Cruel Abandon

by S. Massery

  I shiver, still in my coat. The sandwich sits heavy in my stomach.

  It’s only my foolhardiness keeping me away from the apartment. It could be a test for Liam to see if he really cares.

  Or… I don’t know.

  I’m sick of people, Halloween, and dead girls.

  22

  Liam

  “Sky?”

  I thought I heard a door close, but I had naively assumed it was Sky’s door. And because of that assumption, I wasn’t in a hurry. I took my time rinsing the day off my skin in the shower, then getting dressed in my room—and fighting the urge to think about Sky in the other room.

  But now, the apartment is silent, and I can’t recall how long ago that door closed.

  Why would she leave? Am I that much of a monster that she couldn’t stay?

  I check the bathroom, living room, and finally the spare room, newly minted as hers. There are a few boxes along one wall. The bed is made, but I’m pretty sure that was Sky’s mom. I saw the way she left her bed, and it was never this neat.

  The closet is open. I scope it out, running my finger across the sleeves. Pretty shirts in a variety of dark colors, most of them shades of black and gray. She certainly has a unique style, I’ll give her credit for that. She probably transformed to get away from the girl she once was.

  But actually… she’s done that once before.

  It was subtler back then, and it was only noticeable when she wasn’t around her parents. She was The Great Pretender in my head, the plastic girl next door. It was only an illusion, though, and I quickly figured out a way to see through it. Once I cracked the code, it was easy.

  She says she hates masks, but she’s only just learned how to take off her own.

  I rub at my face. We used to have a connection, but I’m afraid our actions have frayed it. It’s a gaping wound.

  Leaving the closet, I peek in the boxes, then at the window. She’s lined up her little plants on the sill in a row, but her vibrator is not in sight.

  Pure curiosity overrides my concern that she’s disappeared, and I rifle through her drawers until I find it. I just want to know where it is… and maybe see if I can elicit that pretty blush to her cheeks again.

  “Focus,” I tell myself. I put the vibrator back.

  I should’ve kept my eye on her—of course she’d be dumb enough to leave. Does she even know it’s Halloween? Her fear of the holiday has been a long-standing thing, living under her skin. It’s more than just the day: it’s the masks, the costumes.

  It probably brings back memories.

  Memories. Maybe tonight is as good a night as any to try to retrieve them. It’s only a matter of time before another girl goes missing.

  I grab my keys and coat, then freeze. “Fucking hell.”

  She doesn’t have keys.

  Even if she wanted to come back, she couldn’t make it past the front door.

  I race outside and stop short. She probably had much the same reaction, because the street is a main thoroughfare from campus to frat row.

  There are a few fraternities around the corner. Their music is already loud, and it assaults my ears. If I had no idea what Sky was about, I’d go in that direction. Any girl would’ve been swept toward the party.

  Not her.

  But what brought her outside in the first place? Sheer desperation to get away from me?

  “Hey, jackass. What the fuck?”

  My brows lower, and I finally spot the accuser: Mitchel Norton.

  Ah.

  Well, if he lured her outside, she sure isn’t with him now.

  “Can I help you?” I ask, trying not to grimace. I mean, I’ve been a jerk, as he’s already pointed out, but that doesn’t mean… No, fuck that. I just need to know if he saw Sky.

  “You’re acting like a fucking caveman,” he seethes.

  I shrug. “Not sure what you’re talking about.”

  He steps into my space. He’s an inch or two shorter, and a whole lot muscled. I pushed him around last time, but I should know better than most that appearances can be deceiving.

  “You’re Skylar’s new roommate, right? I was going over it in my head, but there’s no way someone else would have her. She’s been an outcast since freshman year—”

  I fist the front of his shirt, and he snaps his mouth shut.

  “We’ve had this song and dance before, Norton,” I say softly. “When will you get the hint and leave her alone?”

  He sneers. “Because she’ll realize what a psycho you are—”

  “I’m assuming she’s already written you off, if you’re here berating me.”

