Serafina's Flame

by J. C. Hart

  The wind surged, driving the rain down harder, so she picked up the pace and headed for the shelter of the trees ahead. The steady slap of rain on leaves helped to still the racing of her heart. Nothing much had changed here at least. These trees were ancient, and the path well worn, even now.

  She carried on for a good hour until she came to a cliff that towered over her. At the top perched a rock shaped like a giant egg. It looked no different than it had all those years ago when she had last come through.

  She scanned the bush ahead as she stepped from the path, well aware that it was only going to get darker in the depths of the woods. Perhaps she should just find shelter here. Hadn't her body already suffered enough tonight? Not to mention the ache that had taken up residence in her heart.

  No. The priestess had seen her leave and if the Asakans wanted to bring her back, they would be on her trail in no time. But then, no one wanted her. No one wanted Romane. Would they even bother?

  Carmel let out a sigh and licked her teeth, which squeaked, despite the fuzz she could feel on them. What she wouldn't do for a warm bath. Romane stirred against her, so she took a swig of water from her flask and grabbed Landon's stretcher again, dragging him across the stones of the path and off the trail.

  It was hard work and sweat beaded on her brow, dripping down her face with the rain. The tug of her overworked muscles made her wince with each step, and her breath came in ragged gasps. She should have listened to the priestess, should have left Romane in Theiry. At this rate, she wouldn't last the trip to the mountain and the poor boy would die from exposure in the woods, alone.

  "Stop being ridiculous," she muttered to herself. "You made a promise and you're going to keep it. You've never let him down before and you're not going to start now, just because he's dead and you're old."

  She gave a sharp nod and pursed her lips, focusing on keeping track of her surroundings. The stretcher caught on rocks here and there, but for the most part it traveled better than she had expected. Maybe she would make it after all.

  Soon she heard the rumble of the river. She veered toward it, following the line of the cliff. It wasn't far now. Within minutes the fresh scent of running water hit her nostrils, giving her a jolt of energy. Her heart quickened, and she pushed forward, more determined than before.

  "Almost there, Romane, not long and we'll get some milk in you." His eyelids opened, and he peered up at her briefly before they fluttered closed again. His mouth had begun to work, and she wanted to be in shelter before he started to wail.

  At the river's edge, she scanned the cliff face on the opposite side. The rain pelted down, throwing up a fine mist which hazed her vision, but there, by a recent slip, she could just make out the opening to the cave. Without waiting longer, she stepped into the river, angling for a row of rocks jutting out of shallow water. The chill leeched the warmth from her skin, but she gritted her teeth and refused to let them chatter.

  Just a little further and she would be across, just a little further. She tugged at the stretcher but it snagged and when she turned back, she tripped and went down on her knees in the icy river. She cried out as water splashed up her body, soaking her to her chest. Romane let out a wail as water seeped through his carrier.

  "It's okay, little one. It's okay," she said, trying to keep her voice calm, though her teeth had really begun to chatter now. She wanted to wail too, but that wasn't going to solve anything. "It's okay, shush. Shush, my darling."

  Carmel used Landon's body to haul herself up from the clutches of the water. She paused a moment, acknowledging the ache in her legs before prying the stretcher free and resuming her slow march across the river. "It's okay, it’s all right, my love." She kept a constant stream of reassurances, though Romane's wails become sharper and more frantic as they went.

  Soon though, she had reached the other side. She dragged Landon from the water and sank down on the mossy bank for just a moment. "I'll get you out soon, darling. I will. Just give your old Nan a minute to get her breath back." She looked down at him and stroked his face with a finger before pressing it to the tip of his nose. "Boop," she said with a grin. He looked like he might cry, but then he broke out in a smile and relief flooded through her.

  "Right. Let's get inside, and I'll get us warm and dry. Does that sound like a good idea to you?" She didn't wait for a response, just gave him a light kiss on the forehead and got back to her feet. It was harder this time, without the incentive of the chilly water against her skin, but she knew she had to get changed before she allowed herself to succumb to exhaustion.

  Carmel dragged the stretcher inside the mouth of the cave and then stopped to pull out a lantern. The light flickered against the stone walls, creating shadows that danced as the flames swayed, but there was nothing within but dust and stones. She set Landon down against the rear wall and dropped her pack to the ground, reaching for a blanket before unstrapping Romane and stripping him bare. He wailed at her rough movements and the fabric caught against his damp skin and she couldn't seem to move fast enough for either of them.

  "I'm doing the best I can," she said, her teeth clacking together as she wrapped the blanket around him.

  She stripped herself down next, rubbing the already damp towel over her skin before getting into some dry clothes.

  Using fire had got her captured the last time, but she was older now, and her baby younger. They were in more danger of getting ill from the cold than from getting captured. She would just have to take the risk. Besides, would they really send out a search party for one old Nivaen and her half-caste grandson? The cost was greater than any gain they might make. She pulled a fire starter from the pack and ignited it in a ring of rocks which had been set into the stone floor of the cave.

  Satisfied that it wasn't going to go out just that minute, Carmel reached into her pack for a bottle of milk and some bread, grateful that Romane was mostly weaned now.

