Lemonade & Loathing

by Beth Byers

  “You think Simon wouldn’t arrest you?” Zee asked me from her place on the bench. “He’d arrest you. You’re no princess.”

  Jane was the one who answered, “Oh she’s more than that. Rose has morphed in his head to possible baby mama. He’s medieval now. Modern enough to try to hold it back, but Simon would no more put Rose in jail than he’d beat her. Though, he might try locking her in their bedroom.”

  “Kinky,” Zee said and the three of us shuddered.

  “Look, Zee,” Maddie called, “No one wants to have any glimpses into your…life with Carver.”

  “Isn’t that the truth,” Jane said, gagging a little.

  “I’m not that much older than you all.”

  “You’re just too motherly,” I told Zee. “Like the mean step-mom. But…no.”

  “I actually don’t want to have a glimpse into anyone’s personal life,” Jane said. “I get enough of that at work.”

  “So tell us about you and Hank,” Zee said. “We’ll have the jail cell confessional and see if we can come up with a way to help you out.”

  Jane laid her head on my shoulder as she said, “It hasn’t been good for a while.”

  “Do you love him?” Zee asked bluntly, “Or do you just not want to have your son hate you?”

  “I love him,” Jane said, “But…it’s like there’s this wall between us. I can’t scale it. I can’t get past it. Nothing I do…”

  Maddie stiffened on my other side, and I wondered if she’d heard this before. She and Jane were as close as Zee and I though we were all pretty good friends.

  Zee sat up and said, “I get that. It was like that with my first husband and me. It was just that when I could see him falling in love with someone else—” Zee glanced around and then rose to pace as she said, “I didn’t mind letting him go. I knew we could stay friends and raise our kids together. He wasn’t someone where it would all go bad. Especially if I didn’t let it. So I just didn’t. I told him to go and he did.”

  Jane’s breath jerked in her chest and I could feel her trembling. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her hand. Maddie reached over holding her hand too. “It wouldn’t be like that with Hank and me. Also, I don’t want him to go. I do love him. I want him back. I hate myself for what I did.”

  “You need to tell him that. Maybe start with how much you hate yourself and then tell him why,” Zee said. Her voice was flat and it was an order. There was no mistake about that. “You can’t just stay in limbo forever. You’ll kill whatever he feels for you. If there’s anything left—that wall between you is destroying it.”

  “I’m not sure I can. I’m not tough like you and Rose,” Jane said.

  “Well that is utter nonsense,” Zee said. “You’re a doctor for the love of all that is holy, Jane. You save people’s lives. You worked your way through medical school and then you grew and birthed two humans while you did it. I will not hear that crap from you one more time. Lady up, my friend. Own your mistake and take back your husband.”

  “How?” Jane wailed.

  “By being straight with him. You made a mistake. Own it. Tell him how much you love him and why. Do everything you can to make him see and feel your love and then ask for forgiveness.”

  I could feel Jane wiping her tears away with her free hand. She didn’t seem to have anything else to say, so I changed the subject for her.

  “So this Danny floozy,” I said.

  Zee muttered another, meaner word for him, and I couldn’t disagree. He was that too, I just hate the word in general.

  “It’s more than just being…free…with his love. It’s that he seemed to have an ability to manipulate his way into people’s beds. But…what I want to know is how much of that was assumed and how much of it was real?”

  Zee paused in her pacing and turned towards us as she asked, “What do you mean?”

  “Well, when I talked to Flora about Danny, she listed Lila as one of Danny’s partners. But Lila was pretty clear that it was only a kiss. I believed her. Did you?”

  Zee’s mouth twisted. Her outlook on life was much meaner than my own. I didn’t blame her. Her mom was horrible and it had colored the entirety of Zee’s life. But it wasn’t that Zee didn’t see the good in the world. She did. It was just more that she was too aware of the bad. If she believed Lila too, I would have even more faith in my assumption. “I did believe that.” She considered longer, her face scrunched up in thought and she said, “I still do.”

