Living it Arg

by James Argent

  ‘Don’t worry, we’ll always be best mates,’ Mark reassured me. ‘I feel guilty about leaving you, but you’ll still do well by yourself.’

  Even though I knew he’d made up his mind, it didn’t fully sink in for me until it came to filming our final joint scene together for his last episode. Up until that point I think I’d still secretly been hoping that Mark would do the jungle and then agree to return to TOWIE afterwards, but it was not to be.

  When the producers learned the news they filmed Mark and me in his flat while we discussed his plans. Until now I had been putting a brave face on things and it wasn’t until he picked me up in his car to go and do the scene that my heart began to beat quickly.

  ‘Arg, you do realise this is the last scene that you and I will probably ever do alone together,’ Mark said.

  I started to reply but I found it hard to speak. I was beside myself with emotion and I felt embarrassed.

  ‘Mark, I don’t want this to be our last scene. I don’t want you to leave,’ I said.

  ‘I know, Arg, but I have to. I feel so bad.’

  It kept going through my mind that I was losing my best friend. We’d formed a special relationship, and I was afraid of losing that.

  What am I going to do? I kept thinking.

  When I look back at things now it makes me laugh because I was being such a big baby, but the emotions that I was feeling at the time were very real.

  ‘Arg, you’ll be absolutely all right,’ Mark tried to reassure me. ‘After me, you’re probably the next biggest star of the show. You’re not just my sidekick any more: you’re a character in your own right. You’re going to be fine. This is going to be good for you.’

  When we arrived at his building I tried to keep my emotions in check as we walked upstairs to his apartment. The producers and the crew were already there setting up their lights. Everyone could tell I was upset but I didn’t want them to see me like that, so I walked into Mark’s bedroom and closed the door behind me. Within seconds I was in floods of tears. Some blokes have problems letting their emotions out, but on occasions like this I am not one of them. Nanny Pat came into the bedroom while I was in a bad way and sat next to me.

  ‘Come on, it’ll be all right, it’ll be all right,’ she said.

  Then Mark came in and gave me a cuddle.

  ‘I don’t want to do this scene. Please, Mark, I can’t do it,’ I protested.

  A couple of the producers came in to talk to us and I calmed down a little bit. The crew had already set the cameras up and they were keen to capture all the emotion while it was still raw, without missing anything. We went into the living room and began to film. Mark began by explaining his reasons for leaving, although he made no mention of going up the jungle. By the end of the scene we were both in tears.

  ‘You’re my bestest friend in the whole world and you’re going to be in my heart for ever,’ he told me in front of the cameras. ‘I know I’ve got to go and it’s time for me to just walk away from everything, Arg. I’ve got to move on and grow up.’

  Everything the viewers saw on screen was completely real: we really were both hurting like hell. After we finished filming the producers hugged us and told us it had been an amazing scene.

  It felt a bit like a marriage break-up, and in a way I suppose it was. We had been soulmates throughout TOWIE and to me it felt like the end of an era. There was a huge party planned for that evening, where the crew had arranged to film the grand finale of the series. Mark and I dried our eyes and began to sort ourselves out.

  ‘We’re not going to cry any more, Arg,’ said Mark. ‘You’ve let it all out now and we’re gonna go to the party and have a great time.’

  I still miss Mark on TOWIE to this day. But he was correct to say that things would work out all right for both of us, and we have maintained our friendship. Mark’s career went from strength to strength and he eventually landed a number of different roles presenting on TV. He was also a huge success in the jungle. I watched him from back home and I was very proud of everything he achieved. I’m a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here! proved to be the perfect vehicle for Mark to show the kinder side of his personality. That’s the thing with Mark: he may have had an abrasive edge in the way that he used to treat women, but he also has a very warm and generous side. Viewers saw that in the jungle, and Mark became the bookies’ favourite to win, although he was eventually pipped into second place behind Dougie Poynter of McFly. I was the first person to speak to Mark on the phone when he came out of the jungle. His parents, big Mark and Carol, had travelled to Australia to be with him and they passed the phone to Mark when I called. I told him how proud I was of him and how well he had come across on screen. Everybody had loved him and I genuinely believe that going into the jungle helped change people’s perceptions of him.

