by Rhonda Shaw
“You have no idea how amazing you look right now,” Matt murmured as he kneaded her butt before gripping her waist and pushing inside her, his thick, muscular thighs hitting the back of hers.
His fingertips roamed up the ridges of her spine and back down while a hand held her in place, his fingers digging into her hip. She pressed into him and moved her hips to match his hard thrusts.
Their wet skin slapped loudly against each other but their heavy breaths carried over the sharp contact. Her orgasm snuck up on her and she groaned into the carpet, her hips jerking and pitching as sensation exploded within her, but Matt held her tightly, keeping her in place as he continued to batter her.
Panting and sweaty, Shannon braced herself up even though she wanted to collapse. Matt pushed into her one final time with a long groan before stilling. He bent over her, his hot breath heating her skin before he dragged his nose along her spine to place a soft kiss on her lower back. She fell to her side and curled into a warm, complacent ball in the middle of the rug as she closed her eyes.
Matt chuckled a second before he said, “Goddamn it!”
She jerked upright, but he was already around the corner and shutting the door to the water closet. Shannon waited for what seemed like forever, but soon the toilet flushed, and he stepped out and took a deep breath.
“The condom broke,” he announced.
Her throat squeezed shut and her heart did a double stutter before settling into a hard, thudding rate.
“I’m sorry.” He walked over and sat down next to her on the rug. “I don’t suppose you’re on the pill too?”
She shook her head. “No. No, I’m not.”
Matt sighed as he closed his eyes and ran his hand over his short hair. He turned and pulled her to him, placing a kiss on her temple. “We’ll deal with whatever happens, but there’s nothing we can do about it now.”
She tried to take a deep breath, but she couldn’t stop the panic welling up within her, threatening to overflow. She couldn’t have a baby, especially not now. They weren’t even officially dating, never mind the fact she couldn’t keep her job if she had a child. Her plan to have fun with Matt didn’t include this, but that was no excuse and she was stupid to overlook the risk, the possibility, once she decided to have sex with him.
“You don’t need to worry about diseases or anything.” Matt held her close to him and rested his chin on her shoulder. “I’m clean.”
Shannon hadn’t even been thinking along those lines, fretting only about what she would have to do if she ended up pregnant.
“Thanks,” she mumbled. “Me too.”
“Hey,” he said and gently shook her. “We’ll be all right. I know it’s hard not to focus only on this and worry, but I don’t want this to ruin our time together this week. Okay?”
“It’s just a shock, you know?”
“I know, but we’ll deal together with whatever happens. You can trust me on that.”
Despite his assurances, Shannon couldn’t wrap her mind around how this could change everything. All of her plans killed with one shot. She couldn’t let that happen.
“I’ll need to get to a drugstore, to buy a morning-after pill.”
Matt’s expression hardened a bit. “Are you sure—?”
“I can’t do this now!” she interrupted, afraid he was trying to talk her out of it, and unable to hold back the panic. “We haven’t been together long, my job, your job, everything…it won’t work!”
“Okay, okay,” Matt said as he draped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her to his side. “I get it, I do. If that’s what you want, then we can do that. We can go tomorrow, right? I mean, we don’t have to go right this second, do we?”
“No, no, you’re right,” she said, trying to be as calm as him. “I think you have up to five days.”
“Okay, then that’s what we’ll do,” he said, giving her a squeeze before nodding toward the tub. “Want to get back in and warm yourself up? I’ll let you relax this time.”
Relieved with their decision, she nodded. “That would be nice.”
She let him help her up and together they climbed in. He turned on the warm water and fired up the jets again. Resting his arm along the edge behind her, he tucked her into his side and she laid her head on his shoulder, gazing at the flames flickering in the fireplace.
Surprisingly, relaxation settled over her, so comfortable and at peace next to Matt that she soon found herself wondering what she was so worried about, questioning why she had panicked. Would it be so bad if she did end up pregnant with Matt’s child? Sure, a lot would change and her plans would have to be altered, but having a baby wouldn’t be the end of the world. In fact, she thought as she let her eyes drift closed, a family with Matt might be pretty wonderful.
Chapter 13
The next morning, Matt and Shannon enjoyed breakfast together outside by his pool. Despite the big, bright sun lighting up the sky, the air remained cool, but would eventually reach almost seventy, resulting in another glorious day.
“I’m going to be spoiled with all of this sunshine,” Shannon said with a smile at Matt, who sat next to her reading the paper and petting Buddy, who never left his side. “Not sure how I’m going to be able to deal with the winter in Chicago after this.”
Matt didn’t take his attention away from the newspaper article when he asked, “Who said you have to?”
“What’s that?”
“Go back,” he replied, still not looking at her.
She studied him for a moment, taking in the entirety of what his simple statement encompassed. The idea of her and Matt making a life together did make her breath catch and her heart thump erratically, there was no denying it. It was all too much, though; everything so strong so quickly that she didn’t know how to handle it, what to think or what to do. Toss in the scare from the night before, which had progressed to almost acceptance, and overwhelming confusion swamped her. But her life and her job, all she’d worked very hard for, were back in Chicago and she couldn’t forget that, couldn’t just give up on that.
