by Janeal Falor
I glance back at Nash.
His hands are shaking.
I’m not sure I should go through with this.
But he insisted he was well enough. I need to do this. “Thank you all for meeting with me today,” I tell the council. “I want everyone to know I appreciate the job Jem Surah has done as my Head Advisor, but it is time for her to go back to being a lady-in-waiting. Therefore, Nash Zorris will return as my Head Advisor.”
No one says anything, though a few look disgruntled. I suspect they would argue with me on this if they thought it would do any good. Then again, maybe they don’t consider it worth fighting over when they can expend their energy on a topic they consider more important. I don’t know. There’s not enough I understand about my council.
Jem and Nash switch places. Having him closer is reassuring, and the shake in his hands is less pronounced. I doubt he’ll ever be the man he was again, but I do hope he can regain at least some of his former confidence. I suppose it will take time.
“That brings me to the other purpose of our meeting today.” I should have done this a long time ago. “I am changing a few laws, starting with those that call for the death penalty. I want no one to be executed for not paying taxes. If taxes cannot be paid, we will have the taxpayer work off their debt.”
“It goes without saying that this is a brilliant idea, but I’ll say it anyway,” Yuka, Head of Arts, says.
“I disagree.” Timit’s voice of dissent is not unexpected, but it’s unwelcome nevertheless. “If we don’t have a strong enough incentive for country to pay their taxes, it will never get done. We won’t be able to keep the government working.”
“But with this plan, we will be able to employ those people as workers, instead of using their money for the job,” I say.
“I think it’s a win-win all around,” says Mina, Head of Foreign Relations. “But I do worry that we won’t get the skills we need to complete certain tasks.”
“Those can to be paid with taxes, and we’ll fill in the holes with the skills of those who can’t pay their taxes.” I sound more confident than I feel.
“You said, laws, Your Majesty. What other laws were you speaking of?” Monkia, Inkga’s mother and Head of Staff, says. In truth, I like her daughter more than I like her, but perhaps that’s because I don’t know Monkia better. I may need to spend more time getting to know my council as people, and not only as a group that sits around this table.
“Several need to be changed.” I take a deep breath. One I’d like to change is queens being executed if proven senile, but that takes the entire council to approve of, and I have more pressing needs. “Taxes will now be paid in livestock and harvests as well as gold.”
“But how will we buy things?” Timit asks.
“We will still receive gold from those who can spare it, but we will use the produce to feed the country and the staff here at the palace or guards and government officials around the country. What we don’t eat, we can give to the needy. The food could even be sold. There are all sorts of possibilities.” I glance at Timit. “But I wasn’t done. I’m also changing the law that says taxes are to be paid weekly. This is far too often, and besides, hard on our tax collectors. I propose we gather them once a quarter.”
“Then people will find a way to cheat us,” Timit says.
I want to roll my eyes but refrain.
“They won’t cheat us,” Sidle, Head of Military, says. “Not if the tax collectors do their job correctly.”
I give him a small nod of appreciation.
“It would be a good way for us to stock up,” Nidon, Head of Food, says. “Both getting paid with harvest and only acquiring funds once a quarter. Plus, it would save us money on not having so many tax collectors employed at an overworked cost.”
“That is one of the things I was hoping for.” I try not to show my relief that I’m getting so much positive feedback. It’s not what I expected.
They continue to argue the merits for it, with only a few negative comments. I may have done something right for once. After everyone has had their say, I add, “Thank you for your support. Let’s see that this is changed today and a decree is sent out to all of Valcora.” While they’re in a good mood, I might as well ask, “Another law I’d like you to consider changing, is the queen not being able to touch anyone.”
Several gasps sound and someone hisses.
“Not happening,” Timit says. “That is a long placed law with the purpose of keeping the monarchy moving through the Mortum Tura only. If a queen were to have a child, it could throw the whole government into chaos.”
“I have to agree,” Monkia says. “We can’t have that type of distraction for the queen or the threat of repeating natural disasters should the country not follow the guidelines like has happened in the past.”
As others continue to chime in against it, I want to pout but don’t allow it.
Jaku stays oddly silent. What are his thoughts one the matter? I wish I knew. Would he be in support of Nash and me or not. It doesn't matter none of it is going to happen. I should have never chanced bringing it up.
Once they’ve gotten enough words in that sting to my core, I say, “Thank you for your time and your work on this matter. Everyone is dismissed, except Jaku and Nash. I need to speak with you both.”
The council leaves with bows and curtsies but not looking me in the eyes. Only Nash and Jaku remaining behind. What is Nash thinking? Is he upset with me for asking or has he wanted to do the same thing? It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing that will ever change.
Jaku comes to stand beside Nash, hands at his sides. “You wanted to speak with us?”
It’s such a relief to not have everyone Your Majesty and Your Highness and my lady-ing me all the time. Hopefully it’s a trend that will continue, at least in more informal times, like this. “Yes. I would like to go out through Indell tomorrow, and I thought you’d both want to know and possibly even join me.”
