All I Want for Christmas (Underlined Paperbacks)

by Wendy Loggia

  I’m trying to figure out how to pay for gifts for people who really need them. And then the solution drops into my lap…or rather, at my feet.

  Maybe turning in the money isn’t the right thing to do. This money is the answer to my problem.

  I grab the envelope and shove it into my purse before I can talk myself out of it.

  Maybe For You really does mean…for me.

  And maybe I’ll be able to give a group of very deserving people a very special Christmas.

  * * *

  • • •

  I know Jacob is working at the tree farm, so when I get home, I decide to text Charlie, telling him about my good luck and asking him if he wants to help me shop—that I’m not sure I can get everything done on my own. And if I’m being honest, I want to hang out with him one more time. But fifteen minutes have passed, and I still haven’t heard from him.

  ^^^^ I text, which is kind of aggressive, but the clock is ticking.

  Suddenly three little dots pop up. I wait.

  Hey…that is seriously cool that you found that money.

  I know! I couldn’t believe it.

  I wish I could help you with your shopping list but I’m kind of in the middle of something.

  “In the middle of something?” I mutter, wondering what the something is. I sigh. Ahhh, okay. I’m disappointed—but I’m also a little worried. It’s one o’clock right now. I only have a few hours to get this done.

  What about your friends? Your family?

  They’re busy too.

  Even that guy from the other day…Jacob?

  I wince, seeing Jacob’s name pop up in Charlie’s text. It also feels a little weird for Charlie to bring him up. A guy doesn’t bring up another guy to a girl he likes…does he?

  Um, maybe. Okay, thanks. Bye

  I chew nervously on my lip. I don’t want to come across as clingy. And maybe I can do this on my own. But shopping is always more fun with a friend—especially a friend with a cute butt.

  Hey…are you still at the farm?

  My shift’s ending soon. What’s up?

  I smile as I type. Just playing Santa and I could use your help. How soon can you get here?

  * * *

  • • •

  It’s 4:00 p.m. on Friday and we’re racing around Target like we’re on a shopping game show.

  “Take it easy, Bailey,” Jacob says with a smirk. He’s jogging beside me as I weave the shopping cart around people. “You’re starting to look a little panicked.”

  “Oh, this is full-on panic mode,” I gasp. “A little panicked was forty minutes ago.” We stop short in the laundry detergent aisle, where I find the fabric softener and detergent pods Reya wants. I toss them into the cart. We already found a blue sweatshirt and sneakers for Jade, two cute tops for Sydney, and a neon-green Nike hoodie for Javante.

  “Bedding,” I wheeze, flinging my arm in the direction we need to go in.

  I’m trying not to show it, but I’m still a little salty over how late Jacob was getting to my house. I explained my situation, making it clear time was of the essence. He acted like he’d be right over, but when he finally showed up, it was almost three o’clock. By the time we find all the gifts and get them wrapped, we’ll barely make it to the Stewart Center on time. I don’t want Louise to worry or think I’ve forgotten. But it isn’t like I can text her. I’ll just have to do my best.

  “How about this?” Jacob says, holding up what is clearly a twin-sized gray comforter in a clear plastic case. Even worse, it has dinosaurs on it.

  “Are you serious? That’s a kid’s comforter,” I say, exasperated. “And it’s not even green.”

  “Does it matter?” Jacob asks, raising his dark eyebrows. “It’s a comforter.”

  “Yes, it matters. First, it’s the wrong size.” I tap the word twin. “And second, it’s the wrong color,” I say, annoyed. I don’t even mention the dinosaurs. Instead, I’m back to scanning the shelves. “We need a green queen-sized comforter,” I tell him firmly.

  Jacob helps me look. “I don’t think you’re going to find one,” he says, shrugging.

  “I have to!” I blurt out, and I feel actual tears spring to my eyes. “You don’t understand.”

