by Jen Talty
“And my men are dead.”
“That’s not your fault,” she said, curling her fingers around his strong biceps. “You have to stop beating yourself up over this.”
He tilted her chin with his thumb and forefinger. “That’s not what this is about. I’d been having weird dreams about my dad since before this last mission. While I know my brothers always have my back, I felt like I couldn’t ask them. They have wives and children. That sense of loneliness crept in, only I didn’t know I was lonely until I met you and even then, I didn’t get it until my mother told me I was incapable of loving a woman.”
Kinsley bit down on her lower lip, trying not to burst into laughter.
“It’s not funny.”
“I just can’t picture your mother saying something like that. She thinks everyone should be in love. She’s almost as bad as my mother, only Catherine at least gets lust is not love.”
“And that’s where I’m confused.” He took a long, slow sip of his wine.
She opted to say nothing because she didn’t want to jump to any conclusion that might be wrong, and she wasn’t even sure how she felt, so best to let him finish his thought.
“I’ve never been in love. I had a few girlfriends in high school, and I dated one girl for like a year when I was at West Point, but she told me I had the emotional capacity of a two-year-old which now makes me laugh because my nieces and nephews are the most incredibly emotional beings ever.”
“Children wear their feelings on their sleeves. But I get what she meant.”
“I didn’t, but I do now. I honestly don’t know what I want anymore. In my dream that morning, you were running away from me, but I wasn’t chasing you. While I think you’re hot, what I feel is more than lust, but I don’t know if I can even go there, and I know you don’t want to.”
“Dylan,” she said, resting her hand on his thigh. “I don’t know either. You have a lot of things you need to work through right now, and I want to be there for you. I really do. But I have my own issues with love and trust and the fact you had the ability to hurt me so badly, that scared me.”
“So, what are we to do about all this? Because I really do want to see where this might lead.” He dropped his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes. “Did I just say that out loud?”
“Yep, you did.” She chugged her wine, then set the glass on the table. “You’re leaving in a couple of days and long distance, with deployments, don’t make for an easy go of it.”
“Nope. They don’t,” he blinked open his eyes. “And that brings us right back to where we started.” He stood, resting his hands on her hips. “I don’t think I can give up Delta Force.”
“And I wouldn’t ask you to because I don’t know if I’m capable of even giving myself to anyone completely. I’ve never been in love either, and I don’t know if I can open myself up that much.”
“I’m an asshole for wanting to spend the night anyway.”
“No. You’re not. But I’m not going to let you. I can’t do a long-distance thing with someone in the military no matter how much I care about them.”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “You’re still going to come tomorrow and sit with my family, right?”
She nodded.
He let out a long sigh and turned. “Good night, Kinsley.”
“Sleep well, Dylan.”
She watched him leave, holding back the tears. Oh, she knew she could open her heart to love because she loved him.
But he wasn’t ready to give up Delta Force, he even said so, and who the hell was she to ask him to anyway? She picked up her phone and did the unthinkable. “Hey, Siri, call Mom.”
It took only one ring.
“Hey, Kinsley. It’s late. Is everything okay?”
“No, Mom. It’s not.” She plopped back down on the sofa, shoving the wine away. That’s the last thing she needed. “I just saw Dylan.”
“Oh dear, what happened?”
When she’d kicked Dylan out of her house that morning, she ran right to her mother, who was having breakfast alone after surprisingly not spending the night with that man. Turns out, her mother was still madly in love with husband number seven and wanted him back in the worst way. She’d never seen her mother like that. They spent the day together, walking the beach, talking, and it was like she’d finally understood what her mother was all about.
Still a bit crazy, but their relationship had moved forward and during that day, she confided in her mother all that had happened with Dylan.
Well, most of it. She left out his nightmares. That wasn’t hers to tell.
“He wanted to apologize in person and I accepted it, but we still ended up with him going back to Delta Force, and I can’t do that, Mom. I just can’t. It was so hard when Daddy was on active duty and sometimes I wonder if he gave that up too soon to help raise me.”
“I know I wasn’t the best mother, and I could have done better but let me tell you something about your dad. He’d been talking about leaving the military for two years before he actually did it. Meeting the men who started Aegis made him realize he could do good somewhere else and be a better parent to you.”
Kinsley glanced out the window. Dylan had disappeared. “Mom, did you ever ask Dad to leave the military?”
“No. I never did, and he offered a few times.”
“Dylan didn’t offer,” she said quietly. “Maybe I shouldn’t go tomorrow.”
“Oh yes, you should. You go and stand with his family. You honor what he has done for this country, and you let him know that you care very much for him. You tell him how you feel and then you let things fall as they may. But, dear, by not telling him you love him, you’re not really giving him the full picture and how can he honestly know what he wants when he’s just as afraid as you are?”
“I hate it when you make sense.”
“Only happens once in a blue moon. I’ve got to pack.”
“Pack? Where are you going?”
“Home. We’re going to give it another go.”
“That’s wonderful, Mom. I love you.” She tapped the red button and set the phone on the table.
