Redemption (Desire Never Dies)

by Clara Grace Walker

  “It didn’t please me to be with him.”

  When he brought his gaze back to hers, the look in his eyes had gone from contrite to hard. “Then why were you?”

  The anger she knew had been hiding inside came out in his voice and she pulled back. If she’d been looking for confirmation he’d come here only to help and not to reconcile, here it was. He was angry about Vince, and he hadn’t forgiven her for leaving him in the first place. She didn’t know if Nick was right about him still loving her. But it really didn’t matter anyway. Whatever Earl did or did not feel, he would never let her back into his life again. Probably that was for the best. Still, she needed to explain about Vince. “I just wanted something, anything, to ease the pain.” The desire for a drink hit her full force. It wouldn’t fix anything. Not really. But for a little while it might make her forget.

  She pushed the thought away, reminding herself how much it really wouldn’t help. Remembering how much she didn’t want to be like her mother. “I was in so much pain when I left you. And there was Vince, ready to party. Ready to help me forget.”

  “What you’re saying doesn’t even make sense.” Earl’s face had gone completely hard. “You never had to leave in the first place. You never had to be in pain. All you had to do was talk to me.”

  “I tried talking to you earlier. Remember? You said I was going through withdrawals.”

  “Would you like to talk about that now?”

  “Not now.”

  He sighed, placing his hand on her thigh. His hands on her flesh sent desire swarming to her loins. She remembered every detail of his body, from the mole on his left hip, to the way the hair curled around his belly button, marking a trail down to his considerable manhood. In her heart, he was the only man who had ever touched her.

  “I’ll shut up for now,” he said, slipping his arm around her shoulder, talking softly into her ear. “But we should talk about this later. When you’re ready.”

  Shivers coursed to her fingertips at the feel of his lips grazing her ear lobe. Goose bumps erupted on her flesh. She cast her gaze away from him, afraid if she looked into his eyes she might be tempted to believe the fantasy that had sucked her in four years ago. The one where she could focus on her future and pretend her past didn’t exist. The one where Earl would do the same.

  On the other side of the room, near the pool table, Nick’s little girl ran in a circle, playing tag with Scott’s little sister. She’d missed her son at that age. She realized it now, watching the little girls. She’d marked his birthday every July 22nd, but until tonight she’d managed not to think about what he’d be like as he passed through each stage of his childhood. She’d kept herself busy; surviving her own childhood, building her career. She’d managed not to dwell on images of the little boy as he grew up. Watching the girls, however, she couldn’t keep thoughts of him at bay. She’d already missed most of his childhood. She would never see him as she saw Nick’s daughter and Scott’s sister, running on tiny legs, laughing and full of noise. If life went as she had planned, she would never see him at all.

  “Mindy.”

  Earl’s voice pulled her gaze and her thoughts from the girls.

  “Care to tell me what’s going on with you and Nick?”

  “Nothing romantic. If that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “Then why are you staring at him?”

  “I was just thinking how strange it is to have kind of a dad. That joke he made about polishing his shotgun was kind of funny.”

  “Since it’s Nick Beck we’re talking about, I’m going to assume his interest in you has something to do with gossip-picking.”

  “Right. Because he couldn’t possibly think I’m a nice person and be concerned about my welfare.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Earl’s voice flashed hot with irritation. “It’s just, the guy publishes a tabloid. Think about how many times he’s put you on the cover of his paper the last two years, matched with unflattering headlines. Including the one that brought me down here.”

  She sighed. “All of them were true.” Did he like making her admit it?

  “I never would have done that to you; put all of your mistakes on display for the world to see.”

  “You’re the only one who really cares about me. Is that it?”

  “I sure as hell care more about you than he does.”

  “Then why is Nick the one who believes me?”

  “Hell.” Frustration etched itself deep in his face. He balled his hands into fists and then relaxed them. “To hell with Nick. Come here.”

