Surrendering All but Her Heart

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  His dark eyes glinted as they met hers. ‘And what about you, cara?’ he asked. ‘Are you excited to see me too?’

  She felt her body tingle as his gaze read every nuance of her expression. She had no hope of hiding her longing from him. She didn’t even bother trying. ‘Do you want me to lick your face to prove it?’ she asked.

  ‘I can think of other places that would suit me much better,’ he said.

  An earthquake of need rumbled through her lower body. ‘What about Molly?’ she asked as he moved towards her.

  ‘What about Molly?’ he said as he released her hair from the knot she had tied on the back of her head.

  ‘Don’t you think she’s a little young to be watching us … you know … doing it?’

  ‘Good point,’ he said, and scooped the puppy up in one hand. ‘Where does she sleep?’

  She chewed her lip. ‘Um …’

  He narrowed his eyes in mock reproach. ‘You’re not serious?’

  ‘What was I supposed to do?’ she asked. ‘She cried for ages until I took her to bed with me. I felt sorry for her. She was missing her mum.’

  He smiled indulgently and flicked her cheek with a gentle finger. ‘Softie.’

  ‘I told you I’d be a hopeless mum,’ she said. ‘I’d end up spoiling the kid rotten.’

  ‘I think you’d make a terrific mother.’

  She frowned and took the puppy from him. ‘I’ll put her in her carrier in the laundry …’

  ‘Tatty?’

  She stilled at the door. ‘Don’t do this, Angelo.’

  ‘You can’t keep avoiding the subject,’ he said. ‘It’s an issue that’s important to me.’

  She turned around and glared at him. ‘I know what you’re doing,’ she said. ‘You thought by giving me a puppy to take care of it would magically fix things, didn’t you? But I told you before. You can’t fix this. You can’t fix me. You can’t fix the past.’

  ‘How long are you going to keep punishing yourself?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m not punishing myself,’ she said. ‘I’m being realistic. I don’t think I can handle being a parent. What if I turn out like my father? Having kids changes people. Some people can’t handle it. They lose patience. They resent the loss of freedom and take it out on their kids.’

  ‘You’re nothing like your father,’ he said. ‘I find it hard to believe you are even related to him. He’s nothing but an arrogant, selfish jerk. He doesn’t deserve to have a daughter as beautiful and gentle and loving as you.’

  Natalie felt a warm feeling inside her chest like bread dough expanding. She tried to push it down but it kept rising again.

  She wanted to believe him.

  She wanted it desperately. She wanted a future with him. She wanted to have his baby—more than one baby—a family. But the past still haunted her. Would there ever be a time when it wouldn’t?

  ‘I need more time …’ she said, stroking the puppy’s head as she cradled it against her. ‘I’m not ready to make a decision like that just yet.’

  He put his hands on her shoulders, his dark chocolate eyes meshing with hers. ‘We’ll talk about it some other time,’ he said. ‘In the meantime, I think Molly is just about asleep. It would be a shame not to make the most of the opportunity, si?’

  She trembled with longing as he gently took the puppy from her and led her upstairs into a world of sensuality she was fast becoming addicted to.

  How would she ever be able to survive without it?

  Natalie was in the garden with Molly the following afternoon when Angelo came out to her.

  ‘Look, Angelo,’ she said excitedly. ‘Molly has learned to shake hands. Watch. Shake, Molly. See? Isn’t she clever?’

  ‘Very.’

  She swung her gaze to his but he was frowning. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.

  He paused for a moment as if searching for the right words. ‘Your mother has been taken ill. She’s in hospital. Your father just called.’

  Natalie felt the hammer blow of her heart against her chest wall. ‘Is she all right?’

  ‘She has an acute case of pancreatitis,’ he said. ‘She’s in intensive care.’

  ‘I—I need to go to her.’

  ‘I’ve already got my private jet on call at the airport,’ he said. ‘Don’t waste time packing. I’ll buy what you need when we get there.’

  ‘But what about Molly?’ she asked.

  ‘We’ll take her with us,’ he said. ‘I’ll have one of my staff take care of her once we get there.’

