by Rhonda Shaw
“Aww, how cute. He was over the moon at the hospital. I didn’t think he was going to let anyone else hold him.”
“He wasn’t going to,” Karen said. “I had to remind him I was the one with the boobs and therefore, I had to hold Zach in order to feed him.”
Shannon laughed. “That’s awesome. You got a good one, Karen.”
An expression of pure love filled Karen’s face and her eyes misted. “I do, don’t I? Now stop or you’re going to make me cry like a fucking sap. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Guess who’s preggers?”
“Is she?” Shannon said, guessing who immediately. “Oh, that’s wonderful! I know they’ve been trying.”
“Yep. She’s only about a couple months along, and they didn’t want to tell anyone yet, but I guess Chase hasn’t been able to stop smiling, and I pulled it out of Maddie since she’s been dragging so much lately. She’s due in the beginning of November.”
Envy surged through her again. Her turn would come one day, she kept telling herself. Maybe. “I’m so happy for them.”
“I’m jealous since they have a built-in babysitter with Bree. She’ll make an amazing older sister,” Karen said. “Anyway, enough of the baby talk. It gets old, even to me. So what have you been up to?”
Shannon shrugged. “Just trying to find a job. I really need to get moving on that and get out of Mom and Dad’s. I have the money for my own place, but still figuring out location. Waiting to see if we get any bites on some of the firms we’ve contacted.”
“Are you only looking here in Michigan?”
“There’s a couple back in Chicago that Dad knows, but yeah, mostly here. I would prefer to stay nearby so I can spend time with my gorgeous nephew.”
Karen eyed her and Shannon could tell she wanted to make a comment about the job search, but, thankfully, she kept her mouth shut for once. Instead, she said, “How are things with Matt?”
“Matt?” Shannon asked. “Who said anything about Matt?”
Karen paused as she studied her and then she sighed. “I take it you’re still avoiding him?”
“I was never avoiding him,” Shannon told her with huff. “He made it loud and clear what his decision was. He basically put me in the position of having to choose him over a job. Sorry, but I’m not going to do that, especially given everything that has gone down between us. It’s not like he’s Mr. Trustworthy.”
“I thought you loved him and wanted to come up with a compromise? You both have very demanding jobs, but there’s got to be a middle ground somewhere.”
“Wait a minute,” Shannon said as she held up her hand. “I thought you were mad at him?”
“Of course I am,” Karen said. “But I’m sure he had his reasons for not telling you about Natalie, which I’m sure he told you about. If you’re okay with it, than I am. I never thought he kept it from you because he wanted you to get hurt or anything. I was just pissed that it had to get as far as it did before it all came to head. It was scary as hell and I’ll never forget it for the rest of my life, but it’s because of Matt that you’re weren’t more hurt than you were. You might not be here today if it wasn’t for him, so I have to remember that.”
Shannon froze. “What are you talking about?”
“What do you mean?” Karen said. “He pushed you out of the way. He basically threw his body in front of yours when bat-shit crazy chick pulled out the gun.” When Shannon continued to look at her with a puzzled expression, Karen’s eyes widened. “You did know he took the bullet for you, didn’t you? How else did you think you got hurt? I thought you remembered everything.”
“I…I didn’t know,” Shannon said, stunned. “I assumed I got caught up with people rushing her.”
She recalled the weight of something heavy landing on top of her, and the searing pain in her head and shoulder, but she hadn’t known Matt had thrown his body in front of hers. He’d stepped between her and Natalie, and because of her, his career was in jeopardy. She hadn’t pulled the trigger, but the bullet had been meant for her. She’d clearly seen Natalie change her aim in her direction. Matt had risked his life for her and this was how she paid him back. Being wishy-washy about what she wanted and afraid to take a stand for who she was. She hadn’t even said, “Thank you.” No wonder he walked away from her. She would have too.
* * *
Stepping up to the reception desk of the law firm of Danner, Honeyman and Wagner, Shannon introduced herself. “Hello. Shannon Morrison here to see Mr. Walters.”
The receptionist smiled brightly at her. “I’ll let them know you’ve arrived. Please have a seat.”
Shannon smiled in thanks, turned and sat in a dark mahogany leather club chair. She tucked her briefcase next to the leg and crossed her feet at the ankles. Her third interview in as many days, and so far, she’d left each one less and less excited about the prospect of joining another large firm. She tried to come across as eager and enthusiastic, but failed, and, as a result, there’d been no callbacks. She had to do something, however. She couldn’t remain jobless forever.
Her phone buzzed from within her purse, indicating an incoming text. Karen had sent her a picture of Jerry sleeping on the couch with Zach in his arms. Both of them had their heads thrown back as they slept hard and Karen captioned the photo with, “Like father, like son.”
Shannon started to grin at the sweet picture before the smile quickly fell. She couldn’t get upset before she went in for the interview—a sure way to blow it—so she put her phone back into sleep mode and placed it out of sight. She wouldn’t think about how the adorable picture of Jerry and his son tugged at her heartstrings, making her want things she couldn’t have. She couldn’t let it distract from what she had to do, and that was secure a job.
