Christmas Kisses

by Black, Fabian

  Ten

  Christmas Kisses

  James was slipping a batch of bread rolls into the oven to bake when a knock sounded on the back door. He glanced at the Marilyn Monroe wall clock (Bea’s contribution to the kitchen décor.) It was too early for her to be a knocking and besides she didn’t so much knock as beat out a tattoo. Maybe it was Khumbu with a delivery. He sometimes used the coffee lounge’s staff entrance if he was delivering supplies to the hairdressers along the way.

  “Just a minute.” Closing the oven door he hurried over to the back door, unlocking it and sliding back the bolts. It wasn’t Khumbu.

  Coffee shop owner and assistant barista looked at each other in silence for what felt like several hours, but was less than a minute.

  The barista cleared his throat, licked his lips and said to the wall that was his employer, “are you going to let me past then? It’s bloody freezing out here. There’s snow forecast for later.”

  James stepped back from the door to allow Josh entrance.

  Even through steamed up glasses, Josh could tell there was something different about his boss, apart from there being no smile on his face. What had he expected after being AWOL for a week and a day, balloons and bunting?

  Fishing a scrap of tissue from his pocket he removed his glasses and used the tissue to rub the fog from the lenses before shoving them back on his face. Nope. There was definitely no smile on James’s face. Pity, he had a nice smile. It always set Josh up for the day.

  James forewent the usual morning niceties. Saying good morning seemed a superfluous frivolity. “Nice of you to show up at last,” he said crisply. “Did you come via the scenic route?”

  “Sorry.” Josh mumbled, trying and failing to quell the blush creeping over his skin. He should have been grateful for the warmth, but wasn’t. “I lost control of things for a while.” He made a smile, looking his boss up and down, a pleasant little flutter in his stomach. “You look different today, nice. You suit jeans.”

  “I wish I could say you looked nice, but you don’t,” said James bluntly. “With all due respect your hair is greasy and those trousers don’t exactly look fresh and clean, or ironed. They look like dirty laundry. I know we don’t have a dress code as such, but clean and smart is at least to be expected.”

  “Yes, sorry.” Josh blushed harder. “I couldn’t shower. Phil used all the hot water and I’m behind with my laundry. I’ll sort it out tonight.” He swallowed hard, moistened his lips and went for the direct approach, “that’s if I still have a job?”

  So, James’s heart sank into his shoes. Bea was wrong. Actor boy Phil was still on the scene.

  “The question is, Joshua, do you still want the job? You’ve hardly shown a sense of commitment over the past month and more. Even when you bothered to turn up, you weren’t here, not in any real sense. You’ve just been going through the motions.”

  “I’m sorry. Like I said, I lost control of things, had stuff on my mind.”

  “And what exactly does that mean?”

  Josh shrugged miserably, unable to find the words to explain. There were no words. Fucking. Big. Mug. Oh yeah, apart from those words of course. He blinked them away.

  “Well?”

  Josh shrugged again. His tongue felt knotted and he’d never been any good at untangling knots.

  James’s eyebrows shot up towards his hairline. Really? That was the best the kid could offer him? A shrug and a miserable look from Disney Doe eyes. It wasn’t good enough. He drew his spine straight, folded his arm and let rip, unloading the tension he hadn’t even realised had been building over the course of the week, and maybe longer.

  “That’s it? That’s the best you can offer me? A shrug! You leave me in the lurch for a week and that’s the best you can do? You didn’t even have the decency to call me, to talk to me. Do you really think that single line text you sent,” he finger wiggled quotation marks in the air, “‘won’t be in’” was sufficient? No why, no wherefore, no hint at what was wrong. I didn’t know what the hell was going on, whether you were sick. I phoned, I emailed, I even fucking texted, and you know how much I hate texting, and what did I get? Silence! You could have been dead for all I knew. And when I did finally get hold of you, you cut me off and then didn’t bother showing up for work again yesterday. It isn’t good enough, Josh, not good enough at all. I deserve better.”

  He did. Josh shoved his cold hands in his pockets, hunching his shoulders as his boss’s tirade continued. He was beginning to feel light-headed. He’d had no breakfast save for a cup of black tea made with the last of the cheap teabags Phil despised so much. There was nothing else. His cupboards were bare.