  “I made a mistake and told her I’d searched her name on the internet. She seemed confused about the weird shit that popped up—”

  I jerk him toward me, until our faces are too close for comfort. His, anyway. I’m ready to bite his nose off. The unexpected anger is hard to swallow down. It burns through me, lightning quick. Daring me to do something to this little prick.

  The truth of the matter is that Sky’s past was heavily covered by the media.

  Her parents blocked any search results for her name in case she got curious, but that probably only applied to Sky’s computers. And this bastard is about to ruin everything.

  “I have something important to say, Norton. Are you listening?”

  He eyes me, blanching. Frantically, he nods.

  “If you breathe a word of what you’ve found to anyone, I will find you. I’ll hunt you down. I’ll cut off every one of your fingers and force-feed them to you, then carve you up like a pig. And when I’m done, not even your precious mommy will recognize you.”

  I uncurl my fingers and make a show of patting smooth his shirt.

  “Now,” I say. “Where the fuck did you leave Sky?”

  When he doesn’t answer, I slip my hand into his coat and retrieve his phone. On the inside, he’s a coward. He doesn’t do anything to stop me but watches blankly as I unlock it and pull up his conversation with Sky.

  He doesn’t have any idea about her, but what the fuck was she thinking?

  A costume party?

  “I met her a block from here,” he says suddenly. “And then she freaked out and ran away.”

  “When?”

  “A-a half hour ago. Maybe more.”

  I narrow my eyes at him, and he automatically takes a step back. Then two. Before he bolts completely, I toss his phone back to him and walk away. It’d be that or deck him, and I’m not sure I could survive that publicity.

  She’d go somewhere safe… which means the school. Normally I’d assume her apartment, but I think her mother took the keys. There’s nothing left there, anyway.

  I ignore the way my heart is pounding. I don’t freak out—ever. Okay, once or twice I’ve panicked, but it generally isn’t in my wheelhouse of emotions. I don’t even know if this is panic, but an elephant is sitting on my chest.

  I get to campus in record time and stop at the edge of the quad. It’s framed in by the four main buildings, with residence halls on one side. There are a lot of students out, heading for the exits. Every single one of them has something ridiculous on.

  “Hey, Morrison!”

  I locate RJ in the crowd. He’s painted bronze, with sheets wrapped around his body and knotted at his shoulders.

  “What’s up, man?” he calls, bumping my fist. “You partying with us tonight?”

  I shake my head once. Theo already asked if I wanted to join him for a party, but that was before I pulled babysitting duty. Or, I could’ve gone… if Sky stayed in the fucking apartment.

  “Just looking for someone.”

  He cocks his head. “Who do you like enough to go hunting for them?”

  I stay silent. He still harbors a grudge against Sky. I thought I did, too, but it’s been slowly fading. The anger I’ve kept inside these past two years, as I fought in the proverbial sense to keep my ass in this school, is lessening.

  It could be that it’s senior year, and only one sem
ester separates me from graduation.

  Let’s not talk about what I’m going to do beyond graduation. Eli went and joined the police academy—a creative decision on his part, but probably not for me—and Caleb is graduating with his business degree. Theo’s major is political science. Don’t ask me what he’s going to do with that shit.

  Still, it weighs on me. My major is psychology, and it’s a real mind fuck. Do I seem like the therapist type?

  Nope.

  Yet here I am, studying the human mind.

  And I can’t seem to figure out Skylar’s.

  “Dude.” RJ hits my shoulder. “You gonna answer me or just stare around like a lost puppy?”

  I scowl. “Suck my dick, RJ.”

  He shrugs, then smirks. “Hey, keep your phone close tonight. I know you said you weren’t gonna do it anymore, but this is important. We don’t get nearly as big of a crowd when you don’t show.”

  I resist the urge to perk up. Fighters are often notified at the same time as everyone else on the list for a Howl invitation, and it can be competitive if more than a handful of fighters show up. But the more people, the more money there is to win.

