Carnelian- Dreams and Visions

by M. D. Grimm

  Thoughts I first had upon touching Drefeln came fully formed in my mind. I began to plan, to calculate. Drefeln sang reassurances and I smiled at her support. Yes, she understood my trials, my tragedies. Only she understood, and her loyalty and strength would help me achieve my goals. I would become so powerful, a terror to all those who wanted me dead. And yet I would protect and care for those who offered me no resistance. Those who lived their lives and kept their heads down would have my protection and my gratitude. I would give them gifts and reassurances that I would never harm them. My enemies would see a dark villain, one they already considered me to be. I would direct my rage, and use dreams to fulfill my desires.

  I felt Drefeln create walls inside my mind, insulating my thoughts and memories from more invasions.

  I looked around, thinking who I would go to first. The answer was obvious: Elorn. He was still alive, in a deep, dark dungeon with his hands bound. If he was asleep, I could play with him. Turning him into a gibbering mess would be all too satisfying.

  Chuckling, I turned and strode down the dirt path, my goal set. Before I took more than two steps, a bright light flared in front of me. I stumbled to a stop and shielded my eyes for a moment. Was this another trick by the demon? Maybe I should crush him first, then Elorn. Then the light faded and I looked closer.

  I knew now the vision wasn’t created by the demon, it was too vague. It also wasn’t familiar. The demon could only use what he saw in my mind to torment me. He could only twist what was already there; he couldn’t make something from nothing. So what was this?

  I saw a dialen with white hair and piercing green eyes, as if in the reflection of a mirror. The border was circular and the portal hazy, as if to another dimension, and it was freestanding in the middle of the path. It was similar to one I’d opened the few times I journeyed to Earth. The dialen was in a battle and something tugged at my mind. The dialen was familiar. Why? He had a bow in one hand, his short sword in the other. His hair was tied back, and he wore a sturdy tunic and jerkin under a thick cloak. Snow could be seen all around him, thick and blindingly white. Perhaps he was in the mountains? Snowflakes melted when they hit his face and hair. I could only stare at him, at the fierceness and fire in his green eyes as they focused on something I couldn’t see. He looked so strong, determined, his stance strong and centered. The tug in my mind became painful, and Drefeln’s song started to falter.

  Then, out of nowhere, came a stream of magick. Blue magick. It struck the dialen’s chest. It went through the front of his chest and came out the other side. The hole was the size of my fist, and as I watched, horrified, the dialen fell to the ground. There was no life in his eyes as he crumbled and lay still on the snowy ground. Then the image was gone. I was alone in my imagined Vorgoroth.

  I could only hear my ragged breath. I staggered and gripped my head. What was that about? Who was that dialen? I didn’t understand. I tried to, it seemed immensely important that I remember. That I know who that dialen was. The vision kept replaying over and over in my head. Drefeln’s song became faint.

  I suddenly had a name. “Aishe.”

  Memories exploded through my mind, blasting away Drefeln’s deadly song. Memories of love, anger, satisfaction, irritation, his taste and touch, his laughter, his voice, it all crashed down on my head, sending me to my knees.

  “I saw your beauty when I was a child, and I see it now.” After we learned the insidious nature of my birth, he never once thought to reject me. Aishe’s words pounded against my head. His words to me over nearly a year of being together.

  “Do you hate yourself so much that you refuse to believe anyone could ever love you?” He said those words when we first met, after he asked to become my lover. I hadn’t known about our connection then, about the role I played in his childhood.

  “I’m not leaving you. We die together.” Our fight against Nanna and Dyrc during our first couple of months together. He didn’t leave me, though any sane creature would have.

  “You’re here. That is what you can do. You can keep being here when I need you.” He’d had a nightmare of his tribe’s destruction and despite my fumbling attempts, I managed to comfort him.

  “Come back to me.” The plea of a young lad in love for the first time.

  A groan of pain and guilt ripped out of my chest, and I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing the tears back. That portal was no dream demon’s illusion. Neither was that my subconscious. That was a vision. A vision of the future. Visions were said to come directly from the Mother.