  He reached for her, wrapping his hands around the back of her neck, pulling her mouth to his, devouring her with a kiss that silenced her protesting thoughts. Mindy wanted to shake him, to beat her fists into his chest. To ask how dare he not believe her. How dare he say those wretched words to her? The ones Mama had said. But she couldn’t ask him without admitting Mama had said them. And then explaining why. She gave into his kiss instead; surrendered to him despite every objection dancing through her thoughts. Closing her eyes, she allowed in the memory of being part of him, the way she had been before she’d left. Inhaling his musky, male scent, she parted her lips, mating her tongue with his, while memories of the way he felt inside her coaxed a damp urgency between her thighs. Emotions were too complicated. Too overwhelming to try and sort out. And right now she didn’t want to. She wanted Earl. Even if the long-term prospects were dismal.

  She broke off the kiss, sliding her hand along his chest until she reached the top of his jeans. Earl groaned, his eyes half-closed. “Shall I come see you tomorrow?” she asked.

  He nodded. “Yes. Please do.”

  Chapter 23

  Images flickered on the middle monitor of a five-panel viewing screen in the security office. The small room provided little in the way of creature comforts. A wooden desk housed the various monitors, speakers and controls to CRC’s electronic surveillance systems, with two wheeled chairs rolled in front. White walls bookended the room’s sides. On the desk, Ryan kept a pen and pad of paper, filled with notes of patient activities he found interesting. He turned the notes into Shirley at the end of each day.

  Shirley frowned, watching Nicholas Beck and his wife playing pool in the rec room. “Ryan, turn up the volume. I want to know what they’re saying.”

  Ryan turned a knob on the speaker system, producing a loud, crackling sound. He turned to Shirley, shrugging apologetically. “Sorry, Ms. Cantwise. They’re speaking too quietly to be picked up on audio.”

  She pursed her lips, thinking for a moment. “I don’t like it. Radio one of your men to make a sweep through the room and report back on their conversation.”

  “Right away, Ms. Cantwise.” He grabbed the walkie-talkie from a holster on his belt. “Jim, make a sweep through the rec room. We need an audio on the conversation of the couple at the pool table.”

  “On my way.” The response crackled back over the walkie-talkie.

  Shirley bit back her anxiety, watching the monitor. Minutes ticked away at an agonizingly slow pace while Jim made his way through the room. Nick glanced up, taking note of the guard. Shirley didn’t like it. Not one bit. Asking him to leave now, however, would only further stoke whatever suspicions he might already be harboring. She would have to keep tight tabs on him. Make sure her program worked him and not the other way around.

  Jim finished making his rounds and exited. “The guy’s giving advice on bank shots,” he radioed back. “Do you need anything else?”

  Shirley snatched the walkie-talkie from Ryan. “Make sweeps of the room every ten minutes,” she said, making sure the anxiety she felt stayed out of her voice. “And pay special attention to Mr. Beck. I want to know if he says or does anything out-of-line. He may not be taking the CRC program seriously.”

  “Will do, Ms. Cantwise. I’ll make him my new favorite patient.”

  “Good.” She handed the walkie-talkie back to Ryan. “Continue to keep an eye on that situation. I’ll be in
my office if you need anything.”

  She made sure to get his nod of understanding before leaving. Anxiety occupied her mind during the short walk from the security room to her office. Nicholas Beck possibly spelled trouble. Mindy LePage was an enormous problem, and watching her cozy up to Earl, all touchy-feely and playing kissy-kissy, made Shirley’s stomach turn. Rage ballooned each time she saw it. Bringing Vince here had done nothing to come between Mindy and Earl. Nothing. And it made no sense. Earl had dumped Mindy. Two years ago. Mindy had spent the last two years bedding down Vince. Yet here the three of them were, and none of them behaved as expected. Earl still pawed over Mindy, the woman he’d dumped. Mindy paid zero attention to Vince. And Vince, while proclaiming to want to hook back up with Mindy, spent all his time talking to Belinda. At least Vince appeared to be taking the CRC program seriously.

  Then there was Arthur. He required constant handling. A lesser person might have cracked under the pressure, but not her. Fate had uniquely prepared her to lead humankind to a higher level of existence.

