"I had the chef prepare one of his specialties…," he said, taking Moki's leash and handing me into my chair. The whole thing was so lovely…
"It's a salad made with conch and papaya. And there's a lemon soufflé for dessert." He handed me my glass. "Did you have everything you needed up in the studio?" He tossed the salad lightly and filled my plate, then his own. I glanced under the table to see the puppy already nose deep in a bowl of her own dinner. Jack had thought of everything.
"The studio is perfect," I said, taking a sip of my water. "Just like everything has been. This island, how good you've been to me… little Mokita… I can't ever thank you enough for all this, Jack. It's gone way beyond the scope of the agreement. Everything has…"
He took my hand, his eyes warm, kind. "Yes…," he agreed, nodding. "And I don't regret that it has." His words were careful, deliberate… but I knew he was telling me the truth. "When this is all over, I'll be the one who can't offer thanks enough… You'll have given almost a year of your life, Libby. How can a man thank a woman for that…?"
I opened my mouth, wanting to speak, but the words stuck in my throat as he went on. "I know we agreed to keep the rest of the… trip… simpler. But I want you to know how much I care for you, Libby… How much I will always consider you my friend… even once the contract is finished. You're strong and ambitious… beautiful… passionate…
All qualities I hope you pass along to the baby. One day, I want to tell her how loving her mother was… what a gifted and lovely woman brought her into the world. It's something a child needs to know…"
We ate our meal in companionable silence. Moki fell asleep at our feet, her tummy round as she snored lightly. The hypnotic shush of the waves and the falling darkness lulled us both into the privacy of our own thoughts. Jack would smile occasionally, taking a long deep breath. He looked so happy. So content.
"Come with me," he said, taking my hand. I rose from my chair quietly, not wanting to wake the puppy. Then Jack led me to the water's edge. "If you could find out more about your own mother...would you want to know? Do you think, after all these years, that you'd want to know… that it would make any kind of difference now?"
I gazed out over the water. Jack was behind me, not touching me, but my whole body was keenly aware of his. I knew he was thinking about the baby. What he should and shouldn't share with her, about how she came into the world. I took my time, thinking before I answered.
"I am who I am, Jack. Partly because of my mother. Partly because of the choices she made…
But I don't think there's anything that can change a lifetime of experiences. I don't believe I could learn anything about her that would change my past. Or my future… The truth is she didn't want me and I'm okay with that." I let a long breath go. "Tell the baby I loved her enough to give her the best father in the world. That I loved her enough to give her the best life possible. And that I never would have given birth to her, if I hadn't been sure she would be safe. And loved forever."
I felt Jack's arms wrap around me and I leaned back into his hard, steady warmth. I felt everything wash through me all at once. Attraction and passion. Friendship and lust. Gratitude and yearning. Need… and sorrow…
His hands moved down to caress my belly. There was nothing but tenderness in the gesture. I put my hands over his and held them as we watched the sun go down together. I realized that Jack had called the baby she, for the very first time and I smiled wryly as a tear ran down my cheek. He was thinking about fatherhood, and a baby girl as we watched evening fall. I wanted to tell him, but the words just wouldn't come. It would have been the perfect moment to surprise him, but not this way… not like this. I prayed silently that in a few more days, I'd be able to tell him what he wanted to hear…
But not now… not this perfect night. Maybe it had just been too soon. I knew there was still a chance… and yet deep inside I felt a fear I'd never known. All along, I'd been so sure. The wedding… this honeymoon… all because I had been so sure.
But I'd taken the test. Not just once, but twice. And both had given the same result.
The baby I had been so sure of, who we'd both been so sure of, simply wasn't there.
29
Jack
I couldn't put my finger on her mood. She was quieter than usual. But I knew pregnancy could cause so many changes… I just wanted to do everything I could to support her. To reassure her.
The moon was high and bright, reflecting off the water. Moki was awake now and straining at her leash. Hand in hand, we headed back to her, to be greeted with a whirlwind of yips and kisses. She was content only when Libby picked her up and cuddled her.
