the afternoon went on, and by the evening I was ready to snap. What the viewers didn’t know was that, when it was time for everybody to go home, I was involved in a fracas. I frantically looked around for Lydia and I spotted her with Rob, gathering their stuff together and walking towards the front of the house, as if they were about to leave together.

  There’s no way I am going to let her go home with him, I vowed to myself.

  I followed the pair of them outside and it was obvious that Lydia was about to get into Rob’s car. I saw red. I went running over and caused a huge scene.

  ‘You are not getting in a car with that boy! You are taking the piss, Lydia!’ I yelled. ‘You’ve only just broken up with me. Don’t do that in front of my eyes.’

  Lydia stared back at me. She looked shocked, but I also got the impression that part of her was enjoying the fact that she was making me squirm.

  ‘It’s none of your business. He’s just going to drop me home,’ she replied.

  ‘You’re not getting in! You are not getting in!’ I screamed.

  A bit of a commotion followed, during which I somehow managed to grab hold of a pair of Lydia’s shoes, which I think were on the floor. I assume that she must have still been wearing flip-flops from being at the pool, hence she wasn’t wearing the shoes. I was determined to hang onto them: there was no way I wanted her to leave with Rob. It sounds daft that I tried to hold a pair of shoes hostage, but that’s exactly what I did.

  ‘Mind your own business,’ repeated Lydia.

  Meanwhile, Rob didn’t seem to know where to look. I could see that it wasn’t his fault. He’d just blundered into a situation while doing a bit of filming for TOWIE. I didn’t bear him any personal malice, apart from the fact that there was no way I was going to let him drive off with Lydia! Mark was by my side and he offered to have a quiet word with him.

  ‘Look, Rob,’ Mark said. ‘Lydia’s single or whatever, but you know Arg’s just broken up with her, so this is not nice.’

  ‘Honestly, Mark,’ Rob replied, ‘I’ve come here with Lydia but we’re not dating. Arg’s got nothing to worry about.’

  I was still extremely upset with Lydia and I must have looked like a bit of a mad man standing there. Several of the crew had come over by now to see what all the fuss was about and I spotted a girl who I knew was one of the producers.

  ‘Can you drive her home instead of him?’ I suggested to the girl.

  A bit of a standoff followed, but in the end Lydia relented.

  ‘Fine, I’ll get in this car, then,’ she said, and she got into the producer’s vehicle.

  I had been driven mad and I had finally cracked for the first time since Lydia and I had been in Spain. Lydia had the power back and had proved she was wearing the trousers. I was in bits. As the producer and Lydia drove off I was still in a jealous craze and I was convinced that Lydia and Rob would either get back together as soon as they were round the corner or arrange to meet up somewhere else.

  ‘Mark! Mark!’ I yelled. ‘Get your car and please come quickly. I need to follow her to know where she’s going.’

  By this point, even Mark thought I had lost it.

  ‘Shut up,’ he said. ‘She isn’t going to be with that boy.’

  ‘No, Mark. I’ve got to go to her house.’

  ‘You’re mug,’ he said. ‘You do it all the time. You always make the wrong decisions.’

  ‘No, Mark. Just drive me to her house. I just need to know if she’s in,’ I persisted.

  ‘Arg, you’re such a donut,’ he told me. ‘I’ve never seen a boy act like this over a girl. It’s pathetic – you’re an embarrassment.’

  Despite his reservations, out of loyalty Mark eventually agreed to drive me to Lydia’s house. He was a true mate, even though what I was asking him to do was slightly mad, and I was very grateful. When we arrived at Lydia’s home, Mark parked up a few metres away and waited in the car while I crept up to the front door on my own, trying to be as quiet as I could. All the lights were on and I sensed that all Lydia’s family were at home. Moving as quietly as a mouse, I opened up the letterbox and peeped through. It was a crazy situation: here I was bent double and holding my breath, while I spied on the love of my life. I listened carefully and I was relieved when I heard Lydia and Debbie talking together in the kitchen. I was glad she had made it home and t
hat there seemed to be no sign of Rob. I could barely make out what they were talking about but I heard Lydia say, ‘I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Mum.’

  Yes, thank God! I thought.

  I ducked down out of sight while I heard Lydia walk up the stairs, after which Debbie came out and bolted the front door. I crept back to Mark’s car. Lydia and Debbie never knew I was there.

