A Little Side of Geek

by Marguerite Labbe

  “You’re not going to suggest maybe I shouldn’t wear them outside of the house?” Lincoln asked in disbelief.

  “Nope.” Theo eyeballed the ridiculous socks again. “Those things are awesome.”

  Lincoln’s frown deepened, but he looked more confused than distressed. “But aren’t they geeky?”

  “Hell yeah they’re geeky.” Theo drained his cup and quickly washed it. “The real question is, do they make you happy?”

  “Yeah.” Lincoln glanced down at the socks again, admiring the cloth fins sticking out. “They are awesome.”

  “That they are. You have balls of steel, bro. I admire that.” Theo could not imagine walking around in anything like that. He’d feel like an absolute idiot. The funny thing was, he didn’t have one qualm at all about being seen with someone else wearing them. Each to their own. “You worry entirely too much about whether or not I’ll find something to be too geeky.”

  Lincoln beamed at him, his shoulders straightening. “I guess I expected you to tell me to change before we went out. Like the suggestions you used to give me before school last year.”

  Theo went to stand before his brother. “Last year I didn’t want anything else stressing you out. You have enough on your shoulders already, and high school can be rough. Being a teenager can be rough. I didn’t want you to do anything that might make you be singled out even more. But in doing so, I probably stressed you out, so I was wrong.”

  “You were?” Lincoln stared at him, mystified.

  Theo nodded. “You’ve got to be your own person. Not my version of you, or Jill’s, or our mom and dad’s ideal. You’ve got to be Lincoln, and Lincoln’s a geek. So be a proud geek. That’s something I learned from Morris. He is unapologetically himself, and he’s not afraid to show off what he’s into. I admire that about him, and I see the same quality in you when I’m not being an idiot about it.”

  Lincoln looked at him wordlessly a moment, then quickly hugged him and made a beeline for his room, moving at a gallop. Theo stared after him, analyzing the conversation. He wasn’t sure he’d ever entirely understand Lincoln, but for the first time in a long time, Theo felt like he’d done right by him.

  “I hope you’re heading for the car,” he called out after him. “Remember, I promised a bribe.” He scooped the keys off the counter, and his phone dinged with Morris’s message tone. Theo winced. He was a bad, bad boyfriend. He’d promised to clear his schedule today, and here he was already running out the door. He brought up the message and grinned. Somebody was definitely awake and grumpy about it.

  Your brother’s a skinny twerp. How come he sounds like a herd of elephants in the morning?

  Theo began typing back as he heard Lincoln moving about his bedroom. At least he doesn’t have his saxophone.

  No, he saves that for special occasions. Lincoln bounded back into the living room, and a moment later, Theo’s phone dinged again. Like now. What’s got him so excited?

  Blame yourself, he’s powered up by blue animal socks.

  Ha!

  Running to the market. I’ll be back soon. Want to come along? Start the day off with a little shopping? I’ll even offer you the same bribe I’m offering Lincoln. He hit Send as Lincoln ran in circles around the living room. A day of working a comic book convention had seriously energized him.

  “Can’t find your sneakers, can you?” Theo called with a laugh. “Check under the couch. I think you kicked them there last night.”

  Better be one hell of a bribe.

  How about hot fresh donuts and the best coffee in So. MD?

  You know a man’s weakness. I’ll be up.

  Theo didn’t feel so guilty anymore. He shoved the phone into his pocket. He could throw a load of laundry in now while he was waiting for Morris, and then he’d be halfway done. As he came into the living room, he saw Lincoln staring at the family photos they’d set up on a little étagère. Theo’s heart twisted at the wistful look on Lincoln’s face. He often found himself doing the very same thing, standing right there, picking up each photo one by one.

  Theo glanced at the picture Morris gave him, at the joy on the little girl’s face. Sometimes looking at it really helped to remind him life went on. Sometimes when Lincoln had that look on his face, it was a little harder to believe.

  “Theo, don’t you miss Mom and Dad?” Lincoln asked in a soft voice, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts.