  “Then I definitely do. But Flora didn’t. So, is that because she’d just seen him succeed too many times, or she just enjoyed the gossip surrounding him so much? Because he was definitely a snake when you look at how he played Melody and Lettie.”

  “What do you mean?” Jane asked and Zee recapped it for her while I took the chance to pace instead. This cement block of a room was stupidly uncomfortable but the gasps at what Letty had been doing to Melody was enough to add a little pleasure.

  Even still— “My back hurts,” I told Zee. “You need to make Carver sleep in the doghouse, so he can feel my pain.”

  “Done,” Zee said. “Our new couch is super uncomfortable. Possibly on purpose.”

  Maddie laughed and then it stuttered to a stop. I turned and found Az and the police officer, Jonas, in the doorway. Az’s gaze was fixated on my friend, and his eyes said that even behind bars—she was beautiful. I grinned first at that and then at the bag in his hands.

  “This is against protocol,” Jonas said even as he opened the door of the cell and let Az in.

  “Don’t be a pansy,” Zee told him meanly. “You know the worst you have to worry about from us is funky brownies at your Christmas potluck.”

  He eyed her and then glanced at the rest of us. With a sigh, he opened the cell door even wider and walked away with it still open as he said, “I want cookies delivered here. Do me a favor and don’t escape. I need my job.”

  “We aren’t going to escape,” Zee said, almost soothingly. “It will ruin my plans to torture your boss for the rest of his life.”

  “I just don’t know why he had to involve me,” Jonas almost whined. He let the door swing closed behind him chased by the sound of Zee’s mean cackle.

  Az handed Maddie a bottle of antibacterial gel and Zee the bag of food. Jane scooched over so that Az could sit next to Maddie on the bench. The smell of hot food and pie filled the air of the cell, changing everything. Az handed me the bottle of scent disinfectant spray that he’d brought me, and I applied it heavily around the holding cell—even going outside the cell to get every corner I could reach. The spray was so potent that it made my eyes burn and set my still-recovering lungs on fire, but it was better than the scent of bleach with an aftertaste of urine.

  “Simon gets healthy food from now until forever,” I told Az. “Every order gets adjusted to those stupidly heavy whole grain pancakes, the egg white scramble, or oatmeal without cream or sugar.”

  Az’s dark chocolate laugh rolled across the holding cell brightening it even further as he handed Maddie one of the hand pies I’d been experimenting with. It was chocolate cream with a flaky buttery crust. I antibacterialized myself up to my elbows and then took one of the burger and fries baskets he’d brought. Mine was a bacon cheeseburger with special sauce and a large side of fries. I kissed his cheek and said, “You are a prince among men, Az my love. Maddie you got to lock him down before someone else realizes what they’re missing.”

  The two of them blushed furiously while Zee and I cackled.

  Chapter 9

  Around 3:00 am, we were into an office in the Silver Fall’s city offices where the judge who processed our cases was sitting behind a massive desk. There was the Oregon State and national flag in the corner of his room. He was wearing a pair of jeans and t-shirt and scowling at us as we entered.

  “What the ever living…” He trailed off with the bulk of his frown directed at Carver.

  “What was I supposed to do?” Carver asked shrugging. There was a litt
le bit of a smirk at the corner of his mouth as he eyed Zee’s crazy gaze.

  The judge growled, “You were supposed to handle your fiancé yourself and not mess with my golf game. I have a tee time at 6:00a am.”

  “I didn’t bring you in early,” Carver said mildly. “They could have waited until you got into work.”

  “No, your girlfriend called my wife with the cellphone you neglected to take away.”

  Zee snorted meanly and raised a brow at the two men who turned to scowl at her.

  “And you,” the judge said. “Trespassing is not ok. You aren’t a police officer.”

  “Is it trespassing to visit a place for dinner?” Zee asked idly with an impassive face.

  “Don’t give me that,” the judge snapped. “You were going to dinner in that getup? You look like a lost hunter. But even stupider than that.”