Would she be able to tell Dylan how she really felt?
What was the worst thing that could happen? He’d leave.
Well, he was doing that anyway.
It seemed like it took forever for him to make it back to his mother’s house. When he stepped inside, Ramey sat in the recliner with a passed out eighteen-month-old on his lap. “Tequila,” Ramey whispered. “Mind taking this little one to bed?”
“Not at all,” Tequila said as she rose from the sofa, scooping up her daughter. “Are you okay?” she asked, staring at Dylan.
“I will be.”
She nodded before disappearing into what used to be Nick and Logan’s room.
“I was kind of hoping we wouldn’t see you tonight,” Ramey said.
Dylan leaned against the wall between the family room and the kitchen. “I was kind of hoping that myself, but this time I think it’s more her, than me. Her mother’s been married like seven times and is divorcing this latest one.”
“I’ve heard about her mom, from Kinsley’s dad.”
“Well, Kinsley basically flat-out told me besides not wanting a long-distance thing with a military man, she doesn’t think she could ever open herself up to love.”
Ramey pushed the level on the chair and stood, facing his brother with his hands on his hips. “Have you considered she might be saying the latter because the former is what scares her, not love.”
“What?”
“You’re homeless and having quarters in Ft. Bragg is not a home. Living on the edge, you can’t do that forever, but you do have other options. I might not fly upside down as often as I used to, but I do get to occasionally jump out of a perfectly good airplane and some of the jobs we go on, as you know since you’ve helped out with a few, have their dangerous, adrenaline-packed moments that we all need every once in a while. We do have to travel, and tha
t’s often hard on the wives and the kids, but it’s not over two hundred days a year.”
“You’re suggesting I take a job with Aegis.”
“I think you should consider and I think you need to tell Kinsley how you really feel.”
Dylan blinked. His brain was having a hard time wrapping around that conversation and how it might go. He had six months left before he signed his re-enlistment papers. And what if it didn’t work out with Kinsley? What then? At least if he tried it while in Delta… “Thanks, but I’m staying in Delta Force.”
Chapter 15
“War is something many of us will never have to experience. We will see it on the news. Read about it in the papers. Hear stories from veterans. Many of these stories will tug at our hearts and rip our souls.”
Dylan listened to General Maxwell while seated with his brothers on a small stage. His mother, his brothers’ wives, their children, Kinsley, and a few other close family friends sat in front of the stage while a large crowd had gathered behind them. He could see old friends from high school. Teachers. Even his old baseball coach. He wanted to believe he deserved the honor, but part of him still felt like he’d failed his men.
Failed the mission.
Failed his father and brothers.
He pushed those negative thoughts out of his mind and focused on Kinsley. She made him feel different about things. If this had happened to anyone else, and they were getting these medals, he’d know they were deserving.
“We can empathize and sympathize with the families who have lost loves ones to war. We honor those who have died while serving this country in the name of liberty and freedom. But what about those men and women who survive? What about those men and women who fight next to those we don’t get to bring home? What about those men and women who show courage and bravery in the face of catastrophe? We don’t always hear about them. We hear about the successful missions and the courage men who lost their lives. But we don’t always hear about the one who made it back when his entire team had been captured behind enemy lines.”
Dylan had heard that earlier this morning, the president had given a statement about what had really happened. Well, not all of it, but enough that it might help give those families who lost someone closure.
“For the safety of our troops, we can’t always give details and perhaps, those details are often too devastating to fathom. Even I, a general in the Army, cannot truly understand or even imagine what Major Dylan James Sarich endured while being tortured in captivity.” General Maxwell glanced over his shoulder. “Two of Major Sarichs’ brothers have served under my command: former Sergeant Major Logan Michael Sarich and former Command Sergeant Major Nicolaus Emmerson Sarich. I gave the commencement speech at West Point, my alma mater, when former Captain Ramey Jordan Sarich graduated. I am here to tell you these are some of the finest men around and I ask Logan, Nick, and Ramey, as I have to come to know them, to please join me in honoring their brother.”
No one ever told Dylan that when you opened the emotional flood gates, there might be no shutting them. He quickly ran a finger across his cheeks.
These weren’t sad tears, though. He was proud of his brothers and they deserved to here after they had done while serving their country. A little chuckle echoed in the back of his day. Kinsley had been right about everything. He watched his brothers take their places next to the general with a sense of pride and awe.
A wave of never having to be alone coursed through his body like a runaway freight train.
General Maxwell handed a small box to Ramey and nodded to Dylan. He stood at attention.
“At ease,” the general said.
Dylan relaxed, but his heart raced as he stared at Kinsley, who held baby Emmerson in her arms.
“Major Sarich, it is with great honor and pride that I have been chosen to award you with the Medal of Honor, for your heroism in combat. It is not just this one mission that makes you deserving of this medal. It is all your years of service, risking your life day in and day out so that the citizens of the United States and sleep easy at night.”
Dylan stepped in front of General Maxwell while his brother opened the box and handed it to him.
