Nobody's Hero

by Melanie Harvey

  She forced lightness into her voice. “You’ve already seen the living room.”

  He raised his eyebrows. Carolyn took a deep breath and turned toward the hall.

  “This is the bathroom,” she told him as she passed the door. “All the standard plumbing: sink, toilet, shower. If you need that.”

  “I might.”

  Carolyn glanced over her shoulder. He followed her at a distance, with his hands in his pockets. She turned and pushed open the door. “This is the bedroom.” She walked around the bed and snapped on the light by the window. “Not a Park view.”

  Rick stood in the doorway. His gaze traveled the room, ending at the pile of clothing on the bench. “You’re a slob.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  He half-smiled, finally. “Long as you’re okay with it.”

  It never occurred to her that he wouldn’t be. Then again, he was full of surprises. Occasionally even pleasant ones and, once in a while, some that stopped her heart.

  She watched him take in everything in the room — except her and the single king-sized bed that took up the most space. Carolyn took a deep breath. “I also steal covers.”

  His eyes locked on hers. “Good to know.”

  Please don’t make me do this. I can’t. But he stayed where he was, like his right shoulder was Superglued to the doorframe. She had the feeling that if she suggested they watch TV, he’d probably say that was fine.

  And if she backed off, she might have to go through this again. The very idea propelled her to skirt the bench and close the door behind him. Only the position of his eyebrows changed. She faced him and pulled off his hat, heard him hold his breath when her fingers went through his hair. But he didn’t reach for her. Her hold on his hat slipped, and he watched it hit the floor. Then he smiled. All the milk bottles, right off.

  She cupped his face in her hands. “I love you, too.”

  Rick flinched. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  Her heart stopped — again — but she forced the words out: “Why not?”

  He shook his head. “Didn’t sound right. Fake. Like a line.”

  “You mean a get-you-in-bed line?”

  “Yeah. You know.”

  “From you.” She slipped her hands back into his hair. “Ain’t you heard your CDs?”

  He didn’t seem to think that was funny. “Probably why it sounded fake.”

  She moved closer and finally felt his arms back around her. “No,” she said. “It’s why it sounded real.”

  His hands ran over her back, the touch lighter than she’d thought possible from him. The heat in her stomach spread farther down with every stroke.

  “I don’t want you to be afraid to come near me.”

  Rick nodded once. “I’ll get right on that.”

  Me too. Carolyn dropped her forehead to his chest. Maybe later. His heartbeat pounded in her ear as his hands roamed her back. Never traveling farther south than her waistband.

  “So you trapped me in here.”

  She lifted her head. “Are you feeling claustrophobic?”

  His eyebrows went up again. “I ain’t claustrophobic.”

  “Of course not, but I could open the door anyway.” She took a deep breath. “Because nobody’s out there to see anything if you want to sleep, watch TV, or make love to me.”

  His grip tightened on a sharp intake of air. She moved against him, hardly able to control her own breathing.

  Rick cleared his throat and she smiled. “So what do you think you want to do?”

  He exhaled slowly. “I’m a take that third one. If you’re offering.”

  * * *

  She shot him a smart-ass grin, but then she smiled and Rick remembered what had started that. I wondered if anybody ever loved the guy …

  Christ. You said you do.

  She reached for the bottom of his t-shirt and he flinched, earned himself a curious look for that, and reminded himself that this wasn’t the same at all. Like he needed reminding. He wished like hell his dick would take over, not that it hadn’t been trying. But he didn’t have control issues.

  When Carolyn pulled off his shirt and dropped it — on the floor — he didn’t know what the issue was, except it felt a lot like the impulse to walk away from a battle, right as the nerves hit their peak, just before the beat started up, and of course while everyone was watching.

  “I wasn’t expecting so much blank space.” She ran her hands over his chest and smiled. “You need a tan.”