  She wasn’t a religious person. She didn’t believe in God, or any such nonsense about some all-powerful being controlling everything that happened. If that were true, the flooding Mississippi River wouldn’t have claimed her family’s home one year, while suicide claimed her father’s life the next. If God existed, bad things would only happen to bad people. What she did believe in was destiny. In the swirling chaos of random events colliding in such a way as to bring greatness to those who were truly deserving. Throughout history fate had chosen certain individuals for leadership and greatness. The universe had something special in store for her. She had known it since she was four-years-old and calmed her older brother after witnessing their father’s hanging. It was she who had calmed him, despite being younger, and not the other way around. She was one of the strong ones. Among the chosen few meant to lead.

  While her mind stayed focused on her life’s mission, she adapted to the newest development thrown her way when she opened her office door and found Belinda waiting for her inside. She smiled first, keeping the woman off guard.

  “Miss Cantwise, I’m so glad you’re here.” Belinda jumped up from a mauve easy chair. “I really need to talk to you.”

  Shirley walked past her without a word, taking a seat behind her desk and opening her appointment calendar. Relaxing past the irritation of Belinda’s breach of protocol, she immersed herself in the comforting ambience of her office; the beautiful view of the trees outside, the muted beige walls with the seascape paintings. The cushiony mauve chairs and polished mahogany furniture, the small bookcase, showcasing copies of her written works, the computer and TV stowed neatly on a side desk. Everything about the room satisfied her. The room steadied her, helped strengthen her focus on her life’s mission, and she took her time appreciating it. When at last she looked up, she frowned. “I don’t see your name in my book for this evening, Belinda.”

  “I know I don’t have an appointment.” Belinda looked to the floor, studying it for a moment before lifting her eyes back to Shirley. “A troubling situation is developing in my group and I really need to talk to you about it.”

  Shirley smiled again. “I’m always happy to discuss any problems you’re having, but procedures have to be observed. What is maintaining procedures a sign of?”

  “Respect,” Belinda answered, her gaze once more finding the floor.

  “Correct.” Shirley slapped her appointment book closed. “As is not entering the space of another without their invitation.”

  “I know, Miss Cantwise. I’m really, really sorry.” She looked back up. “I just didn’t know what else to do. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

  “Of course it won’t,” Shirley agreed. And if it did, Belinda might find herself bunking down next to Pauline. “What’s going on in group that has you so flustered?”

  Belinda took a deep breath, fidgeting with her fingers. “Some of the people know each other. Socially, I mean. And they have histories with each other.”

  “I know.” Shirley hardened her tone just enough to put Belinda on edge. Did this woman think she was stupid? “Patients come to us through referrals. Obviously, some of our patients will know each other. You don’t think I admit patients into this facility without investigating their backgrounds, do you?”

  “No. Of course not.” Belinda jerked her head back and forth. “Some of these people don’t get along with each other though. Mindy LePage and Darla Arnold in particular. I really think we should break the group into two segments, and Mindy and Darla should be separated.”

  “Are you questioning my judgment?” Shirley kept her voice calm. “Do you think I am unaware of the past rivalries between Miss LePage and Miss Arnold?”

  “Well, no. I guess not. I mean, I’m sure you’re aware of them. And I would never question your judgment. It’s just, they spend all their time arguing instead of working on their issues, and I don’t think-”

  “I know you don’t think, dear. That is why I am in charge.”

  Belinda’s mouth puckered into a pout. “Yes, of course, Miss Cantwise.”

  Shirley regarded her down-turned lips with annoyance. Unbecoming for a woman of twenty-eight. She reached across the desk and patted her hand. “There now, dear. I know you only want to help and you have only the best of intentions, but you really must trust me. I do know what’s best for all of us.”

  “Yes. Of course you do. I meant no disrespect.”

  “Of course you didn’t. Now, you are to keep the group intact, as is. The next time Miss LePage and Miss Arnold start arguing, I want you to applaud their efforts on learning to coexist with people who disagree with them.”

  Belinda’s eyes lit up. “I will, Miss Cantwise. That’s a wonderful idea.”

  “Of course it is, dear.” It really was. The reasons why fate favored her were many.