  The following morning I woke up at seven, having spent the night at Mark’s flat. I was no longer angry with Lydia, but I groaned as I thought about the events of the day before. For the first time, it fully hit me how upset she must have been to parade Rob in front of me like that at the party. Up until now, whenever she had told me it was over between us, I’d taken it with a pinch of salt because something had always told me that we would get back together. But this was different. It had shocked me and it made me realise how much I’d been risking with my appalling behaviour towards her.

  That’s it, I thought. I’m changing my ways now, and I’m going to treat her better.

  Lydia had just proved to me in my mind that sometimes you don’t realise what you have got until you’ve lost it. Seeing her with Rob had made me feel as if I’d lost her for the first time. I vowed to myself that I would not cheat on her any more and that I’d make proper time to be with her, rather than spend most of my time out clubbing.

  I knew I wanted to see Lydia as soon as possible, so I went straight round to her house that very morning after the pool party. Debbie reluctantly let me in and I went upstairs to see Lydia in her room. At first she told me to get out, but I think part of her was expecting to see me, and after a while she agreed to listen to me. I think that after all the fireworks from the night before we were both feeling emotionally drained. I told Lydia how I felt about her and after a while we cuddled. I suspect that Lydia knew that she’d successfully made her point and she’d got me right back where she wanted me.

  It might sound crazy, but we began to make it up there and then. Less than twenty-four hours previously, Lydia had told me that she couldn’t think of anything worse than being with me, yet here we were talking and cuddling again. Unfortunately, that was how our relationship continued for some time. One minute it was on; the next it was off. Slowly, we talked things through and eventually we decided to make another go of things. By now Lydia was obviously well aware of the rumours that I had cheated on her, but I continued to deny them. Looking back, I realise she didn’t question me about it as closely as you might have expected. I don’t think she wanted to find out the truth, because she knew it would be too painful. One thing I was sure of was that I wouldn’t get away with treating her like that any more. I had a choice: either break up and have my fun or stay with her and sort out my life. I chose to make a go of things with Lydia. We stayed together for another nine months after our pool-party bust-up, but there were plenty more ups and downs to come.

  12

  A BAFTA FOR TOWIE AND A FAMILY SHOCK

  If you work in television, winning a BAFTA award is like winning the World Cup: nobody can argue with you once you’ve achieved it, and you’re officially recognised as the best in the business. On TOWIE, we were just a bunch of kids who grew up together in Essex, and most of us never would have dreamed that one day we’d be honoured by the British Academy of Film and Television Arts. Yet in May 2011 that was exactly what happened. TOWIE was nominated for the BAFTA YouTube Audience Award alongside the very best of British television. We were up against two of the most critically acclaimed TV dramas of recent times: ITV’s mighty Downton Abbey and the BBC blockbuster Sherlock. Also on the list were Big Fat Gypsy Weddings, Miranda and The Killing. It meant that the likes of Mark Wright and Sam Faiers were up against great theatrical actors such as Hugh Bonneville and Benedict Cumberbatch for telly’s top gong.

  Few people fancied our chances and, to be honest, I didn’t think we would win either – not that I didn’t believe we deserved to. In the space of less than a year, TOWIE had become one of the nation’s most talked-about TV series of all time – and I loved every minute of it. But, despite its huge popularity with the public, in some circles people continued to look down on the show for whatever reason. I think there can sometimes be a bit of prejudice against reality television in general, due to the idea that it somehow isn’t in the same class as heavyweight dramas featuring classically trained actors. People are entitled to their views, but I think it’s unfair because the truth is we make a great television show and the viewers love watching us. That said, we continued to get a bit of stick on Twitter from time to time from people who would brand us as thick or take the piss out of the show for being cringeworthy. Some of the criticism continued to be led by local people in Essex who I suspect were still envious that they weren’t on the show themselves. I’m sure there were also a few people in the business who were a little jealous of us because we’d achieved all this fame but we weren’t actors.

  The first I knew about being nominated was when Rachel Hardy at the TOWIE press office sent us all an email to tell us the good news. I was so excited that I couldn’t wait to tell my mum and dad.

  ‘We’ve been shortlisted for a BAFTA!’ I told them.

  It was the television equivalent of being nominated for an Oscar and I was full of excitement. It reminded me of winning my Kenny all those years ago at the Kenneth More Theatre!