  ‘I can’t wait for you to get home,’ I told him.

  When Mark arrived back in the UK, we all threw a coming-home party for him at Nu Bar, where I did a big speech and then got wildly drunk. It was just like old times.

  If I can fast-forward to today, I can say that Mark has now matured a lot since his days on TOWIE. He takes his career and his image very seriously and he works very hard. His days of being a lady killer are well and truly behind him. When he left The Only Way Is Essex he opened up a new chapter in his life. At the end of summer 2013 he got engaged to Michelle Keegan, who is adored by fans for her role as Tina in Coronation Street. Michelle is a really beautiful and lovely girl and I am so happy for Mark that he has now found the one. I have been fortunate enough to meet Michelle on many occasions and she has been round to my house to meet my family. I am glad that Mark finally found true love. I hope that one day I can settle down in the same way.

  It was very strange going back to TOWIE without him, but I was lucky that I began to form new friendships. In particular, Joey Essex and I began to film a lot of fun scenes together and we were often joined by Diags (James Bennewith) and then, further on, also by Tom Pearce. But I’ll tell you all about that later.

  As for Mark and me, we are still best mates. Our respective schedules obviously mean we don’t see each other as much as we used to, but we are always just one phone call away.

  14

  A CHRISTMAS COOKALONG AND A BROKEN HEART

  Christmas was traditionally a very special time that Lydia and I enjoyed together, and, as the festive season approached at the end of 2011, I was looking forward to the celebrations. In the weeks leading up to the holiday period my manager Neil received a phone call from Channel 4, who had a very interesting proposition.

  ‘Gordon Ramsay’s going to be cooking Christmas lunch on air and he’d like Arg to join him,’ the broadcaster said.

  It sounded like a fun show and it was to be broadcast live on national television on Christmas Day itself, so it would be great exposure for me. Various people would be joining in from around the country, and Channel 4 planned to turn it into a huge event. I was very honoured. After all, it’s not every day that you get invited to lunch by the most famous chef in the country. But I assumed that the drawback would be that I would have to be away from home – and it would mean that I’d miss Christmas lunch with Lydia’s family. Every year we’d always have a great time opening presents together with the children at Debbie’s house, after which we’d sing songs and play games. It was always a wonderful time and I didn’t want to miss out by having to film all day.

  ‘I’m very flattered but I just don’t want to give up my Christmas,’ I said.

  Channel 4 then came back to clarify things and they explained that Lydia, Debbie and I could film the show from home, which meant we wouldn’t have to sacrifice the whole of Christmas Day.

  ‘You’ll be joining Gordon via a live TV link,’ they said.

  The idea was that we would follow Gordon’s lead stage by stage while he prepared a sumptuous seasonal lunch with all the trimmings. We’d use his advice in order to cook up our own banquet at home. The show was called Gordon’s Chr
istmas Cookalong Live, and it sounded as if it would be a good laugh. Lydia and Debbie loved the proposal, so we all agreed to take part. It was a mad, crazy idea – but it was too good to turn down.

  ‘It’s a deal,’ I said.

  With the Gordon Ramsay project on the horizon, the build-up to Christmas should have been perfect, but, sadly, things don’t always work out that way, and my relationship with Lydia took a turn for the worse. The damage caused by my cheating along with the friction between us over my closeness to Mark had never really gone away. Ironically, it was in the immediate aftermath of Mark’s leaving that things came to a head. Lydia had hated the amount of time I spent with him and it became a source of irritation to her. For my part, I couldn’t see why I shouldn’t have both a best friend and a loving partner, but I never seemed to get the balance right.