  That was funny. Rick reached for the bottom of her tank top. The impulse to run faded once the shirt came over her head and her dark hair spilled back to touch her bare shoulders. Light brown breasts strained against blue lace and brought a fresh throb to his groin. “You don’t.”

  She smiled, a little, and he pulled her to him, felt her against his bare skin. Her arms slid around his back, and he tried to fight back the urgency that gripped him before his mouth went to hers. The same damn thing happened, like there was some nerve that went from the tip of her tongue straight to his gut, but her mouth felt tentative, hesitant.

  I don’t want you to be afraid of me. He took a deep breath as he felt her arms tighten around him. She wouldn’t look at him. He tasted the salt on her shoulder, felt her tremble through his mouth when he pulled her hair back, kissed her neck. He didn’t know if it was arousal or fear that sent the tremor through her body. She clung to him like if she let go she might be swept away.

  The guy who runs through a string of women isn’t likely to stop with you. Rick closed his eyes. You don’t understand. He moved his mouth to her ear, but he didn’t know how to explain it or even if he could. “I love you, Carolyn.”

  Her grip on him tightened, and she nodded against his shoulder. Rick exhaled as the trembling subsided some. He’d gotten that right.

  He didn’t know what the hell he was doing. Ludicrous, it was no more complicated than sticking a plug into an outlet, but it felt like the first contract he’d picked up, seventeen pages weighted with words meant to clarify every last detail, and having the opposite effect.

  Carolyn still clung to him, but there was no storm in the room. Not on the outside. It was so quiet he could hear every shallow breath she took against his shoulder.

  I swear to God, I won’t hurt you. The words died in his heart with no way to prove it, except hold off and give it more time. Most of him vetoed that idea strongly.

  Carolyn lifted her head and Rick watched the gold centers of her eyes search his, watched them travel down to his lips. His mouth went dry. Her hands slid down his back and stopped when the tips of her fingers hit the waistband of his pants. Then they slipped beneath it and every muscle in his body contracted with the touch of her hands on his ass, pulling him against her. His mouth came down on hers, and this time it wasn’t tentative, it wasn’t seductive, it wasn’t reassuring or playful. It was desperate.

  His mind ordered him to slow down, to make this … but whatever thoughts he had were overrode by an urgency that felt like starvation. His hands worked to strip off the rest of her clothes as Carolyn’s yanked his pants down.

  His right leg caught in the tangle and he tripped, barely caught himself before he knocked her onto the bed. She smiled up at him, and it was that more than anything that brought him down on top of her, overwhelmed by the desperation to consume her, as if he could bring her inside of him if he could only get close enough.

  She sucked in a breath in the second he felt wet warmth against the head of his cock. The slow-down order switched from warning to scream as he slipped inside of her. Her legs tightened around him and his throat closed.

  Her eyes locked on him as he forced himself to hold still, certain that the point of no return was close enough to cross with only the slightest movement. Every muscle ached with the effort. He saw the tremor in her lips, felt the rapid expansions of her chest, the softness of her breasts against him as her breath came faster.

  He tried to think about something else, but he couldn
’t, he could only —

  Slick muscles tightened around his cock. “Christ, Carolyn.”

  Her eyes closed and her hands gripped his ass, forcing him deeper into her and it was too late to stop, he was coming and never so panicked by it in his life.

  Then her low moan vibrated on his tongue.

  38: Thank You

  When Carolyn caught her breath, she felt his heart pounding against her chest. How could she have gotten here so fast? Rick’s short breaths against her neck felt like a silent laugh. She turned, but stopped when he kissed her neck and another jolt shot through her. The tremors tried to subside, but he was still inside her. Another silent breath on her neck tightened everything up again.

  “I imagined that a lot differently,” he said. “There was … ah … more time involved.”

  Not that I needed it. Her answer disappeared when he shifted up to look at her and the new pressure had her sucking in her breath. The question in Rick’s eyes changed as her legs tightened around his thighs.