“Are you certain it’s safe?” Jaku asks, as always caring about my life above everything else. It’s as it should be, but sometimes it gets tiresome.
I keep my gaze on him, but watch Nash out of the corner of my eye. “No, but it’s been a while since I’ve been out, and I’d like to see how my people are faring.”
“I thought your ladies-in-waiting kept you appraised of such things.”
“They do, and they’re doing a splendid job of it, but it’s not the same as going out myself. I’d like to. I’ll go in disguise, but we can’t be certain they won’t recognize me, especially since I’ll be going dressed as a guard.”
“Whatever for?” The strictness of Nash’s tone catches my attention.
“We need to warn them about Daros. We’ve sent word, but I want to make certain that precautions are taken. He’s a dangerous person, and we’ve had no sign of him. I wish to make certain they know they need to keep an eye out for him. Make sure they know they can come to me.” I’m proud of myself that my voice doesn’t quiver in the slightest. Though my fear of Daros seems to be on the decrease after weeks having passed without us seeing or hearing anything about him, it’s still there, hovering. Terror waiting to snatch me up. Or maybe I’m growing out of it. I’d like to think it’s the latter, but the former seems more likely.
“We can do that. There’s no reason for you to join us,” Jaku says.
“Always trying to protect me,” I reply. “You do a good job of it, but this is something I want to do. I need to warn everyone.”
“It might be best if you went out as yourself instead of a guard, then,” Nash says, surprising me.
“Do you think so? I know they are disgruntled over my flip-flopping the taxes around so much.”
“I agree,” Jaku puts in. “Is it worth putting the queen’s life in such danger?”
Nash leans back in his chair. “The people will respect her more if she comes out as herself, instead of going in hiding—and possibly getting caught. Plus, I think they’ll take it more se
riously if she does it, and not a guard, like it has been done in the past.”
“Why not meet some of them in the throne room, then?” Jaku asks. “We’d be able to control the situation much easier in those circumstances than if you went out into the streets.”
I think about it a moment. “Control, maybe. But I think—I believe—that they will listen to me more if I go to them rather than making them come to me.”
“You’re willing to risk your life for a belief?” Jaku’s face is tense. Stern.
“I am. Between my skills and the skills of the guards, I think it will be safe enough.”
“Fine.” The word snaps out of Jaku like a carrot breaking in half. “I will make sure you have plenty of guards, though.”
“Not so many that the population is scared,” I say.
“Would it make you feel better if some went out dressed as Poruah and Medi?” he asks.
“It would.”
“Then it’s settled,” Nash says. “We’re going into the town tomorrow.”
He looks confident, but then, why do I hear a tremor in his tone?
I’m going out among my people because it’s the right thing to do for them, but how will it affect Nash? Is this a good step for him, or too much too soon? I’m not certain of the correct answer. I want him back as he was, which will never be.
How much more will he have to go through, before he can come to terms with what happened to him? The torture, beatings, losing a finger. Maybe never. I’m still coming to terms with what happened to me. I can’t expect more from him.
Nash and Jaku accompany me to the guards waiting at the door and then leave me. It’s typical of Jaku to not stay around, but Nash used to come with me almost everywhere. Is he going out to practice more? Is he pushing himself too hard?
There’s no time to think of it as up ahead I see the woman claiming to be my mother waiting in the hall. I’m not in the mood for dealing with more possible-parent problems.
She curtsies when I approach, and I motion for her to walk with me.
“Thank you, Ryn. I mean, Your Majesty,” she says.
“Is there something you wished to speak to me about?”
“Yes. I wanted to know if there was something useful I could do around the palace.”
I barely keep my step from faltering. “You want to help?”
“Of course. I’m your mother. That’s what we do.”
This remains to be seen. “It would be a good thing if you can stay in your rooms until I get a few things figured out.”
“You mean until you know whether or not we tell the truth. I know you need to give the matter some thought, but is there some way I can assist with that? Something I can do to prove myself and your father?”
Why do the walls feel like they are caving in on me? “I appreciate you’re trying to help, but I have many matters I need to attend to. It would be for the best if you talked to my lady-in-waiting, Jem. She will know what you can do.”
“So you’re not going to believe me until you have someone else check our story?”
I quicken my pace. “Where is your husband?”
“He’s sleeping. I’m afraid he had a rough night and day and needed to relax a little before dinner.”
“But you didn’t?”
She purses her lips, as if pondering what to say. “I find myself wanting to be with you as much as possible rather than resting.”
That thought stirs something inside me. Whether or not she’s truly my mother, others don’t usually desire to spend time with me. Unless they're looking for me to lead them. Maybe that’s all she wants from me as well, but the child in me wishes it to be more. I squelch that desire. “I will see you later.”
She halts and gives a quick curtsy. “Yes, Your Majesty.” Then she hurries off, hopefully to her room.
I scamper to my own room, closing the door on my servant and guards and leaning against it. I rub my forehead. Too many things on my plate and not enough wisdom on my part to know how to deal with them.