  The intensive care unit was full of desperately ill people, but none of them looked as bad as her mother–or so Natalie thought when she first laid eyes on her, hooked up to machines and wires.

  ‘Oh, Mum,’ she said, taking her mother’s limp hand in hers. Tears blinded her vision and her chest ached as if someone seriously overweight was sitting on it.

  ‘I’ve informed Lachlan,’ Angelo said at her shoulder. ‘I’ve sent a plane to collect him.’

  She pressed her lips to her mother’s cold limp hand. ‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Adrian Armitage came back in, after taking a call on his mobile out in the corridor. ‘And so you should be,’ he said with a contemptuous look. ‘This is your fault. She wouldn’t have taken up drinking if it hadn’t been for you.’

  Angelo stood between Natalie and her father. ‘I think you’d better leave,’ he said, in a voice that brooked no resistance.

  Adrian gave him a disparaging look. ‘She’s got her claws into you well and good, hasn’t she?’ he said. ‘I warned you about her. She’s manipulative and sneaky. You’re a damn fool for falling for it.’

  ‘If you don’t leave of your own free will then I will make you leave,’ Angelo said, in the same cool and calm but unmistakably indomitable tone.

  ‘She killed my son,’ Adrian said. ‘Did she tell you that? She was jealous of him, that’s why. She knew I wanted a son more than a daughter. She killed him.’

  ‘Natalie did not kill your son,’ Angelo said. ‘She was not responsible for Liam’s death. She was just a child. She should never have been given the responsibility of watching over him. That was your job. I will not have you blame her for your own inadequacies as a parent.’

  Natalie watched as her father’s face became puce. ‘You dare to question my ability as a parent?’ he roared. ‘That girl is a rebel. She’s unmanageable. She won’t give an inch. She’s black to the heart.’

  ‘That girl is my wife,’ Angelo said with steely emphasis. ‘Now, get out of here before I do something you will regret more than I ever will.’

  ‘Mr Armitage?’ One of the doctors had appeared. ‘I think it’s best if you leave. Come this way, please.’

  Angelo’s concerned gaze came to Natalie’s. ‘Are you all right, cara?’ he asked, touching her cheek with a gentle finger.

  ‘I’ve always known he hated me,’ she said on a ragged sigh. ‘It’s true what he said … I overheard him blasting my mother about it when I was about five or so. He wanted a son first. That’s why I always felt I wasn’t good enough. It didn’t matter how hard I tried or how well behaved I was or how well I did at school, I could never be the son he wanted. And then when Liam died … well, that was the end of any hope of ever pleasing him.’

  ‘Some people should never be parents,’ he said with a furious look. ‘I can’t believe how pathetic your father is. He’s a coward—a bully and a coward. I don’t want you to ever be alone with him. Do you understand?’

  Natalie felt another piece of her armour fall away. ‘I understand.’

  His fierce expression relaxed into tenderness as he cupped her cheek. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t know what your childhood was like, and even more sorry that you didn’t feel you could tell me,’ he said. ‘The clues were all there but I just didn’t see them.’

  ‘I once told a family friend about my father’s treatment of me,’ she said in a quiet voice. ‘It got back to my father. My mother …’ She s
wallowed tightly over the memory. ‘My mother drank really badly after that.’ She looked back at her mother and gave another sigh. ‘I don’t want to lose her. I know she’s not perfect, but I don’t want to lose her.’

  He put his hand over hers and squeezed it tightly. ‘Then I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure you don’t.’

  Natalie looked physically shattered by the time Angelo escorted her out of the hospital. Her mother showed some signs of improvement, but it was still too early to tell if the severe bout of pancreatitis would settle. The doctors had told them her mother would not live much longer unless she gave up drinking.

  He put his arm around Natalie’s waist as he led her out to the car he had organised. ‘Lachlan should be here in the morning,’ he said. ‘In the meantime I think you should try and get as much rest as you can. You look exhausted.’

  ‘I don’t know how to thank you for everything you’ve done,’ she said. ‘You’ve been … amazing.’