  She lifted him into her lap and put the bottle to his mouth. "I know it's not warm, like you'd like it. I'll do better next time. For now, just enjoy the fact that we've got food for your belly." She grinned down at him as he suckled, guzzling back the milk as if it might be the last he would consume. For a bit. "Guess I should get something for myself, huh?"

  Carmel balanced him in one arm so that she could reach into the pack with her other. Thank goodness she'd found a waterproof pack in the basement, or their supplies would have been ruined. "Thank you, Goddess, for this boon you have granted," she uttered without thought. She hadn't sent praise to Serafina for years now, and yet the words had slipped so easily from her mouth just then. Somehow, being back here, closer to her roots and away from the city, it didn't seem so far-fetched that her goddess might be listening.

  Her fingers found a wrapper, and she tore at the edge with her teeth until she caught the dried meat in her mouth and bit a chunk off. It didn't taste good, but it filled the gnawing hole in her belly.

  Carmel let out a sigh as she put Romane's bottle down. "Time to get you dressed, now that your wee tummy is full." She tickled him under his chin and he wriggled, a smile lighting up his face. She pulled on his clothes, making sure to button them tightly. The fire was small, and the stone walls sucked the heat from it. Still, she stretched their wet clothes out on the ground beside it, hoping that they would dry during what remained of the night.

  Romane seemed happy enough lying on his back, gurgling away to himself, so she stood and stretched her muscles. Legs, back, arms, shoulders. They all ached more than she was used to, more than she would have liked. The journey had only just begun and yet she'd managed to get bruised and battered, with scrapes to her knee and hands. What else was in store? It would take at least two more days to get the mountain. Maybe longer.

  She rolled her shoulders once more then made her way to the entrance of the cave, hoping to find a little fuel for the fire. It would do if there was none, but the bigger the flames, the more chance their gear had of drying. Glancing back at Romane to check he was st
ill happy enough, she stepped outside to search.

  An owl hooted from across the river, its call long and low and lonely; the twin of the song she would sing if she could. The absence of walls and streets and people about their business was startling. No matter how beautiful the forest was, it seemed foreign to her now.

  "I've been cooped up for too long. I've forgotten how to just be," she muttered. She took a step which put her outside the shelter from the cliff face, then she promptly stepped back under cover, shaking the drips from her head. "The fire will have to do."

  Romane wailed and Carmel whipped around. Her heart stopped for a moment when she saw how close he was to the flames, and then it began to race as she rushed towards him and swept him from the ground.

  "What were you doing?" she asked, her voice came out shrill and bounced off the cave walls, assaulting her ears worse than the boy's cries. "When did you get to be moving? It's too soon." She swallowed her words. They were meaningless. None of them would change the guilt she felt. He could have burned, could have been badly hurt and there was no one to help him, nothing she could have done.

  Yet, berating herself wouldn't undo the decision she had made to bring him. Nothing would.

  Romane's cries faded. She sang a lullaby as she circled the flames, bouncing as she went, to coax him back to sleep.

  Landon had been older when they were last here. Almost five. Yet she'd done the same with him. He'd felt so heavy in her arms, with his hands locked behind her neck, and his legs wrapped firmly around her waist. Romane was a feather in comparison, and it was she who clung to him. Soon, he drifted back to sleep, and she returned to the blankets, nestling him down beside her and inhaling his soft, baby scent.

  She matched her breathing to his and listened to the wind and rain pound against the side of the cliff, but it wasn’t long before she slept too.

  5

  Romane's cry woke her. Somehow he had wriggled free of her arms in the night, a reminder of his almost-trip into the flames. His little lips quivered from the cold, so she scooped him back down beneath the blankets and held him close. "Hush now, hush. It's okay. It's okay." She was saying that a lot, without being sure it was true. "Let's get some food in you." Her tummy rumbled at the mention. "And me."

  Carmel sat, leaning against Landon's body for support. Her bones creaked and her muscles ached. This wasn’t a good way to start the day. Tonight, she would have to find some padding for their bed. She quickly softened some bread for Romane and chewed an apple as she fed it to him. It was bruised almost beyond edibility, but it was nice to have something fresh instead of preserved.

  She glanced longingly at the fire pit, wishing she could stoke it, but there was a river to cross, and even if she was careful it would still mean wet boots. She couldn’t think of anything worse, but it would be easier to go into the water cold than warmed by the fire.

  "Come on then," she said, trying to force some merriment into her voice. He gave her a gurgle and a smile.

  The sun was higher than she had imagined it would be and the sky was clear, stretching out wide and blue above her, above the cliff and the trees. They'd slept longer, heavier than she'd expected. Romane hadn't made a peep all night, which was unusual. But then, perhaps he was exhausted like her. What she wouldn't do for a hot mug of brayberry tea. She stretched her muscles out for a minute and then stepped forth, scanning the river for the shallowest possible crossing. They had to go ten minutes down to find a place she liked the look of. The light glinted off the water, but Carmel could actually see this time, and managed to get them to the other side relatively dry.