And because of her determination to stay the path she’d laid for herself, she laughed. “Right, like that could happen.”
Matt finally put the paper down and sat back in his chair, his blue eyes hard on hers. He had an irritated, almost mad, scowl and she wasn’t sure why. “Is it that bad?” he asked.
“What? Here?” she clarified and at his nod, she shook her head. “No, but this isn’t my life, Matt.”
“And you don’t want it to be?”
“Matt, come on. We barely know each other—” she started.
“Are you telling me you don’t feel what I feel?”
Her throat tightened. She so did not want to be having this conversation. She had intended to come down here, spend a wonderful time with Matt, but then move on. She couldn’t add this to her life now. As much as she wanted to, she simply couldn’t. “What are you saying?” she whispered.
Matt’s shoulders raised and he took in a deep breath, staring out over his backyard at the mountain range in the distance. His gaze finally came back to her and he leaned toward her, resting his elbows on his knees. Buddy plopped down with a huff, as though realizing Matt had turned his attention elsewhere. “Look, I know we have a lot to work through and there are multiple complexities that make this difficult, but I don’t know, Shannon. I really feel as if I’m—”
The ringing of her phone on the table interrupted whatever he’d been about to say. She wanted to ignore the intrusion, but she’d promised work she’d be available.
“Sorry,” she said as she picked up her cell. Apprehension washed through her when she unlocked her screen and saw the call wasn’t work but rather her father. “Hi, Dad.”
She didn’t miss Matt’s grimace in annoyance as he leaned back in his chair and picked up the paper. Standing, she walked away from the table toward the pool.
“What the hell is going on?” her dad said right off the bat. “How am I supposed to r
eact when Marcus calls me and says you’re not in the office, but you’re on vacation? Then I find out from Karen that you’re in Arizona. Why are you in Arizona?”
“Like you said, taking a vacation,” she answered in a low voice, hoping to keep her conversation from carrying back to Matt. “How did Mr. Barnes know?”
“He was checking on you as a personal favor to me and someone told him you’d requested time off. Again,” he stressed. “Why would you think this is okay? I don’t need to tell you this isn’t a good reflection on you or your work.”
Shannon closed her eyes and took a deep breath, reaching for patience, but also trying to ward off the hard ball of guilt forming. “I’m still working. Hours are being billed.”
“Why are you even in Arizona?”
“Um,” she said, not even sure how to explain things with Matt since she hadn’t planned to need to. “This guy lives down—”
“Guy? You’re flitting around with a man?” her father yelled. “This is ridiculous. So, not only are you not at work, which is where you should be if you want any chance at making partner, but you’re spending Christmas with some boy you can’t have known for very long, since we just saw you at Karen’s wedding and you didn’t mention you were seeing anyone.”
“I met him at the wedding,” she mumbled. She hated how he made her feel like a small child at times.
“Shannon,” he said with a blustery sigh. “You don’t have time for a relationship, especially a long-distance one. Why are you risking your career for this? You’ve worked so hard and now that you’ve finally gotten your first opportunity, at a firm most people would kill to get into, you’re going to throw it all away? And for what? Someone you barely know?”
Shannon looked across the patio at Matt, who still sat at the table. Shadows clouded her view of his face, but the rigid lines of his body clearly signaled his frustration. Even mad at her, however, he rendered her breathless simply by being. A sweet, fun and caring guy who exemplified perfection in everything he did and how he made her feel, and that was why she was there.
Her father was right, though. She’d put too much in, given too much up to get to where she was today only to risk her success by making foolish decisions with her heart rather than her head. Sacrifices. She’d told herself more than enough times to understand they had to be made…whether she liked them or not and regardless of fairness.
“It’s simply a quick break, and he’s just a friend,” she said. “I’m keeping up with work and I’ll be back after Christmas. I needed to see the sun, that’s all.”
“I don’t need to tell you—” he started, but she cut him off, growing tired of his lectures.
“No you don’t. I told you, everything is fine. I have it under control. Once I get back to Chicago, it will be like I never left.”
“Fine, but please remember a lot of eyes are on you and they know when you are not around. Questions asked, comments made. You don’t want to give them anything to use against you. You can’t afford to screw this up over a trivial affair.”
Shannon glanced back over her shoulder, but the seat stood empty as Matt had retreated into the house along with Buddy, leaving her alone outside. Trivial? Trivial did not describe her feelings for Matt, never mind the fact she could be pregnant, which definitely wasn’t inconsequential, but she couldn’t tell her father that. Her admission would lead to more lectures about things he didn’t understand nor did he care. He certainly wouldn’t accept it, so trying to gain as much from him would be a pointless and upsetting exercise. He only cared about one thing—her success as a lawyer.
Nevertheless, she reminded herself—her father’s voice now added to the mix— Arizona and a life with Matt wasn’t her reality. She couldn’t fall into the trap of questioning whether she actually wanted to return to Chicago, as she’d started to. Of course she did. Chicago was where her life was, where her job was; the job she’d worked her butt off in order get through school with a high GPA as well as editor on Law Review so she’d be attractive to such a competitive firm, regardless of her dad’s pulls. To think she’d never be resentful if she gave it all up was irrational and foolish.
