by Rhonda Shaw
“You heard Shannon, Mom, and you don’t want to get her mad at you,” he teased as he kissed her forehead. “Go into the other room and relax. We’ll only be a second and then we’ll open gifts.”
Matt shooed them all from the dining room into the family room before following Shannon into the kitchen where she’d already started to load the dishwasher. He stacked the dishes on the counter and stood behind her, shifting her long hair to the side to expose the slender column of her neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and for one instant she tensed before she relaxed. Assuming he’d misread her reaction, he placed a kiss just under her hairline.
She glanced at him over her shoulder and smiled. “What was that for?”
He shrugged as he leaned in and his lips bussed her nose. “Do I need a reason? How about just you being you.” Stepping beside her, he took a dish from her and loaded it in the dishwasher, and soon they had a flow going. “Thanks for helping out.”
“Of course,” Shannon said. “I may not be able to cook, but I can clean with the best of them. It’s the least I could do.”
“I think we work pretty well together,” he said and this time her flinch was obvious. “Something wrong?”
“Nothing. Why do you ask?” she asked with a frown, keeping her attention solely on her task.
“I don’t know,” he said as he placed a plate in the lower rack. “You seem tense or something.”
“No,” Shannon said before finally turning toward him. She smiled, but the light didn’t reach her eyes. “No, everything’s fine.”
“You thinking about your family?” He’d wondered if being with his on Christmas made her miss hers, but she hadn’t said anything.
She shrugged as she turned back to the sink. “I don’t know. I guess it is sort of weird. I talked with them this morning, though…” She broke off.
“Were they upset you weren’t there?”
She sighed and turned off the water. “Karen and my mom were. My dad’s still annoyed I’m not at work. Same conversation as the other day.”
What is with that guy? Her father seemed insistent she work herself to death. Why he pushed Shannon the way he did didn’t make sense to Matt, but he kept his opinions to himself since Shannon obviously cared about her father’s view on things. She’d proven as much when she’d taken his phone call right when Matt had been about to divulge his true feelings for her.
“Well, hopefully you assured him you’re still getting a lot done while you’re here,” he said. “I wouldn’t want him to think I’m letting you slack or anything.”
Shannon laughed as she shook her head. “I told him I’m working. Who knows? He gets uptight about stuff sometimes. He knows how hard I’ve worked for all this and he only wants what’s best for me. It’s fine. I’m fine,” she said as she squeezed his hands. “We should get back to the rest of them.”
She walked past him out of the kitchen and Matt leaned against the counter as she disappeared around the corner. She worried about work constantly and once she returned to Chicago he didn’t doubt she would submerge herself again. If she did that, who cares if he could travel wherever, whenever. They would never see each other and he had no idea what she thought about that. She didn’t appear to want to make any changes in her life, which pretty much sucked.
Stepping in the living room where the tree had been set up in the corner, he leaned against the doorframe. The scene in front of him was one he’d wanted for a long time, minus a couple of kids, but that still seemed out of his reach, unfortunately. This life wasn’t what Shannon had in mind for herself and she didn’t seem to be able, or want, to deviate. Sure, she’d agreed to come down here and spend time with him, but nothing she’d done or said had given him any confidence in her desire to try past this little trip. He didn’t doubt her attraction to him, no question the sex between them was amazing, and she might even care for him, but in the list of her priorities, he wasn’t anywhere near the top, and he’d just about run out of ways to try to at least get in sight of the top runners. He hated to give up, in fact almost never did, but a guy could only put himself out there so many times before his self-esteem started to take a beating.
“Sweetie, come sit down,” his mother said as she grinned up at him from where she sat, beckoning him into the room.
Matt smiled, trying to push aside the melancholy bringing him down. Right now, everything was perfect and would have to be good enough. He would deal with the rough stuff when he needed to, but now he wanted to enjoy the moment.