  Carolyn closed her eyes, knowing it didn’t stop him from watching her, and tried to fight it off because …

  It didn’t matter, because his weight shifted, he pushed deeper, his hand slid to her breasts. This time she felt it all the way up to her throat.

  She heard only her own breathing then and cringed, afraid to open her eyes. When she finally did, his eyebrows were up, and he was — and had — watched her.

  “You got any more where that came from?”

  That one had surprised her, and his question made the still quivering muscles tighten again. Only an aftershock. Carolyn shook her head, grateful because she was sure the embarrassment might have killed her.

  “You need some water?”

  She pinched his shoulder.

  “Ow!”

  “You can stop looking so pleased with yourself.”

  His eyes widened briefly into the semi-arrogant look that she knew heralded a comeback. “But I am.” It was soft, though, and a second later he lowered his mouth to hers.

  Carolyn tightened her arms around him and didn’t feel like a fool for loving him anymore. Rick’s hand slid over her shoulder, not stopping until he’d bridged both their chins with a loose fist. Then he made a face. She’d figured out what that meant, it wasn’t a secret anymore.

  She smiled. “Where’d that come from anyway?”

  He hesitated, then pushed himself off her. The air hit her skin where he had been before, leaving an emptiness that filled immediately with insecurity. It only lasted long enough to frighten her, because he reached over her shoulder, pulled the bedspread over both them, and settled back beside her.

  “Sign language.” He propped his head up on an elbow. “Aiesha got it in her head to teach Lisa sign language.”

  “Who’s Lisa?” she asked, just before it clicked. “She had a baby?”

  “She’s four now.”

  Her heart clenched. “Oh, my God. Was it her fath — ”

  “No. He bailed.” He shook his head. “Esha lost her job when Lisa got the flu. Three years old, maybe? About to lose her apartment, then this cat comes along, pays the rent, drives a nice car, good job. Treats the baby good … and he looks like … acts like … seems like … ”

  Believe me. I know. Carolyn buried her face in the side of his neck and felt his tension. She took a deep breath just as he let one out.

  “That was later,” he said, his tone changing. “This sign language was when Lisa was a year old. It was nuts.”

  His body relaxed and she smiled. “A lot of people do that.”

  “Nobody I ever seen before,” he said. “She was serious about it though, teaching her all this crap that nobody else could understand.”

  “You’re supposed to learn them, too.”

  “You wouldn’t have to learn if they were obvious. Esha was teaching her to say ‘more’ but it didn’t look like ‘more.’ So I made one up that did.” His hand came out from under the blanket, and he opened and closed his fist a couple of times.

  Carolyn laughed.

  “See?” His hand slid over her shoulder. “Everybody knew what she was talking about.”

  “You taught her a new one? How?”

  “Lisa always watched me. I was so contrast-y, you know.”

  Carolyn was pretty sure that was only part of it. Babies pay attention to whoever pays attention to them.

  “Then hungry — ” he tapped his stomach “ — and thirsty. That was easy.” He held his hand to his mouth, tipping an imaginary beer bottle to drain the last drops. “Wasn’t long before she didn’t remember the real signs. Esha was kinda pissed off, but I had candy.”

  “You’re awful.”

  Rick grinned. His hand had moved back under the blanket, down to her stomach, further over her hip. Every stroke made her skin tingle.

  “One day, I gave her something and Aiesha tells her to say thank you. Then Lisa does this.” Rick pulled his hand back out, and with his fingers straight and together, touched the tips to his chin briefly before he swept his hand down in a short arc.

  Carolyn actually recognized that sign.

  Rick shrugged. “I’m like, what the hell? And Esha say she ain’t too young to learn some manners — meaning neither was I. Also told me I better quit fucking around with her baby — that’s a quote, she had a mouth like a stopped-up toilet, no lie — and I just laughed. Said she oughta be hoping Lisa never learned to talk.”

  His gaze drifted away and his smile faded. She pulled him closer and felt his lips at her temple before he continued.