The longer she stayed in Arizona, the harder it would be to leave, which meant she had to return as soon as she could. She’d originally planned to stay until after the New Year, but now new plans had to be made. The more she put her departure off, the higher chance she could talk herself out of it and put her job at further risk, which was unacceptable.
Telling Matt was going to be hard, probably the hardest things she’d ever had to do; she wasn’t naïve enough to believe it would be easy. Even now, she still wavered, wanting to give in and convince herself there was a way to make it work, that they could figure out something without anyone having to give up anything, but it was false hope. Staying would only prolong the eventual pain. As hard as it was going to be, she was going to have to put it all behind her and pretend she hadn’t fallen in love with him.
* * *
Christmas night, Matt and Shannon were hosting his family for dinner. Matt had told Shannon not to worry about trying to get anything together, promising the responsibility of preparing the meal was all his. She only needed to focus on work and be ready when everyone showed up. She appreciated the gesture and started to take advantage of the opportunity, but found she couldn’t concentrate on anything. Guilt washed over her every time Matt banged something around in the kitchen as she imagined him struggling to boil water.
Getting up, she walked out of the office toward the noise, patting Buddy on the head when he stood to follow her. The scents drifting from the kitchen smelled amazing and her mouth started to water. Shannon stopped right inside the doorway, the scene before her quickly dispelling any notion cooking was foreign to Matt. He stood in front of the island chopping up onions with a dishtowel over one shoulder and the sleeves of his navy button-down shirt rolled up to his elbows, revealing his thick forearms and the heavy platinum watch circling his left wrist. On the stove, water churned and bubbled while peeled potatoes waited next to the pot to be submerged. A dish of breadcrumbs stood next to the cutting board along with some celery and mushrooms.
“Wow! Look at you,” she exclaimed. “I had no idea.”
Matt gave her his winning smile as he continued to chop. “I can’t let out all of my secrets now, can I?”
Can’t there be one thing unappealing about you. He was not making things easy.
“Seriously,” she said as she sat on one of the stools lining the opposite side of the island. “You’d give Karen a run for her money. I must have missed this while I was at work on Thanksgiving.”
“I doubt it since Karen is a trained professional,” he said as he deftly transferred the now chopped onions to the same dish as the breadcrumbs before pulling a couple stalks of celery onto the cutting board. “I enjoy cooking though. It relaxes me.”
“I can’t think of anything more stressful,” Shannon said with a laugh. “But what can I do to help?”
He eyed her as she moved over to the sink to wash her hands. “You done with work?”
“I’ll never be done with work, but the brief can wait. I should be in here helping you and so that’s what I’m doing.”
“I’ve got everything covered, Shannon. It’s all right.”
“Nope, you’re not getting rid of me.” She planted herself next to him and hit the counter with her palm. “Now give me something to do.”
His blue eyes studied her for a moment before he leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips. “Thank you,” he said quietly.
She smiled back at him, forcing herself to ignore the roll her heart wanted to do in her chest, and maintain neutrality since everything was going to change very shortly, and not for the better. “You’re welcome. Just don’t yell at me when I burn something.”
Matt pulled out a cutting board. Turning around, he grabbed a knife from the wood block on the counter behind them and handed the blade to her handle first. “Then we’ll
give you something you can’t burn. Chop up these mushrooms, please.”
“I think I can handle that.” She took one from the bowl and placed it on the board.
They worked in companionable silence and Shannon tried to ignore how comfortable and right being with Matt felt. Her decision was made and she’d even purchased an airline ticket for the next day, but doubt still lingered and niggled at her. She had to ignore it and stay focused on her dreams.
All that remained was getting through the dinner with his family and then somehow telling Matt.
* * *
Sitting at the head spot at dinner, a sense of peace fell over Matt. Everyone important to him sat in his house, around his dining room table, which was all he ever wanted. His parents, his sister, his best bud, Jason, and now the woman who fit perfectly into the mix. He didn’t like others helping in his kitchen as he had his own rhythm and methods, but he’d appreciated Shannon’s help, especially since she had so much on her plate that she was willing to put it aside, and he liked how they had worked easily around each other. Granted, she wasn’t anything to write home about as far as cooking, but she chopped and stirred just as well any anybody else.
Matt took a sip of his wine, relaxed back in his chair, and let all the noise wash over him. Buddy inched over when Matt shifted, waiting patiently for Matt to pet him. Matt couldn’t resist, as always, and rubbed his head, even though his mother hated to have Buddy so close to the table especially with food around. Everything was perfect.
Following a lull in the conversation, Shannon started to gather the dishes and then held out her hands when his mother did the same.
“Oh, no, Lisa. Please, sit and relax. Matt and I have this. You are our guests.”
All eyes turned to Matt and he grinned. “I guess that’s my cue to get off my ass.”
“I want to help,” his mother insisted as she reached out for a plate, but Matt grabbed it before she could.