"I talked to India earlier," I offered, hoping to draw her out. We were taking the long way back to the house. "Blake, too. The merger's on track. And they both hoped we were having a great time…" I stopped as Libby put the puppy down on the sand, then I took her gently by the chin.
"I just want you to know… I've never enjoyed anyone's company as much as I do yours." Her eyes flickered and she looked back down. "It's not just about our agreement… or the baby. Or even how fucking good it is when we've crossed that line…
You're an amazing person, sweetheart. I want you to be happy…" I put my arms around her and felt her lean into me, her forehead on my chest. The puppy was busy nosing around in the bushes. "I know so much has happened so fast… Are you happy, Libby? No doubts, now that it's all really happening?"
I felt her shake her head, but she didn't answer. When she finally lifted her face to mine, her cheeks were wet.
"No doubts," she said very softly. "I want to do this for you… With you… I just don't want anything to happen… to disappoint you…"
I caught her face between my hands. Her skin was cool, soft. Everything inside me demanded I kiss her, but I held back. I fucking held it all back…
"You won't disappoint me, sweetheart. Not ever. It's the pregnancy that's making you emotional, that's all. Something we'll both have to get used to…" I smiled teasingly into her eyes. "It's made you even lovelier too…
And, god help me, that may end up being the biggest problem of all…"
We honored our commitment that night. Fucking hard as it was… and as I was… I saw Libby to her own room that night, leaving her with a chaste kiss on the forehead and Moki sprawled on the pillows. Libby had pleaded exhaustion, even though it was still fairly early in the evening. I headed back out to the beach for a moonlight swim. I was too keyed up to sleep and needed to work off all the energy running through me. Something told me that nine months from now, I was going to be in the best shape of my life.
The moon was full, and the light good enough there was no danger. I could make laps almost the length of the island without ever losing sight of the house. I stripped down completely, leaving my clothes on the sand.
The water churned and rolled as I swam. For more than an hour, I poured every ounce of energy into the ocean, legs pounding, arms reaching, stretching, pulling. I wanted to be completely spent by the time I climbed into bed alone. Otherwise, the lure of her might be too much. For no matter how hard I pushed myself, her image never left me. As hard as I swam, I seemed only to be getting closer to her… No matter how hard I tried to empty my mind, to let go of my need for her, all I could see was her bright, beautiful eyes and her soft, round body filled with me, filled with our child…
I headed for shallower water, a narrow cove with walls of rock. It was darker there, sheltered from the moonlight. For a while, I stood still, letting the waves push and pull at my body. It lapped at my chest and I remembered how Libby looked with the water licking at her full, heavy breasts. The water was so fucking warm, even at night. It swirled around my balls as they tightened. My cock throbbed as the water lapped against it. Wet and warm, the way Libby had been. It felt so good to be surrounded, engulfed. I took my cock in one hand and cupped my balls in the other. "I so fucking want this with you, sweetheart…"
I worked myself hard, punishin
gly hard. All the while, thinking of Libby.
I wanted her, but didn't have her.
I needed her, but she didn't feel the same.
She was going to have my baby, but I would have to raise that child without her…
It was how it had to be, and yet I didn't know how I could live…
The faster the thoughts came to me, the harder I stroked. Like I could push the truth away if I pushed myself hard and over the edge. I spread my legs wide, letting the water pound against my groin. I jerked, harder, faster, pushing myself toward oblivion and the image of my wife… I closed my eyes to the water and the stars. For just a moment, there was nothing else but her… and I exploded, giving everything I had inside me.
"I fucking love you, Libby. Oh, fuck… sweetheart…
I love you…"
A long time later, I gathered my clothes from the beach and dressed. I wanted a quick shower before bed, even though it was damned late. My body was exhausted, ready for sleep, but nothing I'd done had eased the need inside me. I stopped in the hall, by Libby's door, putting my hand on the knob. I wouldn't wake her. I just needed to see her… to know she was alright.