  “You left Bea and I to carry your workload as well as your own. Bea has enough to do in the kitchen without…” James’s rant suddenly trailed off. Guilt and concern trumped wrath. The kid was shaking and there was a distinctly bluish tint to his skin. He was cold, and no wonder. According to the barometer it was below freezing outside and he had walked to work wearing nothing but his shabby old hoodie over his shirt and trousers.

  “You look perished,” he scolded. “I thought you’d got rid of that worn out old rag. Where’s your duffle coat? Why aren’t you wearing it in this weather?”

  “Phil took it.” Josh managed to squeeze the words out between slightly chattering teeth. “When he left my place. Took my tartan scarf as well.”

  “Left? He’s gone? I thought you said he used all the hot water?”

  “He did, yesterday, before he left, again.”

  “Again?”

  “He left over a week ago and then he came back yesterday, but now he’s gone again.”

  James felt as if he was losing the plot. He took refuge in practicalities. “You need a hot drink. You’re white as a sheet. Have you eaten breakfast?”

  Josh shook his head.

  “I thought not. I can always tell when you’re hungry.” Taking Josh’s arm he steered him over to the worktable and seated him. “Let’s get you sorted. Do you want a Christmas Kiss?”

  “What?” Josh’s heart banged in his chest while something tingly happened in his groin. Had he heard right? Was James really asking for a kiss, after all this time? Miracles really did happen at Christmas.

  “It’s what I’ve called our new hot chocolate drink. Christmas Kisses.”

  “Oh,” said Josh, lowering his head in an effort to hide his blushes, and his disappointment. “Yes, please, that would be nice.”

  Less than ten minutes later James set a Christmas Kiss in front of Josh, complete with candy cane and floating snowflake marshmallow.

  “Wow, looks fantastic. Pretty cups. I told you they’d be perfect. Customers will love them.” Picking up the candy cane, Josh stirred the chocolate with it and then licked it. “Mmm, tastes fantastic too. You make the best hot chocolate in the world.”

  “I made the marshmallows too,” said James proudly, momentarily forgetting how cross he was, “from scratch.”

  “I thought marshmallows were made form icing sugar,” said Josh with a cheeky grin.

  “Leave the jokes to me, kid.”

  “They’re brilliant,” said Josh, feeling the worst was definitely over. “The marshmallows I mean. I like them.”

  “Do you want a bacon sandwich?”

  “Oh god, do I ever, yes please. I’m starving.”

  “Coming right up.” James patted Josh’s shoulder. “You’re looking warmer already. Finish your drink. It’ll do you good.”

  Folding his hands around the stag mug, Josh raised it to his lips and took a sip of the luxurious drink, giving a small blissful sigh. Given a choice it wasn’t the Christmas kiss he would have chosen, but it was still beautiful in its own sweet way. In fact after the Spartan rations he’d been on for the past week it was pure heaven in a cup.

  He watched James busy himself at the cooker, shifting in his chair as the tingly feeling returned to his groin. He really did look nice, dishier than ever in his own understated way. If only…he shu
t the thought down. James would never look at him romantically. No one else would either, not according to Phil. A bad taste suddenly came to Josh’s mouth, spoiling his pleasure in the rich chocolate drink.

  Ben had been right about Phil turning nasty when the tables were turned and dumper became dumpee, so to speak. A torrent of spiteful words regarding Josh’s physical shortcomings had ended with - ‘you won’t get anyone else, no one as good as me will ever look at a weed like you.’

  Josh had replied by reminding Phil he had said his boss was sweet on him. Phil had shot him down in flames, laughing and telling him not to be ridiculous. He’d only said it to butter him up and get him to go back to work and earning. More spiteful words had followed. Phil then left, taking Josh’s coat and scarf as protection against the worsening weather, saying it was the least he owed him.

  Josh had cried afterwards, shaken by the unkind verbal assault from a man he had shared his bed with and who he had fancied he was in love with. However, once the tears had dried he was left with a profound sense of relief. Phil was out of his life and out of his system. He was free.