  “I apologize for not simply trusting in your judgment.”

  “That’s quite alright. Now tell me about Vince. Mindy must certainly be happy to see him. Having the man she loves re-program his life alongside her must be a tremendous support.”

  “She doesn’t really seem to care. And Vince says he’s not taking her back unless she gets her act cleaned up. He doesn’t want her screwing up his chances at a comeback.” She paused, her smile brightening. “I think he’s serious about re-programming his life.”

  Not good. Vince was supposed to be in love with Mindy. Shirley stifled a frown. “We’ll have to make sure Mindy takes the CRC program seriously. It would be a shame if true love didn’t win out. See if you can’t guide them back to each other.”

  Belinda nodded. “Yes, Ms. Cantwise.”

  Shirley smiled. Rising, she made her way to the door, opening it in a silent indication that Belinda should leave. “Keep me apprised of the situation. I want daily reports.”

  “Yes, Ms. Cantwise.”

  Belinda scurried out and Shirley closed the door behind her, collapsing into her cushiony mauve chair. Of course Belinda had come to see the flawlessness of her logic, but she shouldn’t have been questioned in the first place. And why did all these people know each other so well? That actually did bother her. Patients were encouraged to recommend CRC to their friends, of course, but having so many people who knew each other show up at one time seemed like something more than coincidence.

  She buzzed Ryan’s office.

  He answered immediately. “Yes, Miss Cantwise.”

  “Arrange for Belinda to attend some refresher courses in the evenings.”

  “Yes, Ms. Cantwise. Consider it done.”

  She buzzed Patty’s office next. “Patty, I need some information from you.”

  “Yes, Ms. Cantwise. How can I help you?”

  Patty was another well-trained one. “Tell me about Earl Grayson’s activities at the hotel. Has he made any phone calls to anyone?”

  “He made one phone call to his lawyer, and he calls his house every day.”

  Shirley tensed. “Why d
id he call his lawyer? What did he say?”

  “Not much. He just asked if they had a hearing date and his lawyer said yes, but the soonest they could get in front of the judge was next month.”

  There could be a dozen business reasons why Earl might be in court, but knowing that didn’t make Shirley feel better. “Did he say what the legal matter was about?”

  “No, Ms. Cantwise. I just gave you their entire conversation, almost word-for-word.”

  She sighed. “Okay. Make sure you record any future conversations Mr. Grayson has with his attorney.”

  “I will.”

  “What about the calls to his house? Who does he speak with there?”

  “A woman named Carlita. I think she’s his housekeeper. Sounds Hispanic.”

  She frowned. Visions of some Eva Mendes look-alike in skimpy French maid attire sprang to mind. “Does she live there?”

  “I don’t think so. When he talked to her yesterday, she said she had to get home because her husband was taking her out to dinner.”

  Shirley relaxed. Good. Better than good. Great. “Why is she there then?”

  “She’s taking care of his pets.”

  “His pets?”

  “He has two cats and a dog.”

  “Isn’t that nice?” Shirley filed the information away with the rest of her Earl trivia. “Thank you, Patty. That will be all.”

  She closed her eyes and contemplated the events of the day. The universe was testing her. That had to be it. After all, one shouldn’t expect becoming the most vital life source in creation to be easy. She would need to constantly strive to achieve her destiny. And strive she would. She would relax; meditate; allow her subconscious to figure out the puzzle of how to separate Earl from Mindy without driving him away from CRC. One way or another, Earl Grayson would be hers.

  Chapter 24

  Sarge leaned back in the chair behind the desk of her small Miami office. She rented space in a three-story office building on a busy street, between a law firm and a podiatrist. The law firm provided plenty of referrals. Enough to justify two full-time employees tracking down wayward spouses, sticky-fingered employees and whatever else drifted through her doors. She kept the place clean and sparingly furnished. Files in file cabinets. Desk free of anything, save her computer monitor, phone and her photo of Trixie, her aging German Shepherd. Her walls, she kept bare, save an old-school clock, complete with minute and hour hands. She actually had a few clients who couldn’t tell time by looking at it, and that, she found sad.