I opened the door, expecting to see her sound asleep with Moki in her arms. But she was crouched on the floor, her eyes wide and full of fear. There was a mess on the carpet and the puppy was limp and whining in her arms. In a second, I had them both in my arms.
"Oh, thank god, Jack! It's Moki. I woke up… she was sick… Oh, god, I think she's so sick…"
The relief I felt that it wasn't Libby who was in trouble was short lived. I took the puppy from her arms and saw her tongue loll. But she was breathing. And I could feel her heartbeat. "What happened? She seemed fine when we were on the beach…"
"She was," Libby said, leaning over my arm, stroking the puppy's head. "We got into bed and she fell right asleep. We both did. The next thing I knew, she was on the floor and… Oh, my god. She was sniffing around in the plants and flowers when we were talking. What if she ate something, Jack? Something that's poisonous…" Libby's face was white with fear, her voice small.
I wrapped Moki carefully in a blanket and handed her back to Libby. One call and I had a helicopter on the way. There was a landing pad behind the house and I'd had the pilot on standby all along, for Libby's sake. And for the baby's…
"St. Thomas," I ordered. "I want us there in fucking less than an hour." I shoved the phone in my pocket. "Let me take her, Libby," I said reaching out. "You should stay here and try to get some sleep. There's a vet clinic on St. Thomas, and I promise I'll let you know as soon as do."
"No, Jack," the words came out clipped. "I'm going too. There's no way I'm leaving her…" She held the puppy closer. "She needs me… I can't let her go without me…"
Her eyes pleaded as she held Moki tighter. "I need to be with her."
"Then get dressed. And I want you to eat something before the chopper gets here. We have a few minutes left…" I stroked the side of her face. "It'll be alright, sweetheart. I promise you. I'm not going to let anything happen to either one of you."
"It's a good thing you got her here when you did." The vet ran a hand through his grey hair. "I'd say she got into some kind of plant. It can cause some pretty serious gastritis in such a young dog. But she's not in any danger now and she's resting comfortably. We'll get her rehydrated, and if all goes well overnight, I think she can go home in the morning."
I felt Libby's body sag in relief against mine and I wrapped my arms around her. She'd spent the last two hours pacing, resting only when I made her sit beside me. I shook the man's hand and led Libby over to a loveseat in the corner.
"We should find a hotel and get some rest, sweetheart." I stroked her back with my hand, long, soothing strokes. "Moki needs her sleep, and so do you… There isn't anything else we can do here."
"I was so afraid… She's just so little and so helpless…" The tears Libby was holding back started to flow. "I couldn't bear it, if anything happened to her. I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry, but I can't leave. Even if she's sleeping… even if she's going to be fine now." A huge sob shook her shoulders as all the stress she'd been holding in started to let go. "You can go if you need to, but I won't leave Moki here all alone."
I held her as she let it all go and I wiped her tears, patting her back as if she were a child. My heart swelled with love for her, this kind and precious woman. There was so much I was aching inside to say to her, but I was quiet and just held her until her body finally relaxed and she was spent.
Once Libby was calm and had sipped the water I'd given her, I left her for a moment to speak with the receptionist. Maybe it was the generous donation check I dropped into the collection box, but five minutes later I had what I wanted, and headed back to collect my sweetheart.
I gathered her into my arms and kissed her forehead. Then I slipped down to take a quick, sweet taste of her salty, swollen lips. "So… I'll see you in the morning?" Her voice was unsure. I smiled, sinking into her eyes.
"No, sweetheart. They have an empty office here we can use for the night." I kissed her again, unable to stop myself.
"I know you can't leave her alone tonight. So if you're staying… then so am I."
30
Libby
I slept fitfully alongside Jack on the narrow sofa. Every few hours I would venture out to ask how Moki was. And Jack would follow me. Once, they let us go in to see for ourselves that she was just fine. She was sleeping soundly in her crate, nestled into a thick blanket and snoring contentedly.
