Redemption (Desire Never Dies)

by Clara Grace Walker

  She’d thought of no one but Earl from the moment they met. She’d melted at the sight of him. That he could actually love her, the real her, as much as she loved him had seemed like an impossibility. The truth of which had revealed itself as he’d pressed to know everything about her. Everything. As long as she was with him, her secrets would not be safe. His proposal had forced that reality onto her. Crushed her with a single sentence. ‘I want to spend my life getting to know everything about you.’ Not, ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with you.’ That she could have accepted. Would have loved to accept. But his proposal came with strings attached, and they threatened to make her reveal all the things she could never tell him.

  At last, she found the will to move and headed across the room, blocking out whispers and hushed tones of conversation, broken only by the clink of billiard balls crashing into each other on the pool table. Darla sat at a table playing chess with her boyfriend and scowled when Mindy walked by. She ignored her. Joey looked up from a shot he was about to take at the pool table and smiled. She ignored him, too. She didn’t want to make friends with these people. She didn’t trust them and she didn’t want them trying to get close to her.

  Earl saw her as she crossed the room, stood and smiled. When she finished walking the ten or so feet separating them, he opened his arms to greet her. “Mindy.”

  It was a single word, spoken in his deep, gravelly voice, but it made her want to cry. “Earl.” She smiled back, surprised by the timid sound of her voice. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  He smiled wide, showing off his dimples. “That snake Anthony Howard isn’t going to get away with locking you up while he helps himself to your bank account. You deserve better than that.”

  She buried herself in his embrace, in the strong, reassuring feel of his arms. He smelled like Old Spice aftershave and Right Guard. God how she’d missed him. “I don’t remember the last two days before waking up here,” she admitted. “Not coming here, or being in Aspen. Or anything else that happened after I smoked that joint with Vince’s buddy Kevin. It’s like the world just ended for two days.”

  “Shh.” He quieted her with the stroke of his hand through her hair and continued to press her against him. “I know you’ve been through a bad time lately, but you need to put that behind you.”

  Shivering as his lips grazed her earlobe, she leaned into him. No matter how much time passed, the way it felt to be in his arms stayed with her.

  “Anthony Howard is a sick bastard. He hasn’t heard the last of me.”

  She immersed herself in the intoxicating feel of being with him. Overpowering. Overwhelming. A mild sense of anxiety gnawed at her inside.

  “Mindy.”

  Another single word laced with longing, steeped in emotions that made her panic. “Earl, I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything.” He held her away from him, looking her over. “You’ve changed your hair.”

  “Yeah.” She ran her fingers self-consciously through the long layers. “I hate it. It looks terrible.”

  “No.” He pulled her hand away, running his own fingers through it, appearing to inspect the new color. “You could never look terrible.”

  “You’re such a liar.” She smiled anyway. “How’d you convince the psycho wardens to let you visit? I was told it was family only.”

  “You know me.” He grinned. “I can be pretty charming when I want to be. I also explained how beneficial it would be for you to have someone here supporting your sobriety.”

  “So you’re here to help me stay sober?” Stupid as it was, she’d hoped for something more. Had she really expected him to come rushing back two years later, still on bended knee?

  “I know you’re under a lot of pressure,” he said, his voice full of sincerity. “And I don’t want to put any more on you. I just want to help. Will you let me do that for you?”

  His words crushed her in a way she wasn’t prepared for. “You mean you’re not here to try and convince me to give us another try?”

  “I don’t want to try and convince you to do anything. I just want to be here for you. I want you to get better.”

  She nodded. Noble, chivalrous Earl. A knight in shining armor. But no longer hers. What else had she expected? She did her best to block the sting of hurt. How much easier this would be if she could have a drink. Just one. Anything to dull the pain. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said. “It’s nice not to be alone.”

  “Good.”

  He hugged her again, and this time she stiffened in his embrace. “Let’s sit down,” she suggested. “Tell me how my babies are doing. I’ve really missed them.”