  But I can’t go—I won’t. I have the cash from Skylar’s mom shoved under my mattress, and that should keep me cozy for a while.

  But nothing lasts forever.

  I nod sharply. “I’ll think about it.”

  RJ shrugs. “Okay. But don’t think too long… You know how Colt is. He loves his pressure points.”

  I do know that. I also know he’s never had anything on me… but I’ve seen him manipulate people. Other fighters, girls. Colt has an edge to him and a recklessness that makes him quick to anger.

  Anyway, Colt’s version of peer pressure is probably threatening to resurface that wretched video.

  RJ jogs off, back to the group he left, and I scan the campus.

  If I were Sky…

  Obviously not the residence halls. I doubt she knows anyone there.

  And not the buildings with classrooms and administrative offices—those would be closed at this time of night.

  Which leaves the student center. The first floor is the dining hall and gym, and the second is a lounge, and the third has more offices and classrooms. It takes me a few minutes to bribe the dining hall attendant to let me in without swiping my card, but it’s in vain. The place is just about empty, and no one with Sky’s gray hair.

  The gym… ha, I wouldn’t have guessed. But it makes me feel better to check something else off the list. The only other place would be the second floor.

  I head in that direction and hurry up the stairs. The whole building is almost deserted, with only a few students studying or sitting with friends.

  But… no Sky.

  I circle the place twice, sure that I would’ve guessed correctly.

  My phone rings, and Sky’s name is on my screen.

  If she’s back at the apartment, finally caving and waiting for me to let her back in, I’ll kill her.

  But when I answer, it isn’t her voice on the other end of the line.

  23

  Sky

  Someone drops into the chair beside me.

  “Hey,” Taryn says, grinning at me. “Happy Halloween.”

  “Happy Halloween,” I echo. “What are you doing?”

  “We saw you come up here.” Taryn motions behind us.

  I follow her gaze to a girl and guy, immediately recognizing the latter. Jeff is in all silver, carrying a little can.

  “Tin Man?” I ask Taryn.

  “Indeed.” She frowns. “I think Nat was supposed to go as Dorothy.”

  I wince. “That’s…”

  “I feel bad for him,” she says. “He’s sort of lost without her. He’s smart, don’t get me wrong. But she gave him a good direction to go in.”

  “Where are you guys going?” I have no desire to go to a party, but I’m curious. I twist around and focus more fully on the girl he’s with. She’s familiar—one of Whitney and Natalie’s friends, I’m sure—but I can’t recall her name. She wears her long dark hair in two braids, barely any makeup, and a black button-up dress with a white collar. Wednesday Addams.

  It brings a smile to my face. Maybe not the most original costume, but Wednesday’s darkness speaks to my heart.

  She glances over at us and waves.

  Huh.

  “See?” Taryn nudges me. “No one hates you or anything.”

  I roll my eyes. “Right.”

  “Anyway, I think it’s one of the parties over at Lenox Bluff University. Do you want to come?”

  “No, thanks.”

  She takes my hand. “Skylar.”

  “Taryn,” I parrot.

  “I realize that Halloween isn’t your thing, but no one would care that you’re not in a costume. I think we can hunt down some white paint and say you’re a zombie or ghost…” She grins. “What are you wearing under that?”

  I pull at Liam’s sweatshirt. I can’t believe I picked this to go outside in. In public. On campus. The white lettering of Ashburn College Athletics stands out almost too brightly against the black fabric. Beneath it is a white tank top, and I’m pretty sure a black lace bralette.

  When I tell Taryn that, she grins. “Perfect, you can go as a cheerleader. Can we mess with…” She motions to my face.

  I frown, then nod.

  Gothic cheerleader… sure.

  I pull off the sweatshirt and keep it in my lap as she messes with my hair, runs her fingers under my eyes carefully, and finally turns her attention to my shirt. She knots it high, showing off my stomach.