  Lydia and I had had recently got back together after our fracas at the pool party, but we had decided to keep our relationship low key. We didn’t want to make a big deal about the fact that we were an item again because we knew it would only create more fuss, and we’d just been through all the pain of breaking up in front of the cameras. But the BAFTAs represented the ideal occasion for us to show the world we were back in love. I was delighted when the TOWIE press office confirmed that I was one of the cast members who were selected to attend the event, which was being held at the Grosvenor House Hotel in London. Unfortunately, there were initially one or two big-name cast members who were left off the invitation list. A flurry of emails was exchanged as various people argued their case for who should go to the awards ceremony. In the end, nine of us were selected. They were Lydia and me, Joey Essex and Sam Faiers, Kirk Norcross and Amy Childs, Nanny Pat and, of course, Mark and Lauren. In addition, lots of producers and crew were deservedly going, too, including Sarah Dillistone (series producer on Series 1), Claire Faragher (series producer on Series 1 and executive producer on Series 2), Nicky Hegarty (executive producer on Series 1) and the co-creators of the show, Ruth Wrigley and Tony Wood.

  Meanwhile, the TOWIE press office told the cast members that we would be arriving at the event in style. The idea was that each of us would travel in a car with a theme that captured the fun and bling of The Only Way Is Essex. After all, this was our big moment and we were out to have maximum fun. Mark and Lauren were to be in a brand new, white Rolls-Royce Phantom, which summed up the fact that they were engaged to be married. Amy and Kirk were given a pink Hummer limo (you can’t get more bling than that). Joey and Sam were given a white, soft-top Mini (so they looked just like Barbie and Ken). Meanwhile, Nanny Pat was to have her own horse-drawn carriage. Lydia and I chose a vintage, cream Rolls-Royce, which we knew would look stylish and swish.

  Lydia was terribly excited.

  ‘I can’t wait to choose a nice dress,’ she told me.

  She opted for a grey and silver, flowered Dynasty gown that was off the shoulder and billowed out at the bottom. She looked absolutely stunning on the night.

  ‘Lydia, you look so beautiful,’ I told her, and we posed for pictures together before we left for the event.

  I bought a new black suit and I wanted to wear a long black tie with Swarovski crystals embedded in it. My friend Adam, who owns Nu Bar in Loughton, had a tie just like it and he agreed to lend it to me (although I don’t think I ever got around to giving it back).

  Our cream Rolls-Royce was the perfect vehicle for us and as we approached the Grosvenor I felt like royalty. We could hear the crow
ds screaming and cheering and, as we neared the red carpet, all I could see were hundreds of camera flashguns going off. There were photographers and journalists everywhere. I first I assumed the cameras were flashing for somebody else but it was Lydia and me whom they were excited about. What amazed me was that all the reporters were fighting to talk to anyone from TOWIE, while ignoring a lot of the more established names who were there. It was a good omen and a bit of me began to wonder if it was going to be our night. It felt amazing as Lydia and I walked up the red carpet and went into the hotel. When we got inside, I admit that at first I was a little bit starstruck, because there were so many great celebrities whom I’d grown up watching on TV or in films. I was thrilled to see Martin Freeman in the flesh and I remembered how my dad and I used to laugh our heads off at him when we watched The Office together. Martin won the award for Best Supporting Actor later that night for playing Dr Watson in Sherlock. Then I spotted another personal favourite of mine.

  ‘Look, there’s Steve Coogan!’ I said to Lydia.

  Steve had starred in Tropic Thunder, the movie that Lydia and I had watched over and over again during our holiday in Gran Canaria. I went over to Steve and we said hello and he agreed to pose for a photo with me. I also had my picture taken with Graham Norton, who later won a BAFTA for Best Entertainment Performance. Graham was charming and fun, just as he is on the telly. We pestered lots of people for photos over the course of the evening. The funny thing was that all the other celebrities were used to rubbing shoulders, so they weren’t bothered about having their picture taken with each other, but for us it was a big deal. Lots of TOWIE cast members seemed to be running around with their phone cameras asking people to pose with them. We were still relative newcomers to the scene, and the BAFTAs was the first time I’d experienced a showbiz event on this scale.

  When the awards ceremony started we settled down at our tables and crossed our fingers. The category in which we were nominated was due to be presented by Simon Bird, Joe Thomas and Blake Harrison of The Inbetweeners, who had won the same award the previous year. As the lads made their way on stage I held my breath. As I said, we didn’t really expect to win, but maybe . . . just maybe . . .