  “I understand, but isn’t it kinda late?” Jacob asks, looking genuinely perplexed. He picks up a package of pillowcases and tosses it into the air. “Too bad you can’t order it online.”

  “This is Richard’s only Christmas gift!” I practically shriek as he catches the package. “He deserves to get what he asked for. Not a stupid gray comforter—or a pair of pillowcases.”

  I’m losing my cool, but Jacob is staying extra calm. Basically the more frustrated I get, the more chill he appears. Which only increases my frustration. “You probably should have thought about that before you waited until the last minute to go shopping.” He holds up his hands. “Just saying.”

  “Gee, thanks,” I say, remembering that day in the café when I told Jacob holiday shopping is stressful only if you wait until the last minute. What a jerk Past Me was!

  “I honestly don’t need you to tell me that,” I continue. “And it would have been nice if you had gotten to my house when you said you’d be there.” It’s not really fair to blame Jacob for any of this, and he’s totally right, but I’m upset. I’m glad he’s with me, but I miss the fun, romantic vibe from the other night.

  Jacob is silent for a moment. “Yeah, okay.” He walks up and down the aisle, scanning the shelves. “Do you want to go somewhere else and see if we can find one?” he asks finally.

  I shake my head. He’s being so nice to me, and I don’t deserve it. “Where? No. It’s too late.” Now I am starting to cry a little bit. “I have to find something here.”

  Jacob searches some more, then reaches onto a shelf and pulls out a navy and green rugby-striped comforter. “How about this? It’s the right size.”

  I pause for a moment, and then nod. It isn’t quite what I had in mind, but it looks nice. “Great. Yes.”

  Jacob tosses it into the cart. “Now all you need is the yoga mat and leggings.”

  To my immense relief, we manage to find them right away, and the line to pay moves really quickly. I pay with the For You money and use what’s left to buy Louise a gift card.

  “Do you need wrapping paper or anything?” Jacob asks as we leave the store and hurry through the parking lot. It’s dark out now, and I don’t even dare look at my phone to see what time it is.

  “No, I’m good,” I say, speed-walking to his truck. “All I need is for you to drive fast.”

  “Relax, Bailey. We’re going to make it.” For a moment I think he’s going to lean over to kiss me, but all he does is reach past me to unlock the truck door.

  “Easy for you to say,” I tell him as I climb in, my shopping bags banging against my legs. “It’s a good thing I know how to wrap fast.”

  * * *

  • • •

  We use my dining room table as a wrapping station and make it to the Stewart Center by 6:46. I don’t see Louise—the residents are at a holiday party—but the woman at the front desk promises me she’ll give Louise the Christmas card I hand her. The gift card is inside. We leave the gifts on the table, and when we walk out, I heave a gigantic sigh of relief. I didn’t realize how tired I am—it’s like the stress of the day hits me all at once.

  My brother is out with Dickens when we pull up to the curb. “See ya, Bailey,” Jacob says, nodding through the window to Liam. Liam nods back.

  “Okay. G’night,” I say through a yawn.

  And before my brother can ask me any questions, I’m in the house.

  * * *

  • • •

  I’m curled up now on the couch half watching Christmas Vacation with my dad and texting with my friends when I decide to text Jacob. I feel a little bad abo
ut how I’d acted. After all, out of all my friends, he is the only one who had made the time to help me.

  Hi

  Hi

  So I just wanted to say thanks for helping me today

  But I was late

  I wince. I’m sorry I was such a jerk about that. I was just stressed. I really appreciate your time

  You’re welcome.

  Uh-oh. Is he mad? He put a period at the end of the text. Well, thanks. I hope you have a good night

  A few minutes go by and he doesn’t answer. I feel bad, but I don’t know what else I can do. I try to concentrate on the movie, but I have no idea what’s happening. I give up and decide to go to bed.

  I’m in my pajamas and brushing my teeth in the bathroom I share with Liam and Kar when my phone buzzes, startling me.