  “I tried to find something that actually looked like ‘thank you,’ but I never did figure one out. Mostly just changed it for the hell of it. That was the easy one, I always had something worth saying thank you for.”

  She tried not to laugh when his eyebrows shot up.

  “Some reason, Aeisha really tried to re-teach her this one. And one day, Lisa shook her head at her mama and then — ” Rick brought his fist to his chin. “We was all around, and even Trisha was laughing her ass off. Esha socked me in the gut — because she lost — all these people were cracking up every time Lisa put her fist on her chin. Better’n candy.”

  “That was a rotten thing to do.”

  “Well, I ain’t a very nice guy.” He tried to scowl, but he couldn’t hold it. He kissed her instead. “She still does it, every time I see her. No reason.”

  Except showing up. “Who’s she with now?”

  “Her daddy. He got his shit together when his baby mama got beat to death.”

  She flinched at the anger in his voice.

  “I don’t mean that,” he said. “He stepped up. I give him credit for that.”

  She didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t give her a chance to think.

  “I’m hungry.”

  Carolyn couldn’t stop herself. “Worked up an appetite with that marath — ”

  “Oh, no.” He pushed her away and started to get up. It didn’t bother her so much this time. “I ain’t taking no disrespect off a woman who got off twice in two minutes.”

  Oh, God. Carolyn yanked the blanket over her head. Rick pulled it away from her face — and the rest of her. She grabbed for it again, but he held it out of her reach as he ran his other hand over her shoulder, over her breast, his eyes lighting up when she shivered.

  She still fought for the blanket, but stopped when his hand moved between her thighs. The light in his eyes turned to a smirk.

  Twice. She felt like she was going for three. “You better not put that on your resume.”

  His hand stopped, his eyes locked on hers and the intensity of it shocked her.

  “I was … kidding. Rick. It was a joke.” Not a funny one. I left out some personal shit.

  He nodded and gave her one last delicious squeeze. “You got twenty bucks for a hamburger?”

  She grinned.

  He shook his head before he stood up. “I’m homeless, mostly broke, and probably unemployed soon. You sure know how to p
ick’em.”

  She was about to say she was damn happy with her picking when he turned to look for something on the floor. “Oh, my God!”

  Rick jerked to look over his shoulder at her, then he quickly turned around, facing her, and deliberately. But she was already out of bed after the glimpse of his back. She’d seen the shadows earlier over his shoulder, but at the time was too occupied to look closer. Carolyn caught him by the shoulders and tried to twist him around, but he fought it. “Stop it! Let me see.”

  He groaned, but when she pushed on his shoulder he turned around. She ignored the hands that slid behind her as she traced the clouds that swirled behind his neck and across his shoulders. The shades of gray looked as realistic as a thunderstorm, covering the entire surface of his back. Clouds, lightning, and rain.

  “Did Jesse draw this?”

  He pulled her against him, damn, he was stronger than he looked. The clouds rippled.

  “Did he?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s amazing.”

  He started to squirm away again, and she let him. He reached for the t-shirt on the floor.

  “That must have hurt.”

  “My pocket.” His words were clipped, and he studied her for a second, but she didn’t know what was wrong.

  “It’s amazing.”

  “You said that.” He grimaced, but she didn’t understand, until he added, “I was kinda full of myself.”

  Oh. She guessed it would be different if you made it big. No problem showing off then.

  She glanced down at the empty space of his chest. Still stark white. And he’d flinched as she reached to take off the t-shirt he was holding now. Nothing personal. Why even get undressed?

  He finally glanced at her, shrugged, and instead of putting the t-shirt on, he used it for something else. The same moment her muscles clamped down on a rush of warm fluid.

  “Oh, my God.”

  “What?”

  “We didn’t — you didn’t — “ Her heart raced as she snatched a towel off the bench. “Condoms!”

  “Oh.” Rick made a face. “They in the other room. Happened kinda fast.”