by Janeal Falor
“Most queens change the heads of their departments. The guard is usually the first to go. Plus, the attacks happened on his watch.”
The thought didn’t cross my mind, other than with Ranen. He's the only one who makes my skin crawl to that point. Not that I trust the others, but there's no sense replacing someone I don't trust with another I don't trust either. Besides, I know no one to take the jobs. “Is that what you wanted to happen?”
“No, Your Majesty. I believe Jaku will serve you well enough.”
Well enough. Now there's an endorsement if I ever heard one. I'll have to keep an eye on him. I'll have to keep an eye on them all if I want to be safe. The thought alone exhausts me. I'm used to obeying orders. This role is far beyond me.
“Is there anything you need?” He's closer than before, his voice soft.
I can only stare. Is he serious?
“Anything at all?” he asks.
Words finally come to me. “Why do you ask?”
“Because you are my queen. I promised to serve you, and…”
When he doesn't finish, I say, “And what?”
He shakes his head. “I will help you any way you need, Your Majesty.”
It seems like there’s more he's not saying. I wonder but don't feel like pushing. Not now, when there are assassins after me. I have to find out who's leading them, not spend time finding out more about Nash.
Killers after the Shadow Wraith, though I doubt they know it's so. I didn't think the day would ever come. Daros always protected me from others coming after me. Threatened them if anything happened to my life. They didn’t know who I was, just that I was untouchable.
Such thoughts do me no good. I need to focus on the here and now. “Thank you for your willingness. The only thing I need is to find out who is sending these assassins.”
“I will do everything in my power to help you find them.”
Something about the tone of his voice has me believing him, whether that’s smart or not.
Chapter 17
The world is barely fuzzy this time. The woman in green comes into clarity and immediately asks, “Who are you?”
I sigh. “I'm no one.”
“Then, for now, I'm no one as well,” she says. “You didn't come to bed early.”
“The city lights are much more interesting to watch.”
“And yet, you still didn't have a nightmare.”
It's true. Three nights in a row. How can that be?
“I told you—magic. It's time you start believing what I tell you. We're working up to that, aren't we?”
“Maybe.” She doesn't feel like me. Or talk like me. And she knows things I don't.
“Exactly. It's time to trust that this is a real experience, even if you're sleeping,” she says. “It can't take long for you to trust me on this; there's too much for us to do.”
“Why can't we do it now?”
“Very well, then. Who is Daros? Even being here, I can't tell who he is. You keep it so closed up.”
“My old master.”
“I know that much, but your old master of what?”
I feel someone searching. Looking hard inside me. It's a peaceful, unobtrusive touch.
I wake.
That was not what I expected. Why did my dream end differently this time? Whatever the reason, I'm done with sleep for now. I don't care how nice the lady in green seems, there are some places I don't go.
I could tell her about the trainings. They weren't all bad. They weren't good either. My muscles are hardened with years of experience. But what good would it be to tell a dream figure that? Besides, I hate what I am.
I get down on the floor and start doing push ups, not caring about my night gown. I spend spare moments snatching what exercise I can. I have to keep my body in peak physical condition, though there isn't as much time to do it as before.
I blot my forehead. What's more than not wanting to tell the lady in green, I didn’t like her searching my thoughts, even if she was gentle about it.
No one is allowed into my memories. Not even me.
At least, not without consequences.
Chapter 18
I'm sitting in one of my new chairs, with Nash across from me. He's attempting to teach me more of what I need to learn, but I can't concentrate. My meeting with Daros is still in my mind. I need him out of there. The lady in green makes thoughts of him come even more frequently.
“We should work on conversations,” he says.
I stare at him.
“Don't you think?” he asks.
“What about them?”
“How you converse with others is important. It can show a lot of grace and decorum or it can be crass and unappealing.”
“Did someone put you up to this?” I can't imagine him coming up with it on his own.
“It doesn't matter. What's important is your words. Do you think what you just said would be acceptable among the Kurah class?”
“Who was it? Jem?”
“You didn't answer my question.”
“Jem, then. Good to know.”
“No,” he says with a sigh. “It wasn't Jem. I answered your question. Will you answer mine?”
I tap a finger to my lips, pushing back thoughts of Daros. “One of the other ladies in waiting?”
“It was my mother. All right?”
Not what I was expecting. “Why did your mother suggest such a thing?”
“She's not a royal, but she used to be a servant for Queen Amily. She knows things.”
“And she thinks I need better conversational skills?”
He shifts in his chair. “She suggested some topics that would help you learn your place better.”
I don't like the sound of that. “I can speak on any topic well enough when I feel like it.” I was trained to fit in. “I've been thinking.”
“Yes?” Nash sounds exasperated.
It's time to change the subject to something I care about, to thoughts of my own instead of on Daros. There's one thing that might work. “I am the queen of Valcora. It's time I act like it.”