  Do you want to know why I was late

  By the way he’s asking me this, I don’t think I do. I hesitate, and then type back It doesn’t matter

  It does

  Okay. Tell me

  I was at the post office with my mom. She wanted to pick out a letter from Santa for us to answer on our way home from the tree farm

  My face drops. I spit out a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink and take a drink of water. OMG. That’s so sweet

  We were both doing good deeds today

  I relax a little. I’m obviously an idiot

  You’re not an idiot. But maybe next time be a little more chill

  No period at the end of his last two texts. I let out a sigh of relief. I’ll try that

  And just so you know…the other night when you saw me at the mall with Kaylee and Jessica?

  I swallow. Yeah?

  Jessica doesn’t have her driver’s license and she heard me saying that I had to go to the Apple store. She asked me if I could drive her and Kaylee to the mall. Her mom drove them home

  Oh. I frown.

  Nothing happened. You must have seen us in the 5 minutes I stayed with them

  I’m sure she was hoping something would happen I type, then erase it. Thanks for telling me, I write instead. That was nice of you

  I just didn’t want you to think something was going on with Jess. That’s a closed door that’s never opening again

  I so badly want to screenshot this—but I don’t. Why gloat? That’s bad karma. Instead, I do a little shimmy on the bathroom rug. I resist the urge to send him the closed door emoji and instead settle for replying with a smiley face.

  “Yo, what are you doing in there?” Liam says loudly, thumping insistently on the bathroom door. “Other people would like to shower before midnight, you know.”

  “Just a sec!” I hastily wipe off the sink with a hand towel and whip the door open so fast my brother blinks in surprise, his arm still raised midknock.

  “So sorry,” I say briskly, pushing past him as my phone vibrates in my pj pants pocket. “Couldn’t find the dental floss.”

  And when I’m back in the privacy of my room, I read Jacob’s last text.

  Sweet dreams, Bailey

  And I screenshot it.

  Today is Saturday, December 23—the last Saturday before Christmas. Winslow’s has had a steady stream of customers—those who special-ordered books, those who are browsing, and those who just came in for some comfort from the cold and for the free hot chocolate Victoria is handing out.

  It’s always cozy inside here, but today the bookshop feels like a warm hug. Everyone is in a good mood. Even the light snow falling outside makes people happy. “It doesn’t feel like Christmas without fresh snow,” one of the customers tells me, and I nod happily.

  Christmas is finally almost here. And I’m thinking—okay, hoping—that I just might get my underneath-the-mistletoe wish. And I’ve also come to a decision. As much as it pains me to do it, I’ve made up my mind to end whatever it is I have with Charlie. No more texting, no more sledding, no more hanging out. It’s not that I don’t think we could be friends—I know we could. But right now I’m having too much fun with Jacob. I want to see where things might go with him. And it doesn’t feel right for me to keep whatever it is I have with Charlie alive.

  But still, I’m not prepared when Charlie shows up at the bookstore just when my shift is over and asks if we can talk.

  “Um, of course. Sure,” I tell him, completely caught off guard. After I exchange goodbye hugs and happy holiday wishes with everyone, I collect my stuff from the back room, including the new Lee Matthews novel I’m borrowing, and put on my coat and hat. Together, we walk outside. There’s a small park not far from the bookstore, and that’s where we go.

  “So listen. I’ve been a bit dodgy with you. There’s something I want to talk to you about,” Charlie says when we get there and find a bench. He sits down and pats the space next to him on the bench, brushing off the dusting of snow. “Please, join me.”

  I sit. “It’s kind of weird, because there’s something I want to talk to you about too,” I tell him, hoping this goes well.

  He smiles at me. “Do you want to go first?”

  “Not really. But, um, I will.” I swallow, trying to gather my thoughts. It’s important that I say the right things. “So, I am really glad I got to know you,” I begin carefully. “You’re a really nice guy, and I’ve had a lot of fun with you.”

  “I feel the same,” he says, nodding.