  Leading her to the loveseat, Earl sat beside her, sliding one arm around her waist. “Snickers and Lollipop still fight occasionally.”

  She laughed, remembering the way Snickers had hissed and puffed her tail when she met Lollipop, a scrawny, dirty little kitten who’d let her claws out and hissed right back. “Do you remember the treat trick?”

  He grinned. “Works every time.”

  “And how’s Pretzel?”

  “Adorable. Thinks it’s his job to mediate their disputes.”

  “Adorable, but not too bright, huh?”

  Earl’s laughter sounded sweeter than music and made her sad. Certain things she tried every day to forget. The life with Earl she’d left behind was one of them. Seeing him brought it all flooding back. Though at least it confirmed she’d made the right call leaving the animals with him. Her life for the last two years, touring and trying to bury her pain by partying with Vince, would have been terrible for them. She thought again of the baby boy, and the lesson he’d taught her about letting go of things you loved. Because you loved them.

  “Hey.” Earl touched her cheek, turning her face to look at him. “I want to hear how you’re doing.”

  A chill slithered through her. She thought of hazy faces and bodies carried out to the woods. Her throat tightened. Her pulse beat harder. Her breath seemed stuck in her chest.

  “Mindy?” Earl stared at her, jaw clenched. “What’s wrong?”

  There was no telling what he would do if she told him. Knowing him, he’d probably explode with righteous indignation. He might demand to see Shirley. She had no idea who the three figures were. Or who knew about the body. But there could be little doubt Shirley knew. Or that awful doctor who’d shot her full of drugs. Would Earl be able to call the police before someone tried to stop him? “Do you have your phone?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “No. They took all my electronics when I checked into the hotel. Something to do with supporting our loved one’s recovery. There’s a land line in my room though. And a television. So I’m slightly better off than you are.”

  “Can you place calls?” She thought of the phone in the rec room, the one you couldn’t dial out on. “From your room?”

  “Sure. Patty, the girl who runs the registration desk and does the family seminars, also runs the switchboard. She’ll place any call I want. Why? Is there someone you want me to call?”

  He frowned, and she figured he was thinking she wanted him to call Vince. As if she would ask that of him. “No,” she said. “There’s no one besides you I want to talk to.”

  He was still frowning. He probably didn’t believe her. She leaned her head against his shoulder, feeling defeated. There was no way to call the police without someone here knowing. They were all trapped. Trapped. Even with Earl sitting beside her, panic trickled in.

  “Mindy, what’s wrong?”

  She glanced quickly around the room. Astrid still played pool with Joey. Darla and her boyfriend still played chess. Darla continued to glare in her direction. Scott and his family played cards at another table. His adoptive mother barely looked old enough to be his mother. She was beautiful, with straight black hair pulled into a ponytail. The dad was handsome. And they had a little girl who looked to be around the pre-school or kindergarten age. She had dark hair like her mother’s.
Joey’s wife and Walter’s wife were having a heated discussion, with Joey’s wife throwing out the words ‘Shirley’ and ‘CRC’ while Walter’s wife flipped through pages from a Bible. Walter rolled his eyes and drank from a water bottle. Probably wishing he had a few pills to pop. All of them seemed completely oblivious to the three security guards patrolling the room and the video cameras positioned above both doors; the one leading back into the treatment facility and the one leading outside. There didn’t seem to be any way of speaking privately.

  “Are you going to say anything?” Earl waved a hand in front of her.

  She sighed. “I wish I could.”

  “It’s not as hard as you think. Just start talking.”

  The frown on his face only made things worse. He really had no idea what was going on, and she had no idea how to tell him without putting him in danger. “I wish I could tell you things, Earl.” Her eyes misted. “I really do.”

  He pulled his arm from around her waist and folded it in front of him. “So do I.”

  She sat stiffly beside him and snuffed out any remaining embers of hope. A life with Earl wasn’t in the cards. And she had no one to blame but herself.

