The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Volume 01

by T. Smollett

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  THEIR FIRST ATTEMPT; WITH A DIGRESSION WHICH SOME READERS MAY THINKIMPERTINENT.

  Be this as it will, our lovers, though real voluptuaries, amidst thefirst transports of their enjoyment did not neglect the great politicalaim of their conjunction. Teresa's bedchamber, to which our heroconstantly repaired at midnight, was the scene of their deliberations,and there it was determined that the damsel, in order to avoid suspicion,should feign herself irritated at the indifference of Ferdinand, herpassion for whom was by this time no secret in the family; and that, witha view to countenance this affectation, he should upon all occasionstreat her with an air of loftiness and disdain.

  So screened from all imputation of fraud, she was furnished by him withartful instructions how to sound the inclinations of her young mistress,how to recommend his person and qualifications by the sure methods ofcontradiction, comparisons, revilings, and reproach; how to watch theparoxysms of her disposition, inflame her passions, and improve, for hisadvantage, those moments of frailty from which no woman is exempted. Inshort, this consummate politician taught his agent to poison the younglady's mind with insidious conversation, tending to inspire her with thelove of guilty pleasure, to debauch her sentiments, and confound herideas of dignity and virtue. After all, the task is not difficult tolead the unpractised heart astray, by dint of those opportunities herseducer possessed. The seeds of insinuation seasonably sown upon thewarm luxuriant soil of youth, could hardly fail of shooting up into suchintemperate desires as he wanted to produce, especially when cultured andcherished in her unguarded hours, by that stimulating discourse whichfamiliarity admits, and the looser passions, ingrafted in every breast,are apt to relish and excuse.

  Fathom had previously reconnoitred the ground, and discovered some marksof inflammability in Mademoiselle's constitution; her beauty was not suchas to engage her in those gaieties of amusement which could flatter hervanity and dissipate her ideas; and she was of an age when the littleloves and young desires take possession of the fancy; he thereforeconcluded, that she had the more leisure to indulge these enticing imagesof pleasure that youth never fails to create, particularly in those who,like her, were addicted to solitude and study.

  Teresa, full fraught with the wily injunctions of her confederate, tookthe field, and opened the campaign with such remarkable sourness in heraspect when Ferdinand appeared, that her young lady could not help takingnotice of her affected chagrin, and asked the reason of such apparentalteration in her way of thinking. Prepared for this question, the otherreplied, in a manner calculated for giving Mademoiselle to understand,that, whatever impressions Ferdinand might have formerly made on herheart, they were now altogether effaced by the pride and insolence withwhich he had received her advances; and that her breast now glowed withall the revenge of a slighted lover.

  To evince the sincerity of this declaration, she bitterly inveighedagainst him, and even affected to depreciate those talents, in which sheknew his chief merit to consist; hoping, by these means, to interestMademoiselle's candour in his defence. So far the train succeeded. Thatyoung lady's love for truth was offended at the calumnies that werevented against Ferdinand in his absence. She chid her woman for therancour of her remarks, and undertook to refute the articles of hisdispraise. Teresa supported her own assertions with great obstinacy, anda dispute ensued, in which her mistress was heated into some extravagantcommendations of our adventurer.

  His supposed enemy did not fail to make a report of her success, and tomagnify every advantage they had gained; believing, in good earnest, thather lady's warmth was the effect of a real passion for the fortunate Mr.Fathom. But he himself viewed the adventure in a different light, andrightly imputed the violence of Mademoiselle's behaviour to thecontradiction she had sustained from her maid, or to the fire of hernatural generosity glowing in behalf of innocence traduced.Nevertheless, he was perfectly well pleased with the nature of thecontest; because, in the course of such debates, he foresaw that heshould become habitually her hero, and that, in time, she would actuallybelieve those exaggerations of his merit, which she herself had feigned,for the honour of her own arguments.

  This presage, founded upon that principle of self-respect, without whichno individual exists, may certainly be justified by manifold occurrencesin life. We ourselves have known a very pregnant example, which we shallrelate, for the emolument of the reader. A certain needy author havingfound means to present a manuscript to one of those sons of fortune whoare dignified with the appellation of patrons, instead of reaping thatapplause and advantage with which he had regaled his fancy, had themortification to find his performance treated with infinite irreverenceand contempt, and, in high dudgeon and disappointment, appealed to thejudgment of another critic, who, he knew, had no veneration for thefirst.