  “By Creations Light!” I staggered to my feet even as Drefeln tried to take control again, but there was no hope for her now. I knew who I was, why I was here, my mission. I gripped the carnelian tightly, painfully.

  “You ruined all the fun.”

  I swung around. Lazur stood down the dirt path, but his eyes had changed. They were stark black now, and his face was contorted oddly, the cheekbones too sharp, the head too long. Other than that, he was the spitting image of my father.

  It took me a moment before I could speak in anything except a snarl. “I have to give you credit, you have talent. But I came here for a purpose, demon. Neither you nor anything else will keep me from it. Have your fun elsewhere.”

  “I know your purpose here, mage,” the demon said, its voice high and harsh. It wasn’t my father’s voice at all. “It’s the same as mine.”

  I grew cold and narrowed my eyes. “What do you mean?”

  The demon smiled. “You search for one who belongs to me now. And I’m having fun with him.”

  With a malicious laugh, he vanished. I stood in Vorgoroth, alone once again, the familiar serene sounds lost in my haze of fury. I stood there in silence for a moment before screaming. I pressed my fists to my temples and screamed loudly, hot rage burning inside. What was he doing to Aishe? What was he doing to torture my mate? My heart?

  Seething, I struggled to find my control again. Vorgoroth wavered despite Drefeln’s help, and I had to take a moment to solidify it. Now I knew what had Aishe. And now I knew what maliciousness that Mother damned demon was capable of inflicting. Aishe had some terrifying memories of his own and the demon would be playing with them. How the demon got past his protective sphere, I couldn’t say, yet the fact was, it had. Emotional distress was known to weaken the sphere, and damned if I didn’t cause just that when I imprisoned Aishe.

  Then I’d left him alone for a whole night. A whole night where his mind was held prisoner by a demon. Growling, I turned and stalked down the path once again, so much swirling in my mind.

  The vision. Fucking Mother, the vision! Aishe was going to die. Worse than that, so much worse, was the fact I was going to kill him. The armored clothing I made him was formed by my own magick. That meant it could protect my beloved from all things except what created it. You can’t protect against yourself.

  I was going to kill Aishe.

  I was going to kill Aishe.

  The vision replayed in my mind, stamped into my retinas. It was unfathomable, how was such a thing even possible? How could I kill him? Why would I kill him? There would be no answers here. I had to first get us out of this damn world. Maybe I was going to kill him one day. But not today. Not fucking today.

  Visions were from the Mother. She’d helped me once before by coming to me as a child, blessing my escape. Was she helping me once again? Why? Even the Hunter, her companion, had helped me once, during my time travel debacle. I was the Destroyer, what in the name of Creation did they want from me?

  Yet I had to thank her. I had to praise her. That vision snapped me out of Drefeln’s spell.

  Aishe was out there somewhere, the toy of the damn dream demon, and I’d wasted too much time already. I was going to take him back. I was going to protect him for as long as I could. Using whatever means I could. Drefeln’s voice flooded back into my mind, and I wiped my eyes roughly, walking faster. I brought forth the cold rage and the power of Drefeln. I called all her power forth, and I was in control this
time. Just like Atcoatlu, I directed the course of events.

  “You belong to me, Drefeln,” I said. “Now do as you’re told.” She submitted and I lifted my head in triumph. “Enfernlo.”

  My payshtha friend appeared beside me, his full size dwarfing many of the trees. Enormous and scaled, Enfernlo was a winged and horned creature of deadly might and awesome majesty. He could breathe fire, control it, and wield the divine magick of the Mother. My will made him more than an illusion; he was realer to me than anything could be in Dreamworld.

  “Grekel.”

  My lieutenant appeared on my other side. His entire pack popped into existence a moment later. About fifty adult wichtln were in his pack, and they were deadly killing machines. Grekel growled, sounding like a rock grinder.

  I leapt onto Enfernlo’s back and the payshtha shot into the sky. The wichtln followed us on the ground. We flew high above the forest, and I could see a large extent of Dreamworld. It just kept going, no end in sight. Small bubbles in the far distance indicated the protected minds of dreamers, but Aishe was unprotected, dragged into the world by a demon. Somehow. Or—

  “The demon was summoned to drag him in,” Enfernlo said, his voice deep, intense.