  I take a deep breath. “Yeah. But the thing is, even though we’ve hung out a lot, I don’t really feel like I’ve gotten to know you all that well. It’s like everything between us is surface level. We hang out, we have fun, but then we go our separate ways. I’m never sure where things stand.”

  “That’s fair,” Charlie says. A lock of hair falls in front of his eye and he blows it off.

  I can’t get distracted. “It’s hard for me to even believe I’m saying this, since you’re basically the British boyfriend I’ve dreamed about for years, but…I don’t think we should, uh, date each other. Or, um, keep hanging out.” There. I said it.

  To my surprise, Charlie doesn’t look at all surprised. He doesn’t look upset or angry or confused. Instead, he looks almost…wistful. “I’m glad to hear you say that. Because I feel the same way, Bailey.”

  I feel the same. I feel the same. Is that all he can say? “You do?” I blurt out, feeling a little dejected. I know that he isn’t the right boy for me, but it’s demoralizing to hear that he has already put me in the friend zone. “Is that what you came here to talk to me about?”

  Charlie shakes his head, his gaze falling, as if there is something I’m not quite understanding. “Don’t get me wrong. You’re an amazing girl. Any guy would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend. But…”

  “What…?” I prompt.

  He sighs. “The thing is, I try not to get too close to people.” He looks up at me, his eyes staring into mine. “But there’s a reason for that, Bailey.”

  I tilt my head and wait to hear what it is.

  He’s on the verge of saying something—and then he stops. “You have a great family, right?”

  “Um, yeah,” I say, not sure where this is going. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  He brushes my question off. “And loyal friends who always have your back?”

  I nod. “Ride or die.”

  He points to a man walking a beagle down the path. “And a dog who adores you?”

  I make a face. “Adore is a strong word. But fine, sure,” I say, going along with him. Where is this all leading?

  The streetlamps have flicked on, and snow is starting to fall a bit heavier now, the light capturing the snowflakes like winter fireflies. “You’ve got a family, friends, a home, good health—all the things that people want out of life.”

  “Does this have something to do with the gifts I dropped off at the Stewart Center?” I ask suddenly. “Did I forget someone?” I smack m
y head. “I can’t believe this. I double-checked that list—”

  “It’s not about the Stewart Center.” Charlie reaches over and takes my hands in his. I feel a warm tingle in my palms, like a faint jolt of electricity. “What’s your favorite movie?” he asks me.

  “It’s a Wonderful Life,” I answer, and he smiles, like he already knew I was going to say it.

  “It’s a classic,” Charlie says. “It’s why you’re named Bailey, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” I sit back a little. “You’re one of the only people who’s ever figured that out. My parents love that movie. Liam got a family name, but then it was all up for grabs. If I’d been a boy, my parents wanted to name me Harry after Harry Bailey, George Bailey’s younger brother—”

  “—the one who falls in the ice and grows up to be a war hero,” Charlie finishes.

  “Yep. And my younger sister is named after one of the actresses in the movie.” I let out a wistful sigh. “If only they’d named her Zuzu…that would have been so good.”

  Now Charlie laughs. “Your sister got lucky.” He grows quiet for a moment. Snow has blanketed the ground, and the air feels completely still and silent. We’re now completely alone in the park. “The thing is…what I was trying to say is…I’m glad you don’t want to date me.”

  Oof. “Um, wow. Okay. Thanks for the honesty,” I tell him. “But you seriously made a special trip over here just to tell me that?”

  He shakes his head again, as if I’m not getting it. “No, it’s not like that. I’m going to be going away, sort of, and—” He breaks off. “Just hear me out, Bailey. Remember the day we met? And that night, how it was snowing so hard it was a whiteout?”

  I nod. “Yes. Of course I remember.”

  “At the ice rink, I was just there to observe—but when you almost fell, I got involved. I knew what was supposed to happen later, and I wanted it to play out the way it was supposed to.”