  Chapter 12

  Mindy jumped at the sound of Belinda’s buzzer, signaling the end of her therapy session. Stonewalling while the woman spent forty minutes grilling her about her childhood had been torture. She stood and waved her fingers as she stepped out the door. “Well, that’s all folks.”

  Rory waited for her in the hall; and she noted with surprise, he was smiling. “What’s gotten into you?” she asked. “You’re looking positively normal.”

  He shrugged. “I am normal. Anyhow, I’ve been thinking.”

  “You mean they allow that here?”

  He gave her a puzzled frown. “Huh?”

  “Never mind. You were saying?”

  “Uh, I know you didn’t choose to come here and things have been rough for you. So I was thinking, you know, if there’s anything I can do to make your stay better, like sneak you in some cheeseburgers, or something, just let me know.”

  She stared at him, disbelieving. She should probably be happy; jumping right onto the cheeseburger bandwagon. Coming from a CRC zombie bot, however, the offer only made her suspicious. “You mean break the rules?”

  He nodded, for some reason still looking puzzled. “Well, nothing bad. I can’t bring you drugs or alcohol. And you can’t tell anyone either. I don’t want to get in trouble.”

  “Of course not.” Strangely, she was glad he’d nixed the drugs and alcohol. She didn’t want to be tempted right now. She’d never get out of this loony bin or rebuild her career if she didn’t get her act cleaned up.

  “Is there anything you want?” he asked. “Should I get you a cheeseburger?”

  “No.” She wasn’t going to waste his favors on food. Not when she was locked in a prison run by psychopaths. She studied Rory’s face, wondering how secret her request would really be. He looked nervous. Like he didn’t want anyone to know, and she decided to risk asking.. “Can you take me to see Earl? Alone, I mean. Not like at family visiting hour in a room filled with other people and security cameras.”

  He scratched his head, looking up and scrunching his lips together. After a couple of breaths he shrugged. “I guess. As long as you don’t have sex with him. Sex is prohibited unless you’re in a committed CRC relationship. Shirley’s pretty big on that one.”

  “I don’t see sex as a realistic possibility,” she said, without promising anything. And probably, it wasn’t. “Earl’s only here to help with my sobriety.

  “Alright. Since this is supposed to be your relaxation time I’ll walk you over to the hotel. It’s a quarter of a mile to the left of the pool.”

  She followed him down the hall, through the rec room and out of the treatment facility, walking quietly, afraid of drawing attention to herself. Rory looked back as they cleared the exit door, stepped out into the blazing heat of the day, and headed down the walkway toward the pool. “Once you know the way you’ll be able to go there whenever you want, as long as I’m the one watching the pool. Just be careful not to let anyone see you.”

  “I’ll be careful,” she promised.

  Rory didn’t strike her as being a rocket scientist, but her instincts about him seemed right. He bought into the whole CRC load of crap, but he was harmless. He’d been in her room right before she’d seen the figures carrying the body, so he wasn’t one of them. But did he know about it? And was he enough of a zombie bot to keep quiet about it if he did?

  They turned left on the walkway, away from the pool. The heat was such that, were this another time and place, she’d be heading for the pool, instead of away from it. Rory walked quickly, hurrying her along the walkway, flanked by short stretches of lawn. To her left, a road led from the parking lot outside to the hotel. Beyond that a spiked metal fence climbed about six feet high. Video cameras stood on tall poles at evenly spaced intervals around the perimeter. To her right, the short expanse of lawn gave way to more overgrown vegetation. Wildlife chirped and squawked from that direction, and off in the distance she heard the familiar cry of gulls. That would be the Atlantic Ocean. And were she not afraid of snakes, alligators and sharks, her preferred escape route. Still, she considered it.

  “The only gate out is manned by an armed security guard,” Rory said. “In case you were thinking about sneaking off.”

  “I wasn’t.” Her spirits sank. She’d been thinking exactly that. “Where would I go anyhow? I’m a little too well-known to go on the lam.”