  This common consolation, to which all baffled authors have recourse, wasproductive of very happy consequences to our bard; for, though theopinions of both judges concerning the piece were altogether the same,the latter, either out of compassion to the appellant, or desire ofrendering his rival ridiculous in the eye of taste, undertook to repairthe misfortune, and in this manner executed the plan. In a meeting ofliterati, to which both these wits belonged, he who had espoused thepoet's cause, having previously desired another member to bring hiscomposition on the carpet, no sooner heard it mentioned, than he began tocensure it with flagrant marks of scorn, and, with an ironical air,looking at its first condemner, observed, that he must be furiouslyinfected with the rage of patronising, who could take such a deplorableperformance into his protection. The sarcasm took effect.

  The person against whom it was levelled, taking umbrage at hispresumption, assumed an aspect of disdain, and replied with greatanimosity, that nothing was more easily supported than the character of aZoilus, because no production was altogether free from blemishes; and anyman might pronounce against any piece by the lump, without interestinghis own discernment; but to perceive the beauties of a work, it wasrequisite to have learning, judgment, and taste; and therefore he did notwonder that the gentleman had overlooked a great many in the compositionwhich he so contemptuously decried. A rejoinder succeeded this reply,and produced a long train of altercation, in which the gentleman, who hadformerly treated the book with such disrespect, now professed himself itspassionate admirer, and held forth in praise of it with great warmth andelocution.

  Not contented with having exhibited this instance of regard, he nextmorning sent a message to the owner, importing, that he had butsuperficially glanced over the manuscript, and desiring the favour ofperusing it a second time. Being indulged in this request, herecommended it in terms of rapture to all his friends and dependants,and, by dint of unwearied solicitation, procured a very amplesubscription for the author.

  But, to resume the thread of our story. Teresa's practices were notconfined to simple defamation. Her reproaches were contrived so as toimply some intelligence in favour of the person she reviled. Inexemplifying his pertness and arrogance, she repeated his witty repartee;on pretence of blaming his ferocity, she recounted proofs of his spiritand prowess; and, in explaining the source of his vanity, gave hermistress to understand, that a certain young lady of fashion was said tobe enamoured of his person. Nor did this well-instructed understrapperomit those other parts of her cue which the principal judged necessaryfor the furtherance of his scheme. Her conversation became less guarded,and took a freer turn than usual; she seized all opportunities ofintroducing little amorous stories, the greatest part of which wereinvented for the purposes of warming her passions, and lowering the priceof chastity in her esteem; for she represented all the young lady'scontemporaries in point of age and situation, as so many sensualists,who, without scruple, indulged themselves in the stolen pleasures ofyouth.

  Meanwhile, Ferdinand seconded these endeavours with his whole industryand address. He redoubled, if possible, his deference and respect,whetting his assiduity to the keenest edge of attention; and, in short,regulated his d
ress, conversation, and deportment, according to thefancy, turn, and prevailing humour of his young mistress. He, moreover,attempted to profit by her curiosity, which he knew to be truly feminine;and having culled from the library of his patron certain dangerous books,calculated to debauch the minds of young people, left them occasionallyupon the table in his apartment, after having directed Teresa to pickthem up, as if by accident, in his absence, and carry them off for theentertainment of Mademoiselle; nay, this crafty projector found means tofurnish his associate with some mischievous preparations, which weremingled in her chocolate, tea, or coffee, as provocations to warm herconstitution; yet all these machinations, ingenious as they were, failed,not only in fulfilling their aim, but even in shaking the foundations ofher virtue or pride, which stood their assaults unmoved, like a strongtower built upon a rock, impregnable to all the tempestuous blasts ofheaven.

  Not but that the conspirators were more than once mistaken in the effectsof their artifices, and disposed to applaud themselves on the progressthey had made. When at any time she expressed a desire to examine thoseperformances which were laid before her as snares to entrap her chastity,they attributed that, which was no other than curiosity, to a loosenessof sentiment; and when she discovered no aversion to hear those anecdotesconcerning the frailty of her neighbours, they imputed to abatement ofchastity that satisfaction which was the result of self-congratulation onher own superior virtue.

  So far did the treacherous accomplice of Fathom presume upon thesemisconstructions, that she at length divested her tongue of allrestraint, and behaved in such a manner, that the young lady, confoundedand incensed at her indecency and impudence, rebuked her with greatseverity, and commanded her to reform her discourse, on pain of beingdismissed with disgrace from her service.