In My Bed

  When he comes back into my room, he’s wearing the same clothes, but he somehow looks better than he did before he showered. His hair is wet, the strands clumping together he rubs the towel over his head. And the smile on his face is making me melt.

  He leans in to kiss me and it’s a very demanding kiss. His tongue sweeps into my mouth and my hands move to his neck, pulling him closer. He picks me up and sets me in the middle of the bed as we continue to kiss, his body covering mine.

  “Don’t you want me to shower?” I ask as he starts to take off my shirt.

  “Later.” His voice is impatient as he pulls off my shorts and panties, nearly tearing them from my body.

  I laugh lightly as his urgency, but the laughter dies on my lips as his mouth moves between my legs. He teases me, working me up but not letting me get all the way there. The way he uses his tongue is like erotic torture, frustratingly delicious.

  It’s not long before he’s climbing off the bed and ridding himself of his clothes as well. We’re both naked and needy, our breathing fast as he finishes rolling on the condom. When he slides into me, he murmurs those three words in my ear, “I love you.”

  I sigh and say them back, my voice thick with the emotion.

  He starts to move inside me, each press of his hips to mine lighting my body on fire as his thumb works my heated flesh. We look into each other’s eyes, and I know I mocked it earlier, but I finally understand the idea of making love. Everything is the same—his body, my body, and the way they move together—but something feels different because we’re connecting on another level.

  I feel my body tightening around his and I moan my release at the same moment that he groans with his. I feel him everywhere as he consumes my body and my heart.

  I love him.

  Completely.

  Chapter 20

  “So you’ve been together for weeks?” Rachel asks, trying to mask the hurt with confusion.

  I nod. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” I could give her an excuse or try to justify my reasons, but the truth is none of that will help with the sadness I see in her eyes.

  She’s shared so much with me and I didn’t have the courage to share with her—and this isn’t even the secret I’ve kept from her the longest. I still have to tell her about Simon.

  She shrugs. “It’s okay. I guess I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me sooner.”

  I heave a big sigh, preparing myself for the next confession. “At first, I thought that by keeping it a secret there’d be less pressure on our relationship. When two friends in a group start to date, it can cause problems if it goes wrong.”

  “Okay, that makes sense,” she admits.

  “But that was only part of the reason.”

  She doesn’t ask me to continue, but her eyes narrow as she waits for me to explain.

  “This is the part where I feel like shit for being the worst friend in the world.” I take a big breath, the air filling my lungs before I let it out slowly. My hands shake slightly and my voice wavers as I continue. “You’ve told me all about your family and your issues, but I’ve never told you mine.”

  “Well, now’s a good time to share,” she says with a smile, trying to encourage me even though I can see the question in her eyes.

  I go on to tell her the story of what happened with Simon. I explain how we first got together after class one day, how we dated for months in secret, how he broke my heart and how he destroyed my dream of becoming a principle dancer for a ballet company. I tell her that the experience went a long way in ruining my ability to trust but that I’m working on fixing it. I tell her that Nate is doing a lot to help me learn to trust again. I tell her that I’m sorry for not trusting her with my truth when she shared hers.

  When I’m done, she stays quiet and looks blankly across the room as if she’s processing everything I’ve just said. A few minutes go by before I finally break the silence. “Are you mad at me for keeping all of this from you?” I ask, my voice wavering.

  Her eyes flick over to mine and she shakes her head, giving me a shocked look. “I’m not mad. I’m a little sad that you didn’t think you could trust me, but it all makes sense.”

  “If it helps, I didn’t consciously know that I had trust issues. I thought I was just being strong, though my definition of strength was totally skewed.”

  She turns to face me fully, pulling her feet under her legs as she crosses them. “Let’s just promise to be open with each other from now on and everything will be forgiven.”

  “I think I can manage that,” I say, my smile relieved and warm.

  “Good,” she says, returning my smile.

  “In fact,” I say, my smile growing, “I’ve got weeks of experiences I’m dying to share. You ready to hear all about how Nate is in the sack?”

  She laughs, and I don’t wait for an answer. I go into specific detail as I describe mine and Nate’s sex life and just like that, everything’s back to normal. Well, not normal because now Rachel knows my secrets—I’ve opened up and now our friendship will never be the same again.

  It’ll be better.

  Nate was right. I shouldn’t have been scared to talk to Rachel about this. No matter what, she’s my best friend and best friends understand and forgive more than that average person.

  When I leave Rachel’s room an hour later, I head right back up to my floor and knock on Jimmy’s door so I can tell him everything I just told Rachel. He opens his door and ushers me in.

  “What’s up?”

  “I wanted to talk to you about something,” I say as I sit on his bed.

  “Okay …” He sits in his desk chair and props his feet up on the bed next to me.

  “I’ve been seeing Nate for the last few weeks and it’s kind of serious.” The confession comes easier now that I’ve told someone else.

  He looks at me for a moment, his eyes narrowing and then he laughs. He full on laughs.

  “What’s so funny?” I demand, starting to feel defensive.