  “Thank you.” Josh smiled as James set a plate containing a bacon butty in front of him.

  “You’re welcome.” James sat down opposite Josh, watching as he tucked into the sandwich. The kid really was hungry. He couldn’t eat fast enough. He waited until the sandwich was consumed and Josh was licking his fingers before returning to the matter in hand.

  “We need to talk. Agreed?”

  Josh nodded.

  “What’s been going on? And don’t tell me to back off this time. You made your business my business when you neglected the business of coming to work.”

  “I know.” Josh cleared his throat, un-knotted his tongue and told his story.

  How, at first, it had been such a thrill to be with someone like Phil. He couldn’t believe his luck at landing a man at all, never mind one with film star looks, and as it turned out, film star tastes. It had been good for a while, but the reality of living beyond his means soon kicked in.

  He ran up a credit card debt in next to no time, used up his overdraft facility and then began missing rent payments and neglecting utility bills just so he could provide Phil with the luxuries he enjoyed, meals out at posh restaurants, constant champagne, fancy nightclubs. He had tried to talk to Phil about cutting costs. It had not gone down well.

  “I thought my heart was broken when Phil said we were over.” Josh gave a self-deprecating laugh, as he came to the end of his story. “I think I wanted it to be broken. I was being a bit of a drama queen if I’m honest. I wanted the whole ‘love’ experience in case it never happened again. Mainly though I think I was just worn out with worry. Anyway, Phil turned up again yesterday morning after the bloke he dumped me for dumped him. Seems it’s the season for men wising up. I thought I wanted him back, but I didn’t. He’s gone for good, and I’m glad. I just need to sort myself out now.”

  He looked up for the first time since beginning his confession, feeling lighter in spirit than he had for weeks, until he saw James’s face. His expression was not encouraging or sympathetic. It was dark, very dark, a frown by any other name. Josh’s stomach did an uncomfortable flip and a new neon sign flashed in front of his eyes: danger Josh Robertson, danger!

  “Correct me if I’m wrong.” James paused and then raised a hand. “No, scrub that, because I know I’m right. You’ve barely got your life back together after living rough and yet here you are telling me you risked losing everything again and for what? A prolonged roll in the sack with a man so vain he can’t pass a mirror without stopping to worship himself!”

  Josh picked up the empty stag cup, toying with it, avoiding meeting James’s eyes. “I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”

  “It’s exactly like that.”

  Josh jumped as James slapped the tabletop.

  “How bad is your financial situation? How bad are the rent arrears? I want the truth.”

  “I’ll sort it. The landlord is coming round to discuss it with me. I’m going to ask if he’ll let me pay the arrears off a bit at a time.”

  “And what if he won’t? Where will it leave you, apart from facing being given notice? He isn’t running a charity, Josh. His livelihood depends on his tenants paying their dues. There are always people looking for decent accommodation in this area. He can replace you at the drop of a hat. ”

  “Gee thanks for that vote of confidence, boss.” Josh hooked the stag cup over his little finger, swinging it in an effort to appear less tense than he felt. James was voicing all the fears he had been blocking out.

  “Stop fiddling with that wretched cup. Put it down before you snap the handle.”

  “Sorry.” Josh put the cup down and folded his arms, leaning back in the chair, a distinctly sulky look on his face.

  “I am not trying to upset you. I’m trying to make you see the reality of the situation you’ve got yourself into.”

  “If he won’t let me pay him off bit by bit then I’ll get a payday loan, pay him off in a lump sum.”

  “And that’s your answer is it? Pay one debt off while accumulating another. Payday companies are legalised loan sharks. They charge exorbitant rates of interest. You’ve been down this road, Josh. It’s where it all went wrong for you before. Debts piled on debts.”

  “I know, but I didn’t have a job then, and I do now, don’t I?”

  James ignored the appealing look. “Why didn’t you come to me, why didn’t you talk to me about all this?”

  “You’ve done enough for me. I have to stand on my own two feet.”

  “Do it then, go on. Stand up on those famous two feet.”

  “What?” Josh unfolded his arms, a confused look on his face.