Chapter 4
“So you have a family after all,” the First Queen says.
Perhaps.
“You are wise to look into them, but I’m fairly certain they’re your parents.”
I plop into a sitting position, ignoring the look she gives me that says I’m not using my manners. “How can you be sure?” I ask.
“They knew about your mole. But more than that, there’s something about the way they look and feel that’s familiar. Especially Shillian.”
“You think she’s my mother?”
“I do.”
I can’t trust it until Jem and Wilric return with confirmation.
“You’ve been through so much. I don’t blame you, but maybe have a little faith.”
“You think I should trust them, then?”
She hesitates.
“So I’m right to be cautious.”
“Perhaps. I distrust them partly because you do, and partly because we know nothing about them. Being cautious is worth considering.”
Before she can bring up anything else, I say, “What do you think of the law changes?”
Her presence seems to swell, becoming bigger than ever, though her actual size stays the same. “You are becoming a ruler.”
And yet it has been a rough path, with too many things getting in the way of my caring for the country.
“You have had a difficult journey since becoming queen. I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself. Relax. Let me take over.” Her words are soothing.
I take a deep breath and let it out in one giant whoosh. “What would you have me do?”
She smiles. “I'm always here to help, even with your life.”
“How can I do that? You’re just here, in my mind. In my dreams.”
“And yet you’ve felt my presence at other times, when you’ve needed me.”
“I have.”
“Then let me guide you.”
After Daros, it’s hard to have anyone guiding me, but she’s nothing like him. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask.”
I wake refreshed. Excited for the day. The First Queen may have faith in others, but I withhold judgment. Besides, today I get to go outside the palace walls. That, in and of itself, is reason for celebration.
After jumping out of bed, I put on a pair of black pants and a cream top. There are lots of belts for weapons, but the day is hot enough I won’t be able to wear my cloak without suspicion. Instead, I hide my daggers inside my pockets and in my knee-high boots—safe enough to go out in public, but not so I’ll frighten anyone.
I pull the rope that lets Inkga know I’m ready for her. This room came equipped with one. It’s not something I usually use, but I’m anxious to get started today.
I move over to the dark walnut vanity and brush my hair. It’s lighter than before. Almost as if I’ve been spending time in the sun, and not the night, roaming the roof and exercising. My eyes are bright, and my cheeks have some color. I look like myself, but not. Like a different person has taken a hold of me. And I suppose it's true. I’m not the quavering girl I once was. Even with Daros still out there, I’m fearing him less in the weeks that have passed with no sign of him.
It’s the longest I’ve gone without him controlling me. Apparently, it’s reflecting well on me. If only it would last. I flick a finger at my reflection. I shouldn’t be so negative. It’s hard not to give into what I’ve been my entire life, though. Today, though, I’m going to make a difference. I’m going to look my people in the eye as their queen, not Shadow Wraith, and tell them the truth about Daros.
I square my shoulders. Today, I’m giving myself and my city power over my fears.
It’s not much longer before there’s a knock on my door and Inkga enters.
“Morning, Ryn. You’re up early this morning.” She has a bigger grin than usual.
It's so nice to have someone use my name like I asked. “I wanted to get an early start. What are you so ex
cited about?”
She comes behind me, takes the brush from me, and does amazing things with my hair. “Nothing more than you going out today. You’ve been wanting to go for a while.”
“How did you figure that out? I haven’t said anything.”
“You didn’t need to. You’ve been restless.” She pins up my hair and weaves a thin crown into it.
“I admit I am looking forward to it.” I think about Shillian and Carver. “Do you know if there’s any news from Jem or Wilric?”
“There isn’t. And before you ask—yes, I know about the two who say they are your parents. What do you think?”
I pinch my fingers together, then hurrying to relax them. I shrug. “I suppose I will know more when Jem and Wilric return.”
“I hope they bring good tidings. You deserve some of that and more people who care about you as more than the queen.”
Like her. She does a great job of caring about me, regardless of who I am now and despite what I’ve done in the past. How does she do that? Why does she care? I’m not brave enough to question her about it. At least not now when the morning is so bright. “I can’t be sure they aren’t here only because I’m the queen.”
“Did you ask them about it?” She pulls up the last lock of hair and pins it in place. The result is a simple but elegant hairstyle that will stay in place all day.
“You’re a genius with hair, among other things.” When did I get so praise-y? I turn so I can look at her, instead of through the mirror. I give her the reason they gave me for not coming to visit sooner. “But it doesn’t mean anything. They might still just want an in with the queen, whether or not they’re my parents.”
She sighs. “I wish life had taught you better than to be cynical.”
Me too.
“What else do you need from me this morning?” she asks. “Should I call up breakfast?”
“Sorry. You’ll have to eat without me today. I can’t eat a bite.” Is it because of excitement of going out and spending the day with Nash and those in Indell, or worry over my so called parents? Either way, food is not on the agenda.