  “Summoned by who?”

  “Who do you think?”

  I looked to my left, drawn to that side. “It seems I’ll have some killing to do after this.” I didn’t recognize my own voice. It was pitiless, frigid, destroying all life in its wake. “Let’s find Aishe.”

  Enfernlo flew in the direction I indicated. The wichtln followed. The landscape changed rapidly. Vorgoroth disappeared and the land contorted and changed color again. I directed us, Aishe my beacon. I felt him and I knew we were getting closer. The demon was moving him, jumping around, trying to lose me. He wouldn’t. My will was stronger and my thirst for bloodshed deeper. Drefeln’s power danced through me, Aishe’s amethyst burned my chest. His hand grew colder in mine, and I knew time was running out. For him I would move mountains and rage against volcanoes. I would defy the Mother herself and laugh as I did. He was everything to me and no one would take him from me.

  No one had ever killed a demon before. Most thought it impossible. I was always one to accept a challenge.

  A few times the demon tried to attack me as before. He tried to make Enfernlo turn on me, or the wichtln to disappear. I held strong, using Drefeln every time. I battled each attack with a flick of my hand. I expected him and was able to thwart each and every one. I could sense the demon’s frustration. I smiled bitterly at it.

  “Anything you can do, I can do better,” I said softly. Then it was as if Aishe was in my arms. I felt him and smelled him. I found you!

  What I saw broke my heart.

  Enfernlo landed roughly and I leapt off, running. The broken and burnt camp of the Ravena tribe lay scattered across the field. Bodies ripped and burned lay strewn among the debris of tents and tables. Bile rose in my throat, and I shoved it down. I ran past the carnage, through it and over it. The demon had done to Aishe what he did to me: brought forth my worst nightmare. My worst memories. Aishe didn’t know this was a dream. He had no way to know this wasn’t real. He’d fallen asleep for real, then his mind was kidnapped. The demon had tormented him for an entire night and into the day. Guilt gnawed at my insides. If only I’d come home sooner! Rage boiled in my veins.

  Yes, I would find some way to kill the demon.

  What greeted me next was far worse than anything I could have imagined. I stumbled to a stop to find Aishe crouched in a defensive position. He wasn’t the adult Aishe I loved; he was the young Aishe I adored, the one from my time travel experience. He was beaten and bloody, and his clothes were tatters, his hair singed. His eyes bleak. A double of me stood in front of him, thrumming with magick. Amber eyes, glowing skin, fire radiating down his arms. He had my black clothes and silver belt, my slicked back hair. It was like looking in a mirror—a deranged, distorted mirror. The vision of Aishe dying at my hand blurred across my mind, and I immediately stamped it down. No, that was for the future, to analyze another time. I had to focus on the now.

  The demon was using me to hurt Aishe. No, to destroy him. As I watched, my double raised his arm, a fireball in hand.

  “Asshole!”

  The double spun around. I snarled out a command and my wichtln charged. Before the double could do anything, he was buried under massive bulks and teeth and claws. Blood and flesh flew as the wichtln had their fun. I didn’t need to imagine very hard to make the wichtln do what I wanted. I’d seen enough of their hunts to know their ferocity, and demon controlled or not, the double didn’t stand a chance.

  When I was sure the wichtln would continue, that Drefeln would help them continue, I ran to Aishe.

  “Aishe!”

  He stared at the wichtln attack in utter confusion, his young face strained and half burned. Then he whipped his head toward me when he heard his name. He flinched and scrambled away, trying to run. He was trying to run away from me. Even given what I just saw, I couldn’t bear the terror in his eyes. He tried to stand, and his leg crumbled under him, a leg clearly broken in several places. He fell hard with a cry of pain but still struggled to move.

  “Morgorth!” His words were choked with tears. “Just stop, please! I can’t, please!”

  I fell to my knees in front of him, only a few feet between us. He held out a hand as if to fend me off, all hope gone from his eyes. There was only devastation and betrayal in the green.