  He shakes his head and takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. “You say it like I should be surprised. Jenna, I live across the hall from you and you tend to get a little loud when you’re getting frisky. Plus, I’ve seen him leave your room to go the bathroom in the middle of the night more than once.”

  I open my mouth to explain, but he puts a hand up to quiet me. “Honestly, as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters. And you are happy, right?”

  I smile.“Yes. More happy than I’ve been in a while.”

  ***

  The thing about love is that it doesn’t just happen all at once. It’s something that grows and builds.

  I didn’t just start loving Nate when he said it. I can’t remember a specific moment or incident where I fell in love with him. I remember moments where I thought about the fact that I was starting to love him, but there wasn’t one specific catalyst.

  I’ve loved him for a while.

  It’s been a week since Nate and I actually said the words for the first time, and that week has been completely blissful. I have to say that being in love is fabulous. Being in love is incredible. Being in love is nirvana. Then again, this feeling may just be coming from the fact that my relationship with Nate is finally out in the open because as I said before, I’ve loved him for a while.

  I almost feel like I’ve come out of the closet, only instead of announcing to everyone that I’m a lesbian, I’ve been announcing to everyone that I’m in love. I tell Nate as often as I can and I show him just as much—even out in public.

  I’m standing with Rachel and Chelsea in the middle of The Grove as I watch Nate play the drums, keeping the beat for their cover of I Got Mine by The Black Keys. Watching him drum now is even more enticing than it was before because I know every drop of sweat, every muscle that flexes, every hard inch of him will be over me, under me, and inside of me as soon as we get back to his place. Every promise I see in his eyes will be kept, so I’m more than tha
nkful that this is their last song of the night. As much as I love watching him play, I much prefer having him to myself.

  The song ends and Jake swings his guitar behind his back and grabs the microphone with one hand, pulling it closer. “Thanks for coming out! We’re Second Story and we’ll see you next month!”

  We start to make our way toward the stage as the guys are climbing down. Nate told me earlier that they don’t have to break down their equipment because another band has asked to borrow their stuff the next night. Nate and I are going to visit my parents early tomorrow, so we’re going back to his place instead of having a drink.

  When I finally work my way through the crowd and get to Nate, he pulls me into a hug, lifting and turning me so my back is against the wall next to the stage. I can taste the sweat on his lips as they devour mine, the world around us disappearing while we kiss. His hands wander over my skin, his hips press against mine, and my need for him becomes unbearable.

  We need to get back to his place, and fast.

  “Please excuse Nate,” Toby says loudly, his voice startling us out of our kiss. “All that banging tends to work him up.”

  Nate lets me down and we both look over at Toby. I honestly can’t tell you how long we’ve been kissing, but it was enough time for everyone else to go to a table by the bar and get drinks. And also, it was apparently enough time for Toby to find his lady of the night. She’s not his usual type—she looks more like she’s going to a business meeting than going to see a band play at a bar. She’s confident and gorgeous—and she looks vaguely familiar.

  “What’s up, Toby?” Nate asks as if he’s not embarrassed or concerned with how intimate we were just getting in front of a room full of people. Then again, neither am I.

  “I wanted to introduce you to Alex.”

  Nate’s smile grows as he looks over to the woman who’s holding Toby’s hand. “The Alex from your work that you invited? I thought you said she didn’t make it.”

  Toby shakes his head. “She was just a little late.”

  “”Hi, Alex. I’m Jenna,” I say with a small wave. “And it might be nice if you guys stopped talking about her like she’s not standing right here.”

  That makes her laugh lightly and I can see her shoulders release the small amount of tension that was there. “Nice to meet you, Jenna. And you too, Nate.”

  He laughs and returns the sentiment.

  I can’t stop looking at her face—she looks so familiar, but I can’t place where I know her from. “I don’t know if you just have one of those faces, but I feel like I know you or I’ve met you before.”

  “I don’t think we’ve ever met, at least that I can remember,” she says with a shrug, her eyes moving away from mine when she answers.

  “She was at Sound a few weeks ago when we all went together after Jake’s open mic thing. She was celebrating her birthday with her sisters,” Toby explains.

  I try to remember that night, but all I can remember is the kiss with Nate in the hallway and the way his body moved against mine while we danced. I wasn’t drunk, but I guess I was just too distracted to really remember the girl he left with.

  I shake my head. “That’s not it. I guess you just remind me of someone.”

  She smiles, but it’s tight and forced. My eyebrows dip a little as Toby asks us if we’re coming over to the table with them. “Or do you plan on continuing your PDA session?”

  Nate laughs and rubs his neck, shaking his head. “We’re gonna head out and make it a bit more private. Plus, we’ve got an early drive.”

  “Well, see you later then,” Toby says.

  “Yeah, man. And it was nice to meet you, Alex.”

  “You, too. Both of you.”

  I smile and wave goodbye as Nate and start to weave through the bar toward the table with our friends. We say goodbye to them before walking outside and toward my car.

  Nate climbs into the driver seat, starts the car, and we go back to his place and pick up right where we were interrupted—up against the wall.

  Only this time, we’re both naked.