  "Right," she said, as she let her arms rest for a moment. "I think we go…" She looked around, then spied the top of the mountain through the trees. "In that general direction."

  It was at times like this she wished Romane could speak. Or Landon. Anyone to bounce ideas off, to give suggestions to the decision making process, or even just grunt in agreement. It was all well and good being an independent woman, but she had never been good at silence, and it didn't take long for the sound of her own voice to bore her. At least she had Romane. If she’d been alone, there was every chance she could have made the entire trip in silence; or gone crazy between Theiry and the mountain.

  The sun's warmth sank into her skin but before long she was back under the trees and the heat fled from her bones. She picked up the pace, hoping to warm up that way.

  Several hours later, the terrain began to look familiar again in a vague way. She stopped when she came to a hollowed-out tree and dropped the stretcher to the ground, moving forward to stroke the rough bark with her hands. She leaned a cheek against it and the sounds from the night of her escape from the village flooded back. The whoosh of the flames as they devoured her home and the rest of the buildings. Screams from children and adults alike, the war cries of the Asakan invaders, Landon's sobs as she clutched him to her chest, the pound of her feet as she ran as far and as fast as she could.

  The weather had been a lot warmer then, the houses so dry that they took to the flames as if it were their destiny. Serafina had forsaken them. They had been sure—none more so than Carmel. She had still been in training to become one of the goddess's chosen back then, but before she could be dedicated, the flames had destroyed everything she loved. Almost.

  And here she was, once again resting her head against this ancient tree. She wouldn't take shelter here though. She needed to push on, to make it past this moment, past the reminder of the fear she'd felt, the betrayal, because if she stopped to wallow in it, she may never carry on. And that wasn't an option.

  Straightening her shoulders, and ignoring the ache in her bones, she grabbed hold of the stretcher and moved forward. She'd stop soon enough, but not here.

  The forest thickened as if over the years no one much had ventured this way. Her palms began to sweat as she walked, and her skin itched. Finally, she had to rest. She drank from her flask and then unstrapped Romane and set him down on a blanket to move freely as she stretched out her weary muscles.

  It was strange to think that all these years she had been just a few days from her old life. The first ten years of her captivity had been enforced, but after that she’d been allowed more freedom. Why had she never attempted escape before?

  The truth was that she believed there was nothing to go back to. She couldn't face seeing the charred earth where her village had once stood. Couldn't fathom returning to a life where everyone she knew was dead and where Serafina was no longer welcoming.

  Her eyes stung and her nose prickled as unwelcome tears flowed down her cheeks. So much had been lost. So many dead with no one to take them to the mountain. No one to burn them and say the prayers. No one to call them back. Death itself was not such a loss, but the fact that she hadn't been there to burn them was the thing that hurt the most. They were lost to her forever—her mother, father, sisters and brother—and there was nothing she could do about it.

  Carmel wiped her tears away, flicking them to the ground and glancing up to the sky. She could see blue between the vibrant green leaves layered above her. She would reach the place where her village had stood, and in the bright light of day she would lay those ghosts to rest for good.

  Once she had adjusted to that thought, she felt better equipped to deal with what lay ahead.

  "Come on, my darling. Time to get moving again before I set down roots and we're stuck here forever." She tickled Romane under his chin and he giggled, scrunching his face up in delight. She gave him a kiss on the forehead, then strapped him back into the carrier and burdened herself with her pack and the stretcher.

  Every muscle pulled in her already strained body, but there was nothing she could do about that, and complaining wasn't going to make it go away. "Complaint invites Serafina's wrath," she muttered, as her mother had done a thousand times a day when Carmel was in her youth and prone to grumbling.

  The woman would live in her memory, if not the flames, and that had to count for something.


  6

  It was several hours later, as the sun was beginning its trek toward the horizon, that Carmel realized she was close to the home of her childhood. In some ways, she considered that she had still been a child when she'd been captured, even at twenty-five. She had never known love, never known the gentle touch of a man. The brutality which conceived Landon had tainted her whole life, and she'd been kept innocent of all but the cruelty of others.

  She sniffed the air, half expecting to smell ash on the breeze, but instead the heavy tang of roasting goat hit her nostrils, the rich smell of it so different to the spices typical of Asakan kitchens.

  Carmel wrapped an arm protectively around Romane. "There are people out there," she whispered. "But who?" She stepped forward, dragging the stretcher with one hand. It caught on a branch which scraped against the outside, making a loud enough noise to startle the nearby birds into silence.

  She glanced at it and then back to where the smell was coming from. "I'll come back. I promise," she said to Landon, laying the ropes down over his body and pulling the cover snuggly around it. She pressed a hand to her lips and kissed it before tapping it on his forehead. "I just need to see…" She let her words trail off as she stepped away. He didn't need her explanation. He was beyond words now and Romane was asleep again. It was just her and her ghosts, and whoever it was preparing a meal.

  It only took ten minutes before she could hear signs of life. The casual conversation sounded alien to her ears, her native tongue seeming unnatural, its melodic patterns lulling her into a sense of surrealism. How long had it been since she'd heard Nivaen spoken like this? How long since she'd attempted the tongue herself?