  My throat tightened. I fought against my own tears. “Aishe,” I said firmly. “Aishe! You’re in Dreamworld.”

  He lifted his eyes to mine, the green muddy with confusion and hurt and anguish and.... I wanted to look away. I wanted to hold him. I didn’t do either.

  “What?” His voice was a croak.

  “This is a dream.” I pointed to his burned tribe. “This already happened, remember? You were an adult when your tribe died. You prepared their bodies so they returned to the Mother, set them aflame. Remember? Then you searched for me. We went after Kayl together.”

  Still looking dazed and confused, he looked at his tribe. He narrowed his eyes and looked like he struggled to understand my words.

  “A demon stole your mind,” I said, continuing to push. “You’re asleep. You have been for a full night. That wasn’t me.” I pointed to the pile of wichtln now taking their fill of my double. It was disturbing, and I couldn’t look at them for long. “I would never hurt you like that. You know me. You see me. I’ve made love to you, Aishe, I’ve made you laugh. We once threw snowballs at each other. I’ve been pissed at you, sure, but have I ever harmed you with my magick? Have I ever made you bleed? Think.”

  He flinched, but I could see he was trying.

  “You are not a child. You are an adult. You’re a warrior, skilled with a sword and a master at the bow. You heal those injured, and we live in Geheimnis together. Your favorite places are Vorgoroth and the library. We spar in the training rooms, and you taught me hand-to-hand. We make love nearly every night. We’ve been together for close to a year. Remember.”

  He looked at me, eyes wide. I stared into his sweet green eyes, and I willed him to trust me.

  “You’re dreaming, baby. Make it all disappear.”

  He shuddered out a breath. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his face. As I watched, the massacred tribe slowly vanished. One by one, the charred bodies and burnt tents faded, disappearing into nothing. Soon, it was just grassy land we knelt on. I smiled. In a snap, Aishe was an adult again, looking exactly the way he had when we parted. He opened his eyes and gasped when he saw the truth.

  He looked at me, eyes wet. “M-Morgorth?” He glanced at the wichtln and cringed.

  “It’s me, baby. I’m here.” I dared to move closer. He didn’t move. I crawled over to him and gripped his hand. He stared at our joined hands, his face pale and strained, his eyes still bleak.

  “Look at me, Aishe. See me.”

  He was obviously reluctant to
look into my eyes. When he did, I let all my barriers down. I let him see me. His eyes widened and he shuddered out another breath, looking astonished.

  “It really is you,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

  “There you go.” I kissed the back of his hand. His breath hitched.

  “I—”

  “We need to get you out of here.” I stood and pulled him up with me. Drefeln rose up again, and I struggled against her control, her addicting promises. I didn’t need to struggle as hard since I found my goal. I had Aishe near me. He would always be the counter balance, his mere presence enough to keep me in check. Drefeln was a needed burden, a cursed deal I had to take. I could handle the repercussions of it. I had to.

  “Well done, mage.”

  I jerked and turned around, immediately stepping in front of Aishe. My wichtln walked over, muzzles wet with blood, and stood in a loose ring around us. The demon looked like the distorted image of my father again.

  “Why?” I asked. “Why him? What is he to you?”

  “It’s what he is to you.” The demon smirked. “It’s been a while since I’ve had this much fun. I was caged, you see, in Underworld. I made a deal with a mage. He released me.”

  “Who?”

  The demon raised an eyebrow. “It won’t be that easy. Maybe you would like to make a deal for the answer, hmm?”

  I focused on Enfernlo who stood behind the demon. He’d been vacant until now. Animating all the different creatures while consoling Aishe was taxing, even with the carnelian. I had the power but it was the imagination and holding all the images in my mind that was the struggle. I could feel exhaustion creep up, and I was going to have a bitchin headache after this.

  “Do you trust me?” I asked Aishe in an undertone. He hesitated. It cut across my heart.

  “Yes,” he said finally, softly.

  “When I say ‘now,’ wrap your arms around me. I’ll get us out of here.”

  “Right.”

  I commanded Enfernlo to attack. The payshtha dove for the demon. It yelped and jumped away. Before the demon could think to vanish, I brought up my will.