A well-dressed woman walked up to the receptionist’s desk and slouched down with a huff. She had on an expensive black suit with a three-button blazer cinched at the waist, and a narrow skirt that hit right above her ankles. She leaned against the front desk to relieve some of the pressure off her feet, which were stuffed in three-inch black heels. A tight bun held her blond hair, and her makeup was flawless, but stress and exhaustion lined her face, evident even from where Shannon sat across the room.
“Oh, man. What a day,” she bemoaned to the receptionist.
“Tough day in court?” the young woman asked.
“Omigod, yes,” the lawyer said in a low voice. “I hope this trial wraps up soon.”
“You’re going on vacation with your family afterward, right?”
“Oh, no. I’m not able to go. My husband is going to take the kids.”
The receptionist frowned. “You’re not even going to meet them?”
“No can do. I can’t leave here. Too much to do.”
“Well, that’s great your husband is willing to take them all by himself,” the receptionist said, obviously trying to find some positive in the situation.
“Oh, my husband is a godsend. Really he is. He goes to all of their sporting events, handles everything with their schools, and takes them everywhere. Most of the time they go on vacations without me. They know mom is out there making the money so they can do all of that,” she said with a laugh. Her cell phone started to ring and she glanced at the display. “Oh, duty calls again. Talk to you later.”
The receptionist and Shannon watched as she walked down the hallway to her office talking to whoever had called. Shannon caught the receptionist’s shocked gaze and they both looked at each other for a moment as if to say, “Can you believe that?”
That was probably the saddest thing Shannon had ever heard. The woman had no time in her life for her kids or husband, and they went on with their lives without her. She provided monetary support and nothing else. She didn’t cheer them on as they played their favorite sport or have fun with them on the weekend. She didn’t help them work through their troubles, their schoolwork, or even offer a shoulder to cry on. She was a fleeting figure that rushed in and out of the picture, and Shannon wondered how they fe
lt about that. Were they okay with it, understood that it was mom’s job supporting their lifestyle? Or were they resentful and wished mom was more involved in their lives?
But that wasn’t what bothered Shannon the most, however. The exchange hit her hard because that was her down the road. If she ever got married and had kids, she wouldn’t be a part of their lives if she continued on this path. Hell, if she continued down this path, she might not ever meet anyone and have kids.
She pulled out her phone and studied the photo of Jerry and Zach again. She wanted that. She wanted that so badly. Why was she doing this to herself?
She missed Matt, so much so that everything ached. The pain of his rejection hurt so much, but she didn’t blame him for turning away from her. She would have done the same thing. He’d stood up for their relationship in the truest sense of the word by literally using his body as a shield, while she cowered in the background, letting herself be pushed away from Matt and toward the life she didn’t want, afraid to oppose, unwilling to stand up for herself. What the fuck was wrong with her?
Since when had she become such a pushover? Since when did she let someone else dictate things? She didn’t, except when it came to her father. It was way past time for her to start standing up for herself. Shannon needed to put her foot down and she needed to do it now. She needed to tell him to let her live her life the way she wanted. To let her follow her dreams, her real dreams. Not the ones he wanted for her. She shouldn’t feel guilty about not wanting to be the big-time lawyer with fame, prestige and money like he wanted. It wasn’t who she was.
It didn’t meant she didn’t want to be a lawyer; it wasn’t that. She did enjoy law, but she wanted to support the little guy who didn’t have anyone to stand up for him. She didn’t want to represent the big corporations or the executives who took advantage of their employees or misused their funds out of greed for wealth and power, and felt horrible for having done so. She wanted to be the advocate for those who had no voice, not those who should be silenced. But most of all, she refused to let her job control her life, be her life.
She shoved the phone back in her purse and grabbed her briefcase. She walked over to the receptionist’s desk and gave her a smile. “I’m sorry, but something has come up and I need to leave. Please give Mr. Walters my apologies.”
“Oh,” the girl said, clearly surprised. “Would you like to reschedule?”
Shannon shook her head. “No, that won’t be necessary. Thank you.”
She turned and walked out of the office, away from the life she didn’t want and toward the one she did.
Chapter 23
Shannon stormed into her father’s office, causing his secretary to glance up in surprise. “Shannon? Is everything okay?”
“Hi, Carol. Is he available? I need to talk with him.”
She reviewed his schedule. “It appears he does have a few minutes free before his next meeting. One second.”
Shannon shook her head. “Don’t bother calling him. He talking to me now whether he wants to or not.”
Carol’s mouth dropped open and she stood as she said, “But…”
Shannon ignored her as she went straight to the door of her father’s office and opened it. She had to do this now before she chickened out again.
He sat at his desk and glanced up in surprise at the intrusion. “Shannon?”
“I need to talk to you.” She stepped in and closed the door behind her. She leaned her back against the hard wood and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to work in a large firm.”
He tossed down his pen and frowned. “What?”
She pushed off and walked further into the room. “I don’t want to work in a big firm. I don’t want to work my ass off to become a partner. I don’t want only work to be my life.”
He leaned back in his chair and pressed his fingers into a steeple. “This is all quite a drastic change.”
“I know, but…I’m not happy, Dad. Isn’t that what you said you wanted?”