He sat on the loveseat next to Shannon and gave her a small smile as he squeezed her knee. “Who’s first?” Matt asked the room.
Everyone went at once, wrapping paper ripped off the gifts and strewn around. Buddy even had his own gift to unwrap, and everyone laughed as he bit into the paper and pulled off as much as he could, desperately trying to get down to the hard chew toy inside. Shannon opened the gifts his family had given her—an oversized coffee table book filled with pictures of Arizona from his parents, for which she thanked them profusely, and a simple black sweater from Caitlyn. When another gift landed in her lap and she read his name on the tag, she glanced at him. Matt didn’t miss the wariness, which cut at him because he didn’t understand what was behind it, but he gave her an encouraging smile, prodding her to open the small box. She let out an almost audible sigh of relief when she spotted the scarf inside. He’d picked the silky accessory because the vibrant cobalt-blue fabric matched perfectly with the color of her eyes.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you,” she said to him.
“You’re welcome.”
Matt kept his gaze on her, thinking she’d never looked so beautiful before. A pretty pink flush highlighted her cheeks from the warmth of the room, and the reflection of the multi-colored lights on the tree glittered in her eyes. Shannon appeared relaxed and content, almost carefree and soft. He wished he could keep her happy all the time, but soon she would start to worry about work again and the hard lines would reappear, tightening her jaw and her temple. No question she was still beautiful, but the stress she tried to hide from everyone produced a hardness to her and he hated that she did it to herself.
Shannon handed a gift to him. “Open yours.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he said as he leaned to the side closer to her, their shoulders touching.
“I wanted to. It’s a bit difficult getting someone who has everything something he doesn’t already have, but I tried.”
“You already gave me what I wanted,” he said in a low voice.
A creased formed between her brows. “What’s that?”
Matt picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. “You.”
She hitched in a breath and sadness crept into her eyes before she shoved it out. “Stop.”
He shrugged. “I’m serious, but if you don’t want to believe me, okay.”
“Just open it.”
Matt pulled off the paper and opened the nondescript box. It was heavy and when he lifted the tissue, he understood why.
“I noticed you didn’t have one like that. I thought it was pretty neat…” She stopped, obviously uncertain.
He reached in and pulled out a perfect replica of a baseball, even down to the stitching, made out of silver. Most likely meant as a paperweight—an expensive one at that—but his wouldn’t end up on his desk. His was going on his shelf in his bedroom with the rest of his baseballs, all of them holding a special meaning to him. “It’s awesome,” he told her, touched she’d been able to pick out something so perfect for him.
“You probably already have one—”
“No,” he interrupted. “No, I don’t. I mean it, Shannon. I love it. Thank you.”
She gave him a small smile and let him pull her to him in order to touch his lips gently to hers. “Thank you,” he said again in a whisper.
She reached down and plucked up another gift. “Here’s another one for you,” she told him.
He frowned. “You didn’t
need to do that.”
“I didn’t,” she told him with a small grin. “I found it on the front porch the other day.”
“Oh.”
Grabbing the tag, he turned it over and had to check his reaction. He recognized the handwriting as Natalie’s, and he absolutely did not want to open the gift in front of everyone, if at all. Instead, he calmly placed it behind the couch, trying to act as if nothing was wrong even though he would have preferred to stomp on it before tossing it in the trash.
“Why didn’t you open it?” Shannon asked.
He shrugged. “I didn’t want to.”
“Why not? Who was it from?” his mother said, the entire room curious now.
“Nobody,” he insisted.
“Matt,” Jason warned, catching on very quickly.
“It’s from one of my sponsors, that’s all,” Matt told them with a warning glance at Jason. “It’s probably batting gloves or something equally boring. Nothing exciting,” he assured them.
A gasp from the couch captured everyone’s attention from Matt. Caitlyn had turned beet red as she held a bracelet in her hands.
“Oh,” Shannon said as she leaned closer. “Is that one of those charm bracelets?”