“How so?”
It's something I have to think about. What difference can I make as royalty? “I want to get to know the people.”
He relaxes back into his chair. “I think it's only fitting, since you've barely left your rooms since you became queen.”
I try to ignore the rebuke.
“Didn't you know the people when you were out among them?” he asks.
I don't want to get into just how little I interacted with them. Just how little I was a part of anything that didn’t have to do with killing. “I didn't know them as their queen.”
“Hmm.”
“I think it fitting I do so now.”
“What did you have in mind?” he says after a moment's pause.
“A ball,” I say.
“A ball?”
“Isn't that what royalty does?” I ask.
“Royalty, yes, but it doesn't seem very you.”
“What would be more me?”
“I haven't figured that out yet.”
Well, that's the most unhelpful thing I've heard all day. “Well, until you do, a ball it will be.”
“A coronation ball, I should think,” Nash says.
“I haven’t heard of one of those. Why is that?”
“Not all queens live long enough to be coronated, but we'll make certain you do,” he says, face serious.
He wants me to live.
The realization warms me to the core. Someone wants me to live. But now's not the time to grow mushy. “How much time do you think is needed for someone to plan?”
“I haven't a clue. But we'll say a week. Preferably two.”
“Fine. Two weeks. Use all the help you need. I doubt you've planned a ball before.”
“No, but I do have sisters obsessed with things like this. They bore me to tears talking about them.”
That's new. “Would they be willing to help?”
“They'd be overjoyed.
But they aren't part of your royal entourage, nor have they ever planned anything so big.”
“I don't care about such trifles.”
“Very well. I'll have them assist along with the servants. I'll see if I can find someone who’s thrown a ball to help.”
“You are close to your sisters?” I wonder what it would be like to have a family. I never had one, besides Daros. Not that he makes for a real family.
“Closer when I lived by them. They are in the city, and I live in the bunks with the guards,” Nash said.
“Why are you still there?”
“I'm comfortable there.”
“Well, if you ever want a room, commandeer whichever you want.”
“Even this one?” he asks with a twinkle in his eye.
“Except these rooms.”
He chuckles.
“And…” I don't know if this is the right thing to do.
“And what?”
“And your sisters…” I hesitate further, but if they live in the city, it is needed. I know I’d have done a lot of things—drastic things, even—to make a coin or two after leaving Daros—if I had cared about my life. “Make certain they are paid for their assistance.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Thank you. They will much appreciate it.”
I shrug. “I don't know how much money the crown has, but it should be enough to pay those who work for her.”
“There is plenty from what I recently learned. The last queen taxed heavily, and those laws are still in place.”
The thought burns me. “We should do something about that, too.”
His smile hides something I don’t understand.
“What?” I ask.
“It's great that you're beginning to care more.”
Compliments are unfamiliar beasts. Despite that, I think I like them.
“You should talk to the council about your coronation ball,” Nash says. “I agree that it's a good idea, but you'll get more of them on your side by consulting them, instead of plowing them over with the news.”
I don’t want to, but— “You have a point. Will you set up a meeting? Or have a Head of Relations with the Queen do it?”
“Consider it done. Now, why don’t we learn something about foreign relations?”
I groan. “It's a nice thought, even if I feel like my head is pounding with information.”
“That's the spirit. What do you know about other countries?”
“I know they exist.” My assassin jobs didn’t ever take me to another country.
“It's a start.”
Despite his encouraging voice, I feel like I've failed him. “I know Torhun has a King,” I say. “Do you think a patriarchy or matriarchy is better?”
“Am I supposed to answer that?”
“Yes,” I say, bewildered. Why wouldn’t he answer that?
“It's just that it's like walking with a cliff on both sides. If I say patriarchy, I'm in trouble, because I'm not supporting my queen. If I say matriarchy, I'm in trouble because I'm not supporting my gender.”
“Ah. I can see how that would be difficult.”
He laughs. “Not as bad as working with the King of Torhun. I hear he's a beast. So maybe a matriarchy is better after all.”
“Do I have to work with him often?”
“Your Head of Foreign relations, Mina, will do most of what needs done and then report to you. Honestly, you should know about our neighboring countries, but we have very little interaction with them.”
“Good to know.” And it is. That means less that I’ll have to learn to catch up on.
As he continues to speak, I find that paying attention isn't so bad when I want to learn. And learn I do. Nash is a superb teacher.
If only everything else about being the queen would come a little easier…
Chapter 19
The lady in green stands before me. “Who are you?”
This is getting old.
“I agree. It is rather tiresome. Nevertheless, I need to know. Who are you?”
“I'm no one.” Though I feel stronger than I did before.
“That's something. Still, I need you to admit who you are.”
“Why does it matter?”
“It's a vital step in becoming who you were meant to be.”