  My stomach, which is currently full of snakes. It’s the anxiety of going to a party, compounding with Halloween.

  But Taryn is nice. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

  While she’s focused on my outfit, I try to piece together what Taryn’s costume is. Her hair is in two high ponytails, and her outfit is crazy electric blue and pink. It seems familiar, but I can’t place it.

  I focus on my breathing until Taryn tells me I’m all set.

  A second later, I’m hit with a flash. I blink away the white spots and glance at her phone.

  Yeah… I’m not sure how she managed to make me seem normal, especially with the gray hair. She put it up into two space buns, tamed my crazy eyeliner, and the white tank and black leggings actually look like I chose them on purpose.

  Not bad.

  Actually, decent.

  “Okay. Guys! Skylar is going to join us.” She pulls me up and takes the sweatshirt from me, looping it around my hips and tying it. “Just ignore the cold.”

  I snort. “Right.” Wasn’t I just admonishing those girls in my head?

  I was one of them, and now I’ve found myself back in those shoes again. Yet I hate to admit that the high school queen bee at Emery-Rose broke a piece of me. The part that thought I could be cool or fit in.

  Senior year was rough, my freshman year of college was rougher, and it’s been downhill since then.

  I let out a sigh and follow them to the elevator.

  “This is Willa, by the way,” Taryn says to me. “Willa, Skylar. I don’t think you guys have met? Willa is a commuter from Woburn.”

  She grins and extends her hand. “Willa from Woburn. I haven’t been able to live that one down.”

  “People love alliteration,” I say.

  “Like Slutty Skylar,” Jeff mumbles behind us.

  I stiffen, and heat rushes to my cheeks.

  “Not cool,” Taryn snaps. “Jeff the Jerk.”

  Willa snorts. “Fitting.”

  “Sorry” Jeff tugs on my sleeve. “Just a habit.”

  I shake him loose. “All that confirms is that Natalie and Whitney talked about me behind my back.” A pit forms in my stomach. I should’ve suspected it—Whitney’s last confession basically confirmed it. They were just pretending to be my friends.

  What does that mean for Taryn?

  “So, LBU?” I say, referring to the university we
’re headed toward. I’d say anything to try to get us out of the weird, uncomfortable lull. “Who do you know there?”

  “Some guys I went to high school with,” Willa supplies. “It’s one of those schools that all the rich kids get into, you know? So of course, I picked here.”

  Taryn laughs. “And lucky you did, because you met us.”

  We set off across campus. The bite in the air is a lot sharper now, wind whipping between the buildings.

  “We should call a car,” Willa suggests. “Or we’ll be popsicles by the time we get there.”

  We all nod, and Taryn opens the app to do so.

  I lean in. “I can’t figure out your costume,” I admit to her.

  She grins. “Zenon, girl of the twenty-first century? Kind of obscure, I guess, but if the shoe fits…”

  This is why I hate Halloween. It’s so awkward asking what people have dressed up as, and if they’ll take offense.

  Jeff chuckles. “We won’t be able to lose her, at least.”

  “Have you been over to LBU yet, Skylar?” Willa asks. “The parties get a little intense.”

  I swallow and shake my head. “I’m afraid I don’t know much about them.”

  Everyone’s heard of LBU’s legendary parties, but attempts by Ashburn students to sneak over usually resulted in failure. Unless you were one of the popular girls and had a connection. I wouldn’t have made that association with Willa in her Wednesday Addams costume, but as Taryn said: if the shoe fits…

  “What year are you?” Willa asks me. “I transferred in this semester from community college. I’m still trying to meet people.”

  “Junior. So, I guess same as you if you’re graduating next year?”

  She beams. “Cool.”

  The car pulls up, and we all slide into the back. Jeff climbs in the front and immediately asks to change the radio station.

  Taryn groans. “I don’t know why we keep him around,” she whispers to me. “I just feel bad. He’s not an awful guy. The opposite, actually, but…”