Jack and I headed back to our little office and sat side by side, my head on his shoulder, his head resting easily on mine. "It'll be morning in a few more hours," he said. "Do you think you can sleep? You should try…"
I yawned and snuggled closer to his warmth. "Thank you," I said. "For taking care of Moki… for taking care of me too… For staying here with both of us."
"It's what you do for the… It's what you do," he answered back. His hand was working its magic along my spine and I could feel my body finally giving in to its need for sleep. His voice was deep and soothing, so close to my ear. I felt myself falling to sleep as he spoke to me...
"We'll get a room nearby in the morning, sweetheart. Where we can shower and I can feed you properly. You can get the sleep you and the baby need, and I can come back for Moki when they're ready to release her." His hand kept moving. So, so slowly… "We can be back on the island by dinnertime, back home and everything will be just fine. I promise you, sweetheart… I'll always be here to keep you and the baby safe…"
I woke from a deep sleep, my head was heavy and my thoughts were so jumbled… Then I felt Moki's cold nose bumping against my face and it all started coming back.
I sat up in the silky white sheets and listened to the shower running. Jack's clothes from the night before were casually draped over the back of a chair. Leave it to him, to find a five-star hotel room on the fly and convince them to allow a puppy to share the room. But then why not, when he had a helicopter at his beck and call…
I turned and looked at the clock. He'd let me sleep until three in the afternoon? I ran my hand over the pillow beside mine. It still held the warm shape of his head. I fell back, letting Moki curl against my side. I was so incredibly grateful she was okay, but there was a gnawing feeling in my belly. So much had happened and the moment had never come for me to tell Jack about the test I'd taken. It felt wrong to keep it to myself any longer. Wrong not to have told him right away. But deep down, I was still holding on to the chance I could still be pregnant. That I'd just taken the test a little too early.
I stroked the puppy's silky ear. One had the tendency to flop down lower than the other, giving her a curious look. She rested her chin on my belly and it rumbled.
I knew we'd head back to our island by tonight. And I knew that Jack was waiting on some important papers about the Warner deal to be faxed over. My stomach rumbled uneasily again. Maybe, in a few more days, I could take another test… Even if I
still wasn't pregnant, it didn't mean it couldn't work on the next try…
The sound of the water stopped and I heard Jack moving around in the bathroom. Moki lifted her head and turned expectantly. All the while my heart was beating faster and faster as I tried to push away the new and nagging fear in the back of my mind…
"My two best girls!" Jack burst through the door, a towel slung carelessly around his hips, rubbing at his hair with another. He came over to caress my hair. "Did you finally sleep? I hope you're hungry… I ordered room service before I got in the shower. The pancakes you asked for, a long time ago." He smiled and I felt my heart turn over.
"I'll keep an eye on her, if you want the shower before the food arrives." He sat down on the edge of the bed. "You're beautiful this morning," he said softly, holding my gaze.
"I… I'm… hungry," I stammered. His eyes moved slowly down my body. The white shirt I was wearing didn't leave much to the imagination. I hadn't taken the time to put on a bra… "Pancakes are good. Pancakes are great," I shifted and slipped out of bed. "I won't be long."
I didn't trust myself to watch him slip out of that towel. As it was, it was dangerously close to coming loose. He had droplets of water on his chest that I ached to lick up. All his kindness, his supportiveness had intensified every feeling I already had for him. I was hungry. But it was a hunger that food would never satisfy. I felt not only like my body was empty, needful, but that some greater, deeper place inside me was too. I felt like I'd been hungry all my life and was only just beginning to understand what that feeling meant…
I headed for the bathroom and closed the door tight. I could hear his gentle voice as he talked to Moki, I could imagine his hands on her little head. For just a second, I felt a flash of envy. That he loved Moki only for her for herself. That he loved the child who hadn't even been born yet, more than anything. I knew he cared for me too. But it was because I was going to give him a child. And he'd do anything to achieve that end.
The Baby Contract Page 11