“Of course I want you to be happy. I don’t understand how working toward your dreams has made you unhappy, however.”
“Because…” she started, but then broke off, struggling to shore up her nerves. She couldn’t back out now. She’d burst if she kept everything inside her much longer. She had to lay it all out there and deal with his reaction. “Because I’ve realized I want other things.”
“Such as?”
“Such as a boyfriend, a family, a…a life. I’m so tired of work being my life and having no time for anything else. I haven’t had time for myself since college and I’m done. I don’t want that life. I thought I was willing to make those sacrifices, but the truth is I’m not.”
He stared at her in silence and anger hardened the lines of his face. He didn’t say anything for another moment before he finally sniffed a quick breath through his nose and cleared his throat. “Him. Is that what you’re saying? You don’t want all of this because of him?”
“Please stop,” Shannon begged. “Stop talking about him that way. In fact, you should be thanking him.”
He scoffed. “Thanking him? What on earth would I have to thank him for? Intentionally putting my daughter in danger? Oh, yes, please let me thank him for that.”
“He didn’t intentionally do anything. He was taken by surprise by this just as I was.”
“Bullshit,” her father swore, a rarity for him, unless his anger got the best of him. “He knew she was dangerous. Why else would he file a restraining order?”
“He knew she was stalking him and she wouldn’t leave him alone, yes,” Shannon said, refusing to back down this time. She wouldn’t let him continue to drag Matt’s name through the mud. “But no, he didn’t know she was dangerous. He filed the order because he wanted her out of his hair.”
He waved her off. “Excuses. Still nothing to thank him for.”
Shannon leaned over the desk. “What he did,” she said as she punctuated each word with a finger against the top, “was save me. If it wasn’t for him, I may not be here.”
Her father’s shrewd eyes assessed her. “And exactly how did he convince you of that?”
She bit her tongue, ignoring his intimation. “When she pulled out the gun, she aimed at me. Not him. Me! He threw himself between me and her, and took the bullet clearly meant for me.” She poked her chest as she tried to get her dad to feel some emotion other than anger. “Me, Dad. Not him. Me.”
“Why haven’t I heard this before? I don’t recall reading this in any of the witness reports.”
“I don’t know. Everything happened so fast that maybe they didn’t recall exactly how it all went down. You and I both know eyewitness reports are not always completely accurate. I certainly didn’t remember it.”
“I don’t believe it. This is what he wants you to believe.”
“No, Dad,” she insisted. “He didn’t tell me this. He hasn’t said anything to me about it. Karen mentioned it, and after she told me, I remembered.”
He chuckled. “Karen? Oh, now we’re going to take the Queen of Drama’s word on things?”
“Listen to me for once, please!”
He stopped laughing and stood. “Don’t raise your voice at me, young lady. I always hear you.”
“No, you don’t! You don’t ever hear me! You only hear what you want to hear.”
“Well, what is it that you want me to hear so damn much? Say what you want to say.”
“I’m not going to any more job interviews. I don’t want that job.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. That’s exactly what you want and what you’ve always wanted—”
“Stop!” Shannon cried and his mouth closed in shock. “Stop telling me what I want. It’s not what I want. I just wanted you to be proud of me, proud I was your daughter, and so I went along with it.”
“Well.” He cleared his throat and shoved his hands into the pockets of his gray slacks. “This is all very surprising. I had no idea you felt this way.” He shifted uncomfortably and toye
d with a paperweight on his desk. “What is it that you want to do then?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “I’ve been tossing around the idea of opening a private practice. Or maybe working for a small firm, one that would allow me to do some pro bono work on the side.”
“Pro bono work?” he asked, not able to hide his distaste.
She hesitated, waiting to drop the biggest bomb of them all. The one that would be the deciding factor in where things stood between them after all this. “In fact, I’m going to study for the July bar in Arizona.”
“Arizona? Why Arizona?” he asked, but he soon caught on. He sighed and narrowed his eyes at her. “Matt. You seriously are going to forgive him? After everything? Shannon, even you can see how foolish that is.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Dad. He was stupid not to tell me about Natalie in the beginning, but that’s all it was—stupidity derived from his own insecurities about the situation. He had no other reasons to hide it from me, and I believe him.”
“You’re going down there to be with him? You’re moving to Arizona?”
Shannon nodded. “Yes. I love him and I want to be with him.”
He sighed. “I don’t know what to say…”
“How about nothing changes between us?” she suggested as she sniffed. “That you understand and only want my happiness? No matter what?”
His back stiffened, a clear indication she’d asked for too much. “I…I can’t help you with any of this…I don’t agree and I certainly don’t approve, especially when it comes to him.” He raised his gaze to her, his eyes hard and cold. “I’m done.”
Shannon tried to swallow past the rock lodged in her throat. This was exactly what she’d been trying to avoid. He took this as a personal insult and didn’t have the trust in her to accept, only reject. There was nothing more for her to say. To give in was to give up on herself and she refused to do that ever again. She could only hope with time he’d come around. And if he did, she would be waiting. But even if he didn’t, she wouldn’t put her life on hold because of his stubbornness.