  He put an arm around her shoulders and drew her into his body. ‘Isn’t it about time someone stood up for you?’ he said.

  ‘Funny that it’s you.’

  ‘Why is that?’ he asked.

  She gave a little shrug. ‘I just thought you’d be the last person to take my side.’

  He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. ‘Then you don’t know me all that well, do you?’

  Angelo took her to his house in Mayfair. It was an immaculately presented four-storey mansion, with beautiful gardens in front as well as behind. Wealth and status oozed from every corner of the building, both inside and out.

  Natalie looked around even though she was almost dead on her feet. ‘This is certainly a long way from that run down flat we shared in Notting Hill,’ she said, once she had inspected every nook and cranny.

  ‘I liked that flat.’

  She gave him a wistful smile. ‘Yes, I did too.’

  ‘Come here.’

  She came and stood in the circle of his arms. ‘You’d better not tell my twenty-one-year old self about this,’ she said. ‘She would be furious with me for obeying your command as if I had no mind of my own.’

  He smiled as he gathered her close. ‘I won’t tell her if you won’t.’

  She nestled up against him, loving the warmth and comfort and shelter of his body. She felt like a little beat-up dinghy that had finally found safe harbour during a tempestuous storm.

  If only she could stay here for ever.

  Over the next few days Natalie’s mother improved enough to be moved to the private clinic Angelo had organised. Many years of heavy drinking had caused some serious liver damage. It would be a long road to recovery and, while her mother seemed ready to take the first tentative steps, Natalie wasn’t keen to put any money on her succeeding. She had seen her mother’s attempts to become sober too many times to be confident that this time would be any different.

  Lachlan was another story. He seemed determined to get well, and had asked Angelo to send him back to Portugal once he was sure their mother was out of danger. He had started to talk to counsellors about his childhood; about the impossible burden it was to be the replacement child. Natalie could only hope this would be the turning point he needed to get his life back on track.

  She hadn’t seen her father since Angelo had spoken to him at the hospital. She suspected he was worried about running into Angelo again. It seemed pathetically cowardly to stop visiting his wife just to protect himself, but then, she wouldn’t be able to bear to watch him pretending to be a loving, concerned husband when she had personally witnessed all his hateful behaviour over the years that told another story.

  On the afternoon when Angelo took Lachlan to the airport Natalie sat with her mother in the sun room at the clinic. She had brought Molly along, hoping it would lift her mother’s spirits, but Isla barely gave the puppy a glance.

  ‘I wonder when your father’s coming in?’ she asked, checking her watch for the tenth time. ‘He hasn’t been to see me since I came here.’

  Natalie felt frustrated that her mother couldn’t or wouldn’t see that her father was only concerned about himself. ‘Mum, why do you put up with him?’ she asked.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ Isla said. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He treats you like rubbish,’ Natalie said. ‘He’s always treated you like rubbish.’

  ‘I know you don’t understand, but I’m happy enough with my lot,’ her mother said. ‘He’s a good provider. I don’t ever have to worry about working. I have the sort of lifestyle other people only dream of having.’

  ‘Mum, you could divorce him and still be well provided for,’ Natalie said. ‘You don’t have to put up with his bullying.’

  ‘He wasn’t always difficult,’ Isla said. ‘It was better in the early days. It was a dream come true when he asked me to marry him after I found out I was pregnant. We were both so certain you were going to be a boy. I even bought all blue clothes. I was happy to have a daughter, but your father took it very hard. He got better after Liam was born. But then …’

  Natalie’s eyes watered and her throat went tight. It was always the same. The same wretched anguish, the same crushing guilt. Would there ever be a time when she would be able to move on without it?

  ‘I’m sorry …’

  Isla checked her watch again. ‘Do you think you could call the nurse for me?’ she said. ‘I want to go home. I’m sick of being here.’

  ‘Mum, how can you think of leaving?’ Natalie asked. ‘You’re supposed to stay on the program for at least a month.’

  Her mother reached past Natalie to press the buzzer for the nurse. ‘I belong at home with your father,’ she said with an intractable look. ‘I don’t belong here.’