  “You heard. Stand up. Now.”

  Josh shoved back his chair and stood up. James did the same. They faced each other across the worktable.

  “Right. Basics. How much are your rent arrears and what’s the exact status of your utility bills?”

  James’s voice sounded mellow enough, but Josh sensed a note of steel beneath its velvet texture. It prompted him to confess. “I owe five months rent, six if you include this month and I’ve had my second red letter warning from the gas and electric companies.”

  It didn’t take a genius to work out that Josh had stopped paying his rent a scant month after lover boy had moved in with him. James’s’ frown deepened. Any lessons learned by his prior fall and by his time as a vagrant had soon been discarded.

  “I’ll tell you why you didn’t come to me, Josh Robertson, and it has more to do with your cock than your feet.”

  Josh got a shock as James suddenly moved from the opposite side of the table to his side of it. He got an even bigger shock when his wrist was grasped and he was swung sideways. His heart began a rapid beat.

  “You knew I’d tell you to stop being an idiot, and that’s not what you wanted to hear. You say you lost control of things for a while. Sounds to me you didn’t so much lose control as willingly throw it away.”

  Josh jutted his hips forward with a gasp as James’s palm contacted his bottom. He’d imagined being spanked again on more than one occasion, but now it was happening, he didn’t want it to. In his mind he’d built it up into something sensuous, and it wasn’t. It was just painful.

  “You were prepared to risk everything for sex. Talk about thinking with your dick.” James landed a second stinging smack to Josh’s bottom. “You let that self-serving dandy use you as a funding source in exchange for having your balls bonked off. What the hell were you thinking?”

  “James, please!”

  “Be quiet! I haven’t finished speaking. You’ve let me down, you’ve let Bea down, but most of all you’ve let yourself down. I won’t stand for it, and you my lad are not going to sit for it, not for a while at least. I’m beyond disgusted with you.”

  Josh gave a muffled squawk as he was bent over so far his head was virtually between his knees. His glasses slipped from his
nose, falling to the floor. He squawked again as a third slap stung his backside. It didn’t end there. James clearly meant business. Slap followed stinging slap, turning his buttocks and the back of his thighs to molten lava. Oh my god, it was so much worse than the first time. Squawks and protests fell on deaf ears. Only when Josh gave way to tears did the punishment end. He was yanked upright. A finger shook in his face.

  “You deserved that, Josh. You really did. I can’t believe you jeopardised the roof over your head for sex. After all you went through out there. Have you really forgotten what it’s like to be cold, afraid and hungry?”

  “I thought I loved him.” Josh used the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe his runny nose and eyes. “And let’s face it, no one else was beating down my door to ask me out. I’d have died a virgin if Phil hadn’t come along.”

  “Rubbish. You need to think more of yourself.” James grabbed a roll of kitchen paper and ripped off a few sheets, handing them to Josh to wipe his face with. He then retrieved Josh’s specs from the floor and placed them on the table before they got trodden on. “Here’s the deal. I’ll pay off your rent arrears and bring your utility bills back into line. You’ll pay me back a set amount from your wages each month. Agreed?”

  “I still have a job then?” Josh dabbed at his eyes with the wad of paper towels.

  “Of course. I like having you around. I’ve missed you and so has Bea.”

  “Thank you,” said Josh, and noisily blew his nose. “I know I’m an idiot and I’m sorry.”

  “You’re not an idiot. You’re like a lot of young men, you just need taking in hand from time to time.”

  “Is that what you call what you’ve just done, taking me in hand?”

  “It’s an aspect. You’re not expecting an apology I hope?”

  “No. You’re right. I deserved it.”

  “Damn right you did, and if you ever repeat the behaviour I’ll repeat the punishment, but with your pants down. Then you’ll really know what a good spanking feels like.”

  “I think I already know.” Josh examined the hazy tops of his shoes. “And don’t worry, I won’t repeat it. Lesson learned.” He rubbed a hand over his bottom, wincing. “I think I knew what Phil was about from the kick off, but I blocked it because I was desperate to be in a relationship. I wanted to be loved.” He gave a sad laugh. “Who could love me?”