  ***

  “Lunch was delicious, Mrs. Fitzgerald,” Nate says, sitting back in his chair and flashing a charming smile at my mom.

  She giggles—yes, giggles—and waves her hand at him. “Please, Nate. I told you to call me Nora.”

  He laughs and corrects himself. “Well, then thank you for lunch, Nora. It was delicious. And thanks to you too, Hank, for having me over.”

  My dad narrows his eyes a bit at Nate and tries to hold back his smile. “Please, call me Mr. Fitzgerald.”

  I can see Nate pale a bit and it makes me laugh. I may be able to tell my dad is joking, but the large, intimidating man who is my father has had Nate nervous since the moment we walked through the door. I maybe should have warned him, but I just don’t see my dad like other people do. They see a six foot five man in his fifties who is built like a linebacker, but all I see is the man who used to read me stories every night before bed.

  Nate fumbles with his words for a moment before my dad barks out a loud laugh. “I’m just messing with you, Nate.”

  Nate smiles, his eyes flicking to mine for a moment before he laughs, though I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s still nervous.

  “Why don’t we clear the dishes from the table while the ladies relax?” Dad says to Nate.

  Mom made quite the spread for lunch—three different types of salad, different sandwiches, and homemade potato chips. I didn’t do much except help her bring it out of the kitchen, but I know this is my dad’s way of getting Nate alone for a few minutes. What would a meet the parent lunch be without a little grilling of the boyfriend? And considering this is the first guy I’ve ever brought home, Dad is more than excited to get to it.

  Mom and I get up from the table and head into the living room to “relax.” We both sit on the couch and she turns to face me, a tentative smile on her face. “You’re in love?” she asks, her eyes searching mine for the answer.

  I give her a small smile. “I am.”

  “He’s wonderful. Charming, smart, sweet.” I laugh a little at the dreamy quality Mom’s voice takes on when she starts to talk about Nate.

  “He is all of those things, yes.”

  I turn to look out of the window and into Mom’s garden.We’re both quiet for a moment, and when Mom starts talking again, I can hear her voice tremble.

  “You just look so happy. There’s a light in your eyes that I haven’t seen in a long time.”

  I turn back to look at her and I can see tears pooling in her eyes. “Mom?” My voice cracks when I say her name, the emotion in her expression causing me concern. “Are you … is everything okay?”

  She clears her throat and waves her hand in front of her face as she uses the other to wipe away her tears. “I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just …” She sighs and moves closer to me. She reaches her hand up and tucks my hair behind my ear before moving it down to brush some invisible lint from my shoulder. She’s fussing; she always used to do this before my recitals and auditions. It’s familiar and comforting. “Jenna, you’ve always been strong and sassy, but there was always a warmth in your eyes, and when you came back from New York, it was gone. I never knew if you’d get it back,” she says, tearing up again.

  “Mom …”

  “I don’t know if it’s this boy or because you started dancing again—maybe it’s both. But I see that spark that used to be there when you were my little girl, and I’m just so glad that it’s back.”

  Her words shock me completely. She wipes at my cheeks and I realize that there are tears dripping down my face. I clear my throat. “It’s definitely both.”

  Laughing lightly, she leans forward and kisses me on the forehead. “I love you, baby girl,” she murmurs against my hair.

  “I love you, too, Mom.”

  We sit together for a moment, my head resting on her shoulder as she runs her fingers through the short strands of my hair. “I like this length
on you. It makes you look older. More mature.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I laugh.

  “Hey, Nate. That looks like us just a few minutes ago, huh?” my dad says as he enters the room. I can hear the warmth in his voice and I relax when I hear Nate’s laughter. “Although, I think you have a little more hair for me to run my fingers through.”

  Nate laughs a little harder. “Yeah, mine is a bit longer.”

  I feel my mom’s quiet laughter and I smile, glad that Dad and Nate came out of their talk in a good mood.

  “How’d the talk go, dear?” Mom asks as the come to sit on the couch across from us.

  “It went well,” Dad says, sounding satisfied.

  “I wasn’t talking to you, Hank. I was asking Nate,” she playfully admonishes, the smile giving her away.

  My dad laughs and turns to my boyfriend. “Well, Nate?”

  Nate clears his throat and glances over at me before looking at my mom and smiling. “It went well. Mr. Fitzgerald was very fair.” He laughs.

  “Did he tell you to say that?” Mom asks before turning to Dad and narrowing her eyes. “It sounds like something my husband would say.”

  Nate laughs. “You know your husband well. He did tell me to say that. But after all the threatening was done, he told me he thought I was a good guy. And he told me to call him Hank.”

  My dad laughs as he put his hand on Nate’s shoulder and looks over at me. “I swear, sweetheart. I kept the threatening to a minimum.”

  I laugh as Nate’s smile wavers, making me think that even though the threatening was minimal, they were serious.

  “So,” Mom says, settling into the couch a bit more, “you told us all about your family and schooling, but let’s hear more about this band you’re in. And don’t be shy, tell us everything. I always did wonder goes on in the green room. Is it really as scandalous as we all think?”