Caitlyn didn’t answer, only stared at Jason, who sat at the opposite end from her looking uncomfortable.
“Jason?” Caitlyn eventually said.
“What?” Jason replied with a shrug, trying to detract the attention away from them. He ran a hand over his curly hair before sitting up a bit. “I heard girls like those, so I thought you might…” He dropped off with another awkward shrug, obviously embarrassed.
“Jason, these are…I don’t know, personal,” Caitlyn said.
He frowned. “Personal? What do you mean?”
“The charms. You pick ones that mean something.”
“Okay. It isn’t like I don’t know you. I grew up with you, for God’s sake.”
Caitlyn went through them and Matt studied his sister and his friend, the tension palpable between them. If he had to guess, Jason had most likely pissed her off and hoped the gift returned him into her good graces. Although a good guy, Jason sometimes did idiotic things and didn’t use his head. What he’d done to Caitlyn, Matt had no idea, but he’d guess probably slept with one of her friends and wasn’t calling her back. Whatever had caused the rift, Matt wasn’t getting involved.
“What does this one mean?” Caitlyn asked Jason as he she held up a small key.
Jason turned an interesting shade of red as everyone waited for him to respond. “I don’t know. Maybe it was on there already. I don’t remember.” He quickly stood and feigned a stretch. “I’m going to head out. Love you guys. Merry Christmas!”
Jason leaned down and embraced Lisa before walking over to pull Shannon into a hug as well, but he avoided Caitlyn. Matt stood and patted his friend on the back. “You sure, man?”
“Yeah, it’s cool. We’ll talk,” he said pointedly at Matt under his breath before retreating and Matt knew he meant about the gift from Natalie. “Thanks again for everything,” he said as he shook their dad’s hand on his way out.
Soon after Jason had gathered his things, his parents and Caitlyn headed out as well. Once the door shut behind everyone, Matt and Shannon eyed the mess left behind, paper and ribbons everywhere, but cleaning was the last thing on his mind. Shannon, apparently of the same mindset, collapsed back on the couch, stretching out.
“Why are holidays so exhausting?” she asked.
Matt lifted her feet and dropped down, putting them in his lap as he rubbed them through her socks. “I don’t know, but they are, that’s for sure.”
They sat in silence for a bit, both of them staring at the tall evergreen covered in decorations from top to bottom, not a branch remained empty. Matt usually didn’t decorate, but Shannon had insisted. He hadn’t had many ornaments and so they’d bought some, and Shannon picked out one of everything in every color. To his surprise, he’d enjoyed trimming the tree with her, especially afterward when he’d laid her out on the floor and made love to her under the twinkle of lights. If he had his way, he would make it a yearly tradition.
Reaching behind the couch, Matt pulled out another gift.
“I got you something else, but I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone.”
Shannon jerked up as she eyed the long, thin package with apprehension. “You didn’t have to get me anything else.”
“I know, but I wanted to. I saw it and I wanted you to have it.” He placed it on her lap. “Open it,” he said when she made no move to do so.
She gave him another long look before she ripped the paper off. When she opened the blue velvet case, her breath caught. “Oh my…”
Shannon pulled out the platinum diamond tennis bracelet with multiple large diamonds set between equally large sapphires. He didn’t miss how her hands shook. “I can’t accept this.”
“Why not?” he asked, having a feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer.
She laid the bracelet back in the case before she placed it on the coffee table in front of them. She clasped her hands in her lap and took a deep breath. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
He’d expected not to like what she said, but he definitely hadn’t anticipated that. “What?”
“I need to get back,” she said in a rush. “I have so much work to do and I have to get back. To Chicago,” she added lamely.
Matt stared at her as disbelief washed through him before he pushed himself up and paced around the room. “You’re just telling me this now? What happened to staying until after the New Year?”
“I have to get back,” she repeated. “We all knew this was just a vacation. If I’m going to get the partnership, then I need to take things seriously and I need to be there. In the office.”