  He nodded. “I guess that’s true.”

  They finished the short walk in silence. The sun rode high in the cloudless sky, and the day was without a breeze to cool the perspiration beading on her skin. Mindy felt ready for a shower by the time they reached the hotel; and thoughts of a shower led straight to thoughts of making love to Earl. The shower had been a favorite spot of theirs.

  “Here we are.” Rory paused at the doorway of a rather plain, two-story concrete structure. “Let me make sure there’s no one inside.” He opened the single, glass door, poking his head in and looking back at her. “Coast is clear.”

  Stepping inside, Mindy noted polished tile floors of black, gold and white, with a stairwell door on her right and two elevators on her left. The hallway ahead stretched out to a small reception area, visible about a hundred yards in front of her, with another hallway leading off that. A blast of cool air greeted her. Apparently, guests at the hotel were allowed to enjoy unfettered access to air conditioning. “You should use the stairs,” Rory said. “So you don’t run into anybody. Anyone else would be using the elevators.”

  “Why is it so quiet here?” The building appeared deserted. Any minute now she expected a zombie to stagger around the corner craving flesh.

  Rory shrugged. “There’s only a few people staying here. And only Patty and a couple of security guards work here. Jerry and Dex. Pauline used to work here, too, but her aunt was in a car accident the other night, and she had to go home to take care of her.”

  Pauline. “She left the night I saw the face in my room?”

  Rory nodded. “Yeah. About the time I was bringing you your food I guess. Shirley said it was an emergency and she had to leave right away.”

  Emergency. Right. More like she’d met with a tragic ending.

  “Earl’s in room 204. If he’s not in his room, just come back to the pool.”

  “How will I know when I need to be back?”

  “There’s a clock in his room, but I’ll come get you.”

  “Thanks.”

  Ducking into the stairwell, she took the stairs two at a time, feeling her heart race as she reached the top. A long hall of rooms, most of which had to be empty, greeted her as she emerged. Looking down the length of navy carpeting and powder blue walls, she counted at least twenty doors. CRC obviously expected to do a bigger business in the future. She ran quickly down the hall, stopped at room 204 and knocked. Her heart
screamed inside her chest. Earl opened the door a moment later, dressed only in a pair of jeans. He stood speechless for a moment, staring at her.

  “How’d you get here?”

  “Rory brought me.” She stepped inside, closing the door behind her. “He offered to do me a favor, and this is what I asked for.”

  A wicked grin stretched across Earl’s face. “You asked to see me?”

  Before she could say another word he’d swept her into his arms and covered her mouth with a kiss. She tasted him back, forgetting for a minute the fear and desperation that had brought her here, allowing the feel of his lips to re-ignite a thousand cherished memories. His tongue danced along with hers, pulling back then drawing inside, tasting like no other kiss in the world. Her hormones awakened, pooling desire deep in her loins. Another moment longer and she would lose herself to him completely.

  Mindy pulled away, averting her eyes from his gaze. Why had he kissed her? And why did she let him? “I need to tell you something. It’s important.”

  Earl held her in his embrace. “You sound like something’s bothering you.”

  “Something is bothering me.” She couldn’t think with him standing so close, pressing his hips into her until she felt his desire stirring to life as definitely as her own. “Can we sit down?”

  “Alright.” His voice held a question; one reflected in his eyes. He sat on the edge of the bed, motioning her to join him. “What’s going on?”

  She sat down, leaving a few inches to separate them, but not enough to spare her the heat of his body. That sensation alone triggered memories of bare flesh touching bare flesh, making her want the very things she’d been busy trying to forget. She looked away from him, drawing in a breath, taking in the details of his room. It looked identical to hers, right down to the color scheme and wall decorations; with three notable exceptions. He had a TV, a phone without the dial, and a digital clock. She also noted the bed was unmade. The tangle of sheets added to the memories that pulled her to him. “No maid service here?”