  At the end of every series the producers would always hold a big wrap party, which all the cast and crew would attend. This time around, they decided to put up a huge screen at the party in order to play some clips from the show. One of the sequences they planned to showcase was the scene in Mark’s apartment during which we’d sat on the sofa and I’d cried while we said our goodbyes. Lydia and I were naturally going to the wrap party together and I was expecting to have a great time.

  It turned out to be the party from hell.

  My feelings about Mark’s departure were still very raw and while the clip of our final scene was playing at the party I began to get a bit choked up. Mark was in Australia by now, but I was still very scared about how the next series of TOWIE would unfold without him. People at the party could sense my unease and many of them came up to me to reassure me.

  ‘Don’t worry. It’ll be all right, Arg – everything’ll be fine,’ they said.

  Unfortunately, it was a sentiment that Lydia didn’t share. In fact, I got the distinct impression that she felt I was being pathetic. She couldn’t understand why I’d got so emotional. As the scene unfolded on the big screen, I looked over at Lydia and saw her pulling funny faces that made it clear she thought the whole thing was cringeworthy.

  What the hell were you doing? her face seemed to say.

  Her reaction made me feel dreadful and, as the night wore on, Lydia was increasingly offish towards me. When I went up to her she would ignore me and walk off to talk to somebody else. After a few drinks I was feeling very upset and hurt. As I watched Lydia on the dance floor at the party something snapped inside me and I marched over to confront her.

  ‘Lydia, what the f*** is the matter with you?’ I demanded.

  A terrible row followed during which Lydia screamed back at me. We both vented our frustrations and it caused a major scene at the party, so much so that Debbie had to come running over to try to defuse the situation. At one point Lydia tried to throw a drink over me, and the glass slipped out of her hand and smashed on the floor. After that, Lydia and I steered clear of each other for the rest of the party. We were both fuming and we didn’t talk for days.

  There were still a few weeks to go before Christmas and our big day with Gordon Ramsay, so, in the meantime, Lydia decided to go off for a brief holiday in LA with Lauren. I wanted to buy Lydia something special for Christmas to show I cared. She had never owned an expensive watch before, so I thought I’d push the boat out. I chose a Cartier Ballon Bleu watch, which had a classic face and a brushed-steel bracelet. I bought it from my former employer at the jeweller’s, Jimmy Kane. It cost just over £3,000. When I gave it to Lydia during the TOWIE Christmas Special she was thrilled to bits.

  On Christmas Eve, Lydia and I went out to Nu Bar together for a few drinks. We didn’t have a particularly great night and we were quite drunk when we got into the back of a cab to go home. I was staying at her place but, as we walked into the house, something just didn’t feel right between us. I was tired of putting on a false front when I suspected that deep down Lydia’s heart wasn’t in it any more. For the first time in our relationship, I decided to opt for the sofa rather than share a bedroom with Lydia.

  ‘I feel a bit drunk and I don’t want to keep you up all night by snoring. I’m going to lay down here on the sofa,’ I said.

  Lydia didn’t object. It was quite a sad moment. I just didn’t feel happy. We had tried and tried to make things work but we were so weary of arguing by now that I felt exhausted by it all.

  Sleeping on the sofa turned out to be a bad idea. We’d arrived home at about two in the morning and everyone else in the house woke up at around six o’clock to open their presents. I had a terrible hangover and on top of that a camera crew were about to arrive to film our special link-up with Gordon Ramsay. It was the start of a day that turned out to be massively stressful because everything was a rush.

  Lydia came downstairs and gave me my Christmas card. I had been expecting her to give me my present on Christmas morning, although I could see that she had nothing in her hands apart from the card.

  ‘I’m so sorry, but I just had no time to get you a Christmas present. I’ve ordered you something but it didn’t arrive in time,’ she said.

  I opened up the card. Inside she’d drawn a little picture of a Mulberry travel bag, the gift that she had ordered. Up until now, Lydia had always spoiled me with nice gifts at Christmas and on birthdays, so I’d been expecting something nice, especially after buying her a Cartier watch. All I’d got was a card with a drawing inside. After all the trouble I’d gone to in order buy her something special, I felt hurt.