The general handed another box to Ramey. “Today we not only honor your heroism for all your years of service but recognize how fragile life is. I cannot say that is with great pleasure that I award you the Purple Heart, for the life-threatening wounds you have suffered during combat, for I am humbled by your bravery. Your strength. Your courage. You are more than a good soldier. You are a good man and it has been an honor to serve with you. I want to personally thank you for your service and welcome you home.”
Ramey opened the box and handed it to Dylan.
“Thank you, sir,” Dylan said softly, his eyes filled with tears. The boxes felt overwhelmingly heavy in his hands. He stood next to his brothers, feeling like his knees might give out at any second.
“I want to thank everyone for coming,” General Maxwell said. “Today we celebrate our independence and because of men like Major Dylan James Sarich, we will continue to enjoy our freedom.”
The crowd erupted in cheers, but all Dylan wanted to do was to get the hell out of Dodge, but he knew that would be impossible. There were interviews lined up with a few local and national news crews. Nothing special. Nothing too fancy, but it would take a few hours.
After that, over to Kinsley’s to tell her he loved her. He wished he’d been able to do it this morning, but everyone kept getting in the way.
“I’m really kind of glad that’s over,” Dylan said as he followed his brothers off the stage.
“I love that I outranked Logan,” Nick said.
“Hey, I outrank all of you idiots,” Dylan said.
“Who would have thunk that Baby Dyl would surpass my rank,” Ramey said.
“Asshole,” Dylan muttered with a chuckle just as his mother came running up.
“I love that you were honored but if you ever go get yourself captured and tortured again, I will more than do this.” She reached up and yanked at his ear.
“Mom. Stop. It’s so embarrassing, especially in front of General Maxwell.”
“That’s how you keep these Sarich boys in line,” Leandra said as she took a crying Emmerson out of Kinsley’s hands.
“My mother used to do the same thing. Drove me nuts.” General Maxwell laughed. “Mrs. Sarich, you have an amazing family.”
“I will take all the credit, thank you very much,” she said with a smile.
Dylan laughed as he took a water from the table under the tent just off to the right of the stage, away from the crowd.
“It was a real honor to see all of you boys again. Amazing that I worked with each of you at different times.”
“Be glad you didn’t work with us all at once,” Logan said. “You think I was a smartass, the four of us on one mission using the same comms link, you’d have all our heads on that famous platter of yours.”
“I think the four of you all on the same team would be interestingly amazing.”
“As long as Ramey isn’t at the helm of a plane,” Tequila said. “I’m so much better, so that should be my job.”
“You must be Ramey’s wife. I’ve heard some stories about you from some of my buddies over at the Air Force Academy. You’re quite the little firecracker.”
“No, I’m the cracker,” Kayla yelled as she danced around her mother’s legs, her cousins chasing her.
“General, these are my other two daughters-in-law, Mia and Leandra,” his mother said.
“Oh, Mia, the computer hacker, right?” General Maxwell asked. “And Leandra, I’ve met your father a long time ago. Good man.”
“You sure do get around,” Dylan said with a smile. “See, I can be a smartass like my brother.”
“I used to tease him that he was too serious for his own good,” the general said. “And that joke needs work.”
“Yes, sir,” Dylan said as he hobbled two steps to his right, tugging at Ki
nsley’s arm, pulling her closer, even though she gave him a weird look and tried moving in the other direction. “General Maxwell, this is my friend, Kinsley. Her dad works with my brothers at Aegis.”
The general arched a brow. “It’s nice to meet you, Dylan’s friend, though you look awfully familiar.”
“Actually, I met you when I was three and a few times after that. My dad is retired Green Beret, Wesley Maron.”
“Holy shit. I really do get around. You’re little Kinsley Maron, the girl that analized everything right down to giving away a man’s tell in a game of poker. How the hell is your dad? I haven’t seen him since he left my command. I’m still holding a grudge and want a rematch.”
Kinsley smiled. “He still has that hundred-dollar bill hanging on his home office wall and still tells everyone how I kicked your ass in poker at the age of twelve.”
“Don’t let this girl near a poker table unless you want to lose your money, other than that, you picked a fine girl to have on your arm,” General Maxwell said, slapping Dylan on the back. “I best let you go. Those reporters over there are looking hungry.”
“Thanks for doing this. It meant a lot to me coming from you.” Dylan snapped to attention and saluted the general.
He saluted back. “I’ll see you around, kid.”
“We’ll see you at home,” his mother said, trying to help wrestle all the grandkids. “Kinsley, you can ride with me.”
“Give us one second, okay, Mom?”
“I’ll be at the car.”
“I should go,” Kinsley said, stepping back. “Stop by in the morning before you head for Bragg.”
“Wait. I need to talk to you. Can I stop by tonight?”
“You should be with your family.”
“Everyone but Ramey is staying at the Vanderlins’ and with kids, they will all be leaving by dark. Please. I really need to see you.”
“All right. But not if it’s going to be after ten.”
“Deal.” Without giving it much thought, he bent over and brushed his lips tenderly against hers, circling his arms around her waist.