  The ache that hit this time was swift and penetrating, knocking against the healing wound. Theo swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Every day… every damn day, Lincoln,” he said roughly. “I miss Dustin and Robin too.”

  Lincoln looked over his shoulder at him, searching Theo’s face. He seemed to be struggling with something, his eyes agonized, and it wrenched at Theo because he felt it too, and it wasn’t something he wanted his baby brother to have to deal with. It made him feel so damned helpless, and Theo hated to feel helpless.

  Then he replayed Lincoln’s words and paired it with his tone. “You don’t think I miss them?”

  “You don’t ever seem all that upset. Not like the rest of us were… are.” Lincoln bit his lip. “I mean, I know you were upset, but you never showed it, and you don’t talk about them a lot.”

  “Linc….” Theo dragged his hands through his hair. Did he really not talk about them? That’s not what he wanted. He wanted to remember them. He wanted to talk about the good times, and he never wanted Lincoln to think he couldn’t talk about them. “You ever been afraid that if you let yourself fall apart you might never be able to put yourself back together again?”

  Lincoln’s eyes widened, and he shook his head.

  “That’s how I felt. Like if I let go, I’d end up like Humpty Dumpty.” He still sometimes felt that way, and it scared the hell out of him because if he fell apart, who would take care of Lincoln, the restaurant? He didn’t want it all landing on Jill’s shoulders even though she had Craig’s full support.

  “And as much as it hurts for me, I’ve always figured it had to be worse for you,” Theo continued as Lincoln gave him his full attention. “I was an adult with my own life, my own place. You had every expectation of having your parents around until you became an adult too. I didn’t want you to have to deal with a wreck of a brother on top of it.”

  Tears welled in Lincoln’s eyes and he looked away, dashing his hand across his face. “It’s just… I get mad sometimes. I get mad at them for dying, and I get mad at you for not being mad at them, and then I get mad at myself for being mad because it’s stupid to get mad.”

  Theo gently squeezed Lincoln’s shoulder. “Me too, Linc, me too. And I get mad at Dustin and Robin for deserting us, and I get mad at Jill for moving on with her life. You’re not the only one who gets mad.”

  “Yeah,” Lincoln said softly. “Sometimes it’s like she’s looking to replace our family. You too with Morris. That’s stupid, huh?”

  “No.” Theo blinked back the stinging in his eyes. “But I’m not trying to replace them. Neither is Jill. If Mom and Dad were still here, I know they’d be ecstatic over a granddaughter and happy I’ve found someone like Morris.” Someone he could lean on, who he could partner with, and who left him feeling less alone.

  Lincoln looked at him again, his eyes worried. “Theo, can I ask you something?”

  Theo steeled himself for some difficult questions he wasn’t sure he had the answers to. He was still trying to figure out his future with Morris. All he knew for sure was he wanted a future. “Yeah.”

  Lincoln carefully set down the picture he was holding. “After the funeral, what did you and Robin and Dustin fight about?”

  “What?” Theo stared at Lincoln in momentary incomprehension. That was not a question Theo had been prepared for. He sank down on the couch as Lincoln turned to face him.

  Lincoln jutted his chin out at a stubborn angle. “I know you did. I saw you arguing.”

  Theo went back to that terrible day. It had already been hard enough, but
when Robin and Dustin confronted him, it became so much worse. He often replayed it in his mind, wondering what he could’ve done that would’ve brought about a different outcome, and he came up with nothing every time. He looked up at Lincoln, who watched him in expectation.

  “Yeah, we did.” Theo leaned his elbows on his knees, his heart heavy. “They blame me, Linc, for Mom and Dad.” And the truth was, deep down, Theo blamed himself too.

  Lincoln stared at him, eyes round with disbelief. “Dad had cancer. How was that your fault?”

  “They felt that if Mom hadn’t died, Dad would’ve found the strength to pull through. They think I devoted too much time to the bistro and I should’ve taken off more to take over for her at the hospital. I should’ve driven Mom home that night.” Theo also agreed with that. If he could go back, he would’ve insisted on leaving to go get her.

  “But you and Jill took turns being at the hospital,” Lincoln said in a bewildered voice. “And you took turns taking care of me. Most nights it was one of you two.”