  “Look Aaron,” Zee said, completely disregarding his snap of fury, “I was simply walking in the gardens where I had just recommended my friend to schedule her wedding. It’s lovely there. It’s not my fault the general manager didn’t want to be caught crying over where the guy died.”

  The judge—whose name was apparently Aaron—scowled at Zee. She smiled smoothly at him.

  “I am not stupid. You expect me to believe that you just stumbled across the crime scene in that ridiculous outfit?”

  “I never said you were stupid.”

  “Then tell the truth.”

  “What makes you think I’m not?”

  His gaze narrowed on hers, and I had to bite my lower lip to hide my laugh. Zee only admitted to her crimes when it benefited her. He could bluster all he wanted, she wasn’t going to admit to anything other than planning on a cheese board followed by a filet mignon. “What about the cord across the path?”

  “It was dark,” she said. “I didn’t notice anything.”

  “What about the fact that you went in through the employee entrance?”

  “Why would that be a problem?”

  “Because the gate is there to keep people who aren’t members out,” he shouted.

  “But the restaurant is open to everyone right now. They’re still gathering members. They don’t have enough to keep that place running yet. Let’s be real here, Aaron. They’ll never get that many members around here. We’re way too poor for that kind of high end facility and the people who built it are morons. Which means, it will always be available to the public and the idea of members is a pretense for the out of town visitors.”

  Aaron snarled enough to make me think he was one of the members and Zee simply smirked back. She probably knew he’d bought a membership. Knowing Zee, she’d discussed it with his wife over hand-dyed wool and a gossip session.

  “The resort has determined to not press charges,” Aaron finally said.

  “Of course they have,” Zee said, crossing her leg and twining her fingers over her stomach. “I haven’t however. I feel like I’ve been harassed. I’m not sure I can let this go.”

  “Let it go,” Aaron snapped.

  “Hmmm,” she mused the wicked twinkle in her eyes making me bite my lip.

  “And stay out of the police cases,” he added with a bucket of bluster.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she lied. “It’s not our fault that people talk to Rose. Any more than it’s our fault that Rose has a mind that figures out why people do things. Intuition isn’t illegal. She figured out my brother being a murderer after just a few interactions with him. What you need to be worried about is whether it takes one to know one.”

  “Hey now,” Simon said, objecting to her allusion that I was somehow a killer in secret.

  “I’m just saying that we’ve had a lot of murders since Rose moved to Silver Falls. You should keep her longer. I’m not sure the town is safe with Rose wandering it.”

  “That’s enough of that,” Simon said calmly.

  “I still pay your wages,” I told Zee without an ounce of ire.

  “I still run your diner,” she said, her gaze fixed on the judge.

  “Have some respect,” he snapped.

  “You’re wearing jeans and holey t-shirt, Aaron. I wiped your butt as a baby,” Zee said. “Plus, your wife is a good friend, and I know how you like ketchup on everything. You can’t hide from me or pretend to be auspicious.”

  His cheeks flushed as he stared at her.

  “I know more than that too,” she told him. “Girls talk while they knit. Your wife perhaps talks more than most.”

  The redness from his cheeks extended down his throat and up to the tips of his ears.

  “And you two,” Aaron yelled, turning to Simon and Carver, “Keep your relationship problems out of the jail cells.”

  Zee stood and said, “I think we’re done here.”

  I stood as well though Maddie and Jane were slower to follow. Jane’s cheeks were tinged with red while Maddie’s eyes were wide as if she’d just seen a train wreck. But we had just seen Zee take over the judge’s office with sheer gossip between herself and his wife. It was—well—magical.

  I followed Zee out of the office and back into the police station side of the city offices. Jonas and Bobby were just leaving and Zee crossed to them, patted Jonas on the cheek, and said, “You won’t pay nearly as hard as Carver.”

  Jonas paled at that while Bobby said, “But I wasn’t the one…”

  “You weren’t indeed,” Zee told him, “I suppose I can let you go this time…”

  He huffed in relief while we all heard Aaron yelling at Carver and Simon.

  “Well,” Zee said, “Jonas you can drive me home.”

  His gaze was wide as he nodded.