  I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, because the Channel 4 camera crew soon arrived and the house turned into chaos. They parked a gigantic satellite-broadcast unit outside and there seemed to be wires and power cables everywhere. The crew then set up a huge screen in Debbie’s kitchen so that we could watch Gordon Ramsay while we followed his instructions.

  It was exciting, but at the same time it took the edge off of the fact that it was Christmas, because all of the children had to stay out of the way. My hangover was thumping and I was feeling terribly hot under all the television lights. When the filming started it was a bit confusing, because there were a lot of time delays, but Gordon was a true professional and he talked us through everything. It was an amazing show, but I must confess that there were parts of it that felt like hell. Lydia and I were grating on each other’s nerves, although we were careful to adopt cheesy smiles for the cameras. I am useless at cooking and I kept making mistakes. I remember that I dropped the parsnips and nearly burned the stuffing! Gordon kept coming on screen to have a little bit of banter with us and ask how we were getting on.

  ‘Arg is useless!’ Debbie quipped.

  By the time we finished filming I was feeling shattered and I still had my headache. The best part of the day was gone by now and the kids had long since opened their presents. The magic of the occasion seemed to have vanished. I had sensed that something had been building up between Lydia and me since Christmas Eve and things finally came to head on Boxing Day evening. Lydia had her serious face on and part of me guessed what was coming next.

  ‘I just don’t think it’s working any more,’ she said. ‘I don’t think we should be together.’

  ‘But Lydia . . .’

  ‘No, James. We’ve tried and tried and we’re just not happy. It’s not the same any more. It’s just not working.’

  I was heartbroken but I knew she had a point. I agreed with everything Lydia said but I still loved her and didn’t want to lose her. She was the woman I’d imagined I would marry and have kids with. I shed some tears during our conversation, but I think we’d been through so many arguments by now that it didn’t really sink in. We’d already made plans that we would be together on New Year’s Eve, when I was due to sing at Nu Bar. For the sake of appearances, we agreed that we’d still go ahead with it, but after that we would go our separate ways. In fact, we ended up sleeping together on New Year’s Eve and, when we awoke on New Year’s Day, we agreed we’d go for one more final dinner together to say goodbye.

  ‘I don�
�t want to end on bad terms,’ said Lydia. ‘Let’s end it in an amicable way.’

  It was a weird feeling while I got ready for our last dinner. Part of me felt sick inside at the thought of saying farewell, but I also hoped that it was an opportunity for me to change Lydia’s mind. I got dressed up in my best suit and gelled my hair. I wanted to look good to give myself the best chance of winning her over. I arranged to pick Lydia up in a cab and we went to a restaurant in Loughton. She looked beautiful in a blue dress and I took a picture of her on my phone camera, which I still keep a copy of on my mobile today. Over dinner Lydia explained her position to me.

  ‘James, I’ll always love you,’ she said. ‘I’m not saying that in the future we can’t get back together because one day we might,’ she continued. ‘But at this moment in time it’s not working. I think you need to be single and I need to be single. We need to do other things in our life. We’re both still young.’

  I could feel the tears welling up within me.

  ‘Please, Lydia,’ I begged. ‘Are you sure we need to break up? Are you sure we can’t work this out? I love you and I don’t want to lose you.’

  ‘No, James. It has to be this way. We promised we’d finish things on a good note, so let’s not go over old ground.’

  I was on the verge of breaking down but I was aware that I was in a busy restaurant and didn’t want everybody to see me cry. I got up and left the table in order to go to the bathroom to compose myself. When I returned we spent the rest of the meal chatting about old times. As we spoke about all the close moments we’d shared over the years I could sense that Lydia was warming to me as the drink started to relax us both. We paid for the meal and, as we slipped into the back of the taxi, something unexpected happened.