  “They didn’t see that. They were at school, and when they came home, both Jill and I worked to give them time with Mom and Dad, and to keep from wearing Dad out by all of us being there at once.” Theo had hoped time would give them a clearer perspective, but so far, it hadn’t happened.

  Lincoln sat on the floor and folded his arms around his knobby knees. “Dad wasn’t going to get better. That’s what the doctors said. Mom explained it to me. I remember I kept thinking if I behaved and didn’t make him mad, he’d get better. I think I scared her because I wasn’t making a sound whenever I visited Dad. She said it was too late for him to get better, and we should be ourselves and enjoy our time together.”

  Theo nodded. “No, he wasn’t getting better. The cancer was everywhere.”

  “I don’t understand,” Lincoln said with bewilderment. “How come they think it’s your fault?”

  “Jill and I knew how tired Mom was, which is why we urged her to go home and sleep.” She never would’ve left if they hadn’t made such a fuss. Theo chafed his hands together as he remembered how worn she’d looked. She’d been losing weight, and they were concerned she’d make herself sick too.

  “We wanted to come get her. She was so damned independent. But she didn’t want me to leave the restaurant or Jill to leave you.” The medical bills had been piling up, and she’d been so worried about how they were going to cover it all. Still, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference if they’d called someone in to cover for him while he got his mom. Hell, Scottie would’ve volunteered.

  “So we let her come home alone and she had the accident.”

  Lincoln frowned fiercely and he wouldn’t meet Theo’s eyes. “Is there anything else?” Theo wished he knew what he was thinking. He wouldn’t blame Lincoln if he agreed with Dustin and Robin, but he didn’t want a wedge between him and another sibling.

  Theo hesitated and then decided Lincoln deserved the whole truth since it concerned him. “They didn’t want me to be your guardian. They figured if I was so careless about Mom and Dad, I’d be just as careless about you. I didn’t fight them on the rest. I figured there was an element of truth to what they said. But I dug in my heels about you, Linc. I wasn’t going to take the chance you’d wind up in Kentucky with Aunt Patti. You belong with me and Jill.”

  “Bullshit. Bullshit!” Lincoln’s eyes flashed with outrage. “If they cared about me, they’d be here. They’d check in on me, but they don’t, at least not very often. So don’t you dare believe them. It was not your fault. And they never asked me what I wanted. You and Jill did. I didn’t want to go to Kentucky. I wanted to stay here.”

  “I thought you talked to them online,” Theo said with a frown. It was one thing to ignore him, but come on, Lincoln had done nothing to deserve their distance.

  “Liking my posts doesn’t count as communication,” Lincoln said with a derisive snort. “Five-minute calls on holidays don’t either. And neither do random texts. That’s not enough.”

  Theo did not want friction between Lincoln and his aloof siblings. And he definitely did not want sides taken either. “I appreciate the support, and on one hand I agree with you. Despite how they felt about me, they should’ve checked in on you.” The only time Theo heard from them was when they needed something, usually through Jill. “But I don’t want this to be a new fight, okay?”

  Lincoln’s mouth settled in a pissy line. “Hard to fight with someone who’s never here.”

  Theo felt the truth of that in every line of his aching soul. “True, but I’m still hoping they’ll come around. Maybe when their niece shows up they’ll rethink things.” This had to come to an end. If he had to swallow his pride and go see them and beg them to let Lincoln and Jill back into their lives, he would.

  The front door opened and Morris stuck his head in. “Hey, guys.” He glanced at Theo, and Lincoln, then straightened. “Am I interrupting? I can come back.”

  “No,” Lincoln said quickly before Theo could suggest Morris give them another twenty minutes. “We were just talking. We should hit the market before all the good stuff is gone.”

  Lincoln stood up and dusted his seat off. Morris stared after Lincoln as he brushed by him and then glanced at Theo. “Dude, I’m sorry. I thought we were heading out.”

  “Don’t be.” Theo scraped a hand through his hair. He couldn’t decide if that conversation had been a good thing or not. “We were.”