“No, I didn’t know this was just a vacation,” he told her, anger lacing his words. “I personally thought it was much more than that.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Is this your decision or are you doing what your father wants you to do?”
Her shoulders immediately stiffened. “Of course it’s mine. I’ve been saying the same thing since day one. You’ve just refused to hear it.”
“Yes, you’ve been saying as much but your actions have been very different.”
Her mouth gaped opened as she tried to find a retort, but came up empty.
He shook his head. “You’re very quick to throw in the towel on this.”
“Matt,” she said with pleading eyes. “We both know this isn’t going to work and so why keep going with the charade? Why make it harder for both of us? My life, my career, is in Chicago. I know that and you know that.”
“I do know that,” he said unable to stop his voice from rising. “But I thought we said we were going to try. This doesn’t seem like trying to me.”
“We did try,” Shannon said.
“This?” he cried as he threw his hands out. “This wasn’t trying. This was the easy part, Shannon. We both knew after the holidays it was going to be difficult and now it seems you’re wimping out from actually trying.”
Her back jerked straight and a hard expression fell over her face. “I’m not wimping out on anything. I’m being realistic. You, however, refuse to admit this impossible situation will not work.”
“Maybe because I want it to work, I want us to work, no matter what,” he exclaimed as he pointed at his chest with his finger for emphasis. “I can’t say you feel the same way.”
Her throat moved as she swallowed and then retreated within herself. At that exact moment, Matt knew he’d lost her. “You’re right,” she finally said. “I can’t say I feel the same way. I’ve wanted one thing for so long that I can’t walk away from that, no matter how good things are with you.”
He stared at her, at a loss as to what to say before he understood nothing else remained unsaid. Did he really want to be with someone he had persuade to be with him? No, he didn’t. And with that realization, he gave her one last look b
efore walking out of the room.
Chapter 14
Shannon slouched down in her chair, exhausted. It was almost eight o’clock—no, scratch that, it was nine o’clock at night and she was still at the office. The last time she’d glanced at her watch, it’d been six and she’d told herself only one more hour…three hours ago. She’d missed dinner, but given her current level of stress, hunger didn’t even register, which was the theme lately.
Ever since returning to Chicago, she’d dove headfirst into work. She slaved all day and night, only going back to her apartment in order to fall into bed, repeating the routine the next day. Leaving work at a reasonable time was out of the question because if she did, all she did was sit and dwell…about him. Drowning herself in work equaled survival.
She couldn’t think about Matt. To do so made her miserable…more than she already was. They hadn’t spoken one word in six weeks since he’d dropped her off at the airport in Arizona, and his only words to her then were to ask what airline and flight time. As he drove out of her life, she’d fought the urge to call him back and tell him she’d lied when she’d told him she didn’t want things to work out between them. The lie had been a necessity, a means of survival, to preserve and protect her dreams. The look on his face had torn her apart, pierced a gaping hole in her heart, one with no hope of healing. She’d been convinced time away from him doing what she’d said she wanted would make the pain and hurt disappear, so certain the out-of-sight-out-of-mind logic would work, but no. Separation made everything worse and only full submersion to the point of exhaustion provided the escape she needed, by not allowing her thoughts to wander because, truth be told, she absolutely regretted what she’d done and what she’d said. Her only defense for her actions was she was a big fucking wimp. A big fucking wimp who was unable to admit to having second thoughts. Matt had absolutely been right to call out how her actions spoke louder than her words. They did.
The fact of the matter was she did have misgivings around some of her life decisions, clear evidence of such being the stabbing disappointment when she’d started her period. Had she truly wanted to turn up pregnant with Matt’s child? Was that why she’d never revisited getting the morning-after pill? The timing still would have been terrible and the situation less than ideal, but yes. As twisted as it was, yes. With the need to worry removed, sorrow settled into its place.