  “I should really babysit more,” Maddie told Jane. “I had no idea it led to this kind of power.”

  “It doesn’t,” Jane said. “This is only Zee who can turn babysitting into a power base. The rest of us fools who watch other people’s kids just end up with ink on our couches and the need to stop answering our phones.”

  I watched Jonas take the others home, but I was going to wait for Simon. I knew he’d never have brought me in of his own volition, so I wasn’t going to hold it quite so hard against him as Zee was. Which didn’t mean I wasn’t messing with his food at the diner, but it did mean that when I went to sleep it would be with Daisy at my side, Mama Dog along the top of my pillow, Goliath along the end of the bed, but I’d be in Simon’s arms.

  I sat down at his desk. The plastic chair across from his desk wasn’t going to do it for me with the way my back was cramping. The chill of the jail cell combined with the metal bench had messed with my back. I needed a solid massage as well as a little bit of tens unit along my spine. I’d shock it back into relaxing and sleep like the dead.

  It was late. I didn’t even want to think about how late. If Zee hadn’t been with us, we wouldn’t have gotten the judge in to let us out. I was pretty sure Carver had intended for us to stay overnight to teach us a lesson. The dummy. You’d think he’d know better when it came to Zee.

  I closed my eyes against the back of Simon’s chair, trying to relax my back by sheer strength of will, but it wasn’t working. In fact, my lungs were still burning from that stupid spray I’d put around the cell. I hoped it smelled like summer violets in the jail for weeks though I doubted it would last one more drunk who peed himself.

  After a few minutes of being entirely unable to relax, I stood and crossed to the wall, so I’d have enough room to stretch. I touched my toes, stood, twisted and then my attention was caught by the picture of the fountain at the resort.

  My head cocked and I crossed to the bulletin board before I thought about it. Normally, Simon had the bulletin board in his office covered if I came in, but he hadn’t expected me to be in here. There was another picture of Danny, but I glossed over that and focused on a list of names. It didn’t include some of the ones that I was curious about—but it did include Dale Harvey. Was that the man we’d met? I looked more closely and saw some notes about the busines
s. I guessed Dale Harvey went by Harvey.

  It said that Danny had worked for him and had a couple of dollar signs and a question mark. What did that mean? Danny was a floozy. Maybe he gave the brides he slept with discounts? That didn’t seem right though.

  I paused. I hadn’t thought of his uncle as a possible suspect. This was where police training came in. Harvey was family and Danny’s boss. Surely that put him on the automatic list of suspects. But why would an uncle kill a nephew? Perhaps the dollar signs, but really, though? Surely it was one of the grooms or brides who’d killed Danny before everything they’d hoped for was ruined?

  Simon probably had to rule out whether Danny had been doing something shady through the business. Maybe prove that he was clean there, so that he could pursue the brides and their grooms more aggressively.

  Sleeping with another man’s bride right before the wedding. Or the crap that he’d been pulling on Melody. If I found out that Simon’s relationship with me was a cover for him sleeping with Maddie or Zee, I’d be tempted to murder them all. But then again, it wasn’t like Lettie was acting any different towards Melody. And Lettie hadn’t been harmed. So though I might be tempted to slaughter someone over that, it didn’t seem like Melody knew about Lettie.

  I felt like I was a semi-reasonable person, so I wouldn’t murder someone over cheating on me. But if it were Maddie or Zee, I’d definitely be tempted to key their car. I stared at the description of Danny’s death. He’d been hit on the back of the head, knocked into the water, and drowned with out much sign of a struggle.

  Had someone snuck up on him? Would a woman have the strength to do that? But the wound on his head hadn’t been the source of his death. He’d drowned. Maybe a woman would be strong enough to knock him out and then push his falling body into the water. I thought that maybe I’d be strong enough for that. It would take a cold heart, though, to push him in and walk away.

  The door of Simon’s office opened, and I turned slowly to face him. His mouth tightened as he saw where I was standing.

  “My back hurt,” I told him, “I needed room to stretch it out. I didn’t mean to see.”