  Angelo pulled up just as Natalie came out of the clinic. She had a deep frown on her forehead and her gait was jerky, as if she was terribly upset and trying her best to hide it. It amazed him how easily he could read her now. It was as if a curtain had come up in his brain. He could sense her mood from the way she carried herself. The very times she needed support she pushed him away. She got all prickly and defensive. He could see her doing it now.

  He got out of the car and held open the door for her. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, taking the wriggling puppy from her.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Hey,’ he said, capturing her chin and making her look at him. ‘What’s going on?’

  Her eyes looked watery, as if she was about to cry. ‘I really don’t want to talk about it,’ she said.

  ‘Tatty, we have to talk about things,’ he said. ‘Especially things that upset us. It’s what well-functioning couples do. I don’t want any more secrets between us.’

  ‘My mother is going to check herself out,’ she said in a defeated tone. ‘I can’t stop her. I can’t fix this. I can’t fix her. I can’t fix any of this.’

  He brushed the hair back from her face. ‘It’s not your mess to fix.’

  ‘I can’t believe she thinks more of her position in society than her well-being,’ she said. ‘She doesn’t love my father. She loves what he can give her. How can she live like that?’

  ‘Some people want different things in life,’ he said. ‘You have to accept that. It doesn’t mean you’re going to be like that. You have the choice to do things differently.’

  She was silent as he helped her in the car. She sat with Molly on her lap, her hands gently stroking her ears, her expression still puckered by a little frown.

  ‘I’m sorry my family’s dramas have taken up so much of your time,’ she said after a long pause.

  ‘It’s not a problem,’ Angelo said. ‘What about your work? Is there anything I can do to help?’

  ‘No, I’ve got everything under control,’ she said. ‘Linda is working on a few things for me. She’s really excited about the Sorrento project. I e-mailed her the photos.’

  ‘I know you’ll do an amazing job,’ he said. ‘And my mother is excited about you helping her with the villa at home. It�
�s her birthday next weekend. My father is bringing her to London to go to the theatre. They’d like to have a little celebration with us. You don’t have to do anything. I’ll get my housekeeper Rosa to prepare everything.’

  She gave him a little smile that faded almost as soon as it appeared. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

  Angelo’s parents arrived at his Mayfair house on Friday evening. Natalie had made up a collection of her linens for his mother as a present, but it was Molly that most interested Francesca.

  They had barely come through the door when she scooped Molly out of Natalie’s arms. ‘Come to Nonna,’ she said with a beaming smile. ‘You will be good training for me, si? I can’t wait to be a grandmother. I’ve already bought a new cot for Angelo’s old nursery. It will be the first room you can help me redecorate, Natalie. I am so looking forward to it.’

  Natalie felt her heart jerk in alarm. She glanced at Angelo, but he was smiling as if nothing was wrong. She felt the walls closing in on her. She felt claustrophobic. Panic rose inside her. She felt it spreading, making her head tight and her stomach churn.

  ‘Got to keep the Bellandini line going,’ Sandro said, with a teasing glint in his eye.

  ‘Give us time,’ Angelo said with an amused laugh. ‘We’ve barely come off our honeymoon.’

  ‘What if I don’t want a baby?’ Natalie said.

  It was as if she had suddenly announced she had a bomb ticking inside her handbag. Sandro and Francesca stared at her with wide eyes and even wider mouths.

  Francesca was the first to speak. ‘But surely you can’t be serious?’

  Natalie tried to ignore Angelo’s dark gaze. ‘I’m not sure I want children.’

  Francesca’s face collapsed in dismay. ‘But we’ve longed for grandchildren for years and years,’ she said. ‘I was only able to have one baby. I would have loved to have four or five. How can you not want to give Angelo a son?’

  ‘Or a daughter,’ Sandro said.

  Angelo put his arm around Natalie’s waist. ‘This is a discussion Natalie and I should be having on our own.’

  Francesca looked as if she was about to cry. ‘You must make her change her mind, Angelo,’ she said. ‘Tell her how important it is to you. Our line of the family will die out with you. You can’t let that happen.’