  “Do you want to tell me about it?” Morris asked with a worried expression.

  “I will later.” Theo stood up and offered Morris a smile. “Lincoln’s right. We’d better hit the market and the promised bribe.”

  The drive to the bistro to pick up the truck and then on to the market was quiet. Theo was still trying to digest his conversation with Lincoln, who sat in apparent unconcern as he played a game on his phone. Morris kept stealing little glances at him as Theo gradually relaxed. If Lincoln were upset with him, he’d know it by now.

  “So how long have you been going to this market?” Morris asked as they pulled in. “Damn, it’s huge.”

  “It’s got everything,” Theo said, maneuvering the truck around haphazardly parked cars and pedestrians who were paying no attention to moving vehicles. “Produce, Amish goods, that little building there has a first-rate butcher, and the fish market. I couldn’t even tell you how long I’ve been going here.”

  “Mom and Dad used to take turns bringing us. Theo’s probably been looking for ingredients here since he could walk,” Lincoln said, shoving his phone in his pocket as Theo pulled up behind the market and parked by a back door. “I’ll scout out the veggies. The fish market stinks.”

  “Where are the donuts and coffee?” Morris peered over at the long pavilions and the stands contained within them. “I can smell fried goodness.”

  Theo laughed and pointed toward the line. “There’s also a stand that does a really kickass sausage and peppers. We can bring some back for our day of idleness and debauchery.”

  “If we’re doing it right, we’re not exactly being idle, now are we?” Morris said, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smile.

  “Uh gross, sex talk.” Lincoln made a face at Theo. “See you later.” He headed off into the first pavilion, the socks covering his calves drawing more than one eye.

  Theo gestured to them. “Lincoln told me you bought those for him.”

  “Oh yeah.” Morris grinned as they turned toward the meat and fish market. “When I saw them, they screamed Lincoln.”

  “Good call. He was preening in them this morning.” Theo opened the door and was hit with a wave of air-conditioning as he motioned for Morris to go ahead. “Look, I’m sorry about earlier. If I’d known Lincoln wanted a heart-to-heart, I would’ve given you a heads-up.”

  Understanding lit up Morris’s eyes. He gave Theo a searching look as he entered. “How are you?”

  “Okay, I think.” Theo gave him a rueful smile. He headed for the fish counter first and stuck his
thumbs through the loops of his jeans as he studied the offerings nestled on ice. “It started off because of the socks. I think I made Lincoln’s day with my reaction. Would you look at those oysters?” He eyeballed the price and made swift calculations in his head. They’d do oyster stew for the soup special and speckled trout for the fish. They hadn’t done trout in a long while. That would be a hit.

  “Ever notice that oysters look like a pile of fleshy rocks?” Morris observed as Theo stepped forward to place his order.

  “There’s something wrong with you, man.” Theo grinned at the woman behind the counter. “Hey, Terry, how’s it going?”

  A smile warmed the woman’s eyes as she grabbed a notepad and calculator. “Theo, good to see you again. Who’s that with you? New cook?”

  Theo threw a mischievous smile at Morris. “That is the love of my life. I’m giving him a feel for my world before he comes to his senses and flees screaming. Morris, meet Terry. She runs this counter. I terrorize her world every other day.”

  “Truth. You and Scottie always run off with my freshest items first thing in the morning and then try to charm me into charging less.” She shook a pen at Theo and smiled at Morris. “How’s your sister?”

  “Fat and impatient.” Theo smiled at Morris’s snicker. “I’ve got the truck parked out back, ready to be filled.”

  “I dare you to say that to her face,” Terry said with a shake of her head. She pointed to a couple of young men in the back. “Okay, those two will help you load. They can get started while you’re at the butcher. What’s the damage going to be today?”

  Theo gave her the order, argued good-naturedly about the price, and turned toward the butcher’s counter, rubbing his hands together. “You are way too excited after the money you just dropped,” Morris said. “Aren’t you having heart palpitations?”

  “Nope.” Theo knew the specials would do well. “Though I’ll admit when Jill first started handling the bills, she would have minor meltdowns.”