I shake myself. This sounds like nonsense. I know who I am, and I don't like it.
“Then admit it to me. Stop hiding it. I promise I'm here to help.” Her voice is soft. Kind and caring.
Doesn't mean I need to divulge everything, though, even in my dreams. “Are you real?”
“As real as the Mortum Tura.”
Which only serves to make me wonder how real the drink is. Should I really drink it a lot, like she said?
“It's up to you. I won't force you to, but it will make you stronger. The more you drink, the more power you have and the longer you live.”
“It's creepy that you keep answering my thoughts.”
She smiles. “I'm afraid I can't help being in your head.”
“If the death drink makes one more powerful, why did the last queen die after only five years?”
“Ah, poor Deedra… She was a dear thing. I don't fully understand her death. I know she was murdered. It was a sad ending, for one so young.”
“She didn’t seem young.”
“Well, young to me. She was in her late twenties, so older than you are. I think. I have a hard time telling your age.”
I do too. It's not like I have a birthday. Seventeen years of age is more of a guess. “I still don't follow. Why do queens die early if they have the power of the Mortum Tura behind them?”
“Because people still have choices. Queens aren't always as strong as they should be. But you—you're different. Something about you makes me think you might be The One.”
“What one?”
“The one to rule for a lifetime.”
No. I'm having a hard enough time with it as it is. I don't want to think about doing it for longer.
I roll over and give a heavy blink.
It was only a dream. Nothing more.
Chapter 20
The council room is full, with the council members positioned the same way as on the day I first met them. It makes them easier to remember. Except Ranen isn’t in the same spot. Instead of next to me, he sits across from me, clear at the other end of the room. The farthest from me possible. I'll take it.
Nash is on my right. His smile gives me courage.
“What have you brought us together for, Your Majesty?” Ranen snips.
“You shouldn’t be questioning the Queen,” Yuka says.
“I have an announcement to make.” I center myself, ignoring their quips. “I would like to host a coronation ball for the people to attend, Kurah, Medi, and Poruah classes all.”
To my dismay, there are scowls and mutterings. Not the response I expected.
“I don't want to be the one to break this to you”—the tone of Ranen's voice sounds as if he likes being in charge—“but we don't mingle with peasants. The queen, especially, shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” Borkus, Head of Design, says, “it just isn't done.”
I want to fume. “That's not good enough.”
His eyebrows come together in a frown. “It's been good enough for past queens. Why not you?”
Why not, indeed? Maybe because I understand the people’s plight? At least apparently more than they do. And maybe because I think it would be good for them to get to know me? Whatever the case, I say, “The people need us. We should show them that we care. That we are interested in their lives. Otherwise, one of these days, they may revolt.”
“I think you're being a little dramatic, Your Majesty,” Timit says.
I've had worse things said to me. Doesn't mean I like this man, though. I narrow my eyes at him.
“I, for one, think it's a good idea, Your Highness.” Yuka, Head of Arts, lifts her chin.
“Thank you.” At leas
t I have the support of one person besides Nash. Still, I need more. “As for the rest of you… I need to be coronated. Why not do so in the public eye?”
“They'll be able to see her for who she is.” Though well intentioned, Nash's words make me cringe. Their seeing me is the last thing I want. He continues. “They'll see she has a good heart and wants what's best for them. Who knows? Maybe she'll be able to bring Valcora together in a way that hasn’t been managed before.”
Now he's being too hopeful. None of that sounds like me. Not even close.
“And that way might just be the worst thing possible,” Kada, Head of Relations with the queen, says. “You're right that we don't know what the people will do. They could use the ball to try to topple the government. We all know what happened last time they tried to get rid of the queen.”
They all nod, but I don't have a clue. Is it common knowledge, which I don't share because I was sheltered, or is it something only the council knows? Either way, I risk looking dumb when I ask, “What happened?”
“It was before any of our time, but there are stories that say the very ground shook,” Yuka says. “That tempests came and destroyed lives and homes. Ruination came upon all people of Valcora.”
“When was this?” Could the stories be true?
“It was about one hundred and fifty years ago, Your Majesty,” Yuka says.
Long enough that no one was around, but not so long that the truth would be twisted much. If it was the truth to begin with. “Whatever the case may be, I don't believe we will have a revolt from the Poruah class.”
“Quite the opposite,” Nash says. “They should welcome the Queen's thinking of them and providing for them, even if it's for one day.”
“You don't know that,” Timit says. “It could be the worst thing to ever happen to this country.”
“That's an exaggeration.” Nash's hands are fists, but otherwise he remains calm.
“You want the world to fall apart?” Borkus asks, voice calm despite his words.
“No one said anything about the world falling apart,” Yuka says. “It's a simple ball for the people to come to